little chickadee Posted November 25, 2007 Share Posted November 25, 2007 (edited) My daughter (Aged 8 ) (I put the number 8 in brackets before but it came out as has started to ask some very awkward questions and I think she has a lot of things sussed. I guess it's time to do "the talk" has anyone else had to do this recently? How's it gone? Obviously no rude words allowed on the forum, or they will be edited!!! I've seen some interesting books on Amazon which have good reviews - anyone any experience of these? Edited November 25, 2007 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted November 25, 2007 Share Posted November 25, 2007 Just answer questions as they arise. No need to sit her down and have an excruciatingly embarrassing "talk". How old is your daughter? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted November 25, 2007 Share Posted November 25, 2007 How old is she? I bought mine a great book, I think it was called 'mummy laid an egg' or something, & chatted with them about things too,as they asked. I remember my Mum giving me 'the talk' & it was awful............................so I decided to try to be much more laid back about things with my girls Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
little chickadee Posted November 25, 2007 Author Share Posted November 25, 2007 Yeah - i thought a book would be a good idea - she is a very mature 8 yr old and adores books. My mum left a book under my pillow when I was 9. i was so incredibly innocent that I had no idea what the punch line was until the last chapter! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lesley Posted November 25, 2007 Share Posted November 25, 2007 My Mum gave me a book about fruit flies - it confused me then and I'm still wondering about it Mind you, that was many moons ago..... Lauren has been asking questions and has been told quite a bit. She's a quite mature 9 year old who was/is developping early. She also asks me things after she's chatted to her Mum, which is nice, and she's told enough to cover the question she's asked (more detail on the girlie side of things for obvious reasons) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xScrunchee Posted November 25, 2007 Share Posted November 25, 2007 My daughter is 8 too and I just answer any questions as they arise. I have always been very open and matter of fact about it all. The way I see it-if they are old enough to ask, they are old enough to be told but I keep it short and sweet. Anything she hasn't been old enough to understand she forgets about and asks months or years later. She is a very grown up 8 year old too Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olly Posted November 25, 2007 Share Posted November 25, 2007 My Mum gave me a book about fruit flies - it confused me then and I'm still wondering about it Oh my goodness, I had that book! I think it was probably originally bought for my sisters, who were 9 and 12 years older than me, because it seemed a bit dated even to me ... all I can remember is the fruit flies, I can't honestly say that it told me anything about puberty! I learned most of what I needed to know from my sisters, or friends at school, I don't think my mum ever talked to me about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted November 25, 2007 Share Posted November 25, 2007 (edited) I went to a convent school in Manchester. We were given a book all about "Our Lady" and how all these beautiful and wonderful things had happened to her and would happen to us. Our bodies were temples and shrines to Gods infinite majesty and so on. It was so wrapped up in allegory that I hadn't a clue what it was about. I wasn't the only one. Three girls in my year "went to stay with aunts in Ireland". Factual and in words pitched at her age group and level of understanding is the best way. Edited November 25, 2007 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feemcg Posted November 25, 2007 Share Posted November 25, 2007 Anna is 8 too and knows most 'stuff' now - my other daughters were the same at that age as I had Anna when they were 7 and 9 so it was an ideal time to talk babies (and being a midwife helped). A few years later I was working in youth sexual health and had boxes of condoms and leaflets kicking about the car so everything was pretty much out in the open (much to their embarrassment if I was giving their friends a lift somewhere ). A few months ago I was putting Anna's snack in her school bag and found a pocket crammed full of tampons . I asked her why she had them and she said she was going to play a game with them at school . I asked her if she knew what they were and she said no so we had the 'period' chat, much sooner than I expected . She was completely unfazed and asked why I hadn't told her sooner Having the chickens and hatching has been quite good too as we've had many conversations about fertilised and non-fertilised eggs, why you need a cockerel etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
little chickadee Posted November 25, 2007 Author Share Posted November 25, 2007 I went to a Catholic school too and our "education" at school basically involved a black and white film of naked children jumping into a swimming pool (That showed us who had what bits) everything else was left for us to wonder! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goosey Lucy Posted November 25, 2007 Share Posted November 25, 2007 Sorry if this looks long-winded, I am not an authority on these matters but as a mum and a former Primary school teacher I hope I can help. As a mum it can be excrutiating to answer these questions and they are always asked when you don't have time to answer them either because you're about to go out of the door or because Granny has just come round for afternoon tea with the vicar! There will never be a good time but if you are unable to answer her questions at the time explain why not and arrange a time when the two of you can talk. I also used to teach in a Primary school and was always involved with the Sex Education lessons for our Year 5 and 6 pupils. Don't lie and if possible don't blush. Take every question in your stride and act as though you've been asked it a hundred times before. As soon as they think you're embarassed they'll either try to shock you further or decide that you don't know what you're talking about and stop asking all together. That's when they get hold of misinformation and half-truths from their friends. Honesty is always the best policy. If you think she is asking you something particularly explicit then it's probably because she has heard some of her friends talking and wants to know what they are on about. Some children are a lot more aware than others especially those with older siblings. It may be wise to ask her why she wants to know the answer to a particularly intimate question. As for books they can be great but once you've found one you like (and there are loads out there aimed at her age group) make sure you have time to talk it through with her. Don't feel that the responsibility is all yours, if you have a husband/partner they can be involved too although as a woman you will be best placed to answer some of her questions. I hope this helps, Good luck, Lucy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted November 25, 2007 Share Posted November 25, 2007 As a mum it can be excrutiating to answer these questions Funnily enough,I wasn't worried by the questions at all & was delighted they asked me rather than finding out from classroom chit chat. Brilliant advice from Goosey Lucy - really sensible stuff Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goosey Lucy Posted November 25, 2007 Share Posted November 25, 2007 Thanks Cinnamon for your kind words. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tessa the Duchess Posted November 25, 2007 Share Posted November 25, 2007 Eglutine wrote: I went to a convent school Me too We had nil sex education at school, except once a nun told us with a rather embarrassed face that if we were ever in the situation where we had to sit on a boy's lap (at this point she crossed herself) then we must be sure to put a telephone directory down first none of us had a clue what she was talking about The only sex education I had from my mum was on the night before I embarked on marrying husband number 1 she said "sex is a messy business" I got the little information I had from friends and not all of it was accurate When I tried to talk to my sons about sex they just and said 'we've already done that in PSD, whatever that is. Tessa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted November 25, 2007 Share Posted November 25, 2007 Eglutine wrote: I went to a convent school Me too We had nil sex education at school, except once a nun told us with a rather embarrassed face that if we were ever in the situation where we had to sit on a boy's lap (at this point she crossed herself) then we must be sure to put a telephone directory down first Tessa It wasn't Sister Dolores was it!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
little chickadee Posted November 25, 2007 Author Share Posted November 25, 2007 I love that! (The telephone directory!) Thankyou for all your advice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tessa the Duchess Posted November 25, 2007 Share Posted November 25, 2007 Eglutine enquired: It wasn't Sister Dolores was it!!! Nah, nasty hatchet faced Sister Angelina Hearing some of the things girls were told in Catholic school makes me surprised that any of us managed to lead 'normal' sex lives (I know, I know define 'normal') but I'm sure you get my drift. Tessa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted November 25, 2007 Share Posted November 25, 2007 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowy Posted November 25, 2007 Share Posted November 25, 2007 I agree with the 'answer each question as it arises' strategy. Always done that with son (16). He was very good at asking and discussing things - he'd tell me what he'd heard at school and ask me what it meant! I was determined not to do what my Mum did to me - gave me two books to read: Obstetrics and Gynaecology for nurses and Harold Robbins - The Betsy Not bad reading for a 10 year old Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lesley Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 My Mum gave me a book about fruit flies - it confused me then and I'm still wondering about it Oh my goodness, I had that book! I think it was probably originally bought for my sisters, who were 9 and 12 years older than me, because it seemed a bit dated even to me ... all I can remember is the fruit flies, I can't honestly say that it told me anything about puberty! I learned most of what I needed to know from my sisters, or friends at school, I don't think my mum ever talked to me about it. I'm so glad you've posted this!!!!! We were chatting about this at the weekend, before this thread was posted, and my Mum told me I was imagining it I knew I wasn't My, 10 years younger, sister said that she was told very scary untruths by me and my, 2 years younger, sister Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura007 Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 from what my folks told me, apparently i trotted up to my dad and said " dad, what is sex??" he told all about it, and from what they said i just said "oh ok" and trotted off to go and play with chums at the park. I dont remember it myself so it cant have been to traumatic, and i dont remember asking again. so i would go with just answer the questions honestly as they arise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickencam Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 Answereing questions as they come up is great unless it is outside the school gate a 8.55 am as with eldest. We then had a chat later and I also did the period thing at the same time, and I think it was a bit too much info in one go. Luckily younger ones have found out a bit more gradually. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tina C Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 We've got Mummy Laid an Egg, which is really good as it shows the parents talking rubbish and then the children explaining everything to them with simple illustrations. We have read it once with Layla but no doubt the question will arise again and she can have another look at it. When she was about 4 we had a book from the library which was done from the sperm's point of view (so the focus is on how the baby is made rather than the sex part of the process) but I can't remember what it was called. We are going down the answer questions as they arise route, although one of our friends was shocked that this started when she was 4. The Santa question is the one I am dreading at the moment - I hate lying so my instinct is just to let her have the truth if she asks but Mike says we should help her hold on to the magic. Both of us think she has sussed it but doesn't want to say anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 My eldest is going to be 10 next weekend, and chookiehubbie absolutely refuses to have the 'chat' with him. I'm not entirely certain what he knows for a fact, and am curious to see just how much he does know, given that he has two younger siblings, and another on the way, and given that his wee brother is 8, I'd quite like to hear how he thinks the baby got in my tummy as well! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 I had a roman catholic upbringing too, although no convent school (phew). I remember my mother giving me some 1950s style book about keeping yourself 'nice' and dressing prettily when you're 'inconvenienced'. I don't know how old I was, but we'd already covered it at school and knew more than the book told me Rosie is 9.5 now and knows pretty much everything, but I think I need to sit down and check exactly what she does and doesn't know. i have some lovely books, can't remember the titles at the moment, which I bought especially for this occasion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...