Storms and chickens

[..lay a little egg for me]

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. You just have to try to let it all wash over you - you know you can't win! My auntie was just the same, all doom and gloom and everything one did or said was wrong so I used to just let her rabbit on and I agreed with everything. You know, say "Mmm hmm" periodically until its time to go/put the phone down. It didn't change her, but it let me feel better...

[sparkysmum]

Hello ANH, I have only read a little of your thread, but you seem to have so much to cope with at once. Elderly parents can be so difficult to deal with. I bet your tongue hurts from having to bite it so often. Vikki, if you would like to rant in person there's a glass of whatever you fancy here for you. Could even pick you up at the station. Allison

[Lisa]

Rant whenever you feel like it!

 

huge

[Valkyrie]

Oh ANH - you have been so supportive to my ranting - I hadn't read this thread before. Your mum sounds just like my neighbours mum - she says things about ending it all too. All the flak you're getting I know wears you down, but I love your little comments. Keep doing them to keep a bit of sanity - so no, you are not callous.

My neighbour has just had an extension and now her father (who lives in America and divorced from her mum long time ago) wants to move in and he is unbearable too. He invites himself over for extended holidays and takes over her house, usually damaging so many of her things - because he wants to fix them (when they don't need to be) so they work better, and drips oil over new carpets, s"Ooops, word censored!"es the new plaster off the walls because he wants to make the door smoother and takes it off the hinges and knocks over vases etc - there is no stopping him. He is a tornado. He also won't allow anybody else in the household to speak because he wants them to listen to him all the time. She despairs and comes over for a rant, coffee and some peace. When her mum found out he wanted to move in, she got jealous and wanted to move in too and poor D had to put up with so much nastiness for ages after. D occasionally has her mum to stay (more coffee escapes and rants) if we are ever chatting in the road with other neighbours, her mum demands attention, points to her watch and says she needs whatever, although very capable of doing things by herself. D can't ever have a break. She wanted to have my old fogeys because they are/were nice and we are/were really close. Like me with my MIL, D gets it from both her parents, basically she is still piggy in the middle and they use her to get at each other - which is a waste of time because D is the only one who is hurting - at least I can get away from MIL. It's also easier for me to imagine sticky ends for her demise too (slap's wrist again). So please remember, you are not alone with "challenging" parents, and we are always here as back up for you.

Love Lisa's hug! Another one from me (although I can't quite wrap my arms around that much!).

[Tiggy]

I'm sorry to hear about your birth mom, other mom being difficult again! you take care of yourself, my mom does similar things, I found my cousin just over a month ago & we are getting on really well, you would think that my Mom would be happy but NO she rang again and left me a very nasty message once and for all I have told her to get lost. I know hpw hard it can be but you need to take care of yourself

[Ain't Nobody Here]

Thanks for your responses everyone (and for the offer of liquid refreshment, Allison!) .

 

I've been in to see Dad yesterday and today in case Mum was true to her word. So far, she is being. She hasn't been in this w/e at all .

 

Some of you were asking about my Dad who sadly gets sidelined by all mum's nonsense . He's doing quite well really. He's still very poor mentally, doesn't remember even 10 minutes after one of us has left that we've been there. Insists my brother hasn't been in even though he's been in 3 times in 2 days . He can't do much more than sit in a chair (can't read or watch TV) and sometimes comes out with quite a bit of nonsense but is happy enough in himself and is even walking without a zimmer or stick . We've moved him to a bedroom beside the lounge which saves a long trip down a long corridor. He's not really aware of what's going on which is what makes him fairly content, I think, as all his physical needs are being met.

 

Thanks all, I feel better getting it off my chest . (It's also nice to know I'm not alone in the "awkward family" stakes .)

[Valkyrie]

It's nice to hear that your dad is being looked after so well. That must be quite a big help for you and you know he is contented and comfortable, I don't think you could do more. Mum and I swap newspapers and the other day one item was about family carers being abusive to their elderly parents. She had written on the top of the page "I am not going into a home, I'll eat the tablets first". When I phoned her I said that I saw her big hint and said that she already gets the verbals from myself and my brother (lovingly rude) and instead of kisses goodbye she gets raspberried. She laughed but I hope she was joking about the pills!

[Ain't Nobody Here]

Oh dear, here we go again .

 

Mum's in hospital . I got a call from her neighbour saying mum had fallen and the police and ambulance were there. Got there about 5 minutes after the police had broken through two glass doors to get in . The window cleaner had seen mum lying on the floor in her bedroom.

 

She was very confused and woozy and managed to mumble "I was chilly". They thought she'd maybe had a TIA or stroke but the hospital have since phoned to say they don't think it was that. They're testing blood and doing a scan and x-ray in the morning so we'll find out more then. She thought she was 54 and it was 1984 when she first went but is more compos mentis now.

 

Who knows what's ahead of us now .

[keyhole kate]

Oh No Although it might be a blessing in disguise

a few days in there and she will probably appreciate you a heck of a lot more Lets hope so anyway at least she will be able to have a moan at someone else for a change take a deeeep Breath and count to 10

 

XxxHugsxxX

[Olly]

Crumbs ANH - you poor thing! Thank goodness the window-cleaner spotted her (shame you couldn't get there before they had to break in, though!)

 

At least you know your dad is safe and well-looked after. Thinking of you, keep us posted.

[Egluntyne]

Crikey ANH....just read the last couple of pages. Sorry to hear about this latest development.

[Angels4]

Oh Vicky, you certainly have your hands full at the moment. Thinking of you and sending BIG GIANT VIRTUAL HUGS!!!

 

[Seagazer]

I hope your mum is ok Vicky.

[jackiepoppies]

The next chapter of the ANH saga........ for yet more strength

 

All the very best Vicki, thinking of you.

Don't overdo things and try and take 5 minutes for you

 

Jackiex

[..lay a little egg for me]

Oh dear, it just goes on and on, doesn't it. She'll be giving the staff hell in no time I should think! Big ((((hugs)))) to you...

 

xxx

[Valkyrie]

Sorry to hear the latest - keep your chin up and more hugs from me too.

[chickencam]

Sorry to hear this latest development, I hope that she is ok.

 

(((Hugs)))

[MedusA]

What a shock for you! Thank God the window cleaner saw her. Fingers crossed it's nothing too serious.

 

*HUGS*

[Helly Welly]

ANH, i hope your Mum is okay. Glad to hear your Dad is happy in his own way.

[freddie]

Oh Vicky, sorry about all you're going through. You cope with it all so well, I'd be on my knees by now.

Glad your Dad's OK, he's warm, comfortable and looked after, which is a boon at this time.

Take care of YOU, as well as all the rest, wont you.

Hugs xx

[Ain't Nobody Here]

Thanks everyone .

 

They think mum might have had a TIA so she's had a scan but no results yet. She's a bit befuddled, thinks she's been there for ages, doesn't seem to realise it's a hospital (kept saying dad would be much happier in there), but is quite compos mentis too (talked about all the grandkids and Barack Obama). Seems very happy to be in there and says she's doesn't want to go home (she says she was so cold in the house she doesn't want to go back). She says the food's lovely and is quite content with her "bedroom" - a 4 bed ward .

 

The first thing she said when I saw her was that she'd failed again, she can't do anything right, etc etc. Then said she'd taken 28 of her tablets (can't remember their name but its a psychiatric drug). She hadn't told the hospital that .

 

The most shocking thing to me was that she's going to be in there for weeks . I thought she'd be out tomorrow but no, they test physical & mental health, home circumstances etc and that takes weeks.

 

In some ways that's brilliant, she's being kept warm and fed and doesn't have to worry about anything. But from a selfish point of view, I can't bear it. It's just like earlier in the year when I had both parents in different institutions and had to visit both. People keep saying I don't have to go in often, but I have to do mum's washing and dad doesn't have any other visitors (and no mum now either).

 

Sorry, I should be upset for mum but I'm just feeling sorry for myself .

[Olly]

I think you're entitled to feel sorry for yourself after what you've gone through this year! Your mum isn't having to worry about anything - you're the one with all the running around to do. Stop, count to ten, take a deep breath and then give yourself a huge hug!

 

Dare I say, I think it's probably a good thing she'll be in there for weeks - sure, you have to do her washing and visit etc but at least you don't have to worry if she's taking pills/falling over/rowing with the staff at the nursing home. And at least she'll get a full assessment and maybe they can make a diagnosis.

 

I do sympathise, I've been there myself and it's exhausting. You don't have to do it all yourself - call on your brother, any other family members, friends/neighbours of your mum; and be a bit selfish. Much as you want to see him, you said your dad doesn't remember who's been to visit - so if you're too tired and need a break, don't feel guilty about it.

 

I wish I could do more than offer unrequested advice - but heartfelt good wishes are winging their way to you.

[Lesley]

It would be surprising if you weren't feeling like that V - a difficult situation again.

 

As Olly says, you don't have to visit all the time even though you feel you must.

 

I hope you soon feel a bit more positive about it and are able to look at it as a respite and having a bit of the caring taken from your shoulders.

 

((((Big Hugs to you))))

[Paola]

(((((((hug)))))))))

[Seagazer]

I agree with Olly that you shouldn't feel you have to visit all the time. If you do and try to keep up with your family stuff and work too you will run yourself ragged and then be no good for anyone. My mum was in hospital for a while when I was in my late teens and visiting her every night after work and then going home and cooking dinner and cleaning etc for the rest of the family was exhausting. I got very teary by the end and couldn't cope. Don't feel guilty, take some time out for you and your family.