Snowy Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Do you trust the NHS? Do you ever worry about the NHS at all? You should - These are sentences actually typed by Medical secretaries in ******** NHS Trust (deleted so as not to worry any of our scottish contingent ) 1. The patient has no previous history of suicides. 2. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital. 3. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days. 4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. 5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. 6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared. 7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. 8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. 9. Discharge status:- Alive, but without my permission. 10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful. 11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. 12. She is numb from her toes down. 13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home. 14. The skin was moist and dry. 15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches. 16. Patient was alert and unresponsive. 17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid. 18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce. 19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our care for physical therapy. 20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. 21 Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. 22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. 23. Skin: somewhat pale, but present. 24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor. 25. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall. 26. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities 27. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room. 28. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed. 29. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant. 30. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December. 31. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree. 32. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead. 33. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jess Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 lol circus sized is my fave Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lesley Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 17 and 25 have just had me in tears Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redwing Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Loving it! Where do you get these from?! Circus sized I used to work in a chemist and we had a prescription that had a very funny error in it, one letter was wrong and I leave you to decide which - the correct wording was six twice a day Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Marvellous. *wipes hot Vimto from computer screen* I once saw a letter in a patients notes which said 'I have discharged him and advised him to carry on with the district nurse'. Another gem was 'colonoscopy revealed that he had a large duodenal ulcer'. Both true....honestly! Never a dull moment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowy Posted January 9, 2009 Author Share Posted January 9, 2009 'colonoscopy revealed that he had a large duodenal ulcer'. Priceless! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chook n Boo Mum Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 I wonder if my doctor friend would appreciate this, she has a very odd sense of humour sometimes Very funny, I think lots of us on here suffer from 26.....! Wonderful Snowy thank you Sha x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chickvic Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 Very good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chocchick Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 I'm temping for the NHS, will have to forward round the secretaries Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowy Posted January 10, 2009 Author Share Posted January 10, 2009 I wonder if my doctor friend would appreciate this, she has a very odd sense of humour sometimes Very funny, I think lots of us on here suffer from 26.....! Wonderful Snowy thank you Sha x I got it from a bunch of doctors so they should appreciate it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickenlass Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 OMG Hilarious...thanks for posting those! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
craftyhunnypie Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 My mum will love this as that's her job! Emma.x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
miffy Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 OMG brilliant, brilliant. just what I needed a good belly laugh brings to mind the ridiculous abbreviations too NAD nothing abnormal detected or not actually done......medical consultant embarrassed me in front of everyone when I was student nurse...... must try to remember some more Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhapsody Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cooks Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 seriously funny! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedusA Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 *ROFL* As an NHS nurse of many years, I have seen my share of howlers in medical notes. Very funny, nevertheless. Only slightly related. One of the funniest typos I have seen was TV subtitles on the news, around the time of the Queen's 80th birthday, when the typist wrote that the Queen was "an oxygen arian". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ruth1 Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 OMG ! I love things like this Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seagazer Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 That was so funny - thank you. Really should teach Doctors how to write so that it can be read. I always said my OH should be a doctor as his handwriting is appalling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Minnie the Moocher Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 Ha ha ha! Love the Circus Size one and feel the phrase might just enter my vocabulary. It reminds me of another hilarious description of a part of the anatomy involving a clown. Far too rude to commit to a family forum! Am I the only one who thought No.30 was very funny? Just me? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phosphorus Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 ROTFL Just what I needed thanks for those Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kitbag Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 Am I the only one who thought No.30 was very funny? Just me? Nope - I thought that one was the funniest by far! It had me and my mum in fits lol! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 A friend of mine recently had some gynea problems and went to see a consultant. On reading her notes the consultant informed her that she had had a D & C a few years previously. She politely explained she had not, he insisted that she had and gave her the exact date, she replied she hadn't had a D&C on that date and again the consultant insisted she had. Finally my friend pointed out that that particular D & C was currently in the waiting room playing with his father. On checking her notes yet again the consultant realised that not only had she had a baby not a D&C but she also wasn't a 62 year old spinster Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lesley Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 Am I the only one who thought No.30 was very funny? Just me? Nope - I thought that one was the funniest by far! It had me and my mum in fits lol! The only reason I didn't find it funny is that it could well be my notes that it's written on! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
