4m x 3m Omlet pen, cube, new auto door still boxed and coop light

[clootie]

Ok. My 15yr old son has been having grief at school for a while now and we deal with it the best way we can. More often than not he shakes it off but recently I can see that it's getting under his skin. The Headmaster has been informed, he has spoken to the whole year etc etc. but still it goes on and now my son is reluctant for me to do anything else as it will make matters worse. Of course, I don't agree but as next year is an important year for him, GCSE's, I don't want to rock the boat to capsizing point. It's probably been going on since the boy involved had my son by the throat because he wouldn't let him in front of him at some PE thing but it's not a physical thing, it's verbal/mental. The lad got a telling off for that but because one his thug hangers on made a racist comment to a boy who stood up for my son, that was the bigger issue and the lad who made he comment was suspended for 3 days and received a lovely shiny new phone from his folks as a reward.

 

Last night my son was chatting to some friends on Facebook when the girlfriend of my son's tormentor came on to chat. He is friendly with this girl but it became very obvious to me, but not my son at first, that it was this lout who was chatting under her name. What he was saying was vile and I've copied the conversation, printed it off and my intention is to write to the Headmaster over the summer holidays enclosing a copy but of course, it's the girl's name and not the bully's that appears which means she will then be involved. What to do? If there was some way that I could remove my son from school to finish his preparations for his exams I would because his entry to another school for Sixth Form is dependent on his grades at GCSE level.

 

I know this boy has had home problems and I am one of the most understanding people when it comes to kids and behaviour but when are we going to stop making excuses for older kids who should know better? Surely it's about time they realised that actions have consequences and take responsibility for them? Red mist descending ..........

 

Apologies for the long post.

Edited September 8, 2009 by Guest

[Cooks]

oooh Cloots I have no experience as you know mine are younger (heaven help me), but I would be as livid as you are.

edited had a thought... pm'd you.

[Happy chickens!]

I really sympathise Clootie - my 14 year old gets bullied too, and it's so frustrating, because even with the school's support it's really difficult to deal with. Kids can be little ****s at times.

 

With out of school incidents, the school's powers are even more limited and, as you say, you are always worried that you will make things worse for your child. However, the bullies do need to be brought to task and not think they can get away with it. They need to learn that it is not funny/clever to do what they are doing.

 

In my experience you need to always support your child and make them aware that their self-esteem does not depend on others approval - if they don't respect the person making the comments, they should not dwell on them, easier said than done. Also surround themselves with as many good friends as poss - safety in numbers.

 

Can you report misuse of an account to facebook?

 

You must be proud of your son for standing up for his friends and in time that will, I hope, stand them all in good stead against the bullies. I've found no quick fix - if you do please let me know! - and the red mist is quite understandable, at least you can rant all you need here, anytime.

[xScrunchee]

I would still send a letter to the headmaster despite the message being sent in the girlfriends name as your son shouldn't be being subjected to bullying whatsoever-especially not whilst in his own home on the internet.

 

How did this boyfriend get access to the girls screen name/password I wonder.

Was she with him when he was sending the vile message?

 

Being honest-don't worry about getting the young lady involved, she has chosen to have this awful lad as a boyfriend and if his bullying isn't enough to put her off him, maybe the fact that he is mis-using her account to continue his evil deeds will.

 

Wishing you both the best of luck with this.

 

Also-it might be worth getting the police involved if you feel it's serious enough.

 

In my thoughts.

 

Jay

[Egluntyne]

Is cyber bullying not an offence nowadays?

 

Might be worth checking.

 

Might also be worth your son removing these people from his list of friends.

 

I hope it can all be sorted out. very tedious and distressing for you.

[Cooks]

Is cyber bullying not an offence nowadays?

.

that's exactly what I think...

[Valkyrie]

We had bullying, but as far as I know the Facebook wasn't the problem - or if it was I never knew. Is it possible to complain to Facebook and ask them to trace the identity? Depending on how vile it is - Police - I think it would be "harrassment" in the eyes of the law. Jlo might know - any lawyers out there?

Would the young lady be happy about what is being written in her name? Would her parents? Don't get them involved because that might backfire - it has to be done through officials.

[clootie]

Is cyber bullying not an offence nowadays?

 

Might be worth checking.

 

Might also be worth your son removing these people from his list of friends.

 

I hope it can all be sorted out. very tedious and distressing for you.

 

 

That's the thing - the idiot isn't on his list of friends, he's blocked so he's using his girlfriend's account but with or without her knowledge we don't know yet.

[Egluntyne]

I was meaning remove the girl...she's no friend if she is allowing her boyfriend to behave like this, and if she isn't, then being blocked might alert her.

 

Can't see anyone giving their log on details to someone without expecting them to use them.

 

Best of luck in sorting it.

[The Dogmother]

I hope you get this sorted Cloots - bullying is terrible and totally unnecessary.

[Ness3103]

I was meaning remove the girl...she's no friend if she is allowing her boyfriend to behave like this, and if she isn't, then being blocked might alert her.

 

Can't see anyone giving their log on details to someone without expecting them to use them.

 

Best of luck in sorting it.

 

 

i'd definitely delete her from his friends and it might be worthwhile reporting it to facebook too. hope you manage to sort it out.

[Clairbear]

Just a suggestion but have you tried contacting the bully's parents? Or this an absolute no-go? They might not be aware of their son's behaviour.

 

Now that it is school holidays then the school is unlikely to want to become involved in anything that happens until September and school starts again. If it does continue it may be worthwhile just going to your local police station to make a complaint in the first instance.

 

If you feel you are not getting much help from the school then it is worth contacting your local Education Authority. They have a duty to investigate as to why the school isn't dealing with the situation.

 

As for Facebook, the only option really is for your son to delete the girl from his friends list. She doesn't sound much of a friend to me and if she is going out with this horrible lad it would probably be best all round for your son to just stay away from her completely.

 

I really feel for you and your son. I know if it was one of my kids being bullied all you want to do is go around there and knock 10 bells out of him! Unfortunately, you would then be the one charged with assault and dragged through the Courts!

 

Let us know what happens xxx

[ChrisP]

Clootie, the best thing if your son is being bullied, is to get the teachers and parents of the bully involved.

 

It could be that if this boy is a bully, he managed to trick the girl into giving him her username/password. But there IS an option to report a user, perhaps if you do that, FB will email the girl and she will be made aware of what is being said via HER account.

 

You can hope that, because it is now the summer holidays, or nearly the holidays, that it "blows over" throughout the holiday, but if it continues in September perhaps a meeting ith the headmaster?

 

I hope your son is ok, bullying is awful and not necessary, and sadly it's usually a way for the bully to feel like he/she has control

 

Hope things work out x

[Happy chickens!]

Be prepared for quite an ordeal if you go to the police - we did when one of the bullies pushed son off bike and into path of oncoming car. (Fortunately car far enough away and swerved) Had witness of an adult who saw everything. They came and took a statement and went into school etc and bully was temporarily excluded, but to take matter further son, who was 13 at time, would have had to go and give a formal, video-taped statement, the crown prosecution service would have had to become involved etc etc, very long winded, and frankly did not feel the extra stress was worth it.

 

I had thought that the police could just go round and have a 'word' but it seems this is no longer possible, all or nothing approach.

 

Husband was very keen to go around to boy's house and 'sort things out', but I could see him being the one ending up in trouble.....

 

No easy answers.

[Staffordmum]

Good morning Clootie,

 

Sorry to hear of your problems. I agree whole heartedly with everything that has already been said.

 

I was bullied all thru' middle school for being an "intelligent specimen". It doesn't help with schooling either, I stopped going ...

 

Report the matter to Facebook and write that letter to the head. Maybe the girlfriends' parents won't be so impressed if she's suspended due to her association with this thug!

 

Good luck!

 

Rgds,

 

Pat & Steve

[Aunty e]

How rotten. I think you should report it, and this girl will have to explain how someone else could use her account to write this sort of abuse. As far as I'm concerned, a difficult home life is only worth so many credits. People have to take responsibility for their own actions.

[Egluntyne]

As far as I'm concerned, a difficult home life is only worth so many credits. People have to take responsibility for their own actions.

Bravo. I couldn't agree more.

[Yorkshire Pudding]

I would do several things.

 

1. Ensure the girl, who your son is friendly with, knows her boyfriend has been using her Facebook account to bully your son. She may not be aware of it. Block her as a friend on Facebook, and report her as a user, but let her know why. If she confirms that it was her boyfriend, record that - it is eividence that she was not responsible and he was. Her parents may also want to know about it.

 

2. Do report this and send a copy of the conversation to the school, but their advice will be to inform the police, as this is in the public domain and not under school jurisdiction. However our school conducts sessions on the legalities and illegalities of cyber-bullying to raise awareness of the potential consequences - I would enquire whether they do this and ask when they intend to start!

 

3. Report this incident, with a copy of the conversation, to the police. Ask them to log it; you may not wish to go further at this point but having it recorded by them is reassuring if there are further problems and you do wish to take action in future. Cyber-bullying IS a crime but this lad obviously thinks he has covered his tracks.

 

This is a very difficult situation for you and your son; I hope it settles down. Best of luck.

[Tiggy]

.

 

I really feel for you and your son. I know if it was one of my kids being bullied all you want to do is go around there and knock 10 bells out of him! Unfortunately, you would then be the one charged with assault and dragged through the Courts!

 

 

totally agree our DS was bullied for a while when he went to secondry school by a boy who made everyones life a misery, eventually the boy was asked to join the rugby team , where he got his nose accidentally broken in a scrum not that I condone violance you understand, but he was very big boy & was hitting all of of the smaller boys, he did eventually leave the school, his mom began to make complaints that her son was now being picked on!!! I was told that this boy had a very difficult home life and we all tried very hard to understand why he behaved the way he did, DS tried to include him and make him part of the group but this lad seemed happier to just hurt the other boys for fun. I'm sure someone out there will come up with the psychological reasons for his behaviour, but when its your child being hurt in any way I'm afraid logic goes out of the window.

[Alis girls]

Kidscape i think its called offer good advice. personally i would be like your OH and ready to kill but that isnt the answer. Sec school were brilliant when my son had probs but some schools are useless. Bullies are little pigs I want to put something far worse but mods will tell me off. We pussy foot round them making excuses - they were abused blah blah blah - yes but it isnt my kids fault so why take it out on him/ her. Sorry i am on my soapbox

[Yorkshire Pudding]

I know what you mean NCY. Bullies always do have some problem that leads them into bullying, but while that may be the reason, it doesn't excuse them doing it.

 

We have a school policy of always sanctioning bullies, but if they don't respond to that alone, we make them follow a course of anti-bullying sessions in our social inclusion room. That is often more effective.

 

For some pupils it is more effective to refer them to an outside agency who will work with them out of school, such as Targeted Youth Support.

 

I would ask the school what work they are doing with this lad to reduce his bullying behaviour and if they have referred him to any outside agencies. They won't be allowed to give you the details as he isn't your son, but you can ask!

[chickenanne]

How terrible for you and your son. Like everyone else, I would report it to the school: point out that the girl is unlikely to be involved as such, but it might be good if the school could discuss it with her - not to give her a row but to make her aware.

Then, hope it blows over during the holidays.

[clootie]

I was wondering whether a polite letter to his mother requesting a meeting and/or discussion would be preferable? I'm trying to put myself in her shoes and I would most definitely have welcomed the opportunity to talk to the parents of a child who was being bullied by my child before it was taken any further. Who knows, she may be approachable but on the other hand, she may not, thus the reason for writing to her in the first instance.

 

Can I just thank you all for your support and most helpful comments. They are helping me see things more clearly.

[Alis girls]

I take my hat off to you Clootie you are so calm, I'm afraid i cant be that calm. I was bullied at school and i am just so pleased ES secondary school is so good at dealing with bullies. They have what the kids call a white room/cell. i think often the parents are worse than the kids. Good luck to you and your son - keep us posted

[The Dogmother]

As far as I'm concerned, a difficult home life is only worth so many credits. People have to take responsibility for their own actions.

Bravo. I couldn't agree more.

 

Me three

 

YP, Great advice

 

Cloots, sounds like a good starting tack, I hope that you get it sorted.

 

A couple of years back, I had to talk to the parents of one of Rosie's peers; this girl was bullying Rosie mercilessly and poor Rosie was distraught, didn't understand it and was refusing to eat (one of the jibes was to call her fat )

 

The parents are from a strict churcch family and were astounded at their daughter's behaviour, but thankfully believed me; their daughter was sent round to our house with an apology and present for R. They rubbed along well enough after that, and it wasn't necessary to take it any further.