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[BeckyBoo]

Hi Clootie, what a nightmare. Can you not demand that your son and this lad be separated totally so they don't share any classes? Failing that I'd go with the advice on the other thread, take your son out, write a very strong letter and maybe threaten to take it either to the local education authority, or to the paper, or to your local MP and (I know you said the head is lovely) but he is failing to deal with this. "Having a word" is obviously not working, it is having a detrimental effect on your sons education AND is intruding into his private life. Unacceptable.

Time to shift things up a gear I reckon, sorry, I'm a bit on the mouthy side but sometimes the more noise you make the more you get heard. The "oikface" needs removing from school, or removing from your sons classes.

 

Best of luck

 

BeckyBoo

[Alis girls]

I'm with BB on this, I am a gobby moo and wouldnt let headmaster get away with a "word" I would be chained to his door

[TAJ]

Looking at this and your other thread on home schooling - how big is the school and how many classes are there for each for his subjects? The reason I ask is that your son could be placed in classes that mean he is never studying with this boy, it may not stop what happens in the corridors and online, but would mean he could do his GCSEs without the attitude in class.

 

Personally I do not allow DD to have Facebook, I feel it is something they can use post 18. I do allow MSN (secured friends only access) and all her friends are on that and feel that is a bit less 'public' as it is all text based without the history aspect of Facebook.

 

It is not right that you or your son should have to change to accommodate the bully/work around him, but at the end of the day you need to think about how best your son can be protected, so anything you can do to remove contact between the two of them the better.

 

Tracy

[clootie]

It's a small school - 350 on the roll and only one class per GCSE subject. Should be perfect, that's why we chose it.

[Chucky Mama]

Gosh that is a small school, difficult to avoid the idiots. Have you managed to speak to anyone today or arrange an appointment? How is your son feeling about things?

[clootie]

I've tried but he didn't want to talk about it when he came home from school. He did assure me that nothing happened though. He was very quiet last night and again, not hungry. I'll see if he has his usual 8 weetabix when he comes down from his shower this morning - that should tell me something

[Valkyrie]

It's hard Cloots - that's what DS did - wouldn't talk, just said what I wanted to hear. He still does that though. Keep an eye on him still.

[clootie]

Thanks I will. I'm just setting out an email to the Headmaster now. I wont send it straight away. I think I'll leave it till later this morning as I may have said too much and will regret it later.

 

Interesting to hear that the oik's girlfriend is none too pleased about his behaviour and has told him to stop. Maybe she needs to set the bar a little higher when it comes to her choice in partner.

[Chucky Mama]

I am slightly worried Clootie that if you son is otherwise happy in school talk of taking him out may make him stop telling you if anything happens for fear of being taken out. I don't know how he feels about the propect of moving school/college but he may think that if he pretends nothing is going on you may stop thinking about moving him. Just a thought. I have had to deal with 2 cases of bullying with my ES. Both were dealt with and resolved very quickly. 1 was really awkward as it was a teacher doing the bullying My son didn't 'want to make a fuss' either time but they needed sorting.

[clootie]

Thanks CM - a teacher? Blimey.

 

DS would be quite happy to move and has his sights set on 6th Form in a school where he needs to achieve certain grades in his GCSE's or it's a no go. If I could pick him up and set him there now, he would be like a dog with two tails but sadly, it's impossible as he's right in the middle i.e. one year behind him, one year to go. He is being interviewed in November for a place at this school and hopefully will have a conditional offer but if this dude continues with the harassment, I don't know if he's positive enough to get his head down and work to get the grades required. Difficult one.

[Chucky Mama]

He is in the same year as my son and it is a difficult one thinking about changing anything now. I wouldnt give up on the Head doing something when he gets your email. I personally would copy it to the Chair of Governors if you can get hold of their details. You are quite right to read and re read what you have written as something that looks reasonable 1 day can look awful the next. To be fair to the Head if he is unaware of the current situation he can't be on the case. We had the most apaulling outcome to bullying at our school - Now named 'The Hammer Attack School' thanks to the media - really annoying as it is a brilliant school but that's another story

[Valkyrie]

Oh gosh yes, teachers can be. DS's maths teacher was a horrible person, and she was like it to some parents - belittling them loudly in front of other parents - fancy some parents being sooo stupid it obviously follows that their child couldn't do the maths either. I gave her the evil eye when it was our turn to have a chat about his progress - I was daring her, but she didn't say anything derogatory about me. Fortunately they changed his teacher for his last year and he got an A for his GCSE - he had been failing because of this woman. DD had a problem with her PE teacher - she was mistaken for another girl that repeatedly skipped lessons. DD was playing hockey with her own PE teacher (large classes meant more than one teacher for the year). I received a detention slip for not attending and I refused to sign it. The woman rang me up and ranted and raved and I couldn't get a word in edgeways. So I put the phone down on her and promptly called the school back to complain about this woman. We made an appointment with the head - and this woman - and she had to eat humble pie - particularly as the other PE teacher said DD was with her. She then said "well I'm still going to monitor your DD's attendance" so there! I replied fine, go ahead, that's not going to hurt anyone. Although I feared DD would be picked on at any given chance by this spiteful woman. As luck would have it, rain stopped play, and then other lessons were cancelled and then end of term. Bye bye horrible lady. It all changed in the last year at school.

[Chucky Mama]

My son smelt alcohol strongly on this teacher's breath and she knew that he knew. She then was evil to him. He is a model student but would scream at him and once gave him a detention but the other kids wouldn't leave the class until she took it back. I had to complain but of course couldn't mention the suspicion re the booze. My son's tutor was horrified that he was being bullied and never for a moment doubted him, she wanted to take the complaint to the top but my son didn't want a fuss, he just wanted it to stop. She was 'removed' from his class and has now thankfully left.

[clootie]

Mine doesn't want to make a fuss either, he says it just makes things worse.

[Chucky Mama]

With the child to child bullying I made sure I respected my son's wishes and didn't tell the school but gave him the 'tools' to deal with it. When it came to the teacher to child bullying it was different. He didn't want me to be involved but he just couldn't deal with it as it was so nasty and the rules were not the same. Then I went behind his back and contacted his class mentor who is a senior member of the teaching staff. He was relieved to have it resolved but still feels 'betrayed' that I did it behind his back - not seriously though. Just uses it to throw back at me in jest at times. I think it was worth it. I really think that for these lovely boys of ours that the fear of their protective Mums going into school is almost as bad as putting up with the bullying It has to be knocked on the head though Clootie, this is not going to go away on it's own.

[Happy chickens!]

So sorry you are having a bit of a saga with this. Keep a log as someone else suggested, and keep the school in the loop, and have a rant on here whenever needed!

[Rona]

Thanks CM - a teacher? Blimey.

 

DS would be quite happy to move and has his sights set on 6th Form in a school where he needs to achieve certain grades in his GCSE's or it's a no go. If I could pick him up and set him there now, he would be like a dog with two tails but sadly, it's impossible as he's right in the middle i.e. one year behind him, one year to go. He is being interviewed in November for a place at this school and hopefully will have a conditional offer but if this dude continues with the harassment, I don't know if he's positive enough to get his head down and work to get the grades required. Difficult one.

 

Is there any chance you could speak to the head of the new school and explain what's going on and the extra challenges your DS is having to deal with. They might be able to give some advice and at least they would be aware of the situation.

 

Keep your chin up hen

[A chickychickychick-ENN!!]

With the child to child bullying I made sure I respected my son's wishes and didn't tell the school but gave him the 'tools' to deal with it. When it came to the teacher to child bullying it was different. He didn't want me to be involved but he just couldn't deal with it as it was so nasty and the rules were not the same. Then I went behind his back and contacted his class mentor who is a senior member of the teaching staff. He was relieved to have it resolved but still feels 'betrayed' that I did it behind his back - not seriously though. Just uses it to throw back at me in jest at times. I think it was worth it. I really think that for these lovely boys of ours that the fear of their protective Mums going into school is almost as bad as putting up with the bullying It has to be knocked on the head though Clootie, this is not going to go away on it's own.

 

We had a teacher who used to throw balls at people, hit them over the head with a wooden spoon, refuse to answer questions unless we sat on his lap or kissed him, and once threw a boy across the front of the classroom. Violence and borderline P-word behaviour. It's going back a good few years, but if you see him, scorn him. I heard he'd left the school to take up a HEADSHIP elsewhere.

[Rona]

We had a teacher who used to throw balls at people, hit them over the head with a wooden spoon, refuse to answer questions unless we sat on his lap or kissed him, and once threw a boy across the front of the classroom. Violence and borderline P-word behaviour. It's going back a good few years, but if you see him, scorn him. I heard he'd left the school to take up a HEADSHIP elsewhere.

 

That is terrible If he still has any contact at all with young people, his behaviour should be reported as it may have got worse the longer he has got away with it and the more powerful his position has become. I know it is a difficult thing to do but are you in contact with anyone who was in your class and also witnessed or experienced that behaviour who would speak out with you. Strength in numbers and all that.

[Ygerna]

We had a teacher who used to throw balls at people, hit them over the head with a wooden spoon, refuse to answer questions unless we sat on his lap or kissed him, and once threw a boy across the front of the classroom. Violence and borderline P-word behaviour. It's going back a good few years, but if you see him, scorn him. I heard he'd left the school to take up a HEADSHIP elsewhere.

 

That is terrible If he still has any contact at all with young people, his behaviour should be reported as it may have got worse the longer he has got away with it and the more powerful his position has become. I know it is a difficult thing to do but are you in contact with anyone who was in your class and also witnessed or experienced that behaviour who would speak out with you. Strength in numbers and all that.

 

 

I think something should be checked out, regarding this persons behaviour.

[A chickychickychick-ENN!!]

Rona it was 25 years ago and I have no idea where he went. The boy who was throw across the class was just MOVED to another class. He was playing up a bit, but not massively and it was way too extreme. I have thought about it but I am hoping he's dead now. Or retired. The teacher, not the boy. How do you go about reporting things that old?

[peanut12]

Just read all of this and totally sympathise.

 

Cyber-bullying contravenes the telecommunications act and is an offence. The school should have a linked school's police officer who would have the ability to investigate. Our SPO in the past has contacted facebook and bebo to have things removed.

 

Be aware that although this lout is using his girlfriend's account - that doesn't necessarily mean he is using her computer - he may just know her password and login. Police are able to track the individual computer, rather than the account and can impound the computer for investigation (unravel the complete history of the PC). At the moment - this process involves the police turning up and impounding the offeding PC(s) and taking them away - current processing time, whether they find anything or not - is in excess of 6 months - knowing this in itself would be enough to put most teenagers off a) being abusive online or b) allowing other people access to their accounts/PCs.

 

Worth a thought.

[clootie]

I haven't posted an update to this as I fear it's tempting fate but ...... the oik has been threatened with suspension if he continues with his behaviour towards DS and so far, fingers crossed, he hasn't even looked at him. Apparently he didn't realise his actions were being seen as bullying, not intentional on his part. Laugh, I nearly didn't.

[Ain't Nobody Here]

Result .

[Chucky Mama]

That's great news Clootie. How are you feeling about leaving your son in the school now? Are you still considering a move?