Lesley Posted November 8, 2006 Author Share Posted November 8, 2006 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
red Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 How funny! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 Rosie and I took Biscuit to the vet for his op this morning. She took him in, marched up to the reception and announced that 'Biscuit is in to have his nadgers off' !!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 Just received a really funny email, which would fit in here fine: NUDITY (clean, I promise) I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a Woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked. As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back of the seat "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt! HONESTY My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile "We better throw this one out too cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago. OPINIONS On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a Note from his mother. The note read "the opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents". KETCHUP A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar. During her struggle, the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy", the child said to her mother. Then she added "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle." MORE NUDITY A little boy got lost at the YWCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before"? ELDERLY While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year old daughter on my afternoon rounds.The various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs, unfailingly intrigued her. One day, I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered "The tooth fairy will never believe this!" DRESS-UP A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.""And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning." SCHOOL A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time" she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!" BIBLE A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found", the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered "I think it's Adam's underwear." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lindy Loo Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 Last year my 7 year old son came home from school and very earnestly asked what a Bas***d was as he had heard this word in the playground. I thought I explained the usage rather well without making a HUGE deal of it - concentrating on that it is very rude and we don't use such words etc etc but that traditionally it meant a child who's mother and father weren't married. He looked at me thoughtfully and said " Hhmmm, so Jesus was a Bas***d then". I could have died!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lesley Posted November 8, 2006 Author Share Posted November 8, 2006 Hmmmmmmm - difficult one there Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
One Man Banned Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 ooh heck! How on earth did you get out of that one!? I like this thread - laughter de-stresses! A xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lindy Loo Posted November 9, 2006 Share Posted November 9, 2006 ooh heck! How on earth did you get out of that one!? I like this thread - laughter de-stresses! A xxx With a great deal of difficulty.. An emphatic NO, NO, and something about how God chose Mary to be the Mother of Jesus so it was a miracle which is a completely different concept. Fortunately that seemed to do the trick. For a while I dreaded that he would share this information at school, perhaps even in assembly. The school has a fairly strong C of E philosophy and at that stage I was also teaching at that school! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
red Posted November 9, 2006 Share Posted November 9, 2006 A friend of mine has a daughter who asked her about Freddy Mercury's death when it was in the news (obviously this was a while ago now), Her daughter was too young to fully understand about HIV and AIDS and sexually transmitted infections/diseases and stuff but equally she was of an age where she was beginning to learn about sex and she wanted to try and help her understand these things so she gave a simple explanation saying that he became very ill and had died because he'd slept with too many people, to which her daughter replied "so he was squashed to death?" This was years ago now but it still cracks me up! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paola Posted November 9, 2006 Share Posted November 9, 2006 Ohh Red, I am crying with laughter We used to live in a coverted country house in about 4 acres of grounds. Very beautiful. We used to get a lot of wildlife in the garden and my eldest was always asking what they were (pheasants, deer etc). One day she was shouting from the lounge "Mummy, mummy come quick. We have peasants in the garden" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
red Posted November 9, 2006 Share Posted November 9, 2006 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted November 17, 2006 Share Posted November 17, 2006 Here's another one; Rosie has a friend staying tonight, she was taking Sally round the house and introduced her to Biscuit (out fat kitten). Sally asked whether Biscuit is a he or a she; Rosie replied 'neither, look you can still see where his little balls were' *lifts up his tail* !!! She can't have got that from me - I call them nadgers Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lesley Posted November 18, 2006 Author Share Posted November 18, 2006 Wait until i see the two of them later this morning Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paola Posted November 18, 2006 Share Posted November 18, 2006 Weeeeeeee, heeeeeeee, heeeeeeee Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowy Posted November 18, 2006 Share Posted November 18, 2006 We were taliking about our pending chickens this morning and Dad asked Daniel (age 4) "what are we going to make with our first egg?" To which Dan promptly replied "toast"! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnnieP Posted November 18, 2006 Share Posted November 18, 2006 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lesley Posted November 18, 2006 Author Share Posted November 18, 2006 My (very solemn) 3 year old nephew has been telling me stories this afternoon "My sister stabbed me with a sharp knife" "My little brother just spat in my ear" (he doesn't have a brother ) "When I was a baby in South Africa, a crocodile ate my pants" (no. he's never been in SA ) He's had me in stitches Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted November 18, 2006 Share Posted November 18, 2006 He ought to be on stage! Else a politician with porkies like that Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Martin B Posted November 18, 2006 Share Posted November 18, 2006 Why did he say all that? Very funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diana1 Posted November 18, 2006 Share Posted November 18, 2006 As you know I have a 6 month old baby boy and as it happens I run an after school club. Megan (3) says "Did you know me when I was a baby?" I said "As a matter of fact I did know you when you were a baby". She looked at me with all sincerity and said "Was I a boy or a girl?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnnieP Posted November 18, 2006 Share Posted November 18, 2006 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lesley Posted November 18, 2006 Author Share Posted November 18, 2006 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cookie Posted November 18, 2006 Share Posted November 18, 2006 I call my two 'munchkins' quite a lot, and yesterday DD who is four turned round to me in great puzzlement and said: "Mummy, why do you keep calling us munching chickens?" Cookie. xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lesley Posted November 19, 2006 Author Share Posted November 19, 2006 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paola Posted November 19, 2006 Share Posted November 19, 2006 I have a picture on the side of OH and our eldest and when she was younger she said to OH while looking at the pic, "was that before we knew mummy?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
