Solitary chicken - need advice

[Alis girls]

Now my sons 18 and had a couple of girlfriends. The latest is a strange un to say the least. She can be mega friendly and then almost frosty. Could be hormones but my poor son finds her hard to fathom. Her family arent as close as we are and he told his dad he couldnt marry a woman like her as he wanted her to like his family was a relief. I know they are young and uni is the next milestone but he has a habit of picking moody needy young ladies. I have learnt to be friendly but distant. Last yr I thought we were getting on better - she was 18 so I gave her a little present and made her a little sponge cake nothing fancy with candles. How do you cope with people you dont gel with. Will I ever gel or am I destined to not get on with these young women? I am the only girl in a houseful of males (only an aged aunt in immediate family) so in yrs to come i would love a "daughter figure" Will I be the MIL from hell

[chickencam]

It is a difficult one, we all hope to like the people chosen by our children, but I suspect that if I manage one out of three I will be doing well.

 

I am lucky to get on with my MIL really well, she had two sons, however she doesn't get on very well with her other DIL. My mum doesn't really like my husband and the feeling us mutual, we only see them a few times a year so it isn't a big issue.

 

Can't really help, but friendly seems the way to go, and see where it leads.

[Snowy]

I'm a bit like you Ali - all boys, no other women in the immediate family. Would love a daughter figure! Am keeping my fingers tightly crossed and my mouth tightly shut and hoping that eldest sons girlfriend stays the course - I rather like her and her parents (our next door neighbours daughter - they have known each other most of their lives) but don't want to jinx them!

[Alis girls]

Thanks - glad its not just me. I suspect my youngest who is only 12 will bring the strangest woman he can find home just to annoy me. I dont mind what colour, creed or football team they support just want one who likes me and I like them - some common ground would be nice (one who likes furry feathery beasts would help) but so long as she treats my son right I will like her.

[Grandmashazzie]

Agree,the only thing to do is be yourself,be friendly and welcoming,they will make their own choices.Never make negative comments to your offspring,that might turn out to be the ONE and your comments will be remembered for all time.

[WitchHazel]

You never know who is going to stick, so I've always found it best to be open and friendly to all of them, and to treat them as I would if the pair were married (include them in everything). Before the kids were married, when they just had girlfriends, we always included them in studio portraits (but also had shots taken without the other halves).

 

When my eldest stepson was 18, his same-aged girlfriend was pleasant enough, but she tended to treat us as if we were stupid. She was at that age when anyone over 30 was ancient, and I do remember one incident where she was telling me something and I realised she was using the voice I would use to explain something to someone senile. I was quite relieved when they split up. I was only 31, and I didn't know how best to handle it.

 

Fast forward many years. All three of my step children (now 38, 36,33) have/had lovely wives/husband. Very sadly, the youngest has split up from her husband, her choice to do so, and it was a great shock. He is such a lovely man. Not sure how I am going to feel when she meets someone else, it's been a loooooong time since I've had to get to know someone from scratch (and the ex has big shoes to fill!).

[Cinnamon]

Yes, it is very tricky.

 

My eldest girl has had 2 long term boyfriends, both of whom we loved. They are both nice lads & we do include them & make them welcome. Her ex is still in contact with me via Facebook & I am glad to still hear from him.

She has been with her current boyf for 2 years now, & he is great.

 

My youngest is a nightmare

She is a great looking girl & gets a LOT of male attention. Her boyfriends have slowly got more & more unsuitable, until one a couple of years ago who was 8 years older than her & basically a loser druggie

We think that he was our test - her way of seeing how far she could push us & it was very,very hard, but we remained polite, open & seemingly happy with him.

 

Luckily she soon got bored & dumped him.

Now she has a new man in her life, who sounds divine (long wavy hair, tattoos & muscles!), but I have told her that I won't meet him just yet because I hate getting attached to her young men for her to cast them off shortly afterwards (I have 4 of her exes as my FB friends )

 

My advice would be to stay cool, be friendly, include them in everything...it will work out fine in the end.

And please don't set your expectations too high

[The Dogmother]

I have this all to come I think... Rosie has dated some daft beggars, and they didn't last beyond a month. She had one lovely boyfriend last year, but they split up. It was quite funny when she first brought him home as I knew instantly that they had been in the same class at nursery, although Rosie had no idea. I was very sad when they split up.

 

She's been dating the current lad since before Christmas and he is lovely; sporty like her, gentle and respectful, I have only met his folks briefly but they seem nice. He goes to a different school, so can't be her prom date, which is a shame.

 

I had the MiL from hell when I was married... a chain smoking alcoholic who used to ring up in the middle of the night and scream abuse at me Phil's folks are lovely - very much like him, in that they are gentle, thoughtful folks. They used to manage the farm they live on. Phil's sister is great and I really like her, don't see much of his two brothers, but they are nice.

[soapdragon]

ES is 9.5 and YS 6. I am reading this with huge trepidation; I think its so true when folk say that the worries/tribulations of motherhood never go away just change! Hats off to those of you going through this; I will read and inwardly digest!!!!

[Ain't Nobody Here]

ES had a girlfriend for the first couple of years at Uni - I didn't dislike her but she just seemed very distant and never even said thank you once, despite staying the night and being fed quite a few times. I was quite pleased when she dumped him. Then she decided she wanted him again. Then dumped him again . Thankfully he now says she wasn't his type and he was quite happy to have split up.

[Valkyrie]

Well DS is now on girlfriend number 4. I agree - I try and get on with them all. Number 2 I didn't get to know and the 3rd I got on alright - but she was a nightmare for him but without her he wouldn't have grown up properly so I have her to thank for that. Now on the new number 4. She seems nice and giggles a lot. Early days yet, but he certainly seems a much happier person with her.

I don't think you will be the MIL from hell - you have to be a horrible person to start with . . . like my MIL!

[JellyBean2605]

My MIL is a nightmare, she's an alcoholic and a classic "mother of sons" so they say. We initially got on well but she and my SIL have been at war for years. Now I've been dragged in, I get accused of all sorts (being a gold digger is a favourite) she has ruined several family occasions with her behaviour ( our engagement and numerous birthdays) birthday parties have been stopped now. She phones up at random times spouting rubbish. The sad thing is when she's sober and in a good mood she's lovely and I do miss her.

[Alis girls]

Glad I'm not alone in worrying re this. I have been much cooler towards her of late. I remember she told ES off as he'd told me she'd been unwell and I asked if she was better. BIG MISTAKE - it was a case of "you tell your mum everything" I think my worst nightmare would be a snake lover (snake phobic!!) or someone allergic to cats (we have 3) and bird phobic.

[Alis girls]

I had to update you on this. ES and the ex have been split up now. Hes doing A levels (so is she) but shes playing with his emotions. I'm afraid I was a naughty mummy to day as shes got a new man and had txted my son to ask advice on uni's. I said to tell her Russia and Outer Mongolia have excellent uni's ES in all innocense said " i dont see what you mean" -i had to explain the distance factor - I was not popular and got told off. I couldnt help myself. If in years to come he marries her I will have to put my tongue firmly between my teeth and bite hard.