sparkysmum Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 Not going to bore you all with the details but I'm finding the teenage years just too hard just now. Two teenage sons, almost 16yrs and almost 15yrs and a pre teen daughter. The fighting, arrogance and disrespect is getting me down. OH & I feel we no longer have any authority in our own home. They are the most loved children and I'm sure that deep down they know this but it's just all too much. Any good "raising teenagers" books out there which you can recommend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chickendoodle Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 You have my sympathies - I think if we knew what teenagers would be like no-one would have children. It is the hardest time of all I think. Mine are through it now (22 & 24) and are delightful but I had a few years of sleepless and worried nights, lots of tears and such a feeling of helplessness. Don't know of any books but rest assured it will pass. Just think of them as you did when they were toddlers and didn't know the boundaries. Their hormones and changing brain patterns are controlling them and they are really not monsters (no more than they were when they were 2) Remain firm and supportive, let you know that you love them, give them space but have firm boundaries where you think it really matters to you. For instance, if they want to have a pigsty in their bedroom, let them, but just make sure they close the door. The rest of the house must be as you want it. The really important things (ie safety) must have clear boundaries. The trouble is that they think they are adults but all of their brain has not caught up with this! Good luck and cherish the moments when you see glimpses of the lovely people that you know they really are Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chook n Boo Mum Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 Alison, I have this all to come, just wanted to send a supportive {{hug}}, some of the bods on here will have oodles of advice. Sha x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 Have a look at THIS THREAD which was running a few weeks ago - you are not alone!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chucky Mama Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 Try not to be too downheartened Alison. Bringing up children is really tough at times for all of us. I don't think that there is any right or wrong. You just have to do what you feel is the best and the right thing at the time. So many opt out of raising their children to be responsible respectable members of society which makes it more difficult for those of us who work hard at parenting. Unfortunately making the rules wont make us popular as parents at the time but it will pay off in the long run. Keep your chin up and make sure that you have some time to yourselves. Your children sound pretty close together in age and I am sure that your house must be awash with hormones It will be tough for them too and of course they feel safe being horrible to you as they know that you wont stop loving them Personally I would sit everyone down when I was not feeling too harrassed and say exactly how I was feeling. Something positive may come out of a big family meeting - depends on your family though. Bigs Hugs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 Its not my teen - its my 8 yr old I find hard. I think its the surges of testosterone which cause the probs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freddie Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 Oh Yes; we are there too, with some strange 14 yr old who seems to have inhabited my previously pleasant son's body, lurking in the house, eating Everything, and grunting a fair bit... And gcse coursework as well, And the knowledge that it only can get worse. I think I shall go off and have a cry now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowy Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 I also sympathise Best advice I was given was to choose my battles. Ignore as much as you can, maintain communication and stay friends. All the horrible things they do now WILL go and they will discover how to be human again (((hugs))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jules. Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 Oh Yes; we are there too, with some strange 14 yr old who seems to have inhabited my previously pleasant son's body, lurking in the house, eating Everything, and grunting a fair bit... We have that here, too, but with a 13yo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coco Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 I think everyone with kids feels like this sometimes, just more so when they are teenagers. I have 3 lads, 18, 16 and 13. Sometimes I just want to shout at the eldest and tell him to wake up. he's just quit Uni and is busy doing nothing. He did however decrate and tidy his room so hopefully that will stay tidy now. I tend to turn a blind eye to a lot of the things they do, helps keep me sane. We do ask that if they are going to be out late that they let us know. hopefully they will come out the other side as nice people, when I hear what some of thier mates have been up to i think they aren't too bad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 Anyone got an 8 yr old boy who is like a teenager, grumpy, shouty, horrid to his mum and down right unpleasant? If so HELP. My ES at 14 is still lovely, is untidy, eats and grunts but is my ally when YS is a monster. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhapsody Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 Any good "raising teenagers" books out there which you can recommend. "Whatever" is quite good. If you get it in hardback you can use it as a weapon in times of crisis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jules. Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 Any good "raising teenagers" books out there which you can recommend. "Whatever" is quite good. If you get it in hardback you can use it as a weapon in times of crisis *Splutters at the keyboard* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dippy bird Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 I really feel for you, my 16 yr old son is a nightmare! Been in trouble with the police, smokes, swears and threatens us when he loses his temper.He is at his 2nd senior school as he was expelled from his first one,in fact it's not even a school as they couldn't cope with him and now he attends a youth achievement centre - he seems to have done better here than any school and has even been accepted at college.I am praying that going to college will help him grow up, but I'm not holding my breath. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yorkshire Pudding Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 My sympathies, my two aren't teens yet (10 and but they have their moments... Have you thought of looking for a parenting course? There is a very good one for parents of teens, called Parents Plus. As well as getting some ideas, it might help to be part of a group of parents who are all going through it together - and rest assured you are definitely not the only ones! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cooks Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 I hear you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 If it's any consolation, Allison, having met your 2 boys I thought they were both friendly, polite and a real credit to you . I know it's probably not much consolation but I hope it makes you feel a bit better . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparkysmum Posted January 25, 2010 Author Share Posted January 25, 2010 Thank you all for your replies & sorry I haven't checked in till now Chickendoodle and ChuckyMama you've got it spot on You've both expressed how I feel & confirms my instincts of reinforcing boundaries whilst trying at the same time to keep communication going. I know in my heart that they're actually good kids but the dynamics within the house are dreadful. This makes it all the harder Snowy, I liked your point about being friends with your kids although sometimes I feel perhaps we need to be stronger parents and not their friends Coco, I'm sorry your laddie has just quit uni although I recently heard of another lad who quit not long after starting & he is now an internationally known stonemason - he followed his heart. I think that overall, I need to brighten up and not let this all grind me down. I am certain that they will be good, kind honest individuals at the end of the day but I might just be bruised from hitting my head off brick walls Thanks again Omleteers, Axx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparkysmum Posted January 25, 2010 Author Share Posted January 25, 2010 Vicki, Thank You x many Ax Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickencam Posted January 26, 2010 Share Posted January 26, 2010 I have 3 too, one 11 year old with loads of hormones, too many for her age, she was pretty bad at 8 years old too, I am hoping she will be a better teen DS is nearly 14 and very grunty, grubby and lippy , but still likes a cuddle and ED is 16 and most of the time lovely but she does love to be horrible to her siblings particularly her little sister. We get lots of bickering and nasty comments which can sour the atmosphere. We have been lucky with ED she is very conscientious and good company, but even she is a bit fragile at the moment. We are just hoding our ground on the things that matter and turning a blind eye to those that don't and hoping for the best as most parents do. Make time for them individually and try to spend some down time as a family each day. We have our dining table in the lounge and after we have eaten our evening meal we usually all drift to the sofas and have a chat and a giggle about the day and then move on to any more important individual matters after that. It is not a formal arrangement but it works for us. Hugs from one who knows. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted January 26, 2010 Share Posted January 26, 2010 hugs are important even if they are smelly. we have passed the smelly stage (except when he forgets his deodorant) and ES spends more time preening than I do. And theres no GF yet. god help us when there is I'll have no toiletries left. My only grouse and its a little un is he wears a hat all the time - its not an NDubz hat with flaps its a pull on affair. he has to be surgicaaly extracted from it Interesting someone else had a stroppy 8yr old - gives me hope they get better. I feel your pain Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
