Solving Omlet Smart Auto Door Timing Issues with Alexa Routines

[BeckyBoo]

....only to cut a very long story short I now have to go back to shifts havign been doing mostly days (thank you work) for the last 6 months and the only way I can realistically do it is by using an au pair. So. I think I can just about do it financially but you can't claim anything through the child care vouchers as the au pair isn't considered registered childcare BUT you CAN claim for a nanny, the HMRC website says up to 80%. I've tried and tried ringing the HMRC but "all lines are busy, your call is important to us, ring back, goodbye ) So I'm now in this dilemma, have an au pair and pay the lot, have a nanny and possibly be able to claim 80% back which would work out about the same.

Any advice anyone, or any agencies you can recommend?

Honestly, just as things start ticking along something else comes up!

I'm sure that which tries us makes us stronger......

 

BeckyBoo

[ClaireG]

I've never employed an aupair or nanny but used to work as a nanny. I have had jobs both where the family has employed me direct and where i've been placed by an agency.

 

To qualify for help through Working Families Tax from 18th July any nanny that you use would have to be registerd with OFSTED. Some agencies insist any nanny holds a first aid cert. whilst others don't. Even if an agency has said they have checked refrences and crb papers i would still ask for details.

 

http://www.tinies.com/index/home.html

 

is a good agency and also has lots of info on hiring a nanny on their site.

[Snowy]

My sister in law used foreign au pairs for a while. I'm sure it must work for some, but it didn't for her. No direct problems with the girls themselves, but there were issues with amount of housework done, telephone calls made, lack of privacy etc etc. Then they didn't stay very long which was unsettling for the boys. Not the easy option she thought it would be!

[WarrensWorld]

Yes she went back to Austria ,with a smile on her face.......

[Yolky]

I think, if it is possible to work out and you can afford it then, personally for me, I would go for the nanny. A nanny will have been trained and also will have experience of looking after children already and should have referances so you can speak to another Mum who has used her as a Nanny.

 

With an au pair the only contact you get before they start looking after your kids is a phone call. They may not have any experience with children either.

[Guest]

HI I had a really great au pair from Turkey...fortunately our friend is turkish so I got them to quiz her prior to coming over.

 

She stayed almost a year , my boys were about 10 & 8 and were under strict instructions to tell if they were not happy at all. All I asked her to do was prepare their food & help them keep their rooms tidy(in fact she spoilt them and blitzed their rooms..they got a bit lazy)

 

The only downside is we live in a village and she was bored. We provided her a car and paid for a few driving lessons so she could get accoustomed but she still had a couple of prangs in my old car.

 

She came to learn English and duly attended college for a course where she met other au pairs and got a job in a local wimpey which ended up becoming more important than the children..she was rushing back to get them off the school bus ! The other girls were shopping for husbands too to stay in the Uk ...this all occurred about 7 months into her stay..she was brill with the boys but we got fed up with her. She cost us £40 per week..but was saving every penny she earned & left the uk with wads of dosh...

 

 

A friend of mine who had numerous au pairs over the years said she found they usuall got their feet under the table and she had jewellery stolen etc..

Other friends had no problems when they lived in a town or city as their was public transport and shops etc...and had good experiences, apart from the wimpey job and prangs she was excellent

 

It was my OH that wanted an au pair and my family were mad that I was allowing a complete stranger to look after in effect my most valued ?? well got to agree but the young lady we had was kind and definintely loved the children ..v genuine in that respect.

 

But I would not leave tiny children who cant speak up with one

 

Mixed review sorry

 

indie

[Busybird]

I haven't used either but have good friends who have. Those with nanny's have been happy with theirs and the kids have got on well with them (although they generallly won't do housework apart from helping the kids tidy their rooms). Most stay a few years and often remain friends.

 

I have yet to meet anyone who has had a good experience with a foreign au pair.

 

Last summer a friend had one from France. The girl seemed lovely at first but spent her days texting, using the families phone and didn't want to take the children out anywhere (e.g. the local park, swimming, cycling). When my friend was home the au pair seemed reluctant to leave her room. When on the phone to her family she talked about how fat my friend is (she is NOT fat) and how awful the food was (I don't think she realised how good my friend's French was as they always spoke English to her - she was here, after all, to improve her English). She stayed 3 weeks and my friend was relieved when she decided to go home.

 

Another friend had an au pair from Eastern Europe. She seemed happy and smiley and enthusiastic but did virtually no housework (always a reason given or a shrug of the shoulders saying her English not so good and she had not understood what she had been asked to do). Again, she used the phone loads and didn't seem to want to spend time with the children.

 

I could go on as I know of good half dozen or so forign au pairs that haven't worked out. None have been scary experiences but most seem to cause more problems than they solve.

[Willow]

I was showing an au pair looking afetr my ES friend where we live so she knew where to come back to collect the child. She pulled out of the school carpark straight onto the wong side of the road and carried on oblivious as I tried to get her to change sides I did ensure I always dropped/collected my son from their house rather than have the au pair do it.

 

These are young girls with not a lot of driving experience prior to coming to England that are driving around with young children who can be distracting in the car at the best of times.

[fowlbird]

I've never had either but would go for the nanny option even if it's more expensive

 

* the nanny will have been trained

* will presumably have been police checked

* will have chosen to work with children

* um... that's it...

[Aunty e]

Is there anyway you could use a childminder? They're cheaper than nannies, but you can still claim the costs back and get tax breaks. I can't remember how old your littlies are that's all. Some of them do discounts for more than one child too.

[C&T]

From a slightly different angle... I had a friend who went to America to be an au pair.

 

Her first family was one with very young children (babies) which is what she "requested". She could not cope, hated it, and it all very quickly ended in tears on both sides.

 

I can guarantee that her heart was in the right place, and she had just completed a course in looking after children - but of course all very different to real life.

 

She then moved onto another family with much older children, and that worked out really well, and they are still in touch years later.

 

So from her stories, I think au-pairs can work very well for older children, but don't necessarily have the experience for younger children / babies.

 

Of course, there are always lots of exceptions to prove the rules!

[Guest]

One other thing even though our aupair used a car it was for her use only she was not allowed to drive the children. Although she held a full driving licence etc we discovered from our Turkish friend that they often learn to drive in a school (hence we paid for some lessons)

 

 

But the prangs she had in my car we were concerned she would hurt herself or someone else so that is why we finished with her(she told us prior to coming she was an experienced driver)!!

 

Perfect aupair in a town!

 

indie

[chickenanne]

Not quite what you asked, but...a couple of freinds of mine from uni days were au pairs in university holidays (in different places), and one for 2 years after uni. Both did it becuase they like children, wanted to go to lovely part of the world, have the back up of a supportive family-life employer, and learn/improve languages. Both loved it, and both are now teachers. However, each of them had bad experiences for whatever reason, where they left after only a few weeks, to go and work with another family instead.

Ultimately, they were being paid a small amount of cash as pocket-money, and they got on really well where they were expected to look after the kids, run occasional errands, and do a couple of hours a day of light housework whilst the kids were having a nap. But one suffered a family who expected 6 days a week, 16 hour days, sharing a room with the kids (!) ...The other had one place where really it was just a simple personality clash betwen her and the mother, which will sometimes jsut happen.

[Chook n Boo Mum]

DH decided when I was 8 1/2 months pregnant that an au pair would be a good idea...I wasn't so sure, but not really in a position to say no...well he wouldn't listen !

 

Our French au pair arrived at the airport, we went to collect her....in the car on the way home I was in the passenger seat, turned round (not a terribly easy move with a bump the size of DD!) to find her licking DS's hands clean ....I hate the old habit of licking a tissue to clean up a child so to see a complete stranger licking my child's hands clean was dreadful, but I was very restrained when I asked her not to repeat the action.

 

During her short stay with us a lot of small niggles reared their heads:- she should have been a non-smoker but wasn't; didn't seem to understand "do not add salt to DS's food" and added loads; was obviously a pampered princess (only child/single parent) at home & although she was supposed to be here to help me, I spent more time doing what I had asked her to do; her perfume was overpowering (!); she got up when she wanted to not when it would have been helpful to us; on the second/third day here she went in to his nursery and brought him out, although to be fair the head teacher of the nursery did come out with her to check everything was ok; she announced she was only over here to find a husband (and she did, DS's godfather!!)......and the piece de resistance hollered at my baby boy "why don't you like me?" he was 2 for heaven's sake, she spoke "odd" English in a thick accent & he didn't understand her !

 

She went to work at the hotel fairly shortly after that, and I was left with the feeling that I was the one with the problem not her, and I should have been more understanding..........my mum was borderline removing me from my home as I was so stressed at having the AP living with us and with me 24/7 as she wouldn't be left at home on her own nor dropped in to town etc..............we haven't had any further au pairs strangely enough!

 

After the event helpful people told me "go for Eastern block girls, they are much more family orientated", no use after my French experience!

 

Becky, your children are much older than mine were at the time, whatever you decide, go with your gut instinct...and as many references as you can get. I ignored mine when I spoke on the phone to the AP & the only child experience she had was with a younger cousin who lived in Spain (AP lived in Paris )

 

I'm still not sure I actually like her whenever we meet up with DS's godfather, but she does seem to have mellowed.......and given up smoking at last!!

 

Sha x

[craftyhunnypie]

If I was nearer I'd come & look after them for you.

I was an Au pair in Salzburg, Austria. I was the modern day Maria Von Trapp - literally! The family I lived with were very very sweet. He was a doctor (shrink) & she was a blood collector. The children were 2 girls - aged about 1 and 5. I loved them to bits. I never had to cook, only in emergencies. I was there for the children, the housework & the ironing. I got £35 a week. It wasn't much, but I got my food & a lovely room & they paid for me to go to University to learn German. They spoilt me & treated me as one of their children. I was included in family meals out, day trips, family visits etc. They even paid for flights back & to twice a year to see my parents.

They used to come in with bits from Ikea for my room -

They bought me a second hand bike - a right cronky thing, but I loved it. Monika (mum) used to make me Sacher torte for my birthdays. Christian (dad) used to buy flowers for my room, whenever he bought some for Monika. very sweet.

When the children had been put to bed, we used to crack open the wine / beers & have supper snacks.

They had a lovely house & I had a great job. The neighbours all knew of me & I almost became an Austrian really. I had lots of friends too & sometimes babysat neighbours children. I was there for 3 and a half years. By then the little one was at school & the eldest one no longer needed an Au pair. The family wanted to keep me forever as their housekeeper & would have probably found me a job in the hospital in Pathology - my old job. But I was ready to move on & travel.

We keep in contact & meet up regularly. My one regret is always of leaving Austria. But I had to, to meet my hubby.

I personally would be aware of an Au pair. Include her in all sorts, as you have to remember that she is miles from home, maybe a little home sick & a bit scared. Treat her right & you will find her very rewarding. However, most Au pairs are not qualified to look after children - I wasn't.

Good luck in whatever you decide.

P.S. I found my job advertised in the back of The Lady magazine! Oh & you usually have to pay for them to fly over to you.

Emma.x

[Cate in NZ]

I've done the au pair thing several times in the past, we have had 5 different au pairs over the years, although the last one left more than 10 years ago now, so my experiences are very out of date now.

For us au pairs really were the only option, and I explored the whole thing very thoroughly, but I was a midwife, albeit part time, and had to work shifts, lates, earlies, nights, weekends, and it could be pretty darned difficult finishing on time on occasions. Hubby was also a shift worker (Police) and since he worked in central London also had at least an hour's commute to & from work to contend with. We didn't really have family who could help, my family were all 250 miles away, the in laws were only 30 mins or so drive away, but FIL was quite seriously disabled with some major health issues, and MIL simply couldn't look after his needs and care for 2 lively toddlers. We had great friends who helped out in extremis, but no-one who could help on a regular basis. Childminders, in my experience, generally aren't too thrilled about working evenings, nights, weekends, and I don't blame them, they choose that route for employment that fits in with their family. We did the whole nanny thing, and to be fair the nanny was excellent, a truly lovely girl who got on great with the children. But she was very expensive, justifiably so, it was her career, she was NNEB qualified, but we were on a fairly humble income and we ended up paying her far more than I was earning on my 3 days as a midwife. So the choice was for me to give up work, so we didn't need child care, or go back to work full time to earn enough to pay the nanny. Neither appealed, hence the string of au pairs.

I think the key is to treat them as part of the family, they are only teenage girls in the main, who want to come to England to improve their English. They should be paid a small amount (I'm fairly certain we were paying around £40 a week back then) and provided with full board and lodging. They often do a small amount of housework, but they're not meant to be cheap labour. Of our 5 Steffie (Austria, 18 when she came to us) & Thea (Danish, 17 when she came to us) are still firm friends, lovely people and we stay in touch. They had their teenage tantrums and sulks, but they got on with the children fine and basically did everything we asked them in a safe and fairly responsible way. Christina (Spanish, 19 when she came to us) was the youngest of 3 sisters who were all au-pairing locally (the eldest sister lived with BIL & SIL) and she was very fiery, everything was a drama and was incredibly highly strung. She was great with the children, although when her middle sister got dumped by her boyfriend Christina became distracted, always shooting off to the sister, and finally the 3 of them shot off at short notice to go and set up home together in Canary Wharf. Jana (Czech Rep, 20) was the best cleaner I ever saw, the house gleamed cos she spent all day every day cleaning and polishing, but she didn't like children and they were pretty neglected. She had to go, and the final one Indre (Lithuania, 19) was a complete pain in the proverbial, lazy, spent her life on the internet or closeted in her room. Used us as a way of getting into the country, but wasn't interested in children or being in the family. She was out to find a husband and a way to stay in England. We parted ways very rapidly. I then gave up my midwifery career cos I couldn't cope with the stress, drama & upheaval that the au pairs caused, so I got a job with more regular hours....and got a childminder!

 

Tips, I'd say, lay down very firm boundaries from the start. Strict rules about things like the phone. We allowed MSN type instant messaging, but not phone calls unless they were to certain phone numbers ie hubby or me, otherwise you can end up with sky high phone bills. These days Skype would be great for them... they do need to stay in touch with home, they are only youngsters away from home often for the first time. We lived close to good transport links, we weren't willing to allow them the use of the car, but they were able to catch buses locally. Don't expect initiative...they may very well not have any, tell them everything, assume nothing. Don't take advantage (so many people do) they need the time to explore the country, the culture, to make friends and practice the language, if they're expected to cook & clean from dusk to dawn they'll be very unhappy. Providing ESOL lessons for them is part of the deal, most colleges of education provide them, but it gives them a chance to improve their English and to make friends with other au pairs in the area.

 

And, above all, try to enjoy your time with them. We had plenty of tears and frustrations and dramas, but we met some lovely young women, the children were happy, and for a while it was the perfect solution for us. Oh, and good luck with it

[alih]

I had au pairs for 9 years when I split from my husband and they saved my life!! I was very lucky to have such lovely young women but the youngest of my girls was 3 when my first one arrived....the best ones stayed for years and are still in touch with us. I was working unpredictable hours, skint and living on my own so it was perfect. But it's a 2-way thing - I was a nice employer so they responded by being nice employees...my second au pair left after 2 years and then came back 6 months later and when my eldest daughter, then 7, saw her again she threw herself at her and burst into tears of joy!

[BeckyBoo]

Blimey what a minefield! Sadly I really don't have a choice, I can't afford a nanny and I HAVE to go back to working shifts. I've worked out a pattern with work where basically I'll be doing two earlies where the au pair will have to get the kids up and to school but will then be free all day, then I'll be on nights for four shifts so her responsibility will really only be to sleep at my house and be there if they wake in the night (which they don't mostly) Wouldn't mind a hand with the ironing but that's about it. Every other weekend will be free, I've got a bike she can use, school is only a 10 minute walk as is small boys playschool. He's nearly 4, Lauren is nearly 7 and Georgia is 8. The kids now have a mobile and my Dad is only 10 doors up so I'm hoping that if there WAS any drama it would only be for the time it takes my Dad to get down here.

To get the hours in I need to work to pay for childcare so I can do the shifts that work is demanding I have to do 40 hours and that means nights, so I am there for all the school stuff, drop offs pick ups etc, so that the kids still get a quality mum and I can be completely independent of everyone for money AND childcare. Then anything else I get, from my mum or the ex is a bonus.

Trust me I would far rather NEVER have an au-pair, I didn't have kids to palm them off with someone else, I would happily be a stay at home mum until the last one leaves home, but needs must. I've got to swap ALL the bedrooms round so the girls are sharing (if they don't kill each other) so they're having my big room, I get the middle room and the au pair gets Laurens room, H keeps his room as it's so little anyway. Which is why I'm despairing at the thought of having to try and empty two girls rooms, AND my room and move all three beds around AND decorate Laurens room as I'm sure an 18-20 year old probably doesn't really like Bratz!

 

Hard hard work, I'm sure once it's in place it will seem simpler.....

 

BeckyBoo

[craftyhunnypie]

Hey! I was a good, sweet nice Au pair! I can certainly be proud of that - the children were very well cared for. We are not all bad. I was 21 - 22 when I went to be an Au pair.

 

Emma.x

[Snowy]

I think that knowing some of the pitfalls will definitely help you to avoid them Becky! Lets hope you get the right one first time!

[Chook n Boo Mum]

Mine was older (23-24) so really should have had a rough idea of how to use a washing machine and hoover.....and to say she was an ex-smoker & blatantly wasn't was dishonest to say the least. Whilst chatting to her, I got the feeling she'd never settled to anything & had decided au pairing was a way to learn the language without too much long-term commitment

 

To be fair I didn't want one to start with, so it was going to be an uphill battle.

 

Do you have any friends in foreign climes who have daughters/daughters or sons for that matter of friends who would like to come over & au pair for a period? Personal recommendation can't be a bad thing. We had a lovely 19yo German girl come & stay with us for 3 weeks last summer (friend of friend), became inseparable with the children, but she was training to be a nursery teacher so had the necessary affinity with small people!!

 

Be aware that you have to have all relevant paperwork in order too especially for new EU member states, not sure how it works, CAB would be able to advise you. A friend has a lovely Romanian girl AP at the mo - worth her weight several times over in gold (especially with the brood she works with!!) but I think she said her paperwork isn't quite as complete & legal as it could be ! I'll PM you the agency details when she lets me know.

 

Good luck, I hope you get your own little Crafthunnypie!!!

 

Sha x

[craftyhunnypie]

Ha ha!

I can do all Austrian cookery nowadays. I used to help make the dumplings, goulash, cakes, bread etc. I didn't have to, but I wanted to learn. I loved their traditions.

I suppose I fitted in because I enjoyed home life & come from a close family. So I saw them as my '2nd' family. I did miss hugs though.

I enjoyed taking little one to playgroup & learning the Austrian nursery rhymes - I still remember them!

I took the older one to music lessons - very comical. We went swimming, to the museums, playgrounds, ice cream parlours, for picnics, bike rides along the cycle paths alongside the river, even roller blading - which led to buying my own pair!!!! I loved it.

 

Funny how I don't want children though! ha ha.

 

Emma.x

[Willow]

Blimey what a minefield! Sadly I really don't have a choice

 

First thing to remember is there is no perfect solution to being a mum ! and especially no perfect childcare solution.

 

You're doing a great job in difficult circumstances and it is good for children to learn that all sorts of things in life are a compromise anyway.

 

There's loads of advice and experience here that should help you avoid some of the pitfalls of an au pair. I'm glad she would be able to walk the children to school rather than drive so you don't need to worry about experience driving.

 

I guess I currently have the closest to perfect childcare as I work from home with an international group of people who only expect to talk on phone/email rather than face to face much of the time and I can often work my day around school hrs as sometimes it's a benefit to being on my computer at 4am.

 

BUT the downside is no adult company as I don't see anyone at work and am working so don't have time to go see other mums for coffee (bearing in mind what most mums love about the office over staying at home is adult company and getting away fromt he house), never even a minute to myself, I'm always faced with the undone housework as soon as I leave my desk and it is really hard to shut off from work as my desk/computer are always there as is the job so I end up doing significantly more than my 37.5hrs a week. And I don't wear shoes at home so I find it hard to wear heels these days (and I love heels )

 

Your solution will have disadvantages - they all do, just make sure the advantages outweigh the disadvantages for you.

[Snowy]

Very well put Patricia! We all have to compromise - you are doing your best Becky, that is the main thing!