Show us your ChickenCams!

[Alis girls]

I apologise in advance for this - dont really need advice but just someone to sound off at.

I will try and keep it brief. My ES attended the local church school and little brother automatically followed suit - YS now in Yr 5. All ok till begining of Yr 4. The teacher taking him a newly qualified woman in her 40's and frankly I dont think she likes boys (shes a mum of 2 girls)

My YS is an unconfident child who is bright - good at literacy and struggles at maths. He is a great dancer and can play trumpet - now going for grade 3.

The class was not without probs and a disruptive child has since left.

However this year OH and I went to see head as the teacher in question was always giving out lines, warnings and we were often unable to quite see why. They said he was miserable and never smiled! we did point out she was always punishing him and if she doesnt know who perputrator is - she seems to give punishments to whoever catches her eye. I have heard this from other parents too.

So we go to see head and agree that we will all give more support (as if we werent already) to L and work with school to improve things. Things looked up until recently when they did a play and L wanted a part no other child wanted. She wouldnt give him part but relented in the end as I think he persisted. Then a dance was arranged for fete - volunteers were sort and YS was turned down despite all the others getting parts. No reason was given.

I then did something I have never done - I emailed head and asked her could she give me a reason for him not getting part. non forthcoming - he was given a part. I am not proud of my actions believe me.

 

This last week L came home in tears as some kids had been told they could go and see a play but he along with 7 others wasnt picked - reason his behaviour wasnt good enough. However we found this was being taken from last Sept and since beginning of 2011 - hes been much better, working very hard.

Well OH went balistic and rang school and govenors and complained. Govenors were shocked as basically our child has had his punishsment and is being punished again.

Hes very upset and hates school. Several other parents have complained.

Thankfully there is another teacher for next year. Its affecting family life as YS is miserable and feels whatever he does isnt good enough.

This isnt an anti teacher rant - I am a member of PTA and I feel let down. YS is top of list for another school - we cant afford private schooling so not an option.

[snowberry]

Thank goodness there's only 2 weeks to go. A new year will mean a new classroom teacher & hopefully things will be more settled for him. It definately sounds like she's the sort who picks on certain individuals; she's got all summer to reflect on her year...good luck with it all

[Alis girls]

Thanks Snowberry - yes I'm glad its only 2weeks to go. I am even arranging her end of term present - some of OH's suggestions I wont print! The other funny thing ES is in same year as her youngest and (Yr10) and hes very friendly on this lass and I would go as far as to say he fancies her. Told him in no uncertain terms not to ask her out.

[Couperwife]

oh poor son

 

this doesnt sound like an anti-teacher rant to me, this sounds like a parent who thinks that their child is getting a raw deal and doesnt understand why rant.

 

its a good job that there is a new teacher in September, but that doesnt help confidence now, its a long day when you are with someone who makes you feel uncomfortable, its an even longer day when you 9 (ish? i dont know what year 4 is - sorry)

 

i agree with querying school about this... you could offer to sit in sons class and discuss "behaviour and strategies" with this teacher (perfect opportunity to ask "why did you pick up XX for doing this, but you ignored the little girl who throwing pencils around the room )

 

((hugs))

 

cathy

x

[patsylabrador]

Boys can be quite misunderstood. They are often great little characters and some people just can't see that or their potential. Robust praise, reward & encouragement for all his good stuff would be so much better. They love to chat too about all sorts of things and I think that increases their self esteem, when adults consider what they're saying.

[scarlettohara]

I went through all this with both my boys - complete rubbish teachers (they once had maths homework in shillings ) and we changed schools. I know this seems very daunting but we found a fabulous school (Abbey School in St Albans - thank you ) and never looked back. Really hope you can sort it out and boost your boy's confidence

[Alis girls]

Thanks - I'm glad you didnt see as anti teacher as its not. Just at a loss. I think we will leave it now as only 2 weeks but I am interested what the next year make of her teaching. Boys are often misunderstood and very immature unlike girls. But when you sit and chat and listen to them they are funny, have opinions of their own but are also very vunerable in their own ways and all this at 9-10 - really still babies. The school has its problems - head is retiring due to ill health - no male teachers and quite a lot of kids have been pulled out and sent privately. Great if u have that option. Positive male role models are a must - it is a quite affuent area but with a small area of poorer famillies. Will see what happens in next 2 weeks - thanks everyone

[craftyhunnypie]

Ahhh poor love. I was bullied at school so I know how his confidence must be at the mo. Could you organise him to go on some Summer holiday activities, with kids that aren't from his school? He might get interested in making new friends & it might give his confidence a little boost. Some sort of group / team building activities where his input counts would be good.

Emma.x

[keyhole kate]

I am not anti teacher one of my DD's is a teacher but patsylabrador hit the nail on the head I think boys In particular can often be misunderstood especially by those more used to girls. My heart goes out to your little boy I can remember my son going through similar situation with a teacher who just seemed to take a dislike to him and how miserable this made him and me at the time. I know my son was no saint and I don't envy teachers there jobs but I am going to put my head above the parapet and say I have met teachers in my time having had four children know there are teachers that make you wonder why took up teaching as they don't really seem to like children

I didn't read your post as anti teacher just a concerned and caring mum x

[chickencam]

I feel for you and hope that things improve in september.

 

I agree with what others have said about boys, I have posted on here before about some of the difficulties that my DS has had along the way. Fortunately, with one exception, he has had some great teachers.

 

Hopefully his new teacher will be much better, the poor ones are few and far between.

[beach chick]

what they all said; if he is going into Y5 in September and you can get a place at another school that you like then it's worth doing from what you said about the school in general.

 

I moved my oldest at the end of Y4 (3 weeks from end of term, plus youngest who was then end of Y2) because she was being mentally bullied and school would NOT deal with it (weak leadership).

 

I picked up a completely different child after her first day at the new school - I cant tell you what a difference it made. the other kids were nice to her, and the teacher understood that she was dyslexic, not thick. she would come home from the old school in a vile temper, hating everyone and everything including me, and just slump in front of the TV for up to an hour trying to come to terms with her day. it took me too long to realise that I needed to move her and I WISH I had done it sooner.

 

good luck.

[Alis girls]

Beach chick I would say we had the same child except mines a boy and yours is a girl. In some ways I hope a place comes up - in another way I hope it doesnt as worry re decision I have to make. It helps to know I'm not alone - the point I think Patsy made re being for 6 hours in a place where someone brings you down made me cry. My poor boy - I hope he will be ok.Your replies have helped enormously

[beach chick]

Alis, it was a hard time for all of us - big affect on the whole family's life, and I didnt really understand how deep her hurt went.

 

I did everything I could to make the school sort it out but the head was useless - the sort who wanted to be everyone's friend. the dep was great, but she was back from mat leave and only doing 2 days a week.

I reckon during the last 2 terms they were there I was in school twice a week complaining about one episode or another, and this vicious little gang of 4 girls would not stop. they even managed to turn the whole class against her.

hindsight is a marvellous thing; I thought I was doing the right thing by trying to make the school put it right, but really after the first 2 or 3 times when the attempts at intervention failed I should have been straight on the phone finding somewhere else.

 

2 years in a nice primary; she's now done 3 years at a good secondary and is really flying - she will never be academic, but she works hard, enjoys herself, has a nice group of friends etc etc.

 

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that even if its awful now it wont necessarily always be. I hope you find the right solution for your boy.

[CatieB]

Thanks Snowberry - yes I'm glad its only 2weeks to go. I am even arranging her end of term present -

 

I have kept thinking about this all day... why are you even considering buying a present? Surely a present is earnt not automatic and having to give one in this situation is adding insult to injury. That teacher does not deserve a present and your son deserves a new teacher!

 

A good teacher makes so much difference and I really hope september will bring the change your son needs. My son had a difficult start at school but this year (year two) has been TOTALLY different because his new teacher is just perfect for him...she even discribed him as a pleasure to teach in his report and I am positive that it is all down to her. I hope the same for you.

[Alis girls]

Its form the whole class - contribution is voluntary - I wont be writing in card - OH planned to but I said not as he'd say summat rude. Ok she deserves it but I cant be bothered and I dont want her bad mouthing us to next yrs teacher. I am class rep so its part of my job - will be interested on how much we make - will let you know

[beach chick]

Alis, how is your boy doing? have things improved at school?

[sadietoo]

Thank goodness you are now near the end of the term. As a very long in the tooth mum, with kids now 21 and 18, I just want to say we had similar problems and difficulties, but hopefully, for each bad/awful teacher you get, you will get a truly inspirational teacher which will turn everything round. Sadly it is often just a clash of personalities and a lack of professionalism on the part of the teacher that causes the problem, you will never get them to admit it though, i've tried!!! The silver lining inside this particular cloud is that it is a useful life lesson to learn that you aren't automatically everyone's favourite (sorry but that is life), and it's practice for coming back from knock backs in the future. I'm sure you will have been doing a lot to bolster his confidence during this time, and you have the summer holidays to consolidate this ( I always think you get your children "back" in some way during school holidays , and personally never understood people who couldn't wait for the holidays to end). Hopefully things will resolve next year, and even if they are still tough, never lose the conviction that school is only a little bit of what moulds a person, as long as he has friends and a loving family, he will be fine.xx

[Chucky Mama]

I would say that if you are happy with the school in general, stick with it as he will have a different teacher when he goes back. Years 5 and 6 are soooo hard for boys in schools that 'don't do boys'. Small schools staffed by non boy friendly women can be torture for 10-11 year old boys. As a result they can get rude and rebellious (or just plain unhappy) as they feel so misunderstood. So, I think if your school is like this I may consider moving him. Just be careful that you are not going from the frying pan into the fire. You have to be sure that the other school is significantly better. If you stay, try to make sure you are not viewed as the annoying parent that is moaned about in the staff room. I have seen first hand how staff can become anti parent and their children that have ruffled too many feathers. I am not anti teacher at all but some female teachers really do think that young boys should be capable of standing still, staying clean and talking with a hushed voice. If you have any experience of boys, you will know that that is nigh on impossible

[Alis girls]

Thanks for asking - this last week has been taken up with the play - son is happy enough hes a Greek soldier (his dads Greek origin and we have Greek surname) and gets to do a shuffle dance to Party rock anthem (recent no 1 I think!). Said teacher blanks us - as does stand in head - I have bottled out of giving teacher the money collected as the other rep (who knows re situation) has kindly said she will do it. Remaining positive - son hopes he will get place at the other school but I'm not holding my breath. who knows what will happen. Thanks for all the advice and good wishes - it made me cry - soppy cow I am. Its unfortunate that the school, church,etc are all close knit and we cant avoid each other but we just have to get on with it. Interstingly the vicar (a guvenor of school) who OH rang straight after his rant and whose church we attend - lept up last night when we went to see play shook our hands and greeted us warmly. Hes lost a lot of church famillies in recent yrs because of various probs so hes not bearing a grudge. Ali x

[beach chick]

teacher and stand-in head sound horrible and also rather weak.

he goes into Y5 in September right? so if you get a place at the other school he likes that will be fine - 2 years before transfer to secondary, plenty of time to get his head round it all.

 

as I said before, I am of the "if it's not right, fix it" school of thought; unless you know which teacher he will get in Sept and are happy then I'd go for the move if you can. school is not worth being miserable about, and a good school should care enough to sort things out.

 

hurrah for the end of term, and 7 weeks of not having to go to school!

[Ms Marple]

Loads of really good advice on here already. I just want to add my bit. Two years is a long time when you are 9, it's not when you are 49 - but that's wisdom. I really think happiness and self esteem are the keys to success at school (and life in general). I am mum of two boys ( rather large compared to yours- but still boys even now) and I also teach in an all-boys school where I am HoY in the MIddle school (Yrs 9-11). The biggest issues that I come across time and time again are to do with self-worth and working out 'who I am'. With most of our boys I think effecting change is like trying to turn the Titanic- it takes time for people to notice, yet it doesn't mean they aren't trying. He needs to come first here and feel happy at school and be recognised for what he is trying to do. As his classroom teacher and proabaly the one who spends most time with him- she should be aware that he has improved- after all primary teachers spend more time with our children in a working day than we do sometimes!

I tell all my parents that I respect their right to fight for what they believe is right for their children afterall if they don't who will. It's instinctive- good parents have no choice inthe matter!

[Alis girls]

Well plot thickens - a mum whose daughter was left out of the same trip phoned OH today to rant re fact she;d only just found out about it and was spitting feathers. OH said shes going to write a letter and ask the other parents to sign it. Personally I'd rather leave it as we are so close to breaking up.

On a lighter note - I was standing in Waitrose waiting for the vouchers I am getting for teachers and the assistant asked me to pick a card to put them in. Now said teacher has a cake in class every Monday whilst the kids work (how she can eat with 30 pairs of beady eyes on her I dont know) and she is lets say a well covered gal (I love a cake myself and am curvy so not being "Ooops, word censored!"y) and I found a card with lots of cakes on it. Couldnt resist it - OH roared appreciativley. I dont think she realises how much the kids tell us - but she must as shes got kids. Children are very good critics and dont miss a trick. YS's tales of her demonstrating "the Shuffle" a very energetic dance had us in pleats. Google it you'll see what I mean. Thanks for advise - much appreciated.

[buvarka]

Alis, you did the right thing to stand up for your son, who should do it, if not you? I find appalling to leave a child out of a play or a trip for whatever reason. Abysmal

[Alis girls]

I agree Buvarka - much is made of positive male role models etc but boy loathing women do not help. Only 2 of the teachers have boys themselves and the rest either are childless or mums of girls. I am aware that we are poss the subject of gossip in the staff room - whatever I dont care - so long as they treat my son ok I dont care what they say about us.

[lindafw]

Your rant is totally appropriate..it was not anti teacher but that of a concerned parent. Everyone has commented and I agree with them but one thing stood out from your post...you mentioned lines? Check with your governing body as at my school we are not allowed to give lines under any circumstances...copying from a book is walking a fine line but can be considered educational but lines are not permitted