Woodcat Posted July 13, 2009 Share Posted July 13, 2009 hey I'm sorry i just really really need to get this off my chest. My grandmother (who lives with me) is driving me to the point of insanity. My aunt has bipolar and a daughter and for her whole life my grandmother has paid for her mistakes picked up the pieces when she falls apart and generally helped her in everyway possible. (expect when she spent three years in Issral about 15 years back where there wasn't a peep out of her.) But that was fine and that was my grandmothers choice. The problem is that she is forcing my mother and i to do the same thing and has done for years and it's not just an odd 5 quid she once used my mothers credit card and ran up abill of around £4000 and mum ended up having to go to court to prove she wasn't her sister because my aunt used her address (they have the same initial and at that point the same last name). If my aunt goes and blows her rent on a holiday to turkey we are then meant to pay her rent and "she'll pay us back" surfice to say that part never happens. My Aunt has decided yet again that she will not speak to us. Apparently it was unspeakable to agree to have 2 of her guinea pigs while she is living in an upstairs flat looking for somwhere else and object when the two turned up plus another 4 of which one was a girl and pregnant and no suggestion that some of them might be rehomed my gardens big but not that big and only one hutch. My mother and i have agreed that while my aunt is not speaking to us we are going to have nothing to do with her and we are not going to help her by proxy if she wants somthing from us she has to ask us. Except this weekend she is going to birmingham for 4 days and wants my grandmother to go and babysit her daughter. Most weekends that would be fine but i have a really important hospital trip that i can't get to without the car (we only have one) that my grandmother is taking to my aunts. My mother is meant to be working the other day and again can't without the car and so i'm going to have to fork out for cabs (i'm disabled and can't walk far) and mums going to have to bus and train it. The other bone of contension is that this house has no money at all at the moment. Every penny of mums and my money is going into it. Except this house is going to fund my aunts dog going into kennels because my grandmother can't walk it the petrol to and from my aunts home about 7 quid every return trip and she has to come back because we have dogs and they can't be left all day and anything else that my grandmother has to buy because my aunt won't leave any food. Apparently she will pays us back but i think it more likely that i will win the lottery never having bought a ticket. As far as my grandmother is concerned this "has nothing to do with us" and we are being " totally unreasonable" at this point it also has to be said that my grandmother can be truely nasty. When i was 12 i was called a "female dog" repeatedly because i wouldn't lend my cousin my underware. Since then she has thrown plates kicked stamped and generally been awful whenever she doesn't get her own way with anything concerning my aunt. She also lies whenever she chooses. She told me she'd only spoken to my aunt once today and i know that she has twice because i heard it. It sounds such a little thing but you can't trust a word she says about anything. I'm reaching the end of my tether and all i want is to leave and i can't. because of my illness i can't at the moment live on my own and i don't have the money to move. My mother is not the problem if it was just us we'd be fine. It's just my grandmother. I'm coming up to my birthday and i'm dreading it because if i do the slightest thing for it she and my aunt will ruin it they've had 19 years practice for birthdays and christmus and at 19 it's really hard to be in the possition where all i want to do for my birthday is totally ignore it. I'm sorry this seems to be going on for a bit it's just got to me and to be honest i'm not sure it makes alot of sense it's a bit rambly.I really just don't know how to cope. sorry again Beth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Space Chick Posted July 13, 2009 Share Posted July 13, 2009 I don't know what to advise just wanted to send hugs x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redwing Posted July 13, 2009 Share Posted July 13, 2009 It makes a lot of sense Beth, dont worry What a horrible situation to be in, what does your mum say to all of this? I guess the easy thing would be for me to suggest that your grandmother would be happier living with your aunt where she can keep an eye on things and that she should buy her own car however things are rarely as easy as that and presuming its your mums house I doubt the big decisions can be made by you even though you contribute financially to the household I'm sorry not to be more constructive I really feel for you x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patricia W Posted July 13, 2009 Share Posted July 13, 2009 Beth Is there anyone you trust that you can talk to? It seems you are taking the burden of all this, and at your age, this is very unfair. I wonder if you spoke to your GP they could refer you for counselling - or to some other external help. We have some wonderful practical people on here who may have some more ideas. In the meantime, try to stay strong. Tricia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woodcat Posted July 13, 2009 Author Share Posted July 13, 2009 hey Thanks even just ranting has helped. Mum and i agree that we don't want to live with her anymore the trouble is that financially at the moment our hands are tied. Mums looking for fulltime work but everyone knows that easier said than done at the mo. I think my main problem is that i'm the one that picks up the flack from my grandmother basically because i'm always here and i'm an easier target than my mum. Redwing by god i wish she would go and live with her but it's one of those horrid they are my favorite but i'm never going to go and live with them because then i'd have to face up to the fact that my 45 year old daughter is a spoild brat and would never lift and finger to help me syndrome. Thanks Tricia i do actually have a psycologist i go and see (for the M.E) it's just she is on holiday at the moment. She has wonderfully timing the only time i'd actually quite like to see her she leaves for distent shores for a month. Anyway thank you all hugs and support are greatly appreatiated thanks and sorry Beth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chickvic Posted July 13, 2009 Share Posted July 13, 2009 No advice just some (((hugs))) Hope things improve for you soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janty Posted July 13, 2009 Share Posted July 13, 2009 We had my Gran living with us for years when I was growing up and she almost split my parents up. You say that you have decided with Mum that you do not want to have Gran living with you any more. Do something about this. Look into other ways of bringing money into the house. A friend of mine takes in foreign language students and seems to do very nicely out of it. Is there a local college by you? Could you take in a student? Think about all the ways around this problem. "Ooops, word censored!"ody could accuse you of not trying but there has to come a time when you have to think about both yourself and your Mum. Nasty people can be very destructive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chick wiggle Posted July 13, 2009 Share Posted July 13, 2009 Oh sorry hun, cant offer advice Im afraid, it sounds an awful situation and I hope something works out for you soon. Just wanted to send you lots of *hugs* and to let you know that you can always 'rant' on here, we will always listen just sorry we cant be more helpful. more *hugs* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woodcat Posted July 13, 2009 Author Share Posted July 13, 2009 We had my Gran living with us for years when I was growing up and she almost split my parents up. You say that you have decided with Mum that you do not want to have Gran living with you any more. Do something about this. Look into other ways of bringing money into the house. A friend of mine takes in foreign language students and seems to do very nicely out of it. Is there a local college by you? Could you take in a student? Think about all the ways around this problem. "Ooops, word censored!"ody could accuse you of not trying but there has to come a time when you have to think about both yourself and your Mum. Nasty people can be very destructive. Yeah your right nasty people are. We've been sitting down working out what to do and how long this is going to take (we worked out we have to move either to sell or rent the one we are in) so it may take awhile but we are getting there and to be honest that combined with my little rant earlier has put me in a calmer position. This weekend has settled the do we don't we she is our mother/grandmother buisness. Not helped by the fact that we both know her mother had Alzheimers (sp?) and if she is like this now..... it doesn't bear thinking about. Thanks It's also kindof nice to know i'm not the only one whos grandmothers a pain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chucky Mama Posted July 13, 2009 Share Posted July 13, 2009 thanks and sorry Don't be sorry for ofloading, how does the saying go? A problem shared is a problem halved or something along those lines. Sometimes just offloading can be hugely helpful. I can't offer any sagely words of wisdom other than to hang on in there and to lean of those that you can trust. xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janty Posted July 13, 2009 Share Posted July 13, 2009 Mine nagged my Dad to drive her from Liverpool to see her brother in Bradford. She assured Dad that she knew where he lived, etc. When we got to Bradford, she said 'He lives by a pub'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plum Posted July 13, 2009 Share Posted July 13, 2009 Sounds like you are having a really rough time. Hang in there till your psychologist gets back and tell us about it. I really don't have any advice to give but feel for you, you shouldn't have all these problems at your age. Hugs x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sam Palmer Posted July 13, 2009 Share Posted July 13, 2009 There's been some good advice given and it looks as though you and your mum are looking at all the positive options on how you can change your situation. Be strong and try to stay positive. I've had problems with my family in the past and I was given some good advice. If you accept that a person is of a particular character and will often act in a particular way, then it no longer upsets you (so much), or comes as a surprise each time it happens. You begin to see that the problem is theirs not yours and once you accept that, it makes incidents/guilt trips easier to deal with, as you expect them to behave in that manner, so it no longer becomes a surprise each time it happens. My husband says that in Buddhist philosophy it is our fault that we get upset by another person's behaviour, because we expect them to behave in a certain way and when they do not, it is not their behaviour that has caused this, but our higher expectation of what their behavour should be (or something like that, anyway!). Anyway, it helps me when I get frustrated by situations. Feel free to rant whenever you want! Sending you lots of hugs Sam x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chook n Boo Mum Posted July 13, 2009 Share Posted July 13, 2009 Beth, as you've found, sometimes it helps to write things down. My parents have my grandmother living with them and they have the "blue eyed boy can do no wrong" syndrome with my uncle ( and my late uncle too) and has caused no end of rucks in the household...I try to stay out of it all now ! Hang on in there sweetheart, we are here to listen and offer whatever advice we can. {{hugs}} Sha x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 Is your aunt on medicaiton and is she taking it? I have 2 friends who are bi polar - one is well controlled the other is fine then comes off her meds - and all hell breaks lose. Lots of hugs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rona Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 So sorry to read your story, sounds like you and your mum have enough to cope with at the moment without having to put up with the selfish antics of grandmother and aunt. Have you had a look at this site http://www.ayme.org.uk/ You are maybe already getting all the help and benefits you need, but worth checking. *big hugs* and remember it will get better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seagazer Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 I'm sorry you are having a rough time at the moment. Sending you some virtual {{{{hugs}}}} Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiggy Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 it all sounds horribly familiar I feel for you, but you come on here & rant away, at least you & your Mom are close & supporting each other, good luck I hope everything sorts its self out for you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
