Jump to content
Guest Penguinmad

Thoughtless family christmas (Rant)

Recommended Posts

Well it just gets more depressing to me - I feel like my Dad's side of the family have dropped us. My Dad died 6 years ago.

 

Ever since I was a kid we spend Christmases with my Dad's nephew and his family. Boxing day if we were at our house we would have the rest of the family round in the afternoon and have a great time. If we were at theirs things were quieter as they lived further away but we still had a nice family Christmas.

 

Thinking back the year I was pregnant we were on our own, they may have spent the following Christmas with us but every year now they have something better to do. Most of this centres around their son and his fiance who to be honest seem to try and spend as little time with them as they can.

 

Last year it was just me, Mum and James and no boxing day get together as some of the family were away in Sheffield. It was quiet and didn't feel very special. TBH I had a stinking cold too so rather dismal for all of us.

 

This year we invited them again and they put off until they got another invitation, they are going to a neices for xmas (my second cousin) and then home boxing day as precious son can squeeze them in. Now they are not much fun but it would have felt like a family christmas if they were here.

 

I told Mum to invite the rest of the family over for the traditional boxing day gathering. The one who lives in Sheffield is at her sisters for xmas (with the cousins who turned us down!) and will still be there on boxing day. Mum phoned the neice who is hosting the xmas day and spoke to her husband who tried to fob her off saying my cousins would be there - mum said "oh I thought they had to rush home on boxing day to see their son" but he didnt' have a lot to say about that.

 

Then today she spoke to the cousin, who said yes they are going to the neices and the neice is ever so disappointed that the son and fiance are not coming.

 

So now I'm extra annoyed - they seem to have room for a lot of the family there and yet they don't think of us. They have a daughter who James gets on very well with and they would have a lovely day together.

 

Mum is going to put a total guilt trip on them about how she wishes she never moved here because none of the family will drive out to see us (20 mins from M25!). Also how dull Xmas is going to be for James with just us and NO FAMILY.

 

I just feel like we've been totally dropped - we were always such a close family, the neice (my cousin) used to babysit me during the school holidays and my Dad has always kept an eye out for her and her sisters. Their Mum died when I was a baby and we've just always been close.

 

I loved having family Christmases and I would love the same for James but all we seem to be able to manage is ourselves. My Mum has 2 sisters but they do have big families of their own (one has 3 sons and the other has 8 kids between her and her husband). My Granny is "Ooops, word censored!"ODY'S choice of Christmas guest, she is a miserable moo and is happier staying at home with my stepgrandad for a lovely Bernard Matthews turkey roast!

 

I'm on Lighterlife and not eating, Mum prefers cold turkey to hot, James eats like a 5 year old. I may as well just cook a chicken breast for Christmas dinner with a few veggies and potatoes it will do for all of us.

 

I'm sure it's nothing personal, just thoughtlessness on everyones part. If we didn't have James we would just go away somewhere nice but that wouldn't be special for him and he gets bored sitting over dinners in restaurants. If his Dad ever asks to have him over Christmas I think I'll let him, even though he doesn't deserve to spend this magical time with his son.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am sat here nearly in tears reading this and I know from reading other posts you're not the only person to have had their Christmas plans upset.

You are all welcome here, any time, even if we are miles away. You can chose your friends but you can't choose your family. Large parts of mine are despicable.

 

I am sending hugs and virtual mugs of hot chocolate with cream and marshmallows (or whatever you prefer) Hopefully Lighterlife let you have these.

 

x

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well my hubby is working from 7 in the morning till 11 on the night ,so christmas Day will b me and the two kids :roll: If he gets chance and he is not busy the boy in blue will pop home and hopefully grab a bite to eat.!!!! Luckily we will have a better New Year as we are going up to inlaws.So am really looking forward to that. Will do my best to make christmas day good for the kids though. :P

 

 

Layla xx

Link to comment
Share on other sites

aaaw thanks Lucy. I'm allowed virtual food! Acutally I should have had a lighterlife choc shake but didnt' manage it again.

 

I think my cousin doesn't want to spend Christmas with us because he was so close to my Dad, they grew up like brothers as my Aunt brought my Dad up. He finds it hard being around us as he misses Dad so much. But doesn't he get that we miss him too? My Dad has been there for every one of the family when they needed him this would absolutely horrify him. I think they just think that because we don't keep saying how much we miss him we don't miss him as much as them.

 

Not one of them called this year on Dad's birthday either. Mum was on holiday and I was alone. I know my cousin will have been thinking of Dad but he doesn't seem to think we do.

 

Actually typing this is making me realise just how much of this I still have inside me. So much has happend since Dad went, so many things he should have seen.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hope you manage to sort something out - at least you should have a nice time at Jimmy's farm (I think I read that you will be there) Christmas is a difficult time of year for a lot of people. I was only 11 when I lost my Dad and Christmas always makes me think of who can' t be with us. It's better now I have my own lovely family though. Spend the day playing silly board games with James and have as much fun as you can in the circumstances. :D

Are you not even allowed to eat food on Christmas day? (I don't know anything about lighterlife)

 

My 98 yr old Grandad is due to be getting out of hospital on Christmas eve - I really hope he makes it. :shock:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Christmas is a major stress point in so many lives.

 

How many of us I wonder are doing the things we want to do....with the people we want to be with? Not many is my guess.

 

I've had more Christmases ruined by miserable needy and selfish relatives than I care to remember.

 

We just do our own thing now with friends and close family. Him Indoors is working this year unfortunately....but with a bit of luck he won't have to go in.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

((Hugs)) Pengy - Christmas is a good time, but also a time when we tend to remember those who can't be there isn't it. I miss my Mum at Christmas, she died of breast cancer at the ripe old age of 55, Christmas 1998. I have two gorgeous boys who never knew her and she never met. But she's in a much better place now, and would never have wanted us to mope. So I'll be sinking a pint of red wine in her honour (her fave drink! 8) ) and making sure that my children have the same wonderful memories of Christmas that my Mum gave to me 8) If James has a wonderful time - so will you! :D

Link to comment
Share on other sites

me and DH take it in turns to visit his parents one year and mine the next for christmas dinner. His sister and brother in law live with his mum and dad so they are NEVER on their own at christmas.

 

This year, it was uncertain as to whether my sister and her BF would be coming over to mum and dads for Christmas day. Mum and dad are 75 and 80 respectively so, despite it being the turn of DH's parents to have us over, I asked DH if in the event that my sister couldn't make it to mum and dad's, could we go there instead? I didn't want them to be on their own on christmas day and who knows how many more christmas days we'll have with them???? DH's parents are a lot younger than mine and, as I say, they won't be on their own.

 

He pulled his face because our niece (his sister's baby) is 1 and it will be her first proper christmas and he wanted to have lunch round there.

 

She'll have many more christmas days, my mum and dad might not! Luckily, sis and her BF can make it to mum and dads, so mum and dad will have company for christmas dinner.

 

I had visions of him going to his mums and me going to mine!

 

sometimes it can be hard work trying to keep everyone happy at christmas and it's horrible to be/feel left out, that's why there's no way I was going to let mum and dad be on their own. But you have to try and keep everyone else happy too, it can cause ructions because everyone has a good reason why they should be in a certain place on that special day!

 

The 3 of you can still have a lovely day together, there's nothing more magical than being with a child on christmas day.

 

stick the hot tub on, open the champers and we'll all be round later for a post chirstmas soak ;)

Edited by Guest
Link to comment
Share on other sites

stick the hot tub on, open the champers and we'll all be round later for a post chirstmas soak ;)

 

Trust me....the sight of me in a cossie will ruin your Christmas. :lol:

 

by that time, we'll be too pickled to care ;)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've tossed and turned all night because of this and I've kinda reached a decision to pretty much cancel Christmas. I want it to be magical for James so I'm going to ask his Dad if they are going to his sisters and can I drop James off.

 

Then we don't have to have a pathetic dinner and can just do our own thing till James gets back later.

 

The rest of the family can go ... I won't be answering the phone to them and next year I'll try and book for disneyland instead. I looked last night and the only flights I can get are on 19th - 2 days before school breaks up. Oh and even if I bunked off school that would mean that after 25 year I STILL didn't get to see The Jam. I'm quite determined that nothing is going to stop me getting to Brighton on 21st (even that I've lost the hotel reservation that I made and paid for - it'll turn up!)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh and you are all welcome to come round and hop in the hot tub - with or without cossies!

 

TBH my cossie is falling off me since I lost weight and all I have now is some bottoms that I used to wear with a t shirt when i got in James' paddling pool.

 

Its hard to find cheap cossies at this time of year too.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I can only sympathise Pengy.

I have had my own upsets & annoyances over this Christmas with my family, so I know how you feel.

 

We are on our own this year now, & I am going all out to make the day extra special & as relaxed as I can - in fact we might even stay in our pj's all day :wink:8):P

 

See you at Disney next year :wink:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

in fact we might even stay in our pj's all day :wink:8):P

 

The first Christmas we got to ourselves we did exactly that....it was bliss....that and being able to eat what we wanted and when we wanted.

 

Not having to keep the peace between warring factions was heavenly too.

 

It will be one of your best Christmasses ever Cinnamon. :lol:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Family problems can seem tiresome at Christmas, and we've had our share of visiting problems, but I do think that Christmas (and any other time really) is what you make it!

 

Don't let James go to his Dad, I'm sure after you've had another think, that you can make it a magical time for him? Those precious years where it can be truly magical are very few.

 

No need to spend much money either, Garden Centres have lovely grottos to mooch around, buy one new decoration for the tree, let James choose it. Plan some walks - that will help you with your weight and makes everyone feel better anyway.

 

After a magical day with James, slip into the hot tub with your Mum and start planning that trip to Disneyland for next year............

 

Keep smiling - you've done well with your weight loss, you have your Mum and James........ you don't need other relatives to make your Christmas happy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

For over 20 years Myself & Mrs Clash have done everything possible to keep both sets of parents happy over Christmas (not always easy),

we've alternated Chistmas day & Boxing day every year.

Last year my parents "threw their teddy" and as a consequence, we're off to "Egg"ypt on December 16th without any of them :D:D

Sun, Sea, Sand and Camel for dinner!!!!!

(though I'm trying to sneak back for Pengy's hot tub party :wink: )

Link to comment
Share on other sites

OK hot tub party on the day now known as December 25th at 11am. Actually last year the only time I felt half human on xmas day was when I was sat in the hot tub with a glass of champagne. My cold was a stonker.

 

This year its James' presents, hot tub and then x hopefully x his Dad wont find him too much of an imposition and will take him over to his sisters for a family christmas with his nan, and his cousins.

 

Mum can go back to her living room and watch her favourite junk on telly and I can sit in mine and watch my favorite junk. Shame the shops won't be open during my child free hours.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

we're off to "Egg"ypt on December 16th without any of them :D:D

Sun, Sea, Sand and Camel for dinner!!!!!

(though I'm trying to sneak back for Pengy's hot tub party :wink: )

 

Sounds like a great plan Clash :D:D

I'm considering gatecrashing Pengys hot tub too..............not far for me, just across the bridge :wink:

 

My personal opinion is that Christmas is what you make it. If anyone wants to hear some great horror stories on dysfunctional families, just PM me, my lot are unbelievable, and I wouldn't ever expect any of them to put themselves out for me, no point, I know they wouldn't :shock: . That sounds sad, and probably, honestly in the past it was, but heck, life's too short. This way I have no expecations, no disappointments and no grumpy rellies. I spend Christmas with hubby, our children and my darling MIL and we go all out to have a whale of a time :D:D:D . We have friends who stroll in and out, teenagers every way you turn, it's frenetic and exhausting, but I'm giving my children the Christmas's I never got...........we suffered the grumpy rellies and over cooked sprouts, and TV all day and all the things that I don't like about Christmas.

 

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that we, ourselves, to a certain extent dictate the kind of Christmas that we have, and I consider myself immenseley privileged that I'm not hidebound by a sense of duty to spend time with people that I don't see for one year to another. People that I really love I see all year round. Just like dogs..................not just for Christmas :wink::lol::lol::lol::lol:

 

Pengy, chin up, keep James with you, what a miserable Christmas that would be for you and your Mum otherwise and work out what you would really like to do. Then go all out to achieve it 8)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I just don't see how its going to be different from any other day. The three of us spend all our time together and its just going to seem like a rather dull Sunday - dull because we won't be able to pop out anywhere.

 

I want him to have a fun day last year really wasn't fun with just us and me being ill too.

 

Mum doesn't want him to go with his dad (who can't even manage to see him regularly for a few hours and when he does have him sometimes takes him fun places like Asda!). She wants to drop heavy hints to the cousin that she should invite us. Frankly I feel its too late for that and told her she could ask her sister if they have room, but they might not as they have now moved their xmas from one sons big house to another ones small flat (small flat guy and girlfriend didn't wnat to sleep in big houses study - where he sits and smokes!).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I agree totally with Lesley - Christmas is what you make it and I'm sure the 3 of you can come up with something fun to do. Give James a very happy stressless day to remember.

 

Why not invite friends over on Boxing Day, go for a walk etc and have a party-time that day?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm sure you can have a super Christmas at home with your close family pengy. There are lots of lovely thigs you can do for James to make the day special - special Christmas breakfast (provided by your girls!!), a lovely walk (we have dinner in the evening and it means you get the best part of the day when everyone else is overeating on their lunch), we all head for church where the kids take their toys to baffle the vicar with and go home and light the fire.

 

I'm sure James would love to play some games with his mum and gran - as kids we used to do hats out of wrapping paper and all sorts like that - he looked so happy in the cube box - you could spend hours making his own santa's grotto together. When energy runs low there is bound to be a film on the TV.

 

You can make it into a special day with your close family and then retire to the hot tub later!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.




×
×
  • Create New...