Patridge bantam chicken poorly foot?

[Omletina Kyckling]

A friend sent this to me today, and I thought it was rather amusing, think it's done the rounds before but still funny.....I'm sure there is a wife equivalent out there somewhere!

 

Dear Tech Support,

 

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a

distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the

flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend

5.0.

 

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as

Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable

programs such as:

FA Cup 5.0,

Carling Premiere 3.0

and Golf Clubs 4.1

 

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the

system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but

to no avail.

 

What can I do?

 

Signed,

Desperate.

 

 

 

 

DEAR DESPERATE,

 

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while

Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

 

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2

and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically

run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

 

However, remember that overuse of the above application can cause Husband

1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1 Please note

that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly

Beta.

 

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0

(it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all

your system resources.) In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the

Boyfriend 5.0. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband

1.0.

 

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory

and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying

additional software to improve memory and performance. We

recommend:

Cooking 3.0 and

Hot Lingerie 7.7

 

Good Luck Babe!

 

Tech Support

[Paola]

Fantastic

[Purplemaniacs]

Brilliant , so true in parts It did make me smile.

 

Chrissie

[Egluntyne]

Wonderful!

[mot336]

Love it! How funny!

[Karen & co.]

That is so funny

 

Karen x

[Snowy]

Very good

[Geoid]

For all the men:

Dear Sir

 

Eighteen months ago I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from Drinking Mates 4.2 which I'd used for years without any trouble.

 

However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off.

 

To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is also incompatible with several other applications, such as Lads Night Out 3.1, Football 2

 

Successive versions of Girlfriend proved no better. A shareware beta-programme, Party Girl 2.1 that I tried, had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks.

 

Eventually I tried to run Girlfriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to my hardware.

 

Sensing a way out, I then upgraded to Fiance 1.0 only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded (at great cost) to Wife 1.0, which I reluctantly agreed to, because, whilst Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with CleanHouse2000.

 

Shortly after this upgrade however I then discovered that Wife 1.0 can be very unstable and costly to run. For example, any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them.

 

Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary Explorer and E-mail Filter, and can, without warning, launch Photostrop and Whingezip! These latter products have no Help files and I have to try and guess what the problem is myself.

 

Additional costly problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring Shoe Shop Browser for new attachments and also Hairstyle Express, which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Wife 1.0 also spawns unwelcome child processes that drain my resources.

 

It also conflicts with some of the new games I wanted to try, stating that they are an illegal operation. When Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Audi TT program it often crashes or runs the system dry.

 

Wife 1.0 also has a rather annoying pop-up called Mother-in-Law, which can't be turned off. Recently I've attempted to try Mistress 2000, but there could be problems. A friend has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects the presence of Mistress 2000 it could delete all my MS Money files before un-installing itself.

 

Any ideas?

[Lesley]

 

Both brilliant!

[Snowy]

Excellent

[Egluntyne]

Touche Fred.

[Omletina Kyckling]

Excellent, Fred....I knew there was a chappy one out there somewhere!!

[Seagazer]

Both very funny

[..lay a little egg for me]

That is soooooo funny

[Joojoo]

Very funny :lol:

[chickencam]

Brightened my day What a lovely balanced forum we are.

[Paola]

Love it Fred VERY funny

[Helen&Lee]

Fabulous!