Tessa the Duchess Posted December 5, 2007 Share Posted December 5, 2007 This thread is interesting but it also makes me feel a bit sad I am technically a MIL althouth both my sons have a child neither of them are married to their g.fs. For my grandson's lst b.day I bought him a gorgeous litttle wooden chair, I searched for ages online to fiind one, hand made with a picture of a train and his name hand painted on it, cost £100 I felt really good about my gift, but it was never unwrapped at his party and it resides on the top of a wardrobe and has never been used "because he will stand on it and hurt himself' When my children were little my mum used to give me money, I would buy the children's gifts, give them to mum who wrapped them up and gave them, no problems at all. I totally understand about the motorized bike thing, but your FIL probably thinks he is giving a great gift and cannot understand what problems he is causing. However if you make it plain that it is inappropriate for your son and your circumstances, and he still gives it, then you have every right to get rid of it and he will have to lump it, and maybe wont go against your wishes againl. Tessa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 5, 2007 Share Posted December 5, 2007 Tessa, that is sad about your chair. What a lovely gift. It has made me stop and think a bit further. I have always been opposed to other people giving huge presents which outshine the parents' gifts. For some reason, I still think a gift from your parents should be the most special. I can understand too that other people (grandparents, uncles and aunts, friends etc) see things which they want to lavish on the precious child. They are almost certainly being kind and generous and not attempting to upstage anyone (except perhaps in the case of divorced couples and parents versus parents-in-law). But it is rude to impose something large and significant on someone else's home without asking them first. That includes gifts to children. Mostly though I am very saddened by the idea of sending out lists of things we want so that we aren't disappointed. A gift is something bestowed by the giver with love, generosity and kindness. That should be appreciated and valued. The actual item is almost irrelevant. The best gifts are those which reveal a thoughtfulness on the part of the giver, either something they've noticed we need or something they know we would like. Those gifts are really touching and the ones that we treasure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura & CTB Posted December 5, 2007 Share Posted December 5, 2007 Mostly though I am very saddened by the idea of sending out lists of things we want so that we aren't disappointed. A gift is something bestowed by the giver with love, generosity and kindness. That should be appreciated and valued. The actual item is almost irrelevant. The best gifts are those which reveal a thoughtfulness on the part of the giver, either something they've noticed we need or something they know we would like. Those gifts are really touching and the ones that we treasure. Ginette that is so true! I have always thought that making lists was not the point of Christmas giving. My DS (now 18 ) has never made a list and when he was younger and wrote to Father Christmas he always asked for a "surprise" present and never expected anything. I appreciate any gift I'm given, more so if I know someone has taken a lot of time to choose it rather than buying something expensive but with no thought behind it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gooner.girl Posted December 5, 2007 Share Posted December 5, 2007 The older i get the more i appreciate home made gifts - a knitted scarf or something out of wood somones made me. Yes, in our family we still write lists of what we want for birthdays/christmas and yes, i would be mildly annoyed if someone bought me something hugely expensive that wasn't on the list and i didn't want, but home made gifts and gifts people have put a lot of thought into are much more special to me now as an adult. (Oh - and i also open my birthday cards before my presents now as well... I must be getting old!!! ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatsCube Posted December 5, 2007 Author Share Posted December 5, 2007 Ginette I fully agree with you, I hate it when people ask me what I want, as for me that takes out the fun of the surprise and makes me feel like they havent put in the efort to think of anything and it really is the thought that counts. I dont mind as much now if its a parent or inlaws as they often dont know me well enough to know the sort of thing I would like. But I do take great pride in having a good reputation as a present buyer as I tend to store away ideas throughout the year on what I know they will like and they always go down very well, and tend to take a lot of thought and planning. Its mainly the fact that they have bought something so ridiculous and uneeded, for what reason? Knowing him, its all about show, its about buying the most flamboiant gift, regardless of its practicality to look better than anyone else. Dispite the fact noah will be more interested in the box it came in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olly Posted December 5, 2007 Share Posted December 5, 2007 The trouble is, we all hope other people will know the right thing to get us and give us a lovely surprise ... but actually that is quite hard to do! My sisters and I pass 'Christmas Lists' around, I have never felt this was grasping or unfeeling, it's practical - we are a large family and don't spend a lot, and this way we know that the recipient is getting the right thing. We don't live near each other, and so although we talk on the phone and email, it's hard to guess what would be the right present. WHAT they are actually getting is always a surprise on the day, because we each put down lots of suggestions. It makes shopping a lot easier. Several things that I have bought this year, I would never have imagined them wanting; I am really pleased that I have got them something they really want or need. I still spent time searching on the internet, comparing and so on, so there is some personal choice in there. I'd love to give - and receive - home-made gifts, and I do make some, but I just don't have time to do that for everyone. When I was little, we wrote our 'letter to Father Christmas' and then sent it to him up the chimney in the smoke from the fire! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christian Posted December 5, 2007 Share Posted December 5, 2007 When I was little, we wrote our 'letter to Father Christmas' and then sent it to him up the chimney in the smoke from the fire! Thats a really nice idea!!! Probably quicker than the post too! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chelsea Posted December 5, 2007 Share Posted December 5, 2007 I would never just buy something I fancied for her without checking first! Totally agree, we dont have kids but spoil our 2 nephews rotten (all of the time ) but I would never buy something without checking with my sister first, I like to know what im buying they will enjoy, and also because children have so much these days I dont want to buy something they already have!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janty Posted December 5, 2007 Share Posted December 5, 2007 We had a similar problem but with MY parents, in particular my Mum. Baden went into hospital when he was 13 months old and enjoyed playing with a Little Tikes drum. I suggested that Mum and Dad get him one for Christmas. We went up north for Christmas and on Christmas morning there was a full miniature drum kit waiting for him. And that wasn't the only present. We only lived in a two bedroomed terrace at the time. And we didn't have a removal van to bring everything home! It got worse and worse. Mum was offended when I asked her to calm it down but Dad saw sense. He suggested that they buy him premium bonds each year for Christmas. I said that this was still too much as they can only be bought in multiples of £100 so we compromised and said that they could buy them for his Christmas and birthday presents combined. Baden has grown up with this and we have explained that a game would wear out but Grandad buys him presents that will last in his future. He keeps planning what he would do if his numbers were picked. First thing on his list is a new car for his Grandad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 5, 2007 Share Posted December 5, 2007 I think it's best to stick to something small and not too expensive. I wouldn't like to give money as I love seeing people open their presents on Christmas day, especially kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chelsea Posted December 5, 2007 Share Posted December 5, 2007 I wouldn't like to give money as I love seeing people open their presents on Christmas day, especially kids. I completely agree, my sister is a fuss pot and a tidy house freak, she doesnt like me to give toys/messy toys/craft/games with bits as it makes a mess. She told me to give the boys money this year for Christmas but I have told her in no uncertain terms I will not be giving money!! The only thing I look forward to on Christmas day is watching those little'uns faces when they open my presents. She's made them grow up so quickly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rona Posted December 5, 2007 Share Posted December 5, 2007 Oh dear this is such a difficult area. As a grandparent I know I've got it wrong a few times especially in the early days but not as spectacularly as your FIL (I hope ) Although you say it is him, you also refer to "they". Does he have a wife/partner whose help you can enlist? Like Poet, I was never too keen to just give money but a couple of years ago I wasn't able to get presents for my neice's children in Scotland and phoned her to apologise for sending money. She said her children loved money presents as they could combine several presents and she would then take them out shopping in the January sales and they would have great fun getting all the things they wanted but hadn't got as presents - and at bargain prices as well. So now I always send money to children other than my grandchildren and I must say it is so much easier. I did my first christmas shopping expedition for the year today - I hope I've got it right this year Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janty Posted December 5, 2007 Share Posted December 5, 2007 Dad does also sneak in a small present for birthday and Christmas to see Baden's face when he opens it but he doesn't end up spending hundreds of pounds on toys anymore. And Baden gets an envelope once a year with his premium bonds which he also enjoys opening and storing with the other certificates in his special box in his bedroom. He doesn't miss out at all and Dad feels that he is helping with Baden's future. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christian Posted December 5, 2007 Share Posted December 5, 2007 I completely agree, my sister is a fuss pot and a tidy house freak, she doesnt like me to give toys/messy toys/craft/games with bits as it makes a mess. So....you are buying permanent markers, playdoh, a painting set and some of that slimey goo in a pot??? I know I would! Ooooh and something with sand and fuzzy felt. You find bits of that for years!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted December 5, 2007 Share Posted December 5, 2007 I completely agree, my sister is a fuss pot and a tidy house freak, she doesnt like me to give toys/messy toys/craft/games with bits as it makes a mess. So....you are buying permanent markers, playdoh, a painting set and some of that slimey goo in a pot??? I know I would! Ooooh and something with sand and fuzzy felt. You find bits of that for years!!!! Don't forget lots of beads for threading too. They scatter wonderfully. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christian Posted December 5, 2007 Share Posted December 5, 2007 Oh Egluntine, we are both evil aren't we? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted December 5, 2007 Share Posted December 5, 2007 Yup. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chelsea Posted December 5, 2007 Share Posted December 5, 2007 I completely agree, my sister is a fuss pot and a tidy house freak, she doesnt like me to give toys/messy toys/craft/games with bits as it makes a mess. So....you are buying permanent markers, playdoh, a painting set and some of that slimey goo in a pot??? I know I would! Ooooh and something with sand and fuzzy felt. You find bits of that for years!!!! You know me SO well!!! Last year I went to Hawkins bazar and bought loads of little nik naks (she hates it) and also I bought those REALLY noisy balloons (the long thin ones that make that awful sound once you let them go and they fly all over the room ) I also bought humungous giant confetti party popper/indoor firework that lets off streamers/glitter all over the room!! oh and silly putty and that green snot stuff! The more she tells me not to get - makes me go and buy it!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christian Posted December 5, 2007 Share Posted December 5, 2007 Spooky, I have just been to Hawkins Bazaar and bought my Nephew loads of messy things for Christmas!! I was going to suggest it, but wasn't sure if it was a chain or not! Forgot to mention - lots of party poppers!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chelsea Posted December 5, 2007 Share Posted December 5, 2007 Spooky, I have just been to Hawkins Bazaar and bought my Nephew loads of messy things for Christmas!! I was going to suggest it, but wasn't sure if it was a chain or not! Forgot to mention - lots of party poppers!!! The kids love 'em. (party poppers) even though they are a bit older now (8 & 12) they still like making mess. Its great, cos we leave my sisters late on Christmas day leaving it like a scene from Crackerjack!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Couperwife Posted December 5, 2007 Share Posted December 5, 2007 that is the sort of thing that I do to my brother and his 2, just cos I can go in, drop a bomb, then run (laughing) cathy x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted December 5, 2007 Share Posted December 5, 2007 I love it too -I always get Rosie something crafty so that we can spend the afternoon cutting and sticking - my sister's two don't know what they're missing! My mother has completely different taste from me and can never buy me presents that I like, so we called a truce many years ago and now she asks me what I'd like, and I end up with lots of really lovely, useful pressies Phil's good at getting me surprises and remembering what I've mentioned during the year. One valentines, he'd been through my undies to check the size and went and got a perfect set of Elle McPherson lingerie, it was divine. This year, we weren't going to get each other pressie because we're both so skint, but we've decided to put a £20 cap on it and have something to open. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christian Posted December 5, 2007 Share Posted December 5, 2007 This year, we weren't going to get each other pressie because we're both so skint, but we've decided to put a £20 cap on it and have something to open. We agreed the same, but a new 3 new chickens, a winter shade, and extra glug later............... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janty Posted December 5, 2007 Share Posted December 5, 2007 I enjoy cooking with my son and so I once bought my neices cooking sets for Christmas. They had lovely little stoneware bowls and cutters, etc to make biscuits. Relatives obviously forgot where they had come from and my son received one of the sets back as a present the following Christmas. I also bought them craft sets for their birthdays. They each had a little tool box with card making equipment in. The sets were given to Mum-in-Law as apparently the children made 'too much mess' with them. My kitchen looks like a bomb has hit it when my son cooks but at 11 he can knock up a sponge pudding or a cake without looking at a recipe book. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rona Posted December 5, 2007 Share Posted December 5, 2007 There was something on the radio the other day about a conversation overheard in a shop: Little Girl: Aunty C wrote us a nice letter and said she would like a head torch for when she goes on her travels. Mother: (picking up a pen set) We'll get this for Aunty C Little Girl: but she said in her letter she would really like a head torch. Mother: (putting pen set in basket) Oh well this will do. Poor Aunty C and Little Girl must wonder what the 'eck its all about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
