4m x 3m Omlet pen, cube, new auto door still boxed and coop light

[kitchens]

I've been looking after my brother's pup westie for about 3 months now while he and his partner are at work. They work in a shop so are able to stagger their days off which means I do only have him 3-4 days in one week, but its just not working out.

 

For a start him and my dog (6 years) just seem to argue all day and the pup is too excitable for his liking.

 

My lad is restricted to when he can play footie in the garden as again the pup does too much leaping about.

 

He's eaten, chewed, shredded a number of items (which I know they do but still leaves me frustrated - one of the items was pulling off the winter shade of my eglu and ripping it to pieces).

 

There is twice as much dirt brought into the house.

 

I have to collect and drop him off on the days I have him.

 

I am restricted to when I can go out because he is still only a baby.

 

When they work late they ring and tell me that I will need to have him later as they will be home later.

 

I feel so awful because yes I did say I would have him but I did not anticipate me feeling like this, but I'm beginning to feel very resentful because its controlling what I can and can't do too much. I know if it was my dog I wouldn't be feeling this way, but I do and can't help it and now I don't know what to do. They are out of the house for 12 hours a day so he can't be left alone, its not fair and thats why I said I'd help them out to start with but now ....

 

Any suggestions? I feel such an idiot for agreeing to do it in the first place, but I just wanted to help.

[Rhapsody]

You can either be brutally honest and explain as you have here, or lie and say your dog is attacking the Westie and they'll have to make other arrangements. You've been lumbered a bit haven't you? How did this all start? I don't understand why anyone would get a dog partic a young one if they are going to be out all day

[Blackrocksrock]

Can you get a cage for him in the house for when you need him to be quieter? I would just tell them as they are really taking the michael with you now esp when they phone to say working late!

[Chickvic]

I agree with Rhapsody, their working hours don't seem to suit having a dog. They need to re-think having him perhaps? It's not fair on you or your family. I can't have a dog because I can't spend the time with it but it seems ridiculous to have a dog and let someone else have the responsibility.

[Looney]

This is a tough one. I would try and be honest and see if you can come up with different arrangements or even make changes to the current ones so that you have their puppy less often. Maybe as the pup gets older it will fit in better?

[chickenanne]

Did they get the pup before or after you offered to look after it whilst they were at work? If the latter, then you might be a bit stuck with it....

Can they at least drop it off and pick it up from you, it seems really unfair to expect you to do that. When they work late, what happens if you have other plans? Can you just drop it round at theres and leave it for a couple of hours until tehy're back?

[stoice]

Hmm, seems a little one sided to me. You need to say something or you will only feel worse about the situation. Seems unfair on the pup to be alone for so long if you weren't about and it seems your brother may be taking advantage of this fact and of your kind nature. Not sure a pup was a good choice for their lifestyle. Have they anyone else to help? Have they considered a dog creche (just googled this place... http://www.homeboardingkent.co.uk/index.html as an example) Not sure how pricey they are but it could give you a few days off a week or at least show your brother how much of a favour you are doing him. If all else fails then I'd have thought they would need to sit down and seriously think about owning a dog - especially a pup.

We are fostering a dog at the moment and had potential owners lined up (Going to be so sad when Gina goes!) but then found out the husband is keen but it's his wife who'll be home all day with her and isn't too keen on walks etc. NOT the dog for them at all. But there are other types of dogs that could suit them the charity can suggest. An older dog for example. Shift patterns with between my OH and myself mean Gina is home alone about 2 days in every 10 so we get a neighbour to play with her for an hour or a friend to walk her at lunchtimes.

[Cyber Chook]

I feel so awful because yes I did say I would have him but I did not anticipate me feeling like this

 

I think it's perfectly okay to say exactly this to your brother. You offered out of goodwill, and it hasn't worked out, that's all. It's their responsibility and their problem, not being unsympathetic but that's how it is, and not for you to find solutions on their behalf. If it doesn't work out, it isn't because you didn't try your best to help them. They'll know just what you mean, from the times when they have him for any stretch of time, after all!

 

Caroline

[kitchens]

In reply to ChickenAnne - I did offer. My brother won't be able to have any children and as a couple they would make great parents and a dog is a good substitute. It was my brother's partner who has been going on about getting a dog for ages, and on his birthday he was again going on about how nice it would be for them to have a dog so I said I would look after it for them - but by 9pm that evening they had bought a dog - so there was no time to set any boundarys or to talk about it properly. I do accept some responsibilty because I cannot take back that I said I would have the pup here but it was all rather a bit hasty, I hadn't even had much of a chance to run it by the husband.

 

When they are with the dog they take it everywhere and they love him so very much .... and this is what makes it very difficult because if I say I can't do it anymore they would have no option to get rid of him and I feel I can't do that to them, the other alternative is one of them gets a job closer to home and would be able to get home earlier and pop back at luchtimes, but somehow that seems unlikely.

[Ain't Nobody Here]

What a tricky situation . You were very kind offering to look after the pup, knowing that was the only way they could get one but it's a real shame you didn't have time to sit down and consider the pros and cons .

 

Would they consider a dog walker or creche until the pup is older and may fit into your household more easily? I think you really need to tell them everything you've told us - they probably have no idea and would be mortified to think their little darling is being a nuisance. You certainly can't go on like this though, it'll cause you to resent them and the dog so much (understandably).

 

I think a crate would be a good option if all else fails - at least you could go out then .

[A chickychickychick-ENN!!]

It's very kind of you to want to help and obvious that you love your bro, but this isn't your problem and you shouldn't feel guilty - either because you do naturally, or because you are being made to feel guilty.

 

Animals and children are responsibilities first and foremost. If you can't put the time into raising and caring for them, then you should not have them. It is very sad that your bro can't have children, but if he did, he'd have to look after them because they would be his - and the same applies with a dog.

 

It is first and foremost his dog and his responsibility. It sounds like this pup has been bought to fill a big emotional hole over the children issue - but that does not make it your fault or your responsibility.

 

I would consider having an assertive but kind conversation with your brother putting forward your needs - that you can't have the dog anymore. It is entirely up to them how they manage the situation - with counselling over the grief of not being able to have children; by managing their work differently, or by getting rid of the dog. But this is not your problem and you shouldn't make it your problem. By all means support your brother, but you also need to be able to stand up for what you need, and there is nothing wrong with putting those needs first.

 

I am personally very anti crates and cages. Dogs, cats and birds need their freedom. I think they're horrible, cages, and affect the animals' mental health. If you need a cage, you probably need to get shot of the animal.

 

Maybe they could get a cat? Just as cute, but a lot more independent?

[cordelia]

you said it really in your initial post...

 

Its just not working out...and you need to tell them, before resentment really kicks in...

 

we have a labrador..and you have to think its like having another child...very tying etc...

 

(as you well know )

 

I'd just be honest, and tell them how you feel..

 

If he's a baby : a huge cage in their house should do the trick for during the day.....we had to do this...and then as the pup got older he could go outside....

 

well ours does, he's three now and he has a kennel outside for during the day, and the whole run of the garden...(when we are at work)..he sleeps in the house at night...

 

He gets walks and lots of love.....if its very cold he goes into his kennel with soft bed and sleeps....I also bought a waterproof and thermal coat for him during the winter..and I put a hot water bottle under the mattress in the kennel.if its very cold....the kennel is snug and is for large dogs...and is lovely.....

 

Your brother will have to cope themselves...a large cage in the house or the run of the kitchen..to start with, progressing to the garden if he can be trusted and not bark.. (our neighbours west highland barks all the blooming time...)

 

best of luck...but tell him soon.....and if he complains...well if he's your brother...pull a face at him....its not the end of the world

 

Forgot to say....a ticking clock for the pup, and a radio with spoken words rather than music can be great company....thats what I was advised from various websites...

[Cyber Chook]

Dogs, cats and birds need their freedom. I think they're horrible, cages, and affect the animals' mental health.

 

I agree with everything you've said, A CCC-ENN! I can't bear to see animals in cages either, and feel it's fundamentally wrong. I just came back from Barcelona last night, (jet-setter that I am) and felt so upset seeing the little songbirds in their tiny cages in the street market.

 

However, I never thought I'd say this, but the dog crate does actually seem to be a sanctuary for my brother's little dog - she seeks it out (and they're not a boisterous family at all) and seems to love the security of it. I guess it depends a little on how it's used, and if the dog is distressed by being in it then yes, it's definitely wrong for that dog.

[Guest]

It's very kind of you to want to help and obvious that you love your bro, but this isn't your problem and you shouldn't feel guilty - either because you do naturally, or because you are being made to feel guilty.

 

Animals and children are responsibilities first and foremost. If you can't put the time into raising and caring for them, then you should not have them. It is very sad that your bro can't have children, but if he did, he'd have to look after them because they would be his - and the same applies with a dog.

 

It is first and foremost his dog and his responsibility....

 

I totally agree with this!!!

 

I can't have kids either but I never once considered getting a dog until I knew we were ready to give it the time it needed.

 

Sorry but I think they are being very selfish.

[Guest]

Dogs, cats and birds need their freedom. I think they're horrible, cages, and affect the animals' mental health.

 

I agree with everything you've said, A CCC-ENN! I can't bear to see animals in cages either, and feel it's fundamentally wrong. ....

 

our new pupster, Molls, loves her bed in her cage and uses to get away from us when she's had too much.

 

We now leave the door of the cgae open at night so she has the run of the kitchen as we know she's probably not going to make any mess.

 

Once we know can totally trust her, we'll put the cage in the garage but she's certainly not distressed by the cage. We're very careful not to give her any negative signals in association with the cgae. She gets lots of praise when she goes in, she's got snacks in there, a bed, toys and a blanket.

 

If she was distraut by it, I wouldn't use it.

[A chickychickychick-ENN!!]

Isn't the key that you leave the cage open for her Poet, so it's more of a cubby hole than a prison? I hate the idea of leaving a dog in a cage for an hour to several hours a day so it's 'out of the way' for convenience. That's my real 'eeeek' thing about cages.

[cordelia]

I think cages/crates of the correct size .i.e HUGE.....big enough for the grown sized dog to be happy inside..if introduced from puppy age..are an excellent tool...

 

and with strict rules (for the family) it may help this couple keep their beloved pet..

[Tessa the Duchess]

I hate the idea of leaving a dog in a cage for an hour to several hours a day so it's 'out of the way' for convenience. That's my real 'eeeek' thing about cages.

 

I hate this idea too. I really dislike seeing animals or birds in cages, but what is a WIR but a large cage for chickens, we all have them or something similar to keep our chickens safe.

I also used a playpen when my children were small, to keep them safe while I answered the door or popped to the loo. I have never even considered using a crate or cage for a dog, but maybe in this instance it may help this couple and take the burden from your shoulders, you really can't go on like this, and I think a sit down and talk to your bro. and his partner is very overdue. Good luck, and stop feeling guilty.

 

Tessa

[A chickychickychick-ENN!!]

Good point about size, Tessa. However if they are out for 12 hours a day and think it would be ok to leave the pup in the cage, then that's not going to work. It's all very well saying they love the pet, but love really needs to be practical. Dogs are simple (dim!) creatures, and they understand love practically, not ideologically. If they can't spend adequate time with the animal, then they should not have the dog and should not try to keep it 'at any cost' because 'it's cute and they love it' or to replace the grief or guilt they have about not being able to have children.

 

My thoughts on cages and the like are no comment at all on kitchens who I think has been unfairly put in a horrible situation by this whole dog ownership situation. Kitchens is in no way to blame and shouldn't have to be providing the care for the dog in the first place if she feels put in a corner by the whole thing. Kitchens - you have my utmost sympathy and I send hugs.

[Guest]

Isn't the key that you leave the cage open for her Poet, so it's more of a cubby hole than a prison? I hate the idea of leaving a dog in a cage for an hour to several hours a day so it's 'out of the way' for convenience. That's my real 'eeeek' thing about cages.

 

we only closed the door at night, after she'd put herself to bed, just for the first cple of nights. Just to make sure she knew where her bed was.

 

If we go out she has the run of the kitchen and we leave the cage open at night now.

 

We'll still use the cage for car or camper van trips though.

[Cyber Chook]

Hi Poet

 

I'm feeling a bit embarrassed because I think you highlighted my quote by mistake - I don't want anyone getting the wrong idea about my views and I'd like to clarify that I was speaking in support of crates, not against them!!

 

I did go on to say in that post: "However, I never thought I'd say this, but the dog crate does actually seem to be a sanctuary for my brother's little dog - she seeks it out (and they're not a boisterous family at all) and seems to love the security of it. I guess it depends a little on how it's used, and if the dog is distressed by being in it then yes, it's definitely wrong for that dog".

 

So please note everyone, I'm not casting judgement on anyone who uses them, far from it .

[chelsea]

In response to Kitchens -

 

Dont feel guilty, you poor thing. You have done your best, you tried and it didnt work out. I would maybe sit down and have a heart to heart with your brother and tell the truth - just say its too much hard work and the mess etc is causing you stress. I know exactly how you feel as for a month every year we have to endure MIL's terrier here and she is a nightmare (very excitable, messy, loud, etc) and they think she's an angel and do not realise the effort and work she causes.

 

Dont sit and brew on this or let it get you worked up, be honest and say exactly how you feel. I am sure your brother will understand and will have to come up with another solution - after all he made the decision to get the dog, its his dog - not yours.

 

Best of Luck!

[Redwing]

Our dog likes his cage and sleeps in there with the door shut but when he is awake he has the run of the house, used correctly I do believe there is a benefit to having a crate.

 

I really feel for you as you are in a really tricky situation but have to support what some of the others have said - they should not have got the dog if they cannot look after it.

 

When our dog was a pup we had a doggy play pen which was an absolute brilliant thing, he had space for his basket, room to play and for his food/water as well as a separate place to go to the loo, I guess it was about 6ft x 6ft or thereabouts but you could make it larger or smaller with metal panels, it was less about 'caging' him in and more about keeping him safe, when we were at home he was allowed to run free and go in the garden etc

 

We have also used doggy day care and petsitters on occassions where we will both need to be out at work for a long day, the most we paid was £12 for a days day care and the least £3 for a walk from a dog walker so we found this to be quite reasonable especially since we don't have any childcare costs!

 

At the very least I would be asking your bro to drop off and collect the puppy

 

Good on you for being so nice and supportive but it seems to be affecting you so please do at least say something

 

Please do let us know how you get on

[Couperwife]

Im reading this with interest.

 

I would love a dog, but I work all day (as does Kev) my SIL has said on plenty of occassions that she would dog sit when I needed her to - every day if need be

 

but I still dont have a dog, because it would be MY responsibility to walk/feed/look after and I cant cos I work all day.

 

so we have a cat, who goes next door when we go out (she part lives there too )

 

I think that someone who expects you to pick up, then keep all day (some extended days ) is being unreasonable.

 

I think you need to yell,

 

good luck

 

cathy

x

[kitchens]

Thank you so much to everyone for your replies and suggestions. I am going to have a good old think over easter and get my head straight so I know what i'm going to say.

 

You have all made me feel so much better that it's not just me being a moany old bag