Home made run and house for sale

[Joojoo]

Hi Vicki

 

Hope you are having a better day and everything is ok with your Dad (and Mum ).

 

I hope you've got a holiday booked for later in the year as I think you deserve a flipping break after all this.

 

Love & Best Wishes

Jue x

[Fur 'n' Feathers]

If she's alive, I'm going to tell her to use some of that imagination she says I don't have to imagine what it's like going to someone's house (twice) thinking you're going to find a dead body.

Sorry, I'm being very maudlin and am probably worrying about nothing. But on the other hand, she did threaten suicide (once again) and we did part on bad terms (once again). It's the first time I've ever said to her "go ahead" when she's threatened to o/d. (Don't worry, I'm not going to blame myself ... she's capable of making her own decisions.)

 

 

No, ANH, you're not being maudlin. My heart really goes out to you in this. Your mum sounds a very manipulative unhappy woman, who is so busy thinking about herself that she doesn't stop to think what others are going through. The fact that she says these things but doesn't act on them doesn't stop you worrying they might, and that is often what these types of comments are geared towards... leaving you feeling guilty and confused.... But they are not caused by you They are your mum's comments and she has to take responsibility for what she says (and does) as a person with the capacity to make her own decisions . She doesn't sound at all as if she has Alzheimers (GP question) as this has been her style for years. What it sounds more like is that she has a difficult personality and that she is now worried about your dad and her own future in relation to this.

 

Don't think that you're maudlin. It's good that you have this place to let off steam. Heavens , you need somewhere. I'm also glad the staff have seen what you're dealing with. They will understand. Your poor dad in the middle of all this..... well, I hope he starts to recover now.

 

Keep us posted. We're rooting for you - Feathers.

[Charlottechicken]

Good grief ANH, I don't know how you are coping with all of this!

 

I have nothing to add to all the good advice that continues to be given, but just wanted to say I hope everything continues as it should with your father's recovery, and don't forget to take all offers of help available, and time out for yourself too.

 

Best wishes

[Ain't Nobody Here]

Well, I thought yesterday was bad . Here goes:

 

My brother phoned me from mum's to say she wasn't there . He looked everywhere but no sign. I went straight round. All her medication was strewn about the kitchen worktop, 3 knives were lying neatly on the kitchen table, her housekeys were lying there, the post & paper hadn't been taken in and her pyjamas weren't on her bed (move over Agatha Christie ).

 

Thought she might have gone to visit dad. Called there, no sign. Phoned the police. "There was a call from that address at 11.10. An ambulance was called and took her to the infirmary." Phoned infirmary, yes she's there - taken an overdose but she's fine. Asked if she wanted to see us both - yes.

 

So, which parent to visit first . Went to see dad first. Much better, talking mostly coherently but occasional nonsense. Didn't tell him about mum, just said she wasn't very well so wasn't coming in today.

 

Left there, drove 50 minutes to other hospital (other side of town) and saw mum. Not a good start, she was glowering at me from the outset but she mellowed and actually apologised for being so "beastly" to me. "I said unforgivable things and I'm thoroughly ashamed of myself". So we've made up which is good.

 

She thinks Dad is dead and we're lying to her. "I didn't work in MI6 without picking a few things up" (she did work there ). Wouldn't take either of our words for it so we said we'd set up a mobile phone conversation tomorrow so they could speak to each other. She also thinks she's dying and won't be here past Saturday. "It would be nice if we could go together."

 

"Ooops, word censored!"ody came to speak to us so we have no idea if she did take an overdose or not or whether she is dying (unlikely, we think). She'll be assessed tomorrow morning so hopefully we'll find out more then.

 

She seems very contented to be there, says she wants to die in hospital and says the nurses are very nice.

 

She was very lucid mostly but did lapse into nonsense occasionally - one of the nurses was speaking Japanese to her apparently (we did live in Japan so not as ludicrous as it sounds ).

 

She was compos mentis enough to apologise for making us travel from one hospital to another and for worrying us today.

 

So now what? Dad's being moved on Friday all being well, so at least I'll only have a 5 mile instead of 15 mile cross city centre trip to visit them both. Really need to speak to doctors tomorrow to find out what on earth's going on.

 

You couldn't make it up, could you .

 

PS I got some chocolate . Took some Thorntons to dad but he didn't look well enough so I nabbed them .

[Goosey Lucy]

Hi,

 

This

Phoned the police. "There was a call from that address at 11.10. An ambulance was called and took her to the infirmary." Phoned infirmary, yes she's there - taken an overdose but she's fine.

 

is exactly what my mum used to do. She kept up this behaviour for more than 40 years.

 

I'm not a professional but if you want to chat, pm me.

[Louisdog]

Sorry to hear about everything you are going through, I am glad your mum was ok, maybe just a cry for help (or attention seeking?) It's great that she apologised and you made up though. I hope they are both on the mend.

 

You sound amazing to be coping so well with all this.

 

cheers

alex

 

P.S. Hope the chocolate helped!

[Joojoo]

I just don't know what to say . I keep hoping that the next time you post things will be better, but you must be going out of your mind with worry over all of this.

 

Hopefully now your Mum has been admitted, she will get the treatment she obviously needs.

 

Thnking of you x

[Egluntyne]

Blimey ANH.

 

I am so sorry to hear about this.

 

Your mum will have to be referred to a Psychiatrist now. In fact if nothing seems to be happening...I'd insist.

 

Her behaviour and thought processes show that she is clearly ill, and it has been going on for a good while from what you say.

 

The staff at your Dad's hospital will be able to support what you say.

 

Your poor Dad is being overshadowed in all of this.

 

I'm glad that he is well enough to be moved a little nearer.....that will take a little of the stress out of your day.

 

All the best.

[Sheilaz]

Can only begin to imagine what you've been through today. Reading from afar, without knowing any of you;

It's interesting that your Mother seems to feel safe & content in hospital and likes the staff.

I'm very glad she apologised and admitted she felt ashamed for being spiteful.

Good that you found Father in reasonable spirits, he's obviously being well cared for.

Think you're being truly wonderful.

Sending lots of love & hugs & hope for better days ahead.

[Olly]

Oh my goodness ANH ... you couldn't make it up, could you! I don't know how you manage to maintain your sense of humour throughout this.

 

There aren't many ways of upstaging a man who's just had neurosurgery, but your mum is doing her level best isn't she! Thank goodness your brother was there today. I'm glad your mum apologised, it hardly makes amends but she clearly does realise that she's behaved badly.

 

In some ways it may be a good thing that she's in hospital - at least you know your mum is safe, she is happy there (for the moment) and they will be able to make a proper assessment and work out if she's ill or just neurotic and manipulative.

 

Do look after yourself, you must be exhausted. Glad to hear your dad is doing a bit better, it sounds as if he is improving. More big hugs, will check tomorrow to see how things are - hope you can get some sleep.

[susiepoos]

I've been totally gobsmacked reading this post - poor you how do you put up with your Mum? - how has your poor Dad put up with her?

 

In my experience all patients who have taken an overdose get an automatic referral to the psychiatrist for assessment - with a bit of luck they may refer on the the community psychiatric nurse (CPN) for follow up and review - they will come and visit her at home and complete further assessments. Has she ever had a diagnosis before or is she simply just manipulative?

 

You take care of yourself - easier said than done I'm sure!!!

[MedusA]

Well, looking on the bright side, ANH, at least you know exactly where both of them are, and they are safe!!!

 

Things can only get better, surely? *HUGE HUGS*

 

As a nurse.....I prescribe more chocolate!

[missuscluck]

I have just caught up on this post. Feeling so sad for you. Sending love and hugs your way. Your mum is clearly ill and is in the best place. Lets hope you get the support you need from the hospital and aftercare support you need for her as well as your dad. What a nightmare for you to be dealing with all of this.

 

My dad was very ill through my teenage years as he had a serious accident and my mum was caring for him mostly at home with very little respite and as a consequence had a breakdown. Some terriible things were said at the time and to be honest she was always prone to difficult behaviour prior to this and had a wicked temper, I think my dads illness and depressive behaviour due to his condition were far to much for her to bear and pushed her to the limits.

 

However, she is now a very mellow 76 years old and we get on better than ever and I love her dearly, none of it seems to matter anymore I understand her better than ever.

 

Take care of yourself and make sure other familly members and your parents friends pull their weight with caring for your parents whilst they need it and look after yourself too.

[Helly Welly]

I can't add much more ANH, except to say that what you are going through is unbelievable and you are obviously a strong person.

 

We are all here for you, whenever you need to off-load.

 

I'm glad your Dad is sounding a bit better and that your Mum should finally get the help she obviously needs.

 

Best wishes to you and yours

[Lesley]

You seem to be handling things very well - do make time, if you can, to look after yourself through all this.

[Guest]

I just wanted to say I'm still thinking of you all Vicki. Apart from the great things people have already said, there's not much else is there/

 

I really hope that your mother will now get an assessment and the help she needs. Maybe this is a blessing in very heavy disguise? And as someone else said, at least you know she is safe. It also leaves you free and 'entitled' to look after your father as you have wanted to all along.

 

I hope today goes well.

 

xx

[Tina C]

Blimey ANH.

 

This says it all.

 

Stay strong.

[TheGirlsMum]

Oh my goodness!

 

Atleast you know where they both are now and you can visit your Dad in peace. Your Mum has certainly made her cry for help, did she not like being over shadowed by your Dad's illness?

 

Any way hopefully there shouldbe help for you now with your Mum, have they informed her GP of where she is as she was due to see him today wasn't she?

 

Take care and keep taking the chocolate.

[The Dogmother]

Cripes V, you couldn't have made it up! I bet your heart lurched when you went to her house and found her gone.

 

At least she is gettting treatment now and the attention that she seems to crave.

 

Take care of yourself and your dad.

 

Reckon you ought to write a book!

[chickencam]

I do hope today passes without further drama and is the beginning of the way forward.

 

(((BIG HUGS)))

[Yorkshire Pudding]

ANH, I've only just caught up with this thread and am gobsmacked by your Mum's behaviour - and pleased she is now getting the care she obviously needs.

 

I can only add my good wishes and positive thoughts to everyone else's.

 

Try to find some time to care for yourself in amongst all you are doing for your parents.

[hillfamily]

Oh ANH....so sorry you're having to go through all of this

 

I'm glad your Dad is improving

 

sending (((big hugs)))

[baby bears mum]

Oh ANH I am so sorry for what you are going through. You must be a remarkable lady to put up with all this.

 

 

At least your Mum will be assessed now and you know where she is - but what a way to get peace of mind.

 

I'm glad your Dad is perking up - some light at the end of the tunnel perhaps.

 

Am sending you loads of love and hugs.

 

 

I know it's easier said than done but try and take care of yourself too.

 

Thinking of you all.

[Guest]

!!! I can't believe what you're going thru. Hope your hubbie is supporting you, you haven't mentioned him so I just hope you have someone to lean on and who is looking out for you and looking after you!

 

I hope things are better today for you all

[Ain't Nobody Here]

Thanks again everyone. It's very comforting to read all your messages of support .

 

Poet, my OH is lovely and keeps saying don't worry about housework and other stuff, just look after myself (I didn't really worry about housework before all this, but he obviously didn't notice ). The kids just get on with life - they aren't close to their grandparents at all (guess whose fault that is ) so aren't really affected by it. They ask after them, but that's it.

 

Well, back to the drama.

 

Psychiatrist phoned this morning to get some background prior to assessing her and again this afternoon to update me. She has taken quite a large overdose and they aren't ready to discharge her (medically) yet but there are concerns over her mental state (duh ). Once/if she's ready to be medically discharged they will send her to the psychiatric hospital - she's apparently quite happy to be sent there . If it becomes apparent that she can't really be sent home as she would be a danger to herself, they may section her. She mentioned that it's a possibility that a psychotic illness may be developing. She told the doctors that I'd written a report about dad's (previous) hospital and sent it to the papers . She told me and my brother she wondered if they'd be on page 2 of the newspapers, but we thought she meant if they'd both died .

 

She was still convinced that dad was dead so I drove to his hospital, filmed him on my camera with a message for mum (haven't told him about her condition). Walking down the corridor afterwards, I deleted a photo which made him look miserable .... but it was the video . Back upstairs to film him again - not as successfully this time sadly but still got something.

 

Drove right across town to mum's hospital (where my brother was already) and showed her the video. Think she believes us now .

 

She is very serene and calm - because she firmly believes she's dying. I said I'd wash her pjs but she laughed gently and said "no need".

 

My brother's gone back up north so I'm on my own (more or less) till next w/e when he's down again.

 

Dad's doing relatively well but they're not ready to send him back to the geriatric hospital yet. That's really annoying as it's only 10 minutes from home with no parking issues. May be Monday now.

 

Tune in soon for the next exciting instalment of It's A Mad Mad Mad Mad World starring ANH .

 

(I'm not making it all up, honest )