Chicken bald back

[beach chick]

DAY ONE

I'm a big black chook, and I just want to be a momma, but SHE wont let me. the last few days (well, ok, weeks), I've been trying to hatch my sisters' eggs, but SHE keeps turfing me out of my nice cosy nest box, and dunking me in cold water.

 

this morning SHE dunked me 5 times. then SHE went off with the heathen smaller people that seem to live here, so off I went back to the box.

 

when SHE came home, SHE had a big box, made of wire. said it was a 'dog cage' - doesnt SHE know I'm a chicken? so SHE put me in there, and stood back to admire. Several escapes later (I'm not stupid, I used diversionary tactics such as kicking over the waterbowl and food bowl, and then went out and pretended to be like the other girls while SHE gave us left over couscous).

 

however, SHE used the time while I was free again to refine her tactics. now I face my first night of incarceration. I have used all my wiles - a gentle bok bok, a loud shriek, frantically pacing the pathetically small space they would try and keep a DOG in... but to no avail. SHE has no heart. meanwhile, my sisters laugh at me.

 

and to make things worse, SHE has covered my cell with a rug - from IKEA of all places - with zodiac signs on which was discarded from one of the small heathen's bedroom floor. I think this is to shut me up, but I won't be silenced, I will stand up for chickens everywhere!

[Guest]

 

Poor chook....

[Chicken Licken]

Hee, hee, heee, hee

[Lindy]

Mercedes dear,

 

SHE's only doing this because SHE loves you and wants you to stop this silly broody behaviour. You cannot have babies, now get over it! I've been through this too and I can assure you that it doesn't last very long - you'll feel like your old self in a day or too, honestly.

 

In chickenhood,

 

Stella the Speckled Star x

[Ladylucan]

Well i have been broody for 3 weeks now. i have ducked and dived and SHE has finally given up and left me to it, though a couple of times i have seen her coming towards me so i do tend to make out i am just getting up and it seems to work,

 

Just pretend you are over it and within days you will be let out to carry on

 

Us girlies have got to stick together................

[lost-sheep]

awwwwww...

[Chocobo]

awww....

[Joojoo]

It's not just chooks that are kept confined. This is a postcard sent by an imprisoned cat

 

Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with

bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat,

while the other inmates and I am fed hash or some sort of dry

nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I

nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The

only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt

to disgust them; I once again vomit on the carpet.

 

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at

their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it

clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made

condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.

"Ooops, word censored!"s!!

 

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I

was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.

However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that

my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what

this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

 

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one

of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must

try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am

convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog

receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to

be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has

got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards

regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors

have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is

safe. For now...

[debbie]

Thanks..........made my day.

[Mel (& Paul)]

seen it before - but it always raises a smile

[The Dogmother]

She'll be fine Beachchick, none of mine ever responded to dunking but the broody cage works really well.

[beach chick]

DAY TWO: UPDATE

again, SHE and the small heathens went out for the day (admittedly after SHE tried to fix the omlet shade over my prison, to make sure I didn't die of heatstroke - I managed to peck it free though). When they came back, I was pacing frantically. SHE also had to sort out my food and drink problem (if you stand in the bowls, they fall over, even if wired to the sides of the slammer), so she softened and let me out. I had the most wonderful dustbath ever, and pecked frantically at everything so that SHE would know I was a good chicken, a reformed chicken, a chicken that had turned her back on broodiness.

 

However, it has all gone wrong. SHE caught me in the nest box, and has now returned me to the slammer. SHE has made ingenious, non-knockable- overable food and drink holders, using cut down milk cartons, and wired them into the corner of my prison. Now I am back in jug, and SHE has the last laugh again - for today...

[Ladylucan]

Mercedes,... we are all with you girl.... you tough it out . we can show them..

[The Dogmother]

This is so funny beachchick!

 

Mercedes, I am sorry, but you need to be in the slammer 24/7 for three days for it to work. If Mum makes you a high-rise penthouse slammer, up on a couple of bricks, it will increase the airflow and keep your botty cool to help you feel less hormonal.

[lost-sheep]

mercedes should write a novel... "how i was banned from broodiness" or "god gave me eggs... why cant i hatch them??" or "the capture, torment and escape of mercedes the great!"

[Laura & CTB]

Or make a film " Birdhen of Alcatraz"

[beach chick]

UPDATE: DAY THREE

I must start by thanking you all for your support and concern. If only I lived with NICE owners like you, and supportive chickens, instead of this hellhole of depravity, staffed by the Rosa Kleb look-alike, the small heathens and my less than sisterly sisters. There is a man too, but he tends to stay aloof - I wonder if I could get him on my side, with a bit of cooing?

I shall tell you what has transpired today.

 

SHE bought me a piece of tomato this morning - presumably drugged, so that SHE can make me completely institutionalised, like in "One Flew Over the Chicken's Nest". I pecked suspiciously, and greed overcame me. I was just starting to enjoy it when that Paris came and took it away from me - through the bars of my cell. And I thought she was my friend...

 

SHE has taken advice from other sadistic chicken owners, and my jail is raised on bricks, so I can't even find a decent worm to console myself. I keep the pacing up, but SHE has hardened her heart even to that now. I fear there is no end to this.

Please join my campaign: FREE THE DYMCHURCH ONE!

[Happy-Mama]

[beach chick]

%"*!**%!!

SHE snuck up on me in a very sneaky way, and caught me having a nice quiet sit down in my miserable cell. Obviously I immediately resumed the frantic pacing and tried to look pathetic, but I think SHE is wise to me now. **!!""*&^% - will have to think again...

[Laura & CTB]

Maybe you should start shouting too Mercedes - really REALLY loud

[lost-sheep]

yeah!!!!! we will all help!!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...hhhhhhhh....ahem

i'm doing this alone aren't i???

Edited August 31, 2007 by Guest

[Snowy]

Erm ... lost sheep, your post appears to have sent everything over the edge!!

[lost-sheep]

fixed it aren't i good... the fact it was my fault to start with won't be discussed

[Snowy]

Thank you - much better!

I find it hard to scroll sideways on a laptop, plus my eyesight couldn't take the strain!!!

[The Dogmother]

Thanks, I was just going to fix that... saved me the job.