Guest Posted August 29, 2007 Share Posted August 29, 2007 No wonder children don't do as they are told nowadays.... I'm sitting here next to the window, with it open because it's a nice evening, with Caitlin in bed and the boys putting on the grass across the road. One of the neighbours daughters just stole one of the balls, so her mum shouted, "Jasmine, give the boys the ball back", to which Jasmine replied "No!" and ran off. So her mum shouted, "Right young lady, if you don't give them the ball back, you're coming in for the night" which was ignored, followed by "Ok, this is your final warning, give them it back or you're coming in", at which point she was told to "get lost". Now, at that point, if it was me (if it ever got to that point), I would have had that girl in her bed in 20 seconds flat, with a red backside and a flea in her ear, but her mother just shouted, "Right, there will be no sweetie with your packed lunch tomorrow" to which she replied "Don't care", at which point the mother said "Oh for gods sake, I give up" and has gone inside, leaving her daughter with the golfball and no punishment. Is it just me...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theherd123 Posted August 29, 2007 Share Posted August 29, 2007 No its not just you, you are the sane one! If i had children i would have given them 'what for' too. As a teacher you see the effects of poor parenting all the time. Im a great believer in that if you make a threat ,make it a reasonable one and carry it out or the child will have no respect for you. Your neighbours child obviously has no respect for her mother. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowy Posted August 29, 2007 Share Posted August 29, 2007 You are so right Chookie I actually hesitate many a time to threaten mine - I have to stop and think of something that I can actually carry out that will have an effect on them But at least it does work (well, most of the time anyway ) OH tends to threaten them with something extreme then not carry it out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheGirlsMum Posted August 29, 2007 Share Posted August 29, 2007 Im with you on this my girls know if I say something I mean it. The youngest like to try and push it but I only need to start counting and I have never yet got to 5 Need to cross my fingers now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rona Posted August 29, 2007 Share Posted August 29, 2007 I always tried to be strict but fair when my boys were young and try to do the same now with my granddaughters. I think children (like dogs) feel more secure if they know their boundaries and feel that someone is in control. I can't be bothered with whinging, tantrums and rudeness anyway, - in either dogs or children - so they quickly learn the rules. The girls always love coming to stay so I can't be too bad! Poor Jasmine is probably a bloody nuisance in school and will go on to be the employee from hell when she gets into the workplace. Good god!, I've just read that and I sound like my mother!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chelsea Posted August 29, 2007 Share Posted August 29, 2007 i dont have kids yet, but was brought up in a strict household and we were smacked....didnt do me any harm! Wouldnt dare back chat to my mum or dad and to this day I have never sworn in front of my parents. im just watching tonights supernanny...cannot believe that 4 year old boy thats enough to put anyone off children!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lesley Posted August 30, 2007 Share Posted August 30, 2007 I always tried to be strict but fair when my boys were young and try to do the same now with my granddaughters. I think children (like dogs) feel more secure if they know their boundaries and feel that someone is in control. I can't be bothered with whinging, tantrums and rudeness anyway, - in either dogs or children - so they quickly learn the rules. The girls always love coming to stay so I can't be too bad! Poor Jasmine is probably a bloody nuisance in school and will go on to be the employee from hell when she gets into the workplace. Good god!, I've just read that and I sound like my mother!! You've said exactly what I was thinking Rona - and I sound just like my mother as well I will be having both grandchildren today.....and no whingeing or rudeness I think boudaries are very important, and you're right, children do feel more secure even if they try to kick against them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted August 30, 2007 Share Posted August 30, 2007 That says it all... people are frightened of their children, and won't challenge them. I was in a garden centre a month or so ago and a girl aged about 3 was demolishing a display. An assistant came over and very nicely spoke to the child...and he father said...if you don't mind...our daughter is being brought up to explore the world and the words "No and Don't" get in the way of her experience and we prefer her not to hear them.. The assistant said...OK let her explore all she likes, but you will pay for everything she damages......oh....and if you chose to let her explore over there where it says no entry....I hope you manage to get her out of the bore hole. They paid for their good and left. The assistant got a round of applause from a group of pensioners. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lesley Posted August 30, 2007 Share Posted August 30, 2007 I can't be doing with this nonsense about using the word No. I think it is the first word children should learn - how else can you keep them safe? As long as you then don't use the word unnecessarily then it is such a useful word. Do they let their child explore the main roads? the motorways? play with guard dogs? .......... what $%%&*&*^^% idiots Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen & co. Posted August 30, 2007 Share Posted August 30, 2007 What a fantastic response from the assistant It always takes me until aftr the event to think of something I should have said I have to agree on the saying no to children, I'm probably sounding like my mother too, but children do need boundries, and my lot may push against them sometimes, but once they get 'the look' they stop. Trouble is now they are getting older they also come out with, "Oooh you'd better do it now, Mum has that look on her face" karen x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lesley Posted August 30, 2007 Share Posted August 30, 2007 .....and when 'the look' stops working and you hold on to their arms just a little bit more tightly - and then they protest loudly "you're hurting my arm" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SarahJo Posted August 30, 2007 Share Posted August 30, 2007 errrr 5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1 Then a sharp skelp across the bahookie, and in . Thats my parenting - I rarely get to 3 in the countdown, and the boys know how to tuck their bottys in on the way past . I heard boys of about 4 and 5 yrs calling each other A' holes the other day at the park, whilst beating the living daylights out of each other. The mum's then retreived them for ice-cream, and proceeded to go to their very "nice" cars. I was speechless - again a bahookie smack and frogmarched from the park if mine did that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted August 30, 2007 Share Posted August 30, 2007 I do use threats & I do carry them out. They are few & far between now that my girls are old enough to behave well most of the time & to know that they WILL be punished. My best punishment at the moment is a 4 screen ban. No TV,DVD,Computer or i-pod until the ban is lifted. Works a treat,that one Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christian Posted August 30, 2007 Share Posted August 30, 2007 My Parents both used to count to 3! But i never heard 3 as that was already a wallop! If I hadn't done whatever by 2, that was it!!! My brother and his girlfriend don't use the word 'no' for their son or daughter, but they are generally good children. The other day, my nephew Ellis (5) went up to my Mum and just punched her in the arm. He got such a smack across his backside, that he just stared at me in shock! he knows better than to play up with me, or he gets the 'look'. That usually works. (it works with passengers at work too) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhapsody Posted August 30, 2007 Share Posted August 30, 2007 I used to count to 5.......also I never issued threats, just went in like the Wrath of God. I would like to say as someone who believes in firm but fair parenting and has never been afraid of disciplining my kids in public (and here I would like to point out I do NOT mean anything physical), I have had people give me the "Whats wrong with you?" lecture and remarks galore about my temper. I even once had someone threaten to call social services on me because I physically made my then 4-year-old to sit his bottom down and stop demolishing the doctor's waiting room! (he had had 3 warnings!) Another interesting point- because I make my kids behave and will pull them up everyone feels they have a right to join in whereas I've noticed in my family/friends if the parents are tolerating brattiness, everyone puts up with it. Weird. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted August 30, 2007 Share Posted August 30, 2007 Not fair *pouts* you've all had my rant for me! I can just echo all that you've said; Rosie knows the look and has only dared to cross it once and got a smack, so she knows the rules. As for my neice and nephew... that's a different matter - they were dumped on my parents the other day and drove my folks insane with their bad behaviour and constant racket! Children, animals and men all behave for me! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted August 30, 2007 Share Posted August 30, 2007 I'm going to come clean here now that mine are grown up, and social services are unlikely to pounce, but just very occasionally...maybe 3 times each in the whole of their childhoods, mine behaved in a way that needed instant discipline, and they received what was known as a good hiding. Worked wonders, and the bad behaviour ceased immediately and general behaviour improved for weeks...even months afterewards. Warnings and countdowns and withdrawal of privileges did the trick at other times. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aunty e Posted August 30, 2007 Share Posted August 30, 2007 Sounds exactly like good parenting to me. I got my bottom smacked maybe five or six times in my whole childhood, but I knew it was a possibility and I absolutely knew what the limits of good behaviour were. My mum very rarely got past three. Sadly my OH's mother used to belt him round the head with absolutely no warning when he was a child, and he's very anti corporal punishment, whereas I think it's really useful if used when there is no other appropriate punishment. I'm sure we'll work it out when we have kids (19 months and counting). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mel (& Paul) Posted August 30, 2007 Share Posted August 30, 2007 Children, animals and men all behave for me! Not (& Paul) - he is positively mischevious when you are around Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted August 30, 2007 Share Posted August 30, 2007 And there was i thinking that he was an animal like his t shirt said Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mel (& Paul) Posted August 30, 2007 Share Posted August 30, 2007 No just a cheeky monkey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 30, 2007 Share Posted August 30, 2007 So glad that it's not just me then! My children have, very occasionally been given a smack, but most of the time a look and a warning is fine. I'm not saying that my children are the best behaved children in the world - they definately can have their moments - but they're not too bad, and I'm fairly certain that it's down to the fact I follow through with any threats, and try and reward good behaviour when they deserve it. Yes, I sound like my mother! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 30, 2007 Share Posted August 30, 2007 i know lots of people seem to think smacking is a jolly good thing... and it's not against the law - so it's up to you.. but I don't and I never would. my kids have never been smacked and they are perfectly well behaved. "Boundaries" are the most important thing in terms of discipline - boundaries well negotiated (yes - negotiated) and enforced with well understood realistic consequences properly enforced.. but "boundaries" "discipline" and "smacking/hitting" are not necessarily the same thing. not really wanting to open up the whole smacking debate - opinions are rarely changed by it and it generates more heat than light - but as it has now been mentioned in post after post, I wanted to just mark the fact that there is another view - and that those who do not smack their children do not necessarily have out-of-control children... Phil Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dancing Gal Posted August 30, 2007 Share Posted August 30, 2007 That says it all... people are frightened of their children, and won't challenge them. I was in a garden centre a month or so ago and a girl aged about 3 was demolishing a display. An assistant came over and very nicely spoke to the child...and he father said...if you don't mind...our daughter is being brought up to explore the world and the words "No and Don't" get in the way of her experience and we prefer her not to hear them.. The assistant said...OK let her explore all she likes, but you will pay for everything she damages......oh....and if you chose to let her explore over there where it says no entry....I hope you manage to get her out of the bore hole. They paid for their good and left. The assistant got a round of applause from a group of pensioners. This so called father is an absolute tw*t. He's going to deserve everything he gets when those little darlings become teenagers. Never uses No or Don't - the man's an idiot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aunty e Posted August 30, 2007 Share Posted August 30, 2007 Very true, I know plenty of people who would never smack their children, and have raised perfectly well-behaved little people. I think it's very much a personal choice, and I think there are things to be said for and against it, for example my husband had a very bad experience of corporal punishment as a child. On the other hand, I happen to think *GIANT CAN OF WORMS* that corporal/physical punishment should be used on grown ups in some cases as an alternative to prison (which I think is generally A BAD THING). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
