Eglu Cube Coop For Sale

[Clur]

Has anyone got any experience of helping ex-pats come home to the UK? My grandparents moved to Cyprus 6.5 years ago and for reasons I can't go into here, haven't been as well looked after as relatives had promised. We are now in a situation where my grandmother has been recently diagnosed with Alzheimers and has gone downhill extremely quickly. She is getting no proper care and is awake and wandering every 2 hours through the night and the stress is having an impact on my grandfather who is unsteady on his feet at the best of times. He also has his own health concerns.

 

My first instinct was to bring them home to live with me but after much (heart-breaking) discussion with DH, it's becoming more apparant that's not possible. Firstly we don't have the room - though I am prepared to sleep in the living room - but DH has persuaded me that working full-time and with 2 young children, it just isn't possible to provide the care that would be needed and that it wouldn't be fair on the kids.

 

My grandparents can't afford accommodation in the UK and we've now been able to get them on a housing list, but it's becoming increasingly apparent my nan will need full-time specialist care and grandad has said the only way they will be separated is when one, or both, of them is carted off in a coffin. I just want them back in the UK and we can work out the living arrangements once they are back, but they are number 30-odd on the list and it's going to get to the stage where nan won't be able to fly.

 

I've spoken to Age Concern and the local council but it just seems to be dead-ends all around and I am so upset I can't just have them here with us where I know they will be fed, well looked after and loved. My granddad is increasingly upset and desperate and I have avoided phoning today in case he asks if they can live with us and I have to say no.

 

They are both in their late 80's and have worked and paid UK taxes up until 8 years ago when they retired, and they were UK citizens/residents until 6.5 years ago.

 

It's such a stressful situation and one I'm not being able to do much about at the moment. Does anyone have any experience or knowledge of what can be done practically to get them home to the UK and in suitable accommodation?

 

(sorry for the long post, I just feel a bit aaaargh with it all at the moment)

[Couperwife]

I dont know - sorry

 

what about CAB? could they help? or point you in the right direction?

 

(((((hugs))))) hope you get some ideas soon

 

cathy

x

[Ain't Nobody Here]

How upsetting and worrying for you . I can't offer any practical advice I'm afraid but I hope someone can.

[Egluntyne]

Gosh, what a desperate situation.

 

Could your local MP help?

 

Hoping you find a satisfactory solution.

[Alis girls]

i would go onto Alzeimers website and look there - they have a "talking point" like this but about dementia very helpful when dad had stroke and had vascular dementia. You could also ring them. I do find NHS and social services a bit unsympathtic to ex pats who realatives want to re locate - but asthey have "paid in" and are I assume british citizens - help should be available but you may have a fight on your hands. Good luck and hugs Ali

[ladyjulian]

Oh, how horribly stressful.

 

If your grandparents come back to the UK and present to the council as homeless then (assuming they're eligible for housing at all) they should be in 'priority need' and will have to be housed at least in emergency accommodation immediately. The trouble is that in order to assess their eligibility / priority need they actually have to have put in a homelessness application, i.e. be present in the UK.

 

Find out if they're eligible first - if they are British citizens then they are.

 

Can they live with you for a few days in between arriving in the UK and going to the council? If so, then you would need to write a letter explaining that you are not able to accommodate them any longer, and take them to the council to present as homeless. The council will then do a first assessment, and should accommodate them in emergency accommodation whilst deciding whether they are in priority need (as older people not in good health they should be).

 

If they have particular needs, such as your grandmother's Alzheimers, then you can also ask the council to do a community care assessment, which would include accommodation.

 

Are they on state pension credit? If they are then they will be eligible for legal aid and can get a solicitor to handle all the correspondence.

 

I can't think of a way to do it whilst they're out of the country though.

 

Good luck.

 

Edit to add: there's a good how-to guide on presenting as homeless here. Shelter also has a phone line which is good for advice.

[poachedegg]

Sorry I can't offer advice - just wanted to say hope you manage to get this sorted.

x

[AJuff]

So sorry to hear how you are feeling. Situations like this are never easy. I do hope you get sorted in the near future for all of you.

[Clur]

Thanks for all the advice and well wishes everyone. I need my husband's backing to get them to us, he's nervous that the council will use them staying with us as an excuse not to rehome them immediately or that it will take a few weeks or months to get everything sorted. Nan is awake and wandering every 2 hours throughout the night and is also increasingly incontinent, and DH doesn't see how we can look after her, hold down full time jobs and look after the children. I would rather just do it and work it out as we go along, but I think with my heart rather than my head.

 

Lady Julian, I am assuming they are on pension credits but I don't know. They did have enough money in savings not to qualify but having been ripped off, I suspect they will be eligible now. I'll find out.

 

I think the only way forward is to do as you suggest (thank you for all that info, it's really helpful) and I just need my hubby onboard. Added complication is I need my dad onboard too... he's unable to look after them as he has a disability and mum's just been diagnosed with diabetes and is away with the fairies. What a healthy family we are:)

 

Going to look at the Alzheimers website (thanks Ali), and follow up with the council about likely processes should we be able to get them to us.

 

Trying not to get angry with DH as he loves my grandparents as much as I do, and he has valid concerns and is worried about the stress on me for health reasons, but I wish he'd just say 'just get them and we'll sort it when they're here'.

[Seagazer]

I'm so sorry, I didn't post earlier as I have no experience of this but just wanted to wish you luck. I can sort of understand where your OH is coming from as it must be quite a daunting thought, it would obviously be such a lot of hard work with work and your young children. He's obviously got your best interests at heart.

 

I hope you can manage to sort something out for your grandparents.

[Olly]

Sorry I can't offer much practical help, sounds as if there's some good advice above though. You must feel terribly torn, and I understand that, but I think your DH is right - much as you love them and want to help them, you are probably going to help them more by contacting appropriate authorities and working hard on their behalf, than by moving them into your home where you don't really have the right accommodation. It would be lovely if you could do it but your children should come first, and your grandparents - if they were able to think rationally - would say the same thing. I think your DH is thinking about you and your children, and acting to protect you when he says 'no'. I do hope you can find a solution.

[BeckyBoo]

Ditto what Olly said but it shows how lovely you are to want to bring them straight over to you. To be honest if your Nan is going downhill that quickly I'd be inclined to get them straight over and present them as a "done deal" to the council, but it could end up with them being separated even temporarily and that wouldn't be good.

Very difficult for you, I hope it all works out in the end

 

Good luck hun

 

BeckyBoo

[Alis girls]

It is a long job - I work in NHS (nurse) and remember a lady bringing elderly mum to us who had dementia and had lived abroad for years. The doctor was muttering about people bringing relatives over and no being able to cope. I could see both sides as my dad was going through a bad patch at time. I found the website mentioned a godsend and very supportive and people on there were much more pressurised than me. I think you are going in with your eyes open - Oh has reason to be cautious, what with children and jobs just make sure you can cope. It is difficult if mental illness is not a problem, but 10 times harder if it is. I do hope it works out - you are lovely for wanting to help. Have you other family to help and support apart from OH?

[Happy chickens!]

What a dreadful situation for you and yours. Sorry can't offer a solution, only hope that you can get sorted soon. x

[Clur]

Thanks all. I had some bad news Monday night, that nan had taken a turn for the worse over the weekend and that they thought she'd had a stroke. She was hospitalised but they now think she was severely dehydrated rather than suffering a stroke. Unfortunately she is not well enough to travel at the moment and we've just got to see how it pans out.

 

My granddad's going in for an op the week after next, and so care has been arranged for my nan while he is in hospital. He badly needs a rest and nan needs full-time care, so hopefully this will be the best thing for the short term.

 

Granddad (and my folks) are pretty convinced they won't be coming back from Cyprus now, but I'm still trying to see what options there may be. Once granddad has had his op, I am going to see if I can get over there to see what can be done practically while they're still over there, and what options there are for coming home. I do have relatives here that can help but it's not easy for them - dad's disabled and mum's not well at the moment, so they can't look after them at theirs, and my uncle lives miles away and also works full time. My grandparents are actually living with my aunt in Cyprus, but that's been as much help and use as a chocolate fireguard in terms of making sure they are fed and well looked after.

 

I have always been really close to my grandparents and it's upsetting not to be able to do more, but at the same time I am having to be realistic and that's the part that doesn't sit well.

[Plum]

Sorry to hear of your dilemma Clur but to be honest I don't know if getting them over here is going to help. Your nan wandering can't be managed by your grandad in Cyprus so moving into housing here is just changing the location not making her any easier to cope with. Your grandad may lose his social network. Having said that I don't know what support there is abroad for alzheimers.

It sounds like she needs 24hr care now, has your grandad said this? Perhaps if they just came over she could be found emergency placement in a home and your grandad could stay with you in the short term anyway. It would mean you could both have quality time with her rather than being worn into the ground by her illness and the demands of looking after a confused person.

[Alis girls]

Take your time love -you can't rush this. A trip over may put things in perspective. Hope they are both recovering well. Lots of hugs Ali