Jump to content
Chickens Dogs Cats Rabbits Guinea Pigs Hamsters and Gerbils Birds
Snowy

Do you trust the NHS? (caution - funny!)

By Snowy, in The Nesting Box

Recommended Posts

Snowy SUPER CHICKEN!!!

Snowy

Posted
Posted

Do you trust the NHS?

 

Do you ever worry about the NHS at all?

 

You should -

 

These are sentences actually typed by Medical secretaries in ******** NHS Trust (deleted so as not to worry any of our scottish contingent :wink: )

 

1. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

 

2. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.

 

3. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

 

4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

 

5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

 

6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.

 

7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

 

8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

 

9. Discharge status:- Alive, but without my permission.

 

10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful.

 

11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

 

12. She is numb from her toes down.

 

13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

 

14. The skin was moist and dry.

 

15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

 

16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

 

17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

 

18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.

 

19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our care for physical therapy.

 

20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

 

21 Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

 

22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

 

23. Skin: somewhat pale, but present.

 

24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

 

25. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

 

26. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities

 

27. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

 

28. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed.

 

29. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

 

30. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.

 

31. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

 

32. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.

 

33. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Egluntyne Eggsistentialist

Egluntyne

Posted
Posted

Marvellous. *wipes hot Vimto from computer screen*

 

I once saw a letter in a patients notes which said 'I have discharged him and advised him to carry on with the district nurse'.

 

Another gem was 'colonoscopy revealed that he had a large duodenal ulcer'.

 

Both true....honestly! :D

 

Never a dull moment.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Snowy SUPER CHICKEN!!!

Snowy

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I wonder if my doctor friend would appreciate this, she has a very odd sense of humour sometimes :wink:

 

Very funny, I think lots of us on here suffer from 26.....! :lol:

 

Wonderful Snowy thank you :clap::lol::lol::clap:

 

Sha x

I got it from a bunch of doctors so they should appreciate it! :lol:

Link to comment
Share on other sites
miffy All Knowing Superchicken

miffy

Posted
Posted

OMG brilliant, brilliant. just what I needed a good belly laugh

brings to mind the ridiculous abbreviations too

 

NAD nothing abnormal detected or not actually done......medical consultant embarrassed me in front of everyone when I was student nurse......

 

must try to remember some more

Link to comment
Share on other sites
MedusA Chicken Addict

MedusA

Posted
Posted

*ROFL*

 

As an NHS nurse of many years, I have seen my share of howlers in medical notes. :shock:

 

Very funny, nevertheless. :lol::lol::lol:

 

Only slightly related. One of the funniest typos I have seen was TV subtitles on the news, around the time of the Queen's 80th birthday, when the typist wrote that the Queen was "an oxygen arian". :roll:

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Trish Chatty Chicken

Trish

Posted
Posted

A friend of mine recently had some gynea problems and went to see a consultant. On reading her notes the consultant informed her that she had had a D & C a few years previously. She politely explained she had not, he insisted that she had and gave her the exact date, she replied she hadn't had a D&C on that date and again the consultant insisted she had. Finally my friend pointed out that that particular D & C was currently in the waiting room playing with his father. On checking her notes yet again the consultant realised that not only had she had a baby not a D&C but she also wasn't a 62 year old spinster :shock:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...