Storms and chickens

[Karen & co.]

A few years ago a friend and I were roughly the same size in clothing, and now she is tiny. I'm actually concerned that she may have some problems with food

 

Recently she has never finished a meal when out with us, or eaten only salad, even in the middle of winter. She did have soup and bread once, and shared it with her son, so I would say she probably only ate less than one third

 

Last night a group of us went out for a Christmas meal, and she left about a third of her soup, and possibly half her turkey, and most of the roast potatoes that came with it, and didn't have a pudding.

 

What really set my alarm bells ringing was she shot off to the toilet, and asked me if she could take my paper serviette.

 

Her OH is very slim naturally, but he comes home from a reasonally physical job to salad that they eat after the children have had a reasonable meal.

 

I'm not sure whether I'm being silly, or her weight loss is her control on things, but she also said she has to keep buying new bras as they are not fitting as well as they did

 

karen x

[Cinnamon]

When you say she is tiny - how small do you think she is in a dress size. And what height is she?

Is she out of proportion?

 

It does sound like she has some food issues to me,but I am no expert.

It could be that they are just trying to eat more healthily & are going about it the wrong way.

Maybe her Hubby has had a health scare & they are trying to cut down the fat from their diets?

Maybe she doesn't like to eat food that she has not prepared herself - I know a few people like that.

 

My SIL used to be bulliemic,& did used to shoot off to the loo after a meal,but then again I have a bowel condition & I often need to be quick on my feet at awkward times too

[Snowy]

Difficult one isn't it? One of the easiest and best ways to control weight is to cut down on portion size. And at least she is eating. But it's whether or not it's staying down isn't it? Might be worth talking to her about it, sort of, how do you manage to stay so slim, you are looking great (unless she really has gone OTT and is too slim). Maybe a one to one chat over lunch?

[Lesley]

A good reply Sarah - can't think of anything to add to that..........

 

Whatever you decide to do Karen, I would hold off until after the Christmas holidays and have a calm chat in the New Year.

[Karen & co.]

A couple of years ago we both tried on the same pair of shorts in a shop, they were too tight for her and fitted me, and they were a size 12, now I would think she is an 8-10, and 5'8" and those clothes are getting loose

 

She is fine eating out, it is just that the ammount she is eating is so much less than she used to In fact prefers to eat out rather than cook herself.

 

Health wise they are both fine.

 

karen x

[Egluntyne]

Are you brave enough to bring the subject up with her?

 

You are right to be concerned, as any good friend would be, but as Cinnamon says, there could be any number of explanations.

 

The fact that her husband is also eating "healthily" might be a significant.....but then again it might not.

 

He might be filling up at lunchtime with 2fishnchips" if his job is physical, and has decided to eat something sensible in the evening.

 

Do you know him well enough to have a chat with about your worries? He might be glad to talk about it.

 

As long as the children are eating properly you know that things, whatever they may be, have not gone too far.

[Karen & co.]

I think I'll have a chat after the new year. I know her mum very well too, and wondered about having a quiet word with her, I don't want her to think I've been watching her food intake, but I am very concerned

 

I do think her OH may be eating during the day, and when all the OH's get together for a curry he can hold his own with the rest of the gannets

 

karen x

[Couperman]

Difficult one.

 

A friend of ours is painfully thin, I went to school with her. She was slightly over weight then and it suited her and she has a great personality and is a good looking girl. She is like a walking skeleton now, and everyone thinks she has a problem, well knows she has.

 

I once tried to express my concern and only succeeded in seriously upsetting her, she insisted she is OK and I should mind my own business.

 

Her husband who I have also known for years didn't say anything, which was out of character, I would expect him to flatten anyone who upset his wife. I think he privately shares my concern.

 

Anyhow I took her advice and opted to mind my own business.

 

We are still good friends and at least she doesn't seem to have got any thinner, but I'm not sure if she could.

 

Kev.

[Mrs Frugal]

I think Buffie would be the best person to talk to, Karen .

[chocchick]

I could be wrong, but don't bulemics go out of their way to hide it? She might just deny it. If she has been sick over a long time it would affect her teeth, which could be a possible sign.

It could be an illness that has made her lose her appetite/stop digesting food well.

It's very tricky as she could get really offended as weight is a sensitive issue, or it could be an illness she doesn't want to bring up. Maybe if you stress that you are worried as you care about her and hope there isn't anything wrong and that she would talk to you if there was.

[xChicken04x]

Very difficult.

Maybe its the eating out bit, I don't like eating out in posh resturaunts, as I feel 'out of place.' Also with lots of people around me I feel a bit nervous, but have never had any sort of eating disorders.

Do you remember her ever being like that? How does she look in her self? Is her hair thin and is she pale looking?

It sounds a bit mean, but I think you need to do some "snooping." Not in a nasty way, but invite her round to your house for a meal, and if she rushes to the loo, then casually follow her and listen outside the door.

I wouldn't go to her mum first, I think that would just end in tears.

Does she smoke? If so, around lunch time, does she have a cigarette instead of lunch?

Other than that, I can't think of anything .

 

Good luck!

xx

[craftyhunnypie]

It'a bit of an iffy subject isn't it. I'm not sure how I'd approach it as you don't want to lose her friendship, but naturally you are worried about her. People don't realise that starving yourself is NOT the way to lose weight healthily.

I'm actually doing Slimming World & have lost 2 stone 2 since May, which is just nice. Still want to lose about another 1 & half stone. But I'm going to take it steady....after going Manchester - you wouldn't have believed I was dieting! I enjoyed all I had & I don't think you should cut out the things you love, just have them occassionally! I just got back to normal slimming world way of eating today & I'll be ok for weigh in on Tuesday.

I love food!

 

It must be very hard for people who get it into their minds that to lose weight they must starve or binge then be sick. I feel very sorry for people like this as it is an illness that they obviously casn't face up to. It may take a good friend to actually tell them & help them to get better - but how you would do it, I don't know.

Very best of luck with your friend!

Emma.x

[Richard]

Health wise they are both fine.

 

karen x

 

Isn't this the important thing?

[Looney]

I would advise caution on approaching this - not saying stick your head in the sand and let her get on with it if she does have a problem, but let her know that you are always there (whatever the issue) and trust her to rely on you for support if and when she needs it.

 

If it becomes glaringly obvious she has a problem then a different course of action is probably needed but in the meantime be very wary of raising your specific concerns with her. A friend of mine suffered from anorexia and bulimia and the more people questioned her / hinted at her about her eating habits, the more crafty she became at trying to hide it.

 

You are obviously a good friend to her so will be there for her if she needs you and there for her if she doesn't!

[Aunty e]

When my IBS was really bad, I lost tons of weight, stopped eating (because of the consequences) and dashed off to the loo a lot. But I would have been happy to talk about it, and I think everyone I knew was aware that I was unwell, so maybe your friend is trying to be 'healthier' but going about it the wrong way. Perhaps you could speak to her mum like you mentioned.

[Karen & co.]

Thank you for all the replies it's lovely to know that there is a team of advisers on line, and helps to see different perspectives

 

I think I will wait a while and the time will come when it's the right thing to bring up unless I think things have really gone too far.

 

karen x

[buffie]

Karen go and have a look at www.edauk.com. They have lots of advice sections for people touched by eating disorders, friends and carers. I haven't got time to look fully through this now ,sorry, but that's where I would suggest someone start.

 

 

 

BBx

[Richard]

Somebody was explaining to me last week the difference between men and women.

 

No, not that difference ...

 

the difference they were talking about being that men have lots of acquantainces, and 'pub' friends (and golf friends and snooker friends etc.), but women have BEST friends, and next best friends.

 

And men talk about football, and rugby and stuff, whereas women talk about their problems to their friends. All of them (problems and friends), interminably.

 

So men have a tendancy to bottle the problems up, which is not good for them.

 

whereas women talk endlessly about their problems to anyone who will listen, which is really good for them, but not so good for the listeners. And they talk about other peoples'problems to other people, endlessly.

 

Interesting. Not sure how true it is (he says before he gets flamed) but ..

[Egluntyne]

Women communicate well as they hold the tribe together and do the nurturing.

 

Men (Hunter gatherers) need to use signals and minimal language when out hunter gathering and so that they don't get eaten by lions and can successfully catch their prey.

 

We are still stone age beings despite all the advances.

[The Dogmother]

We are still stone age beings despite all the advances.

 

Some of us closer than others!

[Egluntyne]

Too true!