Ain't Nobody Here Posted April 20, 2008 Author Share Posted April 20, 2008 Nah, I'm just hanging on for my inheritance (of course, I'm probably written out of the will already .) Apologies to Poet for jumping on your bandwagon, but that photo of your dad was so lovely, it reminded me of old photos of me and my dad. This one has always been a favourite (I'm afraid I'm not dressed quite as elegantly as you Poet ). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joojoo Posted April 20, 2008 Share Posted April 20, 2008 What a lovely photo That must bring back happy memories for you x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiepoppies Posted April 20, 2008 Share Posted April 20, 2008 Lovely pic ANH. I think thats the first time I've noticed you mention the OH! Probably a silly question....but can't brother take Mum back to wherever he came from for a little holiday [for you as much as her]? xxxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted April 20, 2008 Author Share Posted April 20, 2008 Thanks Jackie. I think OH has been mentioned before but not for a while. He's great in every other respect but as I say, not much help with mum . (Although I wish he'd shut drawers properly, notice when things sit on the stairs and take them up, and clean up in the kitchen properly when he (occasionally) does the dishes . Oh, and not assume that my plans are the ones that have to be changed if there's a clash .) You idea of offloading mum sounds good but the trouble is, he lives on his own in a tiny house and works full-time so I don't know if she'd cope, especially at the moment. He is coming down for the w/e so that'll have to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiepoppies Posted April 20, 2008 Share Posted April 20, 2008 OH moans......now you've started something!!!!!! Not putting the toilet seat down..[and looking where he aims], not picking up dirty clothes AND managing to get them into the laundry bag, never emptying pockets of grotty tissues, can be anything on them from engine oil to earwax.......and thats just for starters! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted April 21, 2008 Author Share Posted April 21, 2008 Just updating the blog: Dad needs to go for a “doppler” (an ultrasound) on Wednesday to ascertain what’s causing the swelling, which hasn't gone down at all. The nursing home assessment will have to be put back. Mum phoned BB today in a foul mood. She was raving about various things - not knowing what’s happening to Dad, the Power of Attorney (she says I’m "doing it" – she’s obviously forgotten she’s drawn up a new one excluding me), her car which she often says I’m keeping because I want a second car (I don’t), old holiday brochures which BB threw out and she now says she wants. She didn't call me – I could have told her about Dad. She ended up in tears so he said he’d phone me. He phoned her back to tell her what’s happening. She was still in a state so he says I should just leave her for a day or so. Perhaps I should have phoned her to tell her about Dad but I knew that in the state she was in she would have completely over-reacted to the news that he had to have a "procedure", however simple. I told her yesterday to call me if she needed anything. Once again, I don't know if she's avoiding speaking to me because I've not phoned her or because I've done or said something she didn't like. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 Oh heck. Maybe if you leave her for a day or so....she will forget about it all and call you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olly Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 Sorry to hear that ANH. I'm afraid I don't think that your mum was like that because you didn't phone, nor is she like that because you've 'done' anything. She's just like that because she is. You could have a Groundhog Day and rerun everything exactly the same and she'd be sweetness and light. I just don't think cause and effect are linked, from what you've said about her! I think you have the patience of a saint, fortunately with a good sense of humour too. Fingers crossed for your dad, that this is just a 'hiccup' and the nursing home placement will be back on track in a few days. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lesley Posted April 22, 2008 Share Posted April 22, 2008 I agree Olly - I don't think there is cause and effect......... just try to hang on to that sense of humour. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiggy Posted April 22, 2008 Share Posted April 22, 2008 Oh boy your mother sounds like mine, you'll need that sense of humour, good luck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedusA Posted April 22, 2008 Share Posted April 22, 2008 Sorry, ANH, I've been away and I'm still catching up. I totally agree with Olly too. You were right not to tell/worry your Mum. A Doppler is completely non-invasive so won't affect your Dad in any way, other than maybe confirm a diagnosis. I'm glad you and your brother are getting on despite the favouritism. It says a lot about your character that you don't resent him in any way. I do hope things get sorted with your Dad soon and he can get settled somewhere. Your Mum would try the patience of a saint. Ongoing *hugs* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helly Welly Posted April 22, 2008 Share Posted April 22, 2008 Crikey ANH, your Mum troubles are never-ending aren't they! Firstly, all the best wishes in the world for your Dad, that photo is just lovely and i really hope that he gets out of hospital soon so he can start being comfortable and contented in nicer surroundings. Your Mum still sounds like my MIL, albeit more extreme. Give it 5 years and i can see us having all the same problems with her, maybe i should keep this thread for useful hints on how to cope. My gran was fairly similar in that my Mum did everything for her and yet it was the kids who lived away from the area that were the golden ones who could do no wrong. Thankfully, they appreciated ny Mum and never stopped telling her what a fab job she was doing. I hope your BB does the same. I wish i could help but all i can do is send big hugs for you and remind you to look after yourself. XXX Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted April 22, 2008 Author Share Posted April 22, 2008 Prepare for a long one . Consultant says dad almost definitely has a blood clot although he's still to get the scan tomorrow. They can't treat it so will have to just leave it. The consequences of that are not good. After a call to BB to confirm mum's current state, I phoned her. Silent treatment followed by accusations. Basically I’ve completely taken over everything to do with dad and I never tell her anything about what’s happening with him so what’s the point in her calling me. I’ve always kept things from her – she wouldn’t elaborate. More ranting about the Power of Attorney which I’ve apparently organized in collusion with the consultant (even though I’m not included in the latest P of A). I changed tack and asked about her doctor’s appointment today. The doctor was useless apparently and she’s now going to go to a hospital in England to have the pacemaker fitted. (She's on the waiting list for Edinburgh Infirmary which will be 2 or 3 weeks - she must have been told that.) I tried to tell her that dad can move to the nursing home regardless of the result of the tests tomorrow. What’s that got to do with me. You’ve taken over everything. Everybody would be better off if I was dead – that’s what you’ve been telling me for years. (I know you don’t really know me, but please believe that I’ve NEVER said that to her.) Tried to defend myself but she’d put the phone down. Tried to call her again, she put the phone down before I even spoke. Then wouldn’t answer it at all. Phoned BB who was very supportive and confirms that it's all unfounded and unwarranted. He suggests I just keep away for the time being. I can relay anything she needs to know through him. Before all this, I had a long chat with my cousin (her (deceased) brother’s son) this morning, updating him on recent developments. He phoned this evening to say that she’d phoned him. Started normally enough, but descended into accusations against me – it’s my fault she took an overdose, she’d suggested the Forth Road Bridge, I’d said what about the bridge over the by-pass (very close to her house - there was a suicide from there recently). Don’t know what he said then, but she said he’d obviously been got at by me and put the phone down on him. I think I have reached the end of my tether. I will make the necessary arrangements to move dad and BB can deal with her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted April 22, 2008 Author Share Posted April 22, 2008 Oh and to top it all, I'm not only the world's worst daughter, I'm also the world's worst chicken mother . I let the girls out this morning while I was doing the dishes. When we came back to the house after work/school/hospital visit/nursing home visit/after school sport pickup, I wondered why the veg box was on the back door step and not in the shed. Probably because there were chickens free-ranging in the back garden . Someone somewhere loves me, my darling girlies were fine and must have had the best day they've had for ages . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted April 22, 2008 Share Posted April 22, 2008 Oh dear. It is clear that she does have a psychiatric problem of some sort....she is more than just "difficult" or "a character". No one would think any the less of you if you left her to her own devices for a day or two.....she is after all under the care of a multi disciplinary team, who could alert you if anything major cropped up. Concentrate on your dear Dad for the next few days and get him settled in the nursing home. And then take a bit of time out for yourself even if it is only lunch with the girls. You deserve it. Lots of love. xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sheilaz Posted April 22, 2008 Share Posted April 22, 2008 ....Oh and to top it all, I'm not only the world's worst daughter, I'm also the world's worst chicken mother.... Ah, except there are plenty of us who know that you are the world's best daughter & also the best chicken mother... Glad your chooks were safe and, albeit unintended, enjoyed some extra fun today. Just what you need, a bit of freeranging. I'm so sorry how dreadful it must be for you, it's amazing how marvellous you've been throughout. Your Mother, for whatever reason, just isn't herself at all is she, and is talking rubbish. However "difficult" she's been in the past (always, or just since you traced birth mother?) this paranoia must be so hurtful but is an indication of her inability to think rationally at the moment. Definitely time to take a step back and concentrate on keeping up your own strength and giving yourself time to focus on giving your love and support to other nearest & dearest for a bit. Sending you the biggest virtual cuppa xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowy Posted April 22, 2008 Share Posted April 22, 2008 Well said Sheila. ANH I've been keeping up with this and praying for you and the family, but I'm not good with words, others say it so much better. ((((Big Hugs)))) xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairy&cake Posted April 22, 2008 Share Posted April 22, 2008 Just to say, im thinking of you xxxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olly Posted April 22, 2008 Share Posted April 22, 2008 Crumbs ANH, she really knows how to lay it on! Even though you know she's talking complete baloney, it's hurtful to hear it all the same. Focus on your dad - he needs you and appreciates you. Someone is clearly watching over you (and your chooks), still you'd expect a guardian angel to keep an eye on the feathered friends, wouldn't you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lesley Posted April 23, 2008 Share Posted April 23, 2008 Well said Sheila. ANH I've been keeping up with this and praying for you and the family, but I'm not good with words, others say it so much better. ((((Big Hugs)))) xx That's just how I always feel as well........ Big Hugs from here as well Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hillfamily Posted April 23, 2008 Share Posted April 23, 2008 Oh ANH.......poor you ....can't offer any advice that hasn't already been suggested........but just to let you know we're thinking of you............((((big big hugs)))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WitchHazel Posted April 23, 2008 Share Posted April 23, 2008 <<>> It's really horrible when someone you love loses their marbles. My grandfather, who lived with my parents, had dementia and his behaviour was intolerable. For example, he kept taking the saucepans and peeing in them. To the outside world, those who only met him briefly or occasionally, he seemed perfectly sane and so credible. He told so many lies about my parents, including that they beat him. Social services turned up to question my parents about this, and after an hour talking to my grandfather they asked my parents if they wanted him commited! The only thing you can do is try and grown a thicker skin. Imagine that she is like a little child who tells stories to embellish its life ( I know its not the same, really, but anything that takes you out of the direct situation may help). Try not to let her see that she's hurting you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jules. Posted April 23, 2008 Share Posted April 23, 2008 Hugs from me too, ANH. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helly Welly Posted April 23, 2008 Share Posted April 23, 2008 I'm so sorry for what you're going through ANH. I would let your BB deal with her from now on, not just for a couple of days. Whether through mental illness or not, she is treating you badly and you need to think of yourself. Concentrate on your Dad and yourself, i'm sure BB will keep you updated with the Mum situation. I think it's time to be selfish. Big hugs anyway Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted April 24, 2008 Author Share Posted April 24, 2008 Had a phone call from a lovely Social Worker at dad's hospital. She's fast-tracked dad's assessment so the Personal and Nursing Care payments can be made immediately. (I'd been told we would have to wait weeks for an assessment then get payments backdated. This isn't true apparently, they don't backdate payments ever. Consultant needs to be told that .) She said she really needed to speak to mum to confirm that she's agreeable to dad moving to the nursing home so I told her a bit of the background in case mum was difficult. She called back to say mum was quite happy about the move and wants to visit dad tomorrow night. The only mention of me was to say that I don't want anything to do with her . Oh, right, it must have been me that hurled accusations and lies about and slammed the phone down and and then wouldn't answer the phone . I wonder if she wants to be able to say to people (not that she ever sees people ) "oh, poor me, my family abandoned me and don't want anything to do with me :cry:" . Why else would she be so intent on pushing me away? Every time in the past I've extended the olive branch after a falling out as I know she will never, ever make the first move. When I do, there's never any discussion of what caused her to flip or any of the things she's said to me. Well, no more. If I get a chance at the w/e I'm going to tell her (with BB as bodyguard ) just how what she says affects me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
