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[Griffin]

But this time it's more serious Probably since the start of the year, from time to time we've noticed medication has gone missing from our medicine cupboard. There's nothing 'fancy' in there, it's just the usual family stuff, red Calpol, purple Calpol, kids ibuprofen medicine, paracetamol, ibuprofen, Lemsip, hayfever treatments, plasters etc. Myself or Mr Griffin would open a new pack of painkillers, take a couple then maybe a few weeks later notice there were only one or two left. We'd ask each other where the rest had disappeared to, neither of us would remember taking any more. When this had happened twice we asked D****, who was 15 in June, if she'd helped herself and she'd always say no. Two or three times now we've asked her about disappearing painkillers and she always denies it. We have no proof it's her, just our suspicions. Recently the same thing happened with the Lemsip, I remember buying it and using one or two sachets. The next time I go to use it the box contains one. Mr Griffin says it's not him. It can only be D****, the others are younger and just wouldn't do it.

 

On Saturday she went to Belgium on a school trip. Yesterday I needed a highlighter pen for something, and knowing that D****s desk in her room is full of every pen and item of stationary known to man I went into her room to borrow one. On the book shelf above her desk I saw some packets of pills. There were 22 cocodamol tablets and 3 extra strength painkillers. The extra strength ones I remembered from when I'd hurt my neck last year and I asked Mr Griffin to pick up something stronger than paracetamol on his way home from work. They contained amongst other things caffiene and asprin. I'd never taken asprin before, and I'm not sure if it was that that disagreed with me but after taking two of those tablets I had indigestion for three days and threw them to the back of the cupboard never to be used again. She's had all but three I've had cocodamol on prescription, and those are on a high shelf in my bedroom, and these were not from my box.

 

So instead of being pleased to see her when I came home from work last night I was just out of my mind with worry. I knew Mr Griffin had already asked her about them and she claimed she'd asked me for painkillers about a year ago, I'd handed her a box of cocodamol, she'd taken two and put the rest on her shelf. He believed that fabrication Considering I've only just stopped giving her Calpol and allowing her to use paracetamol if she asks or needs painkillers I knew I would never have given her cocodamol! I've been seriously ill for a year now, and I know my memory at times isn't great but I'd remember that! When I saw her I asked where all the pills had come from and I heard the same story, except this time it was two years, not one. As if!!!!! I'm seriously supposed to believe I gave a 13 year old cocodamol? She says doesn't know how the other painkillers happened to be on her shelf. I know for a fact they've not been on that shelf for more than a month or so because I was looking on that very same shelf for a book that one of her sisters wanted to borrow a while ago. i would've seen them, they weren't hidden.

 

All painkillers of every variety are now hidden. She denies any sort of problem or that she's ever taken any without asking. I know that's not true. So what do I do now? She's always so secretive, she doesn't ever confide in us, she acts as if she hates us a lot of the time and this frightens the life out of me. Her biological father was an addict before I met him, I don't want her going down that road but I don't know how to stop her either. Should I speak to her school? Our GP? Should I take her with me to an appointment, go on my own or send her on her own? I just don't know what to do for the best when she doesn't speak to us, I know she's lying and now I dread to think what else I don't know about or what will happen

[Cinnamon]

How awful for you - I can imagine the worry you must be going through

 

Firstly I would get a lockable box for all painkillers to go into,to which only you have the key. I would also consider getting a FURTHER lockable box to go into it for prescription or strong items.

 

Secondly,make a chart on your computer & put down each & every time that your daughter asks you for painkillers,the reason she wants them,the time she took them,the amount she had & so forth.

 

Ultimately you need to find out WHY she has been taking them. Is she having very painful periods for example & it to embarrassed to speak to you about it (I am on Co-Codamol for period pain & both of my girls have taken it too,from time to time)

If she says that it is period pain or recurring bad headaches or back pain,then suggest a trip to the Doctors,but I would go with the aim to stop her pain rather than tackling the fact the she has been self medicating.

 

The acting as if she hates you bit. Well I have been there with both of mine,especially my youngest & very recently too.

Teenage girls are a nightmare & they can be so hurtful to their parents & siblings. It does & it will pass.........please take comfort in that

[merlina]

I tend to think Cinnamon may have hit the nail on the head.

When I was a 15 year old, I would rather have gouged my own eyes out than mentioned any kind of pain or discomfort to my mother - I would just have taken some painkillers.

The fact that she's put them on a shelf rather than burying them somewhere far more secretive, suggests that she didn't think this was a huge deal.

While these are drugs that could be abused, it would be a very unusual choice for a teenager - my initial thought is that she would have just bought them from a chemist for whatever was ailing her (or taken your supply)

 

As a teenager, I would have seen your reaction as clear evidence that you hated me and wanted me to be in pain - the more pain the better.

Obviously that's not the case, but try and see her perspective - you've taken away her painkillers, you don't trust her, you assume the worst.

 

My suggestion would be to sit her down in a very calm way and chat. Tell her why you are so worried - I'm sure she won't think that taking painkillers that are readily available is a problem. Don't expect her to confide any ailment to you straightaway - I would never have told my mother as I would have expected it to be used as evidence against me at a later stage - to stop me doing something or perhaps disclosed to someone I didn't want to know the information

(I remember being mortified when my mother mentioned that I was supposed to have a headache in front of friends - the shame still makes me hot now thinking about it!). So perhaps you'll need to make a lot of assurances along those lines

[The Dogmother]

I am so sorry to hear your news Griffin, and totally agree that teenage girls can be a nightmare at times! Merlina has hit the nail on the head ,a sensible talk about painkillers ,how many to take and the possible effects of taking too many would be a good idea. Paracetamol for instance doesn't show many side effects if taken in large doses, but can cause really serious problems. Co-codamol contains codeine, which is an opiate so can be addictive, so you'd need to keep an eye on the use of that.

 

While I'd be tempted to lock them away, that might make it even more 'interesting' and edgy. My guess is that she might have used some for period pains or a headache and then kept them in her room because it made her feel cool and grown up, as Merlina said, if she was really being devious then she wouldn't have left them where you could find them. It may be that she's trying it on for attention... Even though it's the last thing that she 'd admit to wanting offer a listening ear, or ask an adult friend who she considers cool to do the same and see how it goes.

 

Good luck

[mindychick]

I have a 17 year old daughter and yes, she can be a handful!!! I work in a hospital that has both mental health and substance abuse floors, and I work with these floors. I know here in Florida we are the number one state for prescription drug abuse issues. Now I'm not saying that is your daughter's issue, and PLEASE don't be offended. I think what all the others posted are good ideas about locking away your meds, but you also need to take her to the doctor.

 

First of all if she is having that much pain they need to make sure there is not anything physically wrong. Also a doctor will be able to ask more delicate questions that sometimes our teen daughters don't want to talk to mom about. I know when my daughter goes for her yearly check up she doesn't want mom taging along. I respect her wishes as I remember when I was that age and didn't want my mom listening into my conversation with my doctor.

 

Also sometimes friends will help friends so your daughter maybe taking your meds to a friend that has an issue. I can tell you from experience that I have caught my daughter smoking pot, and boy did we have a LONG conversation about that. I know the big issue we have right now in the states is Synthetic Marijuana called "Spice" and it really is a incense, but the kids are smoking it?!?!?!

 

Well hopefully it's not something too major and if I may suggest one other thing.... Take her out of the house (just you and her) when you do speak to her. I know when I take my daughter out for dinner, or even for ice cream she will open up more about what is going on in her life then if we are home. Don't ask me why, but it has worked for me in the past, and (this is the HARDEST!!!) Try to remember, we were once that age too, and it is a very diffcult time in a young woman's life. That is the other thing too she is a young WOMAN, and that is really hard for all mothers (me included)knowning when it's time to start letting go of those stings that we have so carefully woven to keep our children safe all these years.

 

Don't worry!!! I have been told by my friends that once they hit their twenties it does get better.

[patsylabrador]

I think everything said above is right and I would like to add to it. We chatted with our kids about drugs and the risks from quite an early age. The aspect we emphasised mostly was where dealers store their supply.

We told them about how they would swallow them in Clingfilm wraps and vomit them up, or how they would have to remove the drugs from their bottoms etc.

They have said that the thought of that was so disgusting when they were young that it stayed with them and killed any temptation. If you think it is some kind of experimentation it could be worth emphasising the depths that drugs can bring you to. I also told my kids about a prisoner I had to deal with who when she was arrested lost control of her bowels and I spent most of the night trying to get her cleaned up and dry. We actually got on very well but she had lost all her dignity and I felt very sorry for her. That's also quite a good weapon to keep in your armoury. There are too many wrecked kids out there to be complacent about drugs and I think you're right to be on your guard. Hopefully, though, it's something simple.

Also, check out the Talk to Frank website if you remain worried. It has a fair amount of useful information.

[Lavenders_Blue]

I'm not a parent, so I don't know anything about raising kids or teenagers, so I'm not going to offer any advice.

 

But these two comments really stood out for me

 

Is she having very painful periods for example & it to embarrassed to speak to you about it.

 

When I was a 15 year old, I would rather have gouged my own eyes out than mentioned any kind of pain or discomfort to my mother - I would just have taken some painkillers.

 

When I read your post, the first thing I wondered was whether it was period pain. Like merlina, I would never, ever have told my mum about period pain - and as a teen I had HORRENDOUS period pain. I remember I would take 3 paracetamol at a time to get rid of it. My parents would never have known I was taking them as this was when you could still buy the huge bottles of paracetamol, so a few missing here or there wouldn't have been noticed. And of course I had no idea that taking too many could actually be risky. I wonder (and hope) that this is the case with your daughter, that it genuinely is period pain or similar and that she just isn't fully aware of the risks of painkillers.

 

And as for your daughter acting as though she hates you - well I have been there too. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to be a Mum and to constantly feel like you're walking on eggshells. I must have upset my Mum something rotten at times. Thankfully we are very, very close now and I am embarrassed about how horrid I was at times. It WILL pass.

[merlina]

Was thinking about this driving to work (to teach a bunch of 18 year olds who mostly believe their parents don't understand them )

 

You mentioned that you'd been very ill. I know that teenagers are often very affected by parents' illness - especially if it's mum.

They are often very frightened, especially if parents don't keep them fully informed about the illness - which many don't, on the premise that it's good to protect them from this stuff. They google and find the real horror stories and fail to understand all the medical terminology - and build the whole thing up to something enormous.

 

All that often leads kids to withdraw. They don't want to tell the poorly parent about anything going on in their own lives, because they don't want to add to that parent's problems. Or they feel alienated by the illness and situation and withdraw into themselves or another crowd of people. Or they are frightened the parent could die and just can't cope with all those emotions.

 

You're probably aware of some or all of this, but I thought it worth just popping back to mention it in case it helps add some perspective to what's perhaps happening with her behaviour. And perhaps would be a good place to start a conversation about what's happening in both your worlds

[CatieB]

Please remember that you are NOT the worse parent in the world but that it is every childs right (or so they think) to make you feel you are.

 

I can understand that you feel very worried, and I think that the posts above have given you good advice. The only thing I want to say is please remember that no matter what happens, or how worried you are, try to keep the lines communication open. Make her know that no matter what she can come to you if she wants.

 

This may mean having to bite your tongue and not making accusations no matter how sure you think you are. I really hope you get to the bottom of this and am sending you virtual strength and hugs.

[hilda-and-evadne]

My worry would be that your daughter might be too young to appreciate that taking too many of some painkillers at a time or per day, or combining them (eg with cold relief preparations), can cause liver failure and death.

 

I would treat this discovery while she was away as a godsend and, as others have suggested, lock up all medicines.

[Spinning Top]

How horrible for you - and by the sounds of it, your daughter's not having the best of times either. There's some great advice on here and I hope it helps. Lots of love and hugs to you both.

[Looney]

I can totally understand your concern, loads of good advice from everyone already

 

This has really struck a chord with me, although I haven't been a teenager for a while now! Apologies for the ramble.....

 

I did not get on with my parents (especially my mum) as a teenager and pretty much shut down all but essential lines of communication with them. This happened as from my perspective they were always too suspicious and too quick to judge before knowing the facts or asking me about things so by the time a subject was raised I felt like they had already made their minds up. I was expected to act responsibly on so many fronts (helping cook, clean, do my homework, do part time jobs, maintain and pay for my moped etc etc) but I just felt it impossible to get them to trust me or allow me my own opinion. I did well at school, usually coming near the top of the class and wasn't in trouble there ever.

 

The final straw was when I was working in the local pub (waitressing, age 16) and my brother and his friend came in to ask if I was pregnant as mum thought I probably was but thought she would talk to my brother and his friend about it rather than just speaking to me about it! I was mortified - I wasn't even having sex!! We used to have a shared supply of tampons etc in the bathroom and as she didn't think I had used any for a month she jumped to the most obvious (to her) conclusion! Looking back I cannot believe that she wouldn't have just asked me about it! The reality was that I used to have terrible periods, really heavy, but when I'd tried to speak to mum about it she'd basically (in my interpretation) told me to get on with it. I felt silly, like I wasn't supposed to talk about it and really embarrassed as I felt I couldn't tell her how I used to leak when in class and had to go to the toilet every 20 mins. She'd also made a comment about how expensive sanitary products were (I linked the two comments together, it probably wasn't what she meant). What had happened was I'd bought some tampons etc myself and hid them in my bedroom as I was conscious that I was using a lot and was too embarrassed to ask my mum to buy more. Seems ridiculous looking back at it all

 

Anyway, the result was I stopped telling my parents about things and started becoming secretive about what I was doing - just in case they might disapprove, jump to conclusions and stop me - and the more secretive I got, the more suspicious they became...... If only they had sat me down and tried to speak to me things could have been very different. Of course, I was no angel in all of this, but I was a teenager after all! I used to be so envious of friends that could talk to their mums /cry on them/ cuddle them

 

Sorry, very long tale of teenage woe! But I think what I'm trying to say is that trying to keep communication going is so important even if initial attempts don't get you anywhere. And the more scrutiny your daughter feels under the more likely she is to not want to talk. I hope your daughter is ok and isn't doing anything untoward re the painkillers. Sending you big hugs xxxx

[Alis girls]

i am not a mum of a girl but as a mum I think the fact the painkillers are visible is a good sign. Shes not stashing them away to do god knows what with. I think the advice you have had is great and I would urge you to see if she'll go to the GP's if her periods are horrendous. I think the advice about taking her out and having a mutual chat away from house and other family would make her feel you cared. How times have changed, my mum was very strict and unapproachable and I was secretive and sly. My eldest son seems to trust us and sometimes the questions both my kids ask make my hair curl (and I am sure mum spins in her grave) but I am glad they ask and trust us. Good luck - she is lucky having such an understanding mum. Ali x

[freddie]

Poor her, and poor you.

car trips are good, as neither has to look at the other, but neither can get away, so to speak. Also, (and I am very guilty of this) it's leaving the silence for them to fill, and they will(I'm really pants at that, I start yapping and ruin it)

Good luck. . could you tell her your'e worried for her, not for you, and would she talk to a.n other.. A friends' mum , perhaps??

[Chicken Shirl]

Sorry to read about your problem with your daughter Griffin. I agree with most of the advice given.....I am a grandmother now, but when my eldest daughter was a teenager she was the teenager from hell.....That is all you need to know.....We expect a lot from the eldest child....We learn all our parenting skills through them.

 

You need to get her trust Griffin......So trust her.....Don't hide the the pain killers, trust her to ask you when she needs them....Find out why she needed them, and take her to the doctor if she is having trouble with her periods, or getting bad head aches.Build on mutual respect...Give the girl a chance is my advice.

 

Good luck honey....From what I have seen of you on here, you will be great. {{Huge hugs Griffin}} "Ooops, word censored!"ody ever said that bringing up children was easy, but the joy when they reach adulthood is enormous. Send you and Mr Griffin positive vibes and love.

[WitchHazel]

This has really struck a chord with me, although I haven't been a teenager for a while now! Apologies for the ramble.....

 

I did not get on with my parents (especially my mum) as a teenager and pretty much shut down all but essential lines of communication with them. This happened as from my perspective they were always too suspicious and too quick to judge before knowing the facts or asking me about things so by the time a subject was raised I felt like they had already made their minds up.

 

This really echoed with me. My parents were very suspicious and judgemental, and they convinced themselves that I was the teenage daighter from hell when, in fact, I was a complete mouse and didn't do anything. Their behaviour (listening in to my phone calls on an extension, etc) ended up with me being secretive or telling lies as an avoidance thing... and when they found out, it confirmed (from their point of view) their suspicions about me and made things worse.

 

God, what a terrible spiral we went into.

 

Try not to jump to conclusions, and try not to go on the attack (from your daughters point of view) when you do ask her about things.

 

Maybe a bit of reassurance? I love you so much, I worry that something might be going on.... I don't want us to have the sort of relationship where we can't talk without arguing... something like that anyway.

[Chicken Shirl]

Wishing there was a "Like"to that reply.

[chickencam]

Sorry to hear about your problems Griffin, I am mum to 3 teenagers 2 of whom are girls. I would say that the most important thing as a parent of teens is to be there and create opportunities for relaxed chat, as has already been mentioned car journeys are good one to one time, I have had some of my most intimate chats with mine one to one at times like these. I think it is good that they feel that you are not looking at them and have half a mind on something else, therefore they are more inclined to open up. I try to be available as often as I can when they come in from school and often find a chat in the kitchen as they raid the cupboards or I am preparing a meal works too, you can also gauge their mood after school too which gives an idea of what is happening there.

 

As has been said already just keep the lines of communication open, without asking too many questions or seeming to judge, this is easier said than done, I agree but if things are kept more relaxed they will eventually open up. It looks to me that she has some problem with pain rather than addiction otherwise she would be more secretive about leaving the evidence around. You could perhaps open a conversation about a problem that you had at her age, our children often find it hard to believe that we were teenagers once too

 

Good luck (((hugs)))