Chook n Boo Mum Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 .........it's not mine, it's her best friend I've just had a call from DD asking for the said BF to come home with us as her little brothers are playing footie until 5.30....this happened last week too, though only for about an hour as we were going out & DD was going to my mum's for the night. This evening I've organised for another friend to come home so the two girls can decorate Christmas Cakes for the Cubs to sell tomorrow at a church fair..........I think the BF is jealous of the plans this evening........she doesn't take kindly to DD being with others, though is very happy to drop DD like a hot potato if she gets a better offer This child manages to manipulate my daughter at every available opportunity & I'm fed up with it...though it's DD who cops it from BF....I wish she'd change her BF, but I can't tell her that outright, she has to decide it for herself Sorry rant over................ooooooooooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Sha x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patsylabrador Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 This is always so difficult, and I remember it so well from my kids were little. I think generally kids realise who they have more fun with and who they feel more relaxed with and gradually it all shakes down. The 'not so nice kids' often quietly disappear from the scene, and mums can often be manipulative too and help things out a little! I know I did. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valkyrie Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 That sounds exactly the same scenario as I had when my daughter was at the infant school. We had arranged for a nice girl to come and play and another awful girl manipulated the situation so well that she came home with us too. She successfully shut out the invited child from any playing/toys etc. I felt awful about it. The worst thing was the uninvited's mother also came along - and I was powerless to do anything about it in my own home - making me frustrated and angry with myself. Fortunately the nicer girl ended up having a whale of a time playing with my son (which the mother couldn't do anything about - she herself very good at manipulating me). Never again did that happen. Thing is, the horrible child realised that I read her like a book and so took a dislike to me. Of course I was very upset. A similar thing has happened with our neighbour's daughter - her so called best friend also drops her when a better offer comes along, but doesn't like her being friends with anyone else. So you are not alone - just be thankful that your own children are nicer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keyhole kate Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 you have my utmost sympathy I have been there havng 3 DD's all a part of growing up sadly you will have it all to come again with there boy friends you dont like too Sorry not helping am I Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chook n Boo Mum Posted December 4, 2009 Author Share Posted December 4, 2009 you will have it all to come again with there boy friends you dont like too Sorry not helping am I Thanks Kate, I'm looking forward to that....not ! I asked the girls if BF had been stressy this afternoon after I said no..........and guess what, she was......but strangely I saw neither the mum nor the BF after school, nor did I receive any reply to my text I ran the "how would you feel...." conversation past a couple of close friends this afternoon whilst ranting on here & they both went & though not surprised, I'm not the only one who gets this treatment & apparently there's a boy in the same class who does exactly the same Oh well, it wouldn't do for us all to be the same would it Thank you for the comment about my babies being nicer children......I do hope so Sha x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ubereglu Posted December 6, 2009 Share Posted December 6, 2009 Oh dear. I hate to say it but some children are just like that. I remember when our next door neighbour first had new neighbours and their new neighbours children were continuously asking to go round their house. Sometimes they even turned up uninvited and asked if they could come in... Since then they have improved though, mostly as I think she had a word with their Mum. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TAJ Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 When DD was in infants she had this BF that was awful to her (and others) she was horrible to her for 2 years. On this girls 7th birthday she told DD and others that they would be going out to the park on her birthday party, so dress in old scruffy clothes - they did and the birthday girl went to her party fully dressed up in a posh frock - making her the best dressed at her own party. I could not believe that at the age of 6/7 a little girl could be so manipulative. Needless to say DD finally realised this after 2 years and had a different group of friends when she moved on to junior school - they never fell out in 4 years at junior school together. Tracy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chook n Boo Mum Posted December 7, 2009 Author Share Posted December 7, 2009 It's got to the stage that I don't tell the mum or BF any of our plans outside the family ones so they can't phone up & ask to join us ....as the girls are now in Yr5 we are looking at where they are going to go for Yr7.....needless to say we haven't made much of our chosen schools in case they turn up there too, fortunately one is a boarding school & given the father's reluctance to let the child even go on sleepovers with friends until she was over 8, I can't see that being an option The child manipulates her mum horrendously too..I get texts from mum along the lines of "# is desperate to see *, I can collect her in half an hour if that's ok"............I'm naughty, I don't always answer Sha x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhapsody Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 With these kind of children I always wonder where/from whom they learned this behaviour, and often the parents as you say collude and support it! I've lost friends over this, when I got sick and tired of my son being used as a social fallback and punchbag, and myself as a convenient babysitter Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
majorbloodnock Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 Let's not forget, though, that unpleasant as it may be, it's part of every person's education. All socialisation involves a certain degree of manipulation, but we hope that, come adulthood, the types of manipulation employed are benign, beneficial and socially acceptable. However, to get to that point, we all have to experiment with methods that aren't so pretty, such as emotional blackmail and self centredness, and we all have to learn from the irritated responses we get that those methods are generally self defeating. Of course, we also all have to learn that some people will try to manipulate us to their advantage, and how to check their attempts. I can wholeheartedly empathise, since I'd hate my kids being treated as emotional punchbags, but I've also realised it's something against which I can't protect them; all I can do is support them whilst they learn their lessons for themselves. Not always easy being a parent, is it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 Let's not forget, though, that unpleasant as it may be, it's part of every person's education. All socialisation involves a certain degree of manipulation, but we hope that, come adulthood, the types of manipulation employed are benign, beneficial and socially acceptable. However, to get to that point, we all have to experiment with methods that aren't so pretty, such as emotional blackmail and self centredness, and we all have to learn from the irritated responses we get that those methods are generally self defeating. Of course, we also all have to learn that some people will try to manipulate us to their advantage, and how to check their attempts. I can wholeheartedly empathise, since I'd hate my kids being treated as emotional punchbags, but I've also realised it's something against which I can't protect them; all I can do is support them whilst they learn their lessons for themselves. Not always easy being a parent, is it? Well said Major. All we can do is provide our children with strategies for coping with these situations/people, protect them from the worst excesses and hope that the experiences will stand them in good stead for the future. Horrible to watch sometimes, and one's fingers do itch occasionally. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TAJ Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 I think the other thing as parents we need to do is not be controlling - i.e. at times they need to simply find out for themselves/find their own solution, just be there when needed. If parents fight too many battles for them they do not learn how to find solutions for themselves - that makes life a lot harder later on when you are not there to make the decisions for them. So be supportive, but let them be their own person. ...and yes boyfriends you are not 100% happy with is another thing later on to have to sit back and watch! Tracy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chook n Boo Mum Posted December 7, 2009 Author Share Posted December 7, 2009 I try very hard not to influence my children's decisions in the friends department, but it's very difficult to zip it when I am feel I'm being pushed into a corner The child can be a sweetie when she wants to be.....and there are issues at home which are quite complex, not least the 3 younger brothers (aged 2- who are all far more dependent on mum & therefore attract much more of her attention than the eldest (10 yrs old) and Mum's medical problems at the beginning of this year. I suppose I should be flattered that the child wants to be here in my madhouse ........even after she threw a rotten tantrum & I was very firm with her....offered to leave her at her dance school following an even bigger tantrum at a friend's birthday party rather than taking her to meet her parents as planned..........she soon calmed down & has never been "bad" with me since.....just gets my DD to ask for unacceptable things at short notice & seems to need her at close attendance over the holidays & expects plans to be changed at the drop of a hat......I'm not really a misery guts with the children..honest Sha x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
