Couperman Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 I was part of a project design team a few years that had more than it's fair share of people fluent in project cow manure. We devised a little game whereby if anyone heard a new phrase in a meeting etc it had to be added to the Unofficial Project Mission Statement. We also used to play Cow Manure bingo too, the amount of times someone would burst out laughing for apparently no reason, other than he had a single line. Anyway I have just been spring cleaning my hard drive and I found the mission statement. Most of the phrases on it came from the same person! We had quite a struggle trying to get them to make any sense at all Enjoy. The “big picture” is that on each and every occasion, we must endeavour to “delight our customers” by giving ourselves a “heads-up” whilst putting our “peg in the ground” and “drawing a line in the sand”, in order to get the “X-factor” spot-on by utilising all “inputs and outputs” for the “big ticket” and “broadbrush” items. “With this in mind”, if we “knife and fork it” “we will not miss a trick”, and by minimising the occurrence of “no brainers” with “rogue traders” we can utilise “dumb waiters” to “build a straw man” surrounded by a “ring fence”, “putting all our ducks in a row”, because we don’t want to take a “bare-a***d guess” and end up “going back to Old Kent Road” and “fire fighting”. If we can apply some “out of the box thinking” and “hammer out activities” by utilising the “80/20 rule” it’s a “pound to a penny” that we can “pick the bones out of it”, without “bouncing around with individuals” and we shall therefore “hit the ground running”, thus arriving at the ideal “sweet spot” via the “fast-track fireball approach”. By following this philosophy, and “make no bones about it", we can avoid “running behind with the ball”, and can consequently get “on top of our game” by “getting our gloves off” and “playing some tunes” whilst “singing from the same hymn sheet” which will help us to avoid “spinning our wheels”, “shooting ourselves in the foot” or “digging a hole for ourselves”, that “may come back and bite us” before we can get our “flag up the pole” in “the same ball-park” and “pass the baton to our team players”. “And there’s still more…………” We need to “wade in there with both feet” “in a leap of faith”, in order to “get the meat on the bone”, and “if the client wants us to wear yellow t-shirts then we will wear yellow t-shirts”, as “there’s no point in building a snowman, because a snowman can melt and all you’ll be left with is a piece of carrot and a scarf”. Only then, and by saying to ourselves “well let me ask you a question” will we understand that “one is the theoretical one to one ratio”, and hence the message will “ricochet down” until we realise that “out on the street” “there may be more than one way to beat an egg”, because you “can’t crush a walnut by biting it”. “With this in mind”, “and here’s the carrot”, we must “dare to lose to win” because “it’s not brain surgery” to understand that we don’t issue “sniper shots” in order to eliminate all “loose cannons”. If we subsequently “touch base” “as a starter for ten” we can “rack up plusses and minuses” of the appropriate “order of magnitude” which will enable us to "gain alignment" "within the band” and therefore to ultimately…….“and wait for it……..wait for it……..” “achieve our stated goal”. “GO DO!” “ALRIGHTY!!!” “Park it”. Kev. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 Oh Kev... that's had me laughing so hard i can hardly breathe! Thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
harveypup Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 That is fantastic. Am taking that in to work tomoro to show a selected few. Thanks I really needed that Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olly Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 Gosh, I don't think my boss has ever worked with you, but some of those are very familiar! I think you missed a few - 'blue-sky thinking' wasn't in there, nor was 'playing hardball'! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 I used to process write and edit my bosses bulletins before they were sent out, one day he'd put, "...we're chomping at the bit to get the ball rolling..." Apart from mixing his metaphors, it had me spitting coffee! Don't management types talk a load of 'those words' you've used! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 I think you missed a few - 'blue-sky thinking' wasn't in there, nor was 'playing hardball'! or "moving the goal posts" or at least i don't think you had it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sheilaz Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 Great, terriffic, super! I like thinking outside the box too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 I used to process write and edit my bosses bulletins before they were sent out, one day he'd put, "...we're chomping at the bit to get the ball rolling..." Apart from mixing his metaphors, it had me spitting coffee! Don't management types talk a load of 'those words' you've used! i should say, i wasn't as careless then with grammar and spelling and punctuation as i am now Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tessa the Duchess Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 Very funny Kev. You missed 'pushing the envelope' and 'touching base' Tessa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlottechicken Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 Wow, bet it took some "blue sky thinking" to come up with that lot! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
One Man Banned Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 Touching base was one I was thinking of too I've got a copy off Bull Poo Bingo too!! Did come in handy at Hertz but the prize was a bottle of wine that was in the office A xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 No brainstorming please in case you offend anyone on anti-convulsants (seriously!) You now have to have a thought shower! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 That sounds just like the "Head of Excellence" at my sons school. Yes that really is his job title and all he seems to do is spend his time writing letter home that are total twaddle, whole paragraphs of cliche after cliche with no meaning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazygal Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 LOL! how about adding "helicopter thinking" to the list? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missuscluck Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 That is so funny. I want to be 'The head of excellence' I officialy name my self as it. So there!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olly Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 heh heh .. I think it is our bounden duty to start introducing some chickenspeak into management thinking. I mean, 'pecking order' is an obvious one! How about 'either lay or get off the nesting box', or 'let's not go broody on this one' .... come on Omleteers, you can think of some! I'll drop them into the next meeting at work (my boss keeps chickens) and see if anyone picks them up! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 How about: hit the ground flappingout of the nestbox thinkingputting all our chickens in a rowrunning behind with an eggdigging a dustbath for ourselves All pinched from Kev's examples - not originals I'm afraid . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 "Let's ruffle a few feathers" "Don't get in a flap" "There's a big fat juicy worm for someone at the end of this" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Couperman Posted January 22, 2008 Author Share Posted January 22, 2008 Most of the extra ones were mentioned but edited out, because it had to be one page and one page only, that wasn't on the radar screen at the time. This all started when someone said to me "this is a fast track fireball, so you will have to hit the ground running" spark any memories Couperwife! Kev. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olly Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 "Let's ruffle a few feathers" "Don't get in a flap" "There's a big fat juicy worm for someone at the end of this" I am sure I can use a few of these! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
