Snowy Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 You learn some very interesting things when you have sons, like .... 1.) A king size water-bed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 10cm deep. 2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. 3.) A 3-year old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant. 4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 15kg Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 5m x 5m room. 5.) You should not throw cricket balls up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a cricket ball a long way. 6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a cricket ball hit by a ceiling fan. 7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words 'uh oh', it's already too late. 8.) Brake fluid mixed with white king makes smoke, and lots of it. 9.) A 6-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies. 10.) Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old boy. 11.) 'Play Dough' and 'microwave' should not be used in the same sentence 12.) Super Glue is forever. 13.) No matter how much Jelly you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water. 14.) Pool filters do not like Jelly. 15.) VCR's do not eject Peanut Butter & Jam sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do. 16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. 17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving. 18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odour is. 19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens. 20.) The fire department in East Melbourne has a 3-minute response time. 21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy 22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy. 23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy. 24.) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids. 25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the WhiteKing and brake fluid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ardene5 Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Hi Thank you made us laugh a lot. Best regards Ian & Valerie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 I did some weird stuff when I was little... I got a button stuck up my nose (because I wondered how far it would go up!) I also nearly choked on some dried flowers (I wondered what they tasted like because they looked like wheat and I thought you could eat wheat!) I cut my sisters hair off in clumps then covered her head in corn plasters (I had a fascination with corn plasters for some reason!) I also gave my mum's sheepskin rug a hair cut (when she shook it, it snowed in the living room!) I put a crayon on a light bulb (to see if it would melt!) it did but there was quite a bit of, erm, smoke too! I took the neighbours Jack Russell for a walk and decided to colour the white patches in with felt tip pen! (I got in a lot of trouble for that one!) That's just the stuff I can remember Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Very funny Snowy. Where do you get them? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cooks Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 sat here choking on my coffee.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lesley Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Brilliant start to a damp Friday Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jillus Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 A small boys nostril can hold approximately 19 sweetcorn kernels. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jillus Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Oh I forgot, if you throw that putty stuff at a ceiling the round damp looking mark is there for the rest of your life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
craftyhunnypie Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Lets pray that my sister has a little girl then! Mind you, she once mixed a concoction playing witches & wizards & it overflowed. Aftershave, toothpaste, perfume, cold cream all over next door but ones carpet! Emma.x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yorkshire Pudding Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 I have boys. We have discovered the following: If you keep felt pens on your bedroom floor without lids on, you get a much more interesting pattern on your carpet. Cats do not like to be taken for bike rides. Lego really hurts. Roombas will eat Lego if you don't bother to pick it up . Garden ponds are fascinating and that slimy stuff really does stick. Thanks Snowy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
surferdog Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Brilliant Can I add the following: Cats also do not like being taken down slides or into paddling pools. A Weird Science volcano kit will produce an interesting red design on the whole newly decorated white kitchen. Secateurs will slice through 4 bikes brake cables in as many seconds. Grandmothers do not like finding the three year old boy they are babysitting on top of the garage. The big red button on the escalator really does stop it moving IMMEDIATELY. It is not your fault if the people using it weren't holding on properly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 :....The big red button on the escalator really does stop it moving IMMEDIATELY. It is not your fault if the people using it weren't holding on properly. no way!!!! Tell us more Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jillus Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 If you decide to make' fizzy pop' from the Cobalt Chloride ( amongst others) from your brothers chemistry set you get to spend the night in hospital. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yorkshire Pudding Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 :....The big red button on the escalator really does stop it moving IMMEDIATELY. It is not your fault if the people using it weren't holding on properly. no way!!!! Tell us more please! If you decide to make' fizzy pop' from the Cobalt Chloride ( amongst others) from your brothers chemistry set you get to spend the night in hospital. Again, . I am starting to believe my 2 monsters are actually quite normal... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goosey Lucy Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Oh those are just fabulous. I particularly empathise with number 3 but am inclined to try out number 2 myself Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowy Posted January 16, 2009 Author Share Posted January 16, 2009 The big red button on the escalator really does stop it moving IMMEDIATELY. It is not your fault if the people using it weren't holding on properly. That one is brilliant! In the same vein - the emergency stop button found on trains also works immediately Red permanent marker pen is even more permanent than black permanent marker pen Chickens can't and won't ride bikes Computers won't boot from credit cards in the floppy disc drive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mutrix Farmers Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Hilarious! Thanks for sharing them. I have a couple for you OH put a horseshoe magnet on the back of an electric plug and short circuited the whole house. Shining the reflection of the sun on a mirror will cause dry wood to catch fire (and the whole garage to burn down) - that was my mother as a child Mud pies don't make a very delicious lunch, not even if you add slugs - me, sorry!!! A one year old can suck a pea up his nose but can't blow it out again - Son If you wash a biro, the ink comes out of the pen but the stain on the clothes is permanent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chook n Boo Mum Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 And peas do not break down in the nasal passages of a small child and have to be remove under general anaesthetic! (DD aged 6 for the GA, goodness knows when the peas were shoved up there!!) Sha x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
miffy Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 brilliant..... even better than watching YS and OH tring to work out how to hang a ledge & brace door Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
miffy Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 plastic arms on coat hanger do save you if you put the metal hook into elec socket.....YS even a whole tub sudo cream will not mend the tatty sofa.... YS Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phoebe Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 a hot saucepan of scrambled eggs will make a perfect circular brown mark on the kitchen worktop (son) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
surferdog Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 :....The big red button on the escalator really does stop it moving IMMEDIATELY. It is not your fault if the people using it weren't holding on properly. no way!!!! Tell us more All of these relate to my elder son, the younger one was an angel by comparison. My mother (who was usually on the receiving end of his antics) had taken him to Woolworths and was standing by the escalator chatting (BIG mistake) when he decided to find out what the big red button did. What it did was cause an emergency stop on the down escalator causing anyone not holding on for dear life to stumble and create a bit of a domino effect. Never did find out if they were all ok as Mum beat a hasty retreat and was too embarrassed to go back in there for weeks! He's 26 now and has channelled his adventurous streak into extreme sports and other mad things (like abseiling down buildings for charity). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tessa the Duchess Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 If you swallow a 2p coin you will get the day off school, but instead you will spend it in A & E with a very cross worried mother. ES If you tip a large bottle of Body Shop cocoanut shampoo down the toilet and flush it, you will achieve an interesting foamy effect and a very cross mother. YS If you unravel and stuff a whole new toilet roll down the toilet and flush it you will turn the bathroom into a paddling pool Grandson. Tessa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valkyrie Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Oh some gems in this thread. Can't stop grinning when I think of them. I love the idea of the ceiling fan being used for superhero flying - and the escalator. Jillas wrote: Oh I forgot, if you throw that putty stuff at a ceiling the round damp looking mark is there for the rest of your life. I concur. Also sneaky cigarette smoking in bedroom cannot be disguised from mum because a) resting it on the windowsill makes it burn the plastic and creates mega evidence b) cigarettes glow in the dark and are clearly visible before stubbing out on your chair c) the smoke lingers in the room and d) the butts are dotted around the garden directly below the window. Eventually I got "I don't smoke in my bedroom". I answered "leaning out of the window doesn't qualify as an excuse". He now goes for walks and bedroom is not smelly anymore. I also found a plastic footballer (from a cereal packet) had been dismembered then stapled back together in a plastic bag. On the outside of the bag was written "successful surgery". I decided to keep it and is on the noticeboard in the utility room to show future grandchildren what their dad got up to. DD cleans her brushes after using acrylic paint, but ignores the sink, taps, chairs, table etc. She is so accident prone I have learnt all there is to learn about cuts, bumps, bruises - the best one was coming off her bike with a bare midriff - grazing arms legs and her torso - which seemed to get the worst of it. She also used to dangle from the top of a climbing frame at her nursery school when she was 3 resulting in lots of mums oohing - then she would drop to the sound of louder oohing. She loved it and did it so many times until the other mums wen "oh it's Koojies girl again", then didn't get the attention she sought. 30 year old men cannot cope with blood and run around panicking when all you need is a towel and lots of pressure and then a ride to the hospital - after a balloon fight ended up with son falling off the chair and his head making contact with the baby monitor. Lots of blood - tiny scratch. 28 year old men do not learn that although babies like being thrown up in the air and wiggled above his face, it is not a good idea when they have just been fed. DS threw up over OH's eyes and nose and DD managed to get it in his mouth! Finally, although Body Shop said their Raspberry Ripple bubble bath was made with real raspberries it actually tasted very salty. Er, that would be me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chickvic Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 These are so funny! I can't think of anything new though my children must be little Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
