4m x 3m Omlet pen, cube, new auto door still boxed and coop light

[BeckyBoo]

Well, I hope you're sitting comfortably, you know how I go on. So much has happened, it has been like a roller-coaster here. To start with, apart from the lack of money, things were OK, ex saw the children on a Wednesday after school until 5 then most of the day Sunday. Trouble is he only has a van for work so can't drive them anywhere. His Mum is too ill to drive, his Dad has now started chemo for terminal cancer so is not going very far and his sister works shifts, but between them, with their three cars, they have refused to lend him a car So, last Sunday instead of getting a break from it all I ended up driving him and the smallies to and from various places to ensure he could see them. He had managed to give me a little cash twice, but in fact it only totals just over one weeks money according to the CSA estimation chart thingy and that's for 4 weeks! (Obviously he's had cigarettes and beer and wine in that time )

 

So anyway, Wednesday was my day off work, it's the only day the children can have anyone round for tea as I can't expect my Mum to have "extras" as well as looking after my three four days a week, so I had asked ex if he could have the children Thursday instead of Wednesday, which he agreed. In fact he went so far as to offer to have them every Thursday instead of Wednesday which would have been fab, made it much easier for Mum. But then when, on Thursday morning I told him that eldest had an upset tummy and was it a good idea for him to take them all to his mums when his dad started chemo on Tuesday and the other two smallies have colds so would he mind having them at home (my house) until I got home from work, he basically waited until I re-rang him at 1pm to say that actually no, he wasn't going to have them. So that was two very disappointed little girls.

 

Then today I was at work, I finish at 6 but at 4 I received a text from my mum saying she didn't feel well and was there any chance I could go home early. Well, my work have been SO fantastic but they were really short staffed and I don't like to push my luck, so I texted ex and asked him, as he was only maybe 500yards up the road, if he wouldn't mind going home to look after the children for an hour and a half until I got home so mum could go home. Do you know what he said? He said no.I drove past the pub as it's on the corner of my road and saw him standing at the bar, pint in hand. Luckily my work let me out an hour early but really, why couldn't he look after his own children just for that short time? His excuse is that he doesn't feel comfortable in the house he used to live in - I can see that and I can understand that, but he felt comfortable enough to come in when we weren't there on Saturday to return what he thought was my chicken that had escaped. He came round on Wednesday to collect post and stayed for 45 minutes drinking coffee and talking nicely. What it seems he doesn't in fact like is looking after his children. So far everywhere he's had them it's either been his mum cooking their tea and him just playing, drinking wine and smoking, or at his mates where they have cooked tea so he could play drink wine and smoke.

 

I've had quite a bit of attitude from my eldest, she will be 8 in 4 weeks and I accept it and I know it's normal and I can quite understand where she is coming from, my middle one talks in her sleep, always has, and the other night she was crying in her sleep that she misses her Daddy.

So rightly or wrongly I've stopped lying for him (saying he was stuck at work yesterday and couldn't come and see them) and I have given them a more truthful picture of what has been happening. I've been very gentle and I've tried to be unbiased and as neutral as I can, I haven't ranted about him or gone on about how useless and spineless he is although I would love to, but I think at nearly 8 eldest needs to know more of the truth so she can process the information and make up her own mind. None of them are stupid but I did get a couple of "it's all your faults" from eldest and I wanted her to know that Daddy chose to leave Mummy, Mummy didn't throw him out. I've reassured them that he still loves them, that he wants to see them but that sometimes he's not as good at being a Daddy as maybe he wants to be but that hopefully in a little while things will sort themselves out a bit better.

 

God, what a mess. I've e mailed a friend of mine in Wales and I'm going to try and visit her in half term which is only a few weeks away I think, we DEFINITELY need a break. In the meantime I've told him he can't go on letting the children down, he needs to grow up and behave more responsibly otherwise I will have to go to court and he can challenge me for access that way. It sounds like I'm trying to stop him seeing them, I'm really not. Him having them one evening a week and on Sundays was great, not too long in between visits for them, a little time to myself for me out of my 32 hour working week PLUS all the house, animal and kids stuff. But I HAVE to protect them from unreliability. Only one thing worse than not seeing your Dad and that's being told that you ARE going to see him then being let down at the last minute.

 

I knew he would let me down, didn't care, I'm a grown up I can cope, I really NEVER thought he would let them down. They are SUCH beautiful children, not so innocent now, they are having to grow up fast, and I am sleeping most nights with at least one, sometimes two and once three children in my bed. So I thought I'd just let you know because you've all been so nice, my anonymous benefactor was amazing, I have used some of the gift, but I have kept some back just in case.

 

We are going into town tomorrow to celebrate the year of the Ox, the year of achievement through persistence and hard work I think, well that's right up my street. Then we're coming home and having some Chinese food, not a take-away, some homemade and some from M&S! My daughters love crispy duck so I have treated them to half a duck from M&S, big girl eats tons of duck, middle one eats pancakes cucumber and duck, small boy just eats cucumber, but it will all go one way or the other. Then we've a cube visitor on Sunday (so MUCH time spent rushing around tidying Sunday morning!) and hopefully also taking Scruff to his new home on a free range, 40 acre farm with peacocks, turkeys and about a hundred other hens!

 

Have a good weekend everyone!

 

BeckyBoo

[Blackrocksrock]

Oh bless - just you vent and rant all you like on here - its nice to get it out and you are doing such a fabulous job of bringing up these children and keeping yourself together you really deserve a break at the half term time.

Take care and relax for a while and enjoy your children - they are only young once - they grow up too fast but as you say they need to make their own minds up and know the truth of how things stand.

hugs

[Guest]

Just hang on in there - it WILL start to get better and the kids will soon realise what is going on . My James knows it's Daddy who is unreliable and TBH doesn't care as he'd rather not go now - it's my ex who will lose out in the long run as it won't be so long before James starts refusing to go.

 

As for reliability, been there and done that. He's got better but then he still lies, texted this Thurs to say can he have James this weekend as there was a problem last weekend, but james went nuts as he wants to see his "dear" (my mum) come home rather than go to Daddy's (she's only been away since yesterday!). So I texted back and said no as we already had plans, keep it as planned for next weekend. He texted back that he is away next weekend. hmmmmm took me about 30 seconds to find out that WEST HAM are playing Man U next weekend so the only place he will be is in the pub, pint in hand watching the footie. His son will soon start to work this stuff out for himself and as I said he will be the loser.

 

I suspect things my work out like this for you - the bit you have a the moment sounds a LOT like when we first split up and he kept letting me down for the 1 day a week he was supposed to pick James up from school. Like you I was lucky to have an understanding employer.

 

Hang on in there "things can only get better"

[missuscluck]

Gosh Becky. Thats a good rant. You go girl. Get it all out. Its so much better out than in!

 

Sending hugs your way. As pengy says it will get better Im sure. Take carexx

[Minnie the Moocher]

I always feel a bit better when I've written things down. It helps to clarify things somehow.

 

I hope things start to improve with your ex soon

 

x

[Couperwife]

good grief, I dont know what to say

 

you are being so strong in all of this, you may think sometimes that you arent, but i think you are amazing.

 

I wish I could do something to help.

 

for now

 

((((((((hugs))))))))

 

cathy

x

[ClaireG]

I agree with Cathy, you may not feel it but your showing such strength. I think your right to tell your eldest the facts as they are, she can judge for herself then. Hang in there and i hope you all get your few days away.

[Chickvic]

Rant on! We all need to let off steam and you are doing a fantastic job with your children - even though they don't always appreciate it! Things will get better - when you hit rock bottom the only way is UP! Keep going (((hugs)))

[bluekarin]

I have been reading your updates and all I can say what and a twit your ex is. I can't offer any advice, just wanted to say how amazed I am by your strength. I'm not sure how I'd cope if I was in the same situation. In fact, I think I'd be a blubbery mess on the floor. I hope that things do work out for the best for you and your kids, and happen soon, so you can get on with your life, and just to offer you some (((huggs)))

[feemcg]

My wee one's dad was exactly the same so I know where you're coming from.....making promises he never kept, preferring to spend time in the pub etc. I used to get so upset.......you can't make arrangements with young children then just leave them hanging, it's so unfair ( sadly he died when she was almost 4....not sure if I'd rather she grew up without her dad or had a life full of let-downs ).

 

I hope your situation improves, it's hard not letting things get on top of you.

[Groovychook]

Hang on in there! You're doing so well under such a lot of pressure...

 

Enjoy your Chinese meal tonight and make sure to take that trip to Wales to visit your friend. It'll do you and the kids the world of good to get away for a few days!

 

Sending Lots of love xx

[Seagazer]

Gosh what a mean 'dad' (I use the term loosely) he is. I'm so glad your kids have you to rely on. You sound like such a fantastic mum. Enjoy your Chinese New Year.

[Lesley]

I've 'been there - done that' as well and as the others have said, it will get better.

 

You're handling it all really well.

[laurmurf]

Hi Beckyboo,

you are doing a stunning job by your kids - that's what matters. I wish my mum had been as strong as you to protect a very young 'me' when my dad went off.

 

well done, keep going, your children will develop an even greater respect for you as their understanding of the situation develops

[chelsea]

Hi Beckyboo,

you are doing a stunning job by your kids - that's what matters.

 

I agree. You're great! (he's not )

 

Stay strong and you and your beautiful children will get through this.

 

In the meantime let off plenty of steam on here. xx

[Ain't Nobody Here]

What can I say that hasn't been said by the others . You're doing a brilliant job - don't let the "blighter" grind you down .

[fowlbird]

Rant away, BeckyBoo... in fact, if you feel like throwing something at someone, why not? I'm sitting here, just the other side of your screen!

 

I think a lot of us have been where you are. My ex... when he bothered to see the children he'd deliberately turn up late so that he 'wouldn't be kept waiting on the step' - someone had told him that I'd make him do that while I got the children ready - never mind that the poor souls were always ready for him an hour or two before he was due

 

Ex son-in-law... couldn't keep to the arrangements made so my daughter stopped taking the boys round there. She'd wait until the boys said they wanted to see him - no bother to him because his mother now lives with him (someone has to look after him) and was prepared to have them - she misses them, but they'd turn up and he'd throw a wobbly, couldn't possibly have them as he was busy and my daughter shouldn't expect him to baby sit for her

 

he's now bombarding her with e-mails accusing her of not allowing him to see his boys...

 

at the end of the day it's the irresponsible parent who loses out - children learn who cares...