Guest Posted June 11, 2007 Share Posted June 11, 2007 (edited) If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented? If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say? Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist? Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites? If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed? What hair colour do they put on the driver's licences of bald men? You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning. Ever wonder about those people who spend £2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhoea, does that mean that one enjoys it? Edited June 11, 2007 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Couperman Posted June 11, 2007 Share Posted June 11, 2007 Here's some more! Why is abbreviation such a long word? What is another word for thesaurus? How does the bloke who drives the snow plough get to work in the morning? Why is there only one monopolies commision? If moths like light so much why don't they come out during they day? Why isn't Phonetic spelt the way it sounds? Who decided it was good to drink cow's milk and what was he doing at the time? Kev Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted June 11, 2007 Share Posted June 11, 2007 Very funny.!! Him Indoors does a bit of after dinner speaking and usually fits a few of this type of joke in. He is always looking for new ones so I expect he'll pinch these!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 11, 2007 Share Posted June 11, 2007 My speech-writer rates are fairly reasonable, Egluntine! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowy Posted June 11, 2007 Share Posted June 11, 2007 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted June 11, 2007 Share Posted June 11, 2007 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lesley Posted June 12, 2007 Share Posted June 12, 2007 Very funny.!! Him Indoors does a bit of after dinner speaking and usually fits a few of this type of joke in. He is always looking for new ones so I expect he'll pinch these!! In which case Egluntine, I have one for you......... but can't post it here Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Martin B Posted June 12, 2007 Share Posted June 12, 2007 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted June 12, 2007 Share Posted June 12, 2007 Thank you Lesley! It has been written into his next speech which he will be giving to the Union of Catholic Mothers! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lesley Posted June 12, 2007 Share Posted June 12, 2007 - they'll love it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhapsody Posted June 12, 2007 Share Posted June 12, 2007 When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hillfamily Posted June 12, 2007 Share Posted June 12, 2007 Will keep me smiling all day Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popcorn Posted June 12, 2007 Share Posted June 12, 2007 Brilliant...but of course, I'm left wondering what Eglutine's OH is going to tell the Union of Catholic Mothers Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hillfamily Posted June 12, 2007 Share Posted June 12, 2007 probably best not to wonder Gina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popcorn Posted June 12, 2007 Share Posted June 12, 2007 knowing Lesley, you're probably right Pam. She has got a naughty side hasn't she...or is it Carl..?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted June 12, 2007 Share Posted June 12, 2007 Lesley, was that one of the emails I sent you? Egluntine, if you want some really funny (and unprintable ones) I'll need your email addy - they're definitely not for public consumption! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted June 12, 2007 Share Posted June 12, 2007 Brilliant...but of course, I'm left wondering what Eglutine's OH is going to tell the Union of Catholic Mothers Was just kidding.....he isn't really going to speak to them!! He does a lot of sporting dinners etc and now and then a Rugby Club do, so you can imagine what sort of jokes are expected there! (He never uses 4 letter words though! He does quite a few professional dinners too. I get invited but duck out if I can! I've heard them all before! Always glad of new material! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
