Sooo much pooping

[tara]

I feel so fed up l have a daughter and a son my son has just turned 3 years old.All he dose is scream and want to eat or drink all day be it lollys or friut all day one after another if he can.When we go out we all have lunch and an hour later or less he's screaming for food laying on the floor, running of, wont do a thing l want him to.l am forgetting things today l could not remember were my keys were and my friend called me stupid dont think she knows how im feeling as l dont see her as much these days cant really moan about my child as she has 3 of her own a 1 year old and her little boy is nearly 3 and a girl of 8.So if she can cope then l should be able to.My son is starting preschool next week every afternoon everyday and l cant wait if l say that to anyone they look at me strange.He was a lovely baby until he hit 2 years old.When l go out he runs of dont listen which is a shame as my daughter wants me to look at what shes doing but im to stressed with him.We never smacked our daughter and she was very hard work but omg he screams and it gose's through me.I cant think properly when he dose it and its really stressing my partner out.We go out for the day and he spoils it for us.It would not matter what we do he's just like that he was a 10lb baby he's always been hungry but its the noise.We have started to smack him but l feel people are looking at me l totally hate smacking just feeling short fused right now.Its always him that plays up and screams he also dose scream when hes happy and playing with excitment.I have ivf to get him some one ages ago said l should feel lucky but l think they should try having him for a week.Hw has put me right of having anymore.Its affecting me as l cant go shopping he runs around he lays on the floor in the way wont stay in a pushchair wont try shoes on which l need him to for preschool.Why am l forgetting things l hate feeling like im stupid feel like lve lost me.sorry just need to get it out

[Sheilaz]

Tara, I'm sending you an enormous Omlet hug and a giant cuppa, you're having a rotten time.

We all have days like that, but presumably you're saying it feels like it all the time & gets worse not better?

 

It sounds a real struggle, but there are answers, I'm certain, and one day he'll feel to you like the blessing that he is. You're being totally honest, not stupid at all, and others may not understand how you feel, but that's not important. The thing is that you have recognised that you need some help here, and that's a step in the right direction.

 

I'm out of touch with this, but would the Health Visitor be the first place to ask, right now, today, make an appt?

 

Does your son talk much? He sounds very frustrated, and so will you & OH be, but there are definitely answers. I know it feels worse when you're torn between him & his sister & OH all needing attention, and none left for you, it's really stressful.

 

Hopefully others will have ideas, but meanwhile I'll pour you another cuppa, all the best.

[patsylabrador]

Don't despair. One of my little boys was always hungry and bad tempered with it. The Health visitor gave me great advice and explained that he was using so much energy just growing and being an active little chap. Think about how you feel when you're tired and hungry and imagine that in a three year old. I fed him often and it transformed him, he was always over energetic, literally bouncing off the walls.So long as you're careful you can get the balance right, my one grew into an extremely fit teenager who we allowed to join the army ASAP. We thought they could deal with all that energy!

As for the running around, I would buy a set of reins and tell him that he will have to wear them if he wont walk nicely because you don't want him to get hurt.

It might sound strange but I always think puppies and little boys are much the same and I remember a few puppy training techniques that would work on a little boy.

[tara]

I did have the health visitor but she kept canceling appointments so l gave up and when she was here she said as her children were not like it then she just looked at me l felt like l was helping her with her children to not much help.I use reins but he wont stand when there on him but l still put them on he was ok with them when he was younger.I get what you mean about being hungry but as soon as l walk in the door hes screming for juice.He's not naughty or nothing he's kinds to other children he's got so much energy that he uses to taught me l think.You have made me smile tho just to know that l can be honest.

[Egluntyne]

Perhaps a chat with you GP might be a good idea. If he is excessively thirsty, there could be a medical reason behind it.

 

Why not make an appointment?

 

Does he go to Nursery?

[bronze]

What a rubbish hv

 

first put him somewhere safe with something healthy to eat every now and then and go and have a cuppa

Then remember we all go through periods where we feel like everyone else has got it sussed and we haven't.

Then write a list of jobs you have to do, a list of things you would like to do and a list of things you can do with him.

Each day try to do something off each list plus something outside for the children. Walks int he rain won't make him dissolve and jumping in puddles is fun.

I have 4 children and I have found the key is trying to wear them out without wearing myself out. Even then I have days when I could run away. Especially from my 3 year old. Whoever said terrible twos was lying in my case its always been when they are 3.

Do everything to make your life easier, shop online, plan in advance and make him do his own thingss uch as getting dressed and shoes on. The reward for the shoes is the thing at the end, park, garden, whatever it may be. Boys are indeed like dogs I agree with Patsy.

 

You will survive. Remember to pat yourself on the back at the end of each day

Edited June 1, 2010 by Guest

[bronze]

oh and try water as a test, if hes thirsty he will drink it if hes not then the juice isn't about being thirsty.

[SarahJo]

Hope you have had a nice cuppa from Sheila, she always has some good advice

 

Don't be fooled by the boys being the only loud, screamy types - there are 2 screamers behind us, and both girls. Having said that there are also 2 boys - who have screamed their way thro' life so far and are still screaming

 

Does your son do this for attention or is he just vocal. He will quieten at school as I am sure they will ask him to respect others voices to be heard, etc. That would be the ideal time to start at home too - "I am sure your teacher only has to ask once .... " or "Indoor voices are heard better .... " I have had to implement the 1st time everytime, from school saying a few times - nothing wrong with admitting or saying you have an issue with your child. In all honesty I think everyone does/has at some time - whether it be behavior, eating problems - or other issues.

 

Take time to yourself - and try not to respond too harshly to the noise levels - you could make a wall chart with fave stickers, and when he uses a normal volume reward, with an ultimate goal. I don't have to do this anymore, I can just confiscate or not reward full stop .... but the younger ones are a little easier to bribe.

 

Ignore other peoples comments/looks - they were no doubt "naughty" in some way to their parents, and no-one has a perfect life, they just "appear" to hold it together better and are not honest about the faults of their own.

 

Have another cuppa - and hope you find a solution best for all of you soon

[Tiggy]

you sound worn out & in need of some TLC, I wasn't blessed with children of my own but have helped bring up several!!!!! 2 of my nephews sound just like your little boy, they are both in their 20s now & I can safely say that they are lucky they survived both are very bright, got bored quyickly & learned that refusing food when you wanted them to eat, then screaming for more at other times was a good way to get attention from their Moms. School was a nightmare because they wouldn't have anyone tell them what to do & got bored very quickly when they finished their work way before the others so started playing the fool for attention. It was suggested that they may have ADHD or be autisic. In fact neither was true and they have both grown up into lovely young men. Not sure about my sisters sanity Both had lots of support from family and friends and GPs. You sound as if you need a break, and a chat with the Dr would be in order

[DebC]

Hi there

 

Your HV sounds aweful! They normlly work in pairs, why not see if there is another one you could speak to. You should also see your GP, both for him and you - if you're under the weather everything will seem worse.

 

Are there any local Mum and toddler groups? he can run around with others and you can have a natter and a cuppa with other mums. Hopefully from next week he'll start wearing himself out at nursery.

 

And never forget you're not stupid! just stressed and that is different. Always make time for yourself

 

Now go and have that cuppa!

[poachedegg]

Would it be worth looking at what you're giving him when he's hungry - maybe substituting with something more filling?

 

Good luck and remember, lots of us have been there and can empathise!

[majorbloodnock]

I've just read through this, and there's some VERY good advice here (in my opinion, I hasten to add - I'm no expert other than being a parent myself).

 

All I'm going to do is add a few thoughts to hopefully put a bit of perspective back for you.

 

Firstly, every child will reach a point where they realise they can influence situations. This usually coincides with the realisation that they might not get their own way. Net result is experimenting with boundaries and learning to cope with frustration, both of which push parents' patience to the limit. It's natural, and does calm down once the child has learnt his/her lessons.

 

Secondly, you're not alone. My daughter is three and a half, and has recently subjected us to several 3 hour full-on screaming, stamping, fist-pummelling hissy fits. Fortunately, with the experience of a previous child (her brother is about 5 years older), we've been comfortable with shutting her in her room and letting her temper take its course, and she's (slowly) realising the only person she's spoiling things for is herself. She's unbelievably stubborn, so I fully expect more of the same before it gets better, but no matter.

 

Thirdly, don't assume that other people turning to look means they disapprove. One of my daughter's recent tantrums was because I said no to a sweet she wanted and stuck to my original answer. It so happens I heard a voice from further down the queue we were in at the time, saying, "Now that's refreshing; a parent for whom 'no' means 'no'". Ithought my family was making the rest of the shop uncomfortable, but it turns out they were enjoying seeing a child receiving the discipline they all felt was appropriate, and it was only that comment that allowed me to realise it.

 

Fourthly, I firmly believe that, of all the things I have to do as a parent, if I get half of them right by the time my kids reach adulthood, I'll have done pretty well. We're all fallible and we all will make plenty of mistakes, some of them big. If you're doing what you're doing for the best of intentions, and feel your choices are the result of considered thought, you're doing the right things.

 

Just my two penn'orth....

[chickenNutter]

Tara,

 

If you have had a girl first and a boy second - the boy will have come as a bit of a shock! We had a boy first and nearly didn't have any more!There is a school of thought in child rearing that says boys should be allowed to throw themselves about and be physical until they are 6 or 7 (which inevitably means they whinge for food all the time) and it is unreasonable to expect them to do anything else, particularly go to school, sit down quietly, concentrate or participate in anything constructive, as they are physically programmed to throw themselves around and develop their large motor skills in this way.

 

All this is fine in theory, but it doesn't help you. I think disciplining children is a minefield and what works for one, wont work for another. My best advice is as others have said, programme in lots of outdoor exercise time, and also move to a regime of only eating at mealtimes, with the family, with perhaps drinks and a small snack at elevenses time and mid afternoon (unless you have been doing a physical activity that would make him thirsty) and be rigid about that. The main thing is ignoring bad behaviour and rewarding good behaviour - and that sometimes means ignoring things that are driving you mad, which is hard I know when you are tired and fed up. Also, you can start to 'see' only the bad behaviour, because you are expecting it, and you sometimes miss some of the small attempts at good b ehaviour - I know I did with my son. Consistency is the key - kids always rebel with a new more hard line regime, but you have to stick to your guns until he gives in, and give lots of love and attention when he does the smallest positive thing, but also insist your daughter has 'me' time programmed in with you as well.

 

There are other sources of advice and help out there - do you have a Surestart centre near you, some areas have older mums who are willing to team up with you and advise on these things, even if it is just some moral support when you are feeling low. Try googling for resources in your area.

 

Above all don't feel bad about how you are dealing with this behaviour - no kids arrive in this world with a handbook - how easy our lives would be if this were to be the case. You are doing your best, and is only a stage he is going through which wont last for ever. One day you will be able to embarrass him telling his first girlfriend about how silly he used to be as a nipper! (preferably with a photo of him aged 3 lying face down in a supermarket aisle!)

 

Just come on here and have a moan to us if you are feeling bad. We don't mind!

Hugs

Kate

[BarbaraJ]

Loads of good advice here and not an awful lot to add sorry but i agree with the snacks at set times and meals, though i always offer water to drink and if they refuse that they are not that thirsty.

Just a thought with the pushchair problem, use reins and do up at the back as well as the pushchair straps.

I look after kids and at present have 2 boys 2 1/2 and 31/2 and wow some days they drive me to distraction, i also have the added problem of parents not keeping up with the not giving in to them! the 3 yr old can have half hour screaming fits because i won't let him watch tv etc

[Couperwife]

I dont have children, so ill just send ((((((((hugs))))))))

[SarahJo]

Kate made me with the comment about the photo and showing in later life. I threatened similar the other day with boys age 8 and 10. They fussed over having sun cream on when it was 28 centigrade , I told them NOT to phone me and ask how to get my future grandchildren to have it applied in similar weather without a major dispute . Funnily enough they did see my point - perks of them getting older.

 

Glad the "Major" has replied - good point about the non-assumption that everyone looking is disapproving. My experience was always older people asking me to keep my children quiet, when they were only laughing together in the trolley seats .

 

Be rest assured they will drive you mad - no matter how old - the worries just shift focus, and as the Major has said you can only do your best. OH has just blarted at my 2 for fighting and since I have heard ES practicing guitar like theres no tomorrow - did not even have to ask

[tara]

Thankyou all so much l showed my partner what you have all put and he could not believe how lovely you all have been to spent that much time writing to help me bless you all.You have helped me l smiled at him earlier knowing im not the only one.l did do the surstart and found it brilliant but my son started breaking out the toddler group and did not want to do it anymore.I used to do toddler group 3 times a week it kept me sane.My friend that called me stupid works more or less full time and her husbands mother has her kids so she gets a break from her young children.I may need to let of steam here again but thankyou all for being there for me.

[AJuff]

Poor you. It brought back an awful lot of memories for me and my boy. The terrible twos started with my boy at 18mths old. I can feel where your coming from. There were many days when i just didn't want to go out anywhere as he'd be climbing the curtains, running about, screaming for food etc. What i will say is that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and boys do turn out lovely after being such horrors.

 

Definitely stay off all juices and serve plain water. It stopped my son asking for drinks all the time. Carry a sports bottle with water eveywhere (saves a fotune). As for the relentless food demands. Large set meal times and fruit for snacks. We carried apples with us everywhere along with the water. No always means no no matter how long he screamed and demanded. We avoided tea shops, cafes, resturants and pubs for a year until things improved. Treating young boys like dogs sounds harsh but they really are just like puppies. They need two long walks a day, training and lots of cuddles.

 

Children can be exhausting. Remember to take time out for you as no one will ever offer you time to yourself.

i am pleased to say that at 10 my son is adorable, very endearing, helpful, responsible and he sings like an angel.

Keep looking ahead. It gets better I assure you. x x x

[Chucky Mama]

 

Definitely stay off all juices and serve plain water. It stopped my son asking for drinks all the time. Carry a sports bottle with water eveywhere (saves a fotune). As for the relentless food demands. Large set meal times and fruit for snacks. We carried apples with us everywhere along with the water. No always means no no matter how long he screamed and demanded.

 

Good sound advise here I think (all 3 of my children drank water or milk only and didn't have anything other than fruit as a snack). I also really think that you need some external support. I would make an appointment with you health visitor and be persistent. Has your son met all of his developmental targets? I don't want to frighten you but I know of 3 boys who were all very difficult like this 2 were later diagnosed as autistic and 1 with a rare form of epilepsy. It would be worth ruling something medical out. Health visitors can refer you to somewhere that can give you both dietary advise and parenting advise. Parenting classes don't mean that you are a bad parent They are there to give you tips and support. Having a boy after a girl can be a shock. They are wired differently and doing quiet and gentle really doesn't come naturally I am not an anti smacker but I I doubt that you will find it resolves your issues - make sure that you are not lashing out out of frustration and anger. Remember that children relish attention - good or bad, any attention is good attention. He will know exactly how to push your buttons and will be getting more attention being naughty than good - your well behaved daughter will confirm that.

It will get better

[Egluntyne]

I agree with the tip about offering plain water only. If it is genuine thirst, he will drink it.

 

He could be sensitive to some of the colouring agents in juices and snacks, which could be making him a bit 'high' and difficult to manage.

 

Fresh air and exercise will work wonders for him too. I used to walk my children's socks off.

 

Like you, I had my girl first, and found the boys very different. If my youngest had been my first, he would have been an only child!

[Seagazer]

Wow I must be the exception as my two boys were much easier than my daughter! We always say we were surprised we ever had the boys after having Louise as she was such a monster from the age of 18 months. She had me and my mum in tears one week and I was even asked in Lakeside shopping centre if I'd like to go into a room to gather myself together as I was sobbing so much. She was a scary introduction in to children. I hasten to add that she's a lovely, caring, sensitive (but strong willed) 22 year old now.

 

Anyway back to your son, I agree with others about the juice. I don't think its good for them to drink so much of it and think you would be better off offering water or milk. Mine have all been sensitive to colourings/sweeteners etc so that could be causing some of your son's problems.

 

Forgetting things could be because you are feeling down and that means you have a lack of concentration. I think you need to seek help from your HV or doctor in the meantime but please don't forget that this stage will pass, just like potty training etc. It always feels like its only ever happening to you but I bet you every family has been through it with one child or another to varying degrees.

 

Be consistent and look at his diet and don't feel bad about looking forward to some time to yourself when he starts nursery. It will give you the chance to recharge your batteries.

[majorbloodnock]

....but my son started breaking out the toddler group and did not want to do it anymore....

 

I'm sorry to say one of my distinguishing points is that I was expelled from nursery for being too disruptive, and it was only years later that I learnt my brother had done the same a good few years before me. Nonetheless, I like to hope we didn't turn out too bad.

 

Strangely enough, though, I'd have expected the same to happen to my daughter (she of the marathon whinge sessions), but the nursery she attends values her "independence" and "tenacity" and just deals with the bad bits as part of the deal.

Edited June 2, 2010 by Guest

[Couperwife]

hows things this morning? (((hugs)))

 

cathy

x

[Chickendoodle]

Hi

Sending you lots of hugs. If you haven't had a troublesome child you have no idea how it feels. My ED was a beautifully behaved baby and toddler and I was very smug thinking what a wonderful mother I must be. Wrong

 

Daughter no 2 arrived and screamed from the moment she was born! She had mega tantrums including while at nursery school (they used to take her shoes off and let her scream in the corner for 5 minutes and then she was fine) I met one of the nursery school owners more than 10 years later and she said that they still had a picture of my YD on the wall and they referred to a tantrum as "doing a Hannah". She also spent quite some time in "solitary" in her bedroom where she would throw all her soft toys around and shout at them until she calmed down.

 

She would fling herself down in shops and not move. The old "if you don't get up I am leaving you here" didn't work as she just would not follow - ever!

 

The upside of having a willful child is that they are very spirited and we had brilliant fun in between the tantrums. She was, and is, such a sparky personality and had an amazing imagination as a child.

 

Be firm, grit your teeth and set boundaries which your child cannot pass. In between the hard bits remember to have fun and enjoy him as whatever you think, he will not be 2 forever.

 

My YD incidentally was a lovely teenager and my ED, my model baby and toddler, was a nighmare.

 

They are now 24 and 22, have both survived into adulthood and are lovely people

[Tiggy]

its a lovely day, hope you feel better, shove him outside & let him run around until he's totallyshattered, may give you a bit of peace