Karen & co. Posted April 30, 2006 Share Posted April 30, 2006 Why why why do I feel so bad this morning, after my 13 yr old didn't go to a bowling game last night, because he hadn't started homework let alone finished it? He knew that it had to be done as today and monday are too busy (full of things the children enjoy ) I found it so hard to not let him go, (and keep calm explaining) but he really did know the consequences. Does anyone think I should have compromised and let him go, or stuck to my guns? Karen x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mel (& Paul) Posted April 30, 2006 Share Posted April 30, 2006 I dont have children, so not properly qualified - but my thoughts are that if he didnt do his homework then he shouldnt get "treats" - after all when he is out in the big bad world he will have deadlines to meet at work etc. so he needs to learn now that you cant avoid homework! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sheilaz Posted April 30, 2006 Share Posted April 30, 2006 Karen, we feel so much for our children, that their upset & disappointment becomes our own, even though we shouldn't let it get to us. But it does, I know what you mean. So, I understand your sadness, but you shouldn't feel guilty about teaching him how best to manage his time, & hopefully it will pay off in the long run Whichever things are important to you to get across, I think that consistency in approach is vital. So, if you had made the bowling a conditional treat on having made a good homework effort, then you were absolutely right to stick to it. Or, even just implied that the homework would need to be done early in the w/e because the rest would be busy. Compromise at that stage would have sent entirely the wrong message. 13 is old enough to work it out, so don't blame yourself. In fact, congratulations for helping him learn about making the best decision! Try & think of it in a positive way, it is good that he should be taking on responsibility for his own work, and learn to pace himself. A lot of us struggle not to put things off. But it's a lovely feeling when chores are done and we can relax and fully enjoy a deserved break. Perhaps when things are calm, you could explain this positive part to him again, and that it will be good for everyone when he achieves it! Karen, I have a cup of tea for you!! (I'll share the pot, as 18yr old E.D. phoned yesterday...mum, I'm tired and hungry & I'm trying to do my 2 essays. 60 miles away...I'll still worry until it's done! PS>Excellent angle on it from Mel there Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hellcat Posted April 30, 2006 Share Posted April 30, 2006 Karen, I would stick to my guns. I am going to have a battle Royal to get my daughter to do her homework tomorrow! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chicken on a mission Posted April 30, 2006 Share Posted April 30, 2006 If you say something then your children have to know you mean them. Mind you, I'm a fine one to be contributing to this thread bearing in mind how appalling my 3 year old is behaving at the moment Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnnieP Posted April 30, 2006 Share Posted April 30, 2006 Being a childless teacher of 10 year olds, I naturally think I know everything, whilst really knowing nothing..... I very very occasionally think that maybe we should have children.... this afternoon, an old friend came with her 6 year old and 2 year old. PHEW!!! Stick to your guns! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Managing Director Posted April 30, 2006 Share Posted April 30, 2006 You can't have the worst mum award all to yourself Karen , my daughter's given it to me at least three times (that should really mean I get to keep the trophy ) we can share it if you like though You have to stick to your guns with kids, they respect you for it and hopefully learn from it. They also move on very quickly and whilst you're feeling rotten he's probably half forgotten it already. I'll never forget the first time the CA turned on me and said with real feeling 'you are the worst mummy EVER!' Haven't a clue what either of us had done though, almost certainly something involving room tidying or piano practice Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Blue Sky Posted April 30, 2006 Share Posted April 30, 2006 I've got a Bad Mother badge, but you can't borrow it over this issue Karen - you are entirely right to insist that work is done before pleasure, even if us mums don't always manage that ideal (best to keep that quiet though)... I do this Homework first, Play after deal too, and once you've said it you absolutely have to stick to it. You're doing training for life there, and you can't let grey areas creep in! Don't feel bad about yourself for being strong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 I've got the badge, tee shirt and hoodie! and you can't borrow any of them. What message would yo be giving your son if you'd let him go. It is so hard when your child knows the limits/conditions and willfully or not doesn't meet them but it's a lesson we all have to learn and better know than when he's responsible for sonething more signifiacant than a homework deadline. Listen to me, sound like I've got it all sorted, don't believe it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chocchick Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 Again no kids. I think you were right and are NOT the worst Mum in the world, but a good one for caring and sticking to your guns. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popcorn Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 Yes, I agree CC. Infact, I'm going to ask Annie as head teacher to confiscate the Worst Mum Award. Sheila is right, you have to be consistent in the messges you are giving your children. I will definatly learn from this one too Karen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnnieP Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 No problems...Give it to me now and I'll put it in my top drawer..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mel (& Paul) Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 PS>Excellent angle on it from Mel there Yeah, I am a real expert when it comes to children Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen & co. Posted May 1, 2006 Author Share Posted May 1, 2006 Thanks folks for the words of support, silly thing is today you'd never have guessed what had gone on 'cos he was back to being his usual self, as if nothing had happened. I think it was me doing the worrying Karen x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 I'm wearing the 'bad mum' badge at the moment. After days of threatening to throw toys out if they didn't tidy up, I snapped on Saturday and piled all the stuff on the floor into bin bags, then made them hand them into the charity shop this morning (after removing, on the quiet, a couple of treasured favourites). Needless to say, I'm not a popular woman at the moment, but am a firm believer in following up on threats, so I had no choice. "Ooops, word censored!"ody loves me, everybody hates me, think I'll go and eat worms...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chicken on a mission Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 Good for you chookiehen. I bet they'll think twice before doing exactly the same thing again Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hellcat Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 Go chookehen! I did that (once, think it hurt me more than them!). think of th space they'll have now, and I bet they find toys they never knew they had (mine did!). Be strong, and the GREAT MOTHER force will be with you. 'The force is strong in this one...' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 I have found it quite effective to leave the bin bag in the bedroom saying 'you've got 30 minutes' to put away anything you want to keep. Then I throw the rest away, after removing various school books of course! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Louise Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 I love that song Chookiehen it was my favourite as a child but then I was a horrible child Big fat juicy ones, small lean skinny ones, see how they wiggle and squirm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 I love that song Chookiehen it was my favourite as a child but then I was a horrible child Me too, Louise! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Louise Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 I was going to do the rest of the song but stopped myself remembering it is a family forum Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
