Cinnamon Posted December 29, 2006 Share Posted December 29, 2006 Ok - a bit of a rant here! We have brought our daughters up to understand that money does not grow on trees. They earn their pocket money every week by keeping their rooms tidy & can supplement it by doing odd jobs around the house. I have tried really hard to teach them the value of money,for instance they have to top-up their own phones now so they are learning that sending "hot boys" texts equals having to hoover the house for extra pennies! So,2 days before Christmas the In-Laws & ourselves are having a meal out & they hand each daughter (aged 11 & 13) an envelope with what they describe as a little money in to buy something nice. This is on top of the £50 each MIL gave to me to but them a Christmas gift on their behalf. I expected £10, which would have been fine,but they gave them £60 each Now the girls don't want to put any of it into their savings accounts because "Granny said we could spend it on whatever we want" I feel really undermined - especially so near to Christmas-that they gave them each what I consider to be a large sum.It sort of makes the pressies I have bought for them feel redundant. Should I just forget it.....am I making to big a deal over this? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ubereglu Posted December 29, 2006 Share Posted December 29, 2006 I don't think you're being too sensitive. That is a ludicrous amount of cash top give anyone. I certainly wouldn't get given that much by my Grandad and even if I did most of it would go in the bank. Mind you I'm not like most teenagers and I don't spend all my money in one go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 29, 2006 Share Posted December 29, 2006 Sarah I would be livid too. I think I would give my girls a choice: 1) Put the money in the bank account to be used slowly when needed. 2) You'll look after the money until they can tell you what they want to spend it on - and you approve. And I would persuade DH to talk to his parents about it, saying that that is a lot of money to just give to young girls and you would prefer that if they thought of doing it again, to do it through him. £120 would be a great boost to your Mark 3 Eglu fund. Might you persuade them? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 29, 2006 Share Posted December 29, 2006 Ok - a bit of a rant here! We have brought our daughters up to understand that money does not grow on trees. They earn their pocket money every week by keeping their rooms tidy & can supplement it by doing odd jobs around the house. I have tried really hard to teach them the value of money...... Should I just forget it.....am I making to big a deal over this? None of us really know you or your girls very well - and what I would do with my children (and parents - and in-laws) is different to what you should do because no two situations are the same... two brief thoughts, though.. 1. I have a very sharp memory of being out in town with a woman who had taken her 14yr old to spend his birthday money - I think it was twenty pounds - which was a lot 10 years ago! They went from shop to shop (increasingly to our embarrassment - the missus was with me) and he picked up all sorts of stuff - but his mother refused it all - telling him that she wasn't going to let him buy rubbish with all that money... in the end she made him buy something he didn't really want - and everyone was miserable - and I suspect the lesson he learned was not about responsibility with money - but about spending it quick, while you have the chance, before your mother can interfere... I suspect it taught him to be secretive about his spending (which is not a good thing! - he is now in debt...) 2. if you have brought them up as you say you have - then sometimes it pays to trust them with something this big - and let them make their own decisions. You may not approve of what they buy - but then that's not always your job! Sometimes your job as parent is to allow them to make their own mistakes and watch them learn - or maybe they'll surprise you! I realise I'm swimming against the tide here - but that's the good thing about advice - pick and choose what seems to fit you situation best - and completely ignore the rest!" I'd tackle the in-laws rather than the children... Phil Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnnieP Posted December 29, 2006 Share Posted December 29, 2006 Phil, I agree! Sarah, It's not your girls' fault that their grandparents have acted against how you would wish them to, but they have, and that cannot be undone. If you now impose sanctions against what they have been told, you are going to be the baddy in this piece. I do not have children, so are not really qualified to give advice, but I suspect your girls might surprise you with their choices, and if at the end of the day they do fritter it all away frivolously, it will be a good lesson to them in the long run, and one which hasn't cost you a penny! Do let us know what you decide! I don't envy you this one! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlottechicken Posted December 29, 2006 Share Posted December 29, 2006 I agree with Phil and Annie. I also don't have children, but would give them the money. It is a one off gift and when it is gone, it is gone. If someone gave me £60 I would probably save it, but that's my choice not necessarily the right choice Good luck with your decision. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Frugal Posted December 29, 2006 Share Posted December 29, 2006 Same here. Ollie has just frittered away £45 on Warhammer plastic junk but he is the happiest boy on the planet because it's what he wanted to spend it on. I've tried to suggest saving the money or spending it on something more suitable but that only caused a fit of the mumps to descend. Now he's spent his Christmas money on something that HE wants, he's happy. When it breaks and he starts complaining that he's wasted his money or doesn't have enough pocket money for something else he wants, he's learned a lesson, hasn't he . It's the same lesson I learned at his age ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kannie Posted December 29, 2006 Share Posted December 29, 2006 I agree Cinnamon - I think its a lot of money for children! Especially on top of other presents! (I hate seeing certain children getting really expensive presents....) However if your children do buy tat they'll buy it for a reason: maybe it will be frivolous fun, but lots of things - like meals out - don't last long either. And like others say - they'll learn lessons by spending, and better that they do so now while they're still children than when they're adults who need every penny! Also, saving isn't always the best. My dad was extremely penny pinching all through our childhood. When he died we found he did have some money, not the 'nothing' he always told us. Pity he didn't enjoy it, really. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Frugal Posted December 29, 2006 Share Posted December 29, 2006 The other side of the coin would be to imagine what present they could have received instead of the money. Present choices from other people can sometimes be so unsuitable and therefore upsetting or disappointing for the child. It's better surely that they have the choice to buy what they want rather than what someone else thinks they should have? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted December 29, 2006 Share Posted December 29, 2006 I think a bit of "mad money" every so often doesn't hurt..... ...but I would have a word with the inlaws.....tell them exactly how you feel......they may well have not intended to undermine you...but let them be in doubt that it must not happen again.....after all, they are your children. Voice of experience here.....MIL had to be told that if she kept encouraging my children to disobey me (sweets being the issue) then she wouldn't be invited. Not pleasant....but ....my children, my house, my rules. Happy families! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted December 29, 2006 Author Share Posted December 29, 2006 Thanks everyone for your advice,& for making me feel like I am not mad to be mad! The thing is,it is not a one off amout - they do this every 6 months or so & usually give the cash to us to put into the girls accounts. As you can imagine,they each have a tidy sum in their savings And it was on top of their Christmas gift too. I just felt a bit put out by it,especially at this time of year when we are telling the girls that no,they cannot have everything they want ,because its too much money & they have birthdays right after Christmas anyhow So, we have decided to split it 50/50 & let the girls have £30 each with £30 going into their accounts. That way we feel that the girls are still getting their treat but they are also understanding the importance of saving money too. This is on top of the money they got from other relatives for Christmas too - they are both far better off than me at the moment Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Frugal Posted December 29, 2006 Share Posted December 29, 2006 That seems like a very good solution, Sarah. Glad I'm not the only one with better off than me children!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paola Posted December 29, 2006 Share Posted December 29, 2006 (edited) I also agree with Phil and Annie and I think Egluntine has made some excellent points. I think a bit of "mad money" every so often doesn't hurt..... ...but I would have a word with the inlaws.....tell them exactly how you feel......they may well have not intended to undermine you...but let them be in doubt that it must not happen again.....after all, they are your children. Voice of experience here.....MIL had to be told that if she kept encouraging my children to disobey me (sweets being the issue) then she wouldn't be invited. Not pleasant....but ....my children, my house, my rules. Happy families! I have problems with OH He brought the kids loads of Playmobil just before Christmas He tends to spoil them because he had very little while growing up. I cannot trust him to go to Toys R Us alone While I was away for the day once, he brought our middle daughter one of those big electric cars that you sit in She has used it about half a dozen times Another thing for me to sell on ebay Only this week he went to a model shop for some fuel for his RC cars and spent £70 on a RC car for our middle daughter Edited December 29, 2006 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paola Posted December 29, 2006 Share Posted December 29, 2006 Thanks everyone for your advice,& for making me feel like I am not mad to be mad! The thing is,it is not a one off amout - they do this every 6 months or so & usually give the cash to us to put into the girls accounts. As you can imagine,they each have a tidy sum in their savings And it was on top of their Christmas gift too. I just felt a bit put out by it,especially at this time of year when we are telling the girls that no,they cannot have everything they want ,because its too much money & they have birthdays right after Christmas anyhow So, we have decided to split it 50/50 & let the girls have £30 each with £30 going into their accounts. That way we feel that the girls are still getting their treat but they are also understanding the importance of saving money too. This is on top of the money they got from other relatives for Christmas too - they are both far better off than me at the moment Yep, great solution Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Linda Posted December 29, 2006 Share Posted December 29, 2006 I think splitting it is a very good idea Sarah. The girls will still have to make choices about how they spend their money but they won't fritter away such a large sum of money and regret it later. My girls are a similar age to yours (12 & 13) and, while I don't want to deprive them of anything, they are old enough to understand that we do have to live within a reasonable budget. It's all about making choices and decisions with the resources you have. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen & co. Posted December 29, 2006 Share Posted December 29, 2006 Ditto from me on splitting the money that way they get a fairly large sum to spend either in one hit or bits and bobs, and still get to save some karen x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 29, 2006 Share Posted December 29, 2006 No need to feel undermined, just put the money into the savings account whatever the grandparents said, they would understand that this is better than frittering it away (your girls know this too if they are honest - just ask them)... you never know - they might go out an spend it all on little plastic action figures.... Phil Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 29, 2006 Share Posted December 29, 2006 Who's rattled your cage tonight Phil?! I'm just on the computer a lot today - I'm having a fruity argument with some Skates in advance of tomorrow's Bolton-Portsmouth game - and writing a couple of articles for a Bolton Fanzine... one child's "fritter" is another child's "fascinating hobby"!! Anyway, you must be psychic - I have just bought my first two Star Wars figures for months tonight. Serious. nice one! as for the clearout - has Debs put her foot down over the Princess Leia fantasy?? Phil Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 30, 2006 Share Posted December 30, 2006 Well here's what we always used to do; as soon as Mr. Pompey (name changed by Deed Poll, oh how we laughed... ) starts ringing his bell (about 10 secs after the opening whistle), you all start singing at the tops of your voices; "Who's the leper with the bell? Who's the leper with the bell?" I'm sure that will happen... this is the guy - what a *****r John Portsmouth Football Club Westwood Phil Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kannie Posted December 30, 2006 Share Posted December 30, 2006 Am I missing something? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lesley Posted December 30, 2006 Share Posted December 30, 2006 Am I missing something? Don't worry - they think they're in the football thread - they'll realise soon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Frugal Posted December 30, 2006 Share Posted December 30, 2006 Will they ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlottechicken Posted December 30, 2006 Share Posted December 30, 2006 BTW was I right about bread of heaven? I think the line 'Bread of Heaven' is from the rousing hymn Cwm Rhondda (excuse spelling!) which to my untrained ear sounds exactly like 'Men of Harlech' which I think is a going to battle type song, which of course scares the pants off the All Blacks who can only reply with their Haka. Are Cinnamons girls going to spend their money on plastic Star Wars figures or football matches then? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theherd123 Posted December 31, 2006 Share Posted December 31, 2006 Are Cinnamons girls going to spend their money on plastic Star Wars figures or football matches then? Lets hope not eh! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlottechicken Posted December 31, 2006 Share Posted December 31, 2006 Lets hope not eh! No. that WOULD be a waste of money! Ooh, "Ooops, word censored!"ody noticed my faux pas , the Welsh DO sing Cwm Rhondda at their rugby matches, not Men of Harlech, so it is the same song after all, no wonder I thought they were similar Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
