little chickadee Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 Hope things sort themselves out soon. Thinking of you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeckyBoo Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 Blimey, I missed this thread since Friday and come back to pages of it! You' ve REALLY been going through it you poor thing, God, I'm making a cake this afternoon - I'll save the biggest virtual slice for you. I really hope your Dad gets on OK at the MRI and picks up, ill parents are such a worry. Your head must be spinning, your mum sounds SO needy and you're right on the end of it. My mum was VERY good at the emotional blackmail when I was growing up, it was awful, she still can be occasionally. In the end I just learned a way to ignore it - a bit like a two year olds tantrum. That said, I don't have to listen to it every day like you have. I can't offer any advice, I'm glad that you're able to put it donw in black and white (or green and white ) on here. Your reward will come in heaven I'm sure of it Mrs Bertie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tessa the Duchess Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 Virtual hugs from me too ANH. You are having such a bad time of it your posts always make me laugh and I hate to think of you being tearful and upset. I do fervently hope your dad starts feeling better and your mum stops being such a pain. Hang on in there. Tessa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted March 10, 2008 Author Share Posted March 10, 2008 Agent ANH here again - pretending to be at work while mother phones me on the mobile . She phoned to say that Dad's been moved to another ward and her (only) friend Ann is going to take her to the hospital today. I reminded her I'd said I would do it. She'd forgotten. She forgets every day what the arrangement is for getting to the hospital. I've picked her up every single day at about 3pm so it doesn't change. I said I'm happy to do it so she said she'd phone Ann. Then the phone goes again ... no point you coming all the way from work when you're right by the hospital ( I'm not, I'm at home ), Ann will take me. Thank god she doesn't have her car so she won't go anywhere and find out I'm lying . Then it would be ... what've you got to get upset about, he's MY husband .... . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 Oh dear ANH. Thank goodness for Ann. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
baby bears mum Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 Good idea about telling the GP about your Mum ANH. If your GP needs to speak to her he/she can always say they are just making sure she is OK with your Dad in hospital - there's no need for them to say you've spoken to them. You have nothing to feel guilty about - you need some time too it is YOUR Dad thats not well after all. Don't worry about the tears either everyone will understand and it s nothing to feel bad about it will probably do you the power of good. Am thinking about you all and sending you huge hugs. Take care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 what've you got to get upset about, he's MY husband .... Oh yes, I recognise that one! My brother has been through a terrible time recently and my mother kept saying through it all "I'm surprised you're so upset. You're not his mother She thinks she is more important because she's the 'Matriarch' as she put it and she's the grandmother, much more important than an aunt . . . 'What about me then? I'm much worse off than you' You're being absolutely wonderful. Fortunately there seem to be several people here who understand how much a difficult mother compounds the problems. I am surprised at that. I have long discovered through this forum that my thoughts are never unique, but I thought my mother was - it's really great finding out that she's not! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted March 10, 2008 Author Share Posted March 10, 2008 Funny isn't it, I never thought anyone could be as difficult as my mum - turns out the country is riddled with awkward old boots . Update on Dad. Results of MRI scan have revealed 2 subdural haematomas. The neurologist wants to assess him (at another hospital) with a view to possible surgery. Good news at least that they think they can do something - apparently they often take one look at a scan and say nothing doing. The SHO and I had a chat before mum knew I was there and agreed that maybe we wouldn't mention the word "surgery". Unfortunately, the consultant appeared later on and told her all about it . No reaction yet except to say "I'm not hanging on even one day once Dad's gone". Ho hum, maybe we'll get a BOGOF funeral . He unfortunately now also has c. difficile so is in a private room (that at least pleases mum and he has a big armchair so looks much more comfy). He'll need a single room at the Western (because of the c. difficile) so may have to wait a few days till one becomes available. Mum being OK on the surface but after a night brooding she'll no doubt get herself into a state again. Brother coming down on Wednesday so that'll help. Going to phone GP and try to speak to her tomorrow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 (edited) Crikey....did they happen when he fell a few weeks ago? At least they can treat him appropriately now. Poor Dad. Edited March 10, 2008 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted March 10, 2008 Author Share Posted March 10, 2008 Yes, they think so although one of them looks older so who knows when that happened . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowy Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 Hm, good news that you have a definite diagnosis now, and that they are hopeful it can be treated. They would certainly explain his subsequent falls. Pain about the c. diff though Keep your chin up ANH - it's all progress. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theherd123 Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 ANH you are being so strong throughout this whole situation and it must feel like you are living a nightmare Its obvious you are such a caring person and, as we all would, are doing your best to try and get through each day as it comes but in all of this you must try and look after yourself too - you need to rest and try and eat properly - (sorry do i sound like a mother?) OHs dad had triple bypass 2 years ago and we were up & back to the hosptial every night for months - never ate or slept well and it really took its toll so i know you must be shattered right now. I do hope your brothers arrival eases things on you a little. Thinking of you xox Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hillfamily Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 Just caught up with this ANH............so sorry you are going through such a difficult time :( Just make sure in all of this you find a few moments to take care of yourself..........sending (((((big big hugs))))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovemychooks Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 Hi Vicki I've been following your "blog" and hope that your Dad recovers well Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 oh vik, c deficile on top of everything else! I really feel for your mum but she's being so unfair to you. Hope your boys, hubbie and brother are supporting you. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 At least now you know what it is Vicki, you can feel like you have something to work on. Yours isn't the only old bat - my mother can be very difficult at times, and as for my ex-MIL; she used to phone up drunk in the middle of the night screaming abuse and threatening to top herself - I told her to do us all a favour and go ahead... she's still around Take a break when your brother comes over - unload a bit on him and step back for a while to regroup and recharge. Hugs from us here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickencam Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 Glad things are going in the right direction, hang on in there Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helly Welly Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 Oh ANH, i'm so sorry for everything you are going through Your Mum sounds exactly like my MIL, she constantly says that she'll "take an overdose" so she's not a burden. She has to be the biggest attention seeker we have ever known, worse than a child. Of course, we know that about her, your Mum may be depressed and therefore may need to be taken more seriously. Please make sure you look after yourself so you can be there for your Dad. And feel free to off-load on us anytime Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 ANH hasn't posted for over 24 hours. I hope everything is OK. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairy&cake Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 goodness, i didnt read this thread for some reason. HUGS to you ANH. Poor you. Love L xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted March 11, 2008 Author Share Posted March 11, 2008 Sorry, folks, been another rotten day. Got a call from the doctor to say dad had taken a turn for the worse. As a result of partial paralysis down the right side, his swallowing wasn't working correctly, so food had gone into the lungs causing a chest infection. They wanted him transferred straight away for the neurosurgeon to assess him. They sounded pretty worried about him. I asked her to call mum and not say she'd called me already. Then mum phoned in a state saying a "foreign" (not the word she used, but I don't want to repeat it) doctor phoned and she couldn't understand a word, would I phone. I pretended to phone, then relayed the information back to her. Same (lovely Indian) doctor then phoned me to inform me she'd had a call from mum, who had put the phone down on her. When she'd called mum back saying they'd been cut off, mum said "no, I put the phone down on you". Then a staff nurse phoned to say that mum had phoned the hospital to say that a nurse had grabbed her and shoved her out of dad's room saying "you're infected", that she had bruises and that it wasn't the first time staff had manhandled her, I reassured the doctor that I didn't believe a word of it (I was there for goodness sake) so I would back them up totally. Spoke to mum again. Didn't mention the "assault charge" but she said "my shoulder's really hurting". "Why?" "Because that b***h of a nurse grabbed me and shoved me out of the room." I tried to tell her that I didn't remember that happening, perhaps she dreamt it? "That's right, mum's always mad" and slam, down goes the phone. A colleague suggested I visit dad before he was transferred (in case something happened - the doctors didn't sound very happy about him). So I went to the hospital just as the transfer ambulance arrived. (The consultant was extremely angry about my mum's behaviour and allegations - understandably - I reassured him that I was on their side.) I asked if I should go to the other hospital too. "Yes, that might be helpful." So I followed in my car. Spoke to my brother and we agreed not to tell mum until we knew something more. Big mistake . Spent next couple of hours there, saw doctor then registrar who said he was very happy to do the brain surgery, it would probably do the trick. Then mum phoned the ward and someone told her I was there . Angry rant on the phone followed - she wouldn't listen to a word I said. "You've been keeping things from me for 45 years" (think that's a reference to my finding my birth mum - 6 years ago, not 45 ). After a bit more ranting, she hung up on me. Nurse called her back, gave her directions for getting a taxi there. Waited assuming she was coming. Phoned home, no answer so waited some more. Tried again, she was there. "Thought you were coming here?" Sarcastic laughter, "How? Am I supposed to walk?" "No, get a taxi." More ranting "you obviously have no imagination at all. You obviously can't imagine what it's been like for me today, wondering where you were, had you got there, what was happening." I told her she didn't know I'd gone to the hospital so what was she worrying about, she thought I was at work . No answer. Then "you obviously want me in a looney bin like your real mother." (That says it all, doesn't it ".) Tried to reason with her but she said "you take over, I'll just take an overdose". "Go ahead", says I. (Fingers crossed ). Oh, and I had to ask if she wanted to hear about dad - no answer, so I told her. No comment from her. On my way home, GP phoned so told her the whole lot. She's seeing mum on Thursday and said she was very glad to have all this information. Asked if I thought she was exhibiting signs of Alzheimers. I just don't know but at least she can look out for it herself. Phoned hospital, he's in surgery, I've to call back at 11pm. Brother's coming tomorrow for one night - he says I should treat it as respite and just do what I feel is right for me, he'll take care of her. So I'm taking tomorrow off and hopefully will get to see dad (as long as she's not there). I'm really glad she's behaved badly in front of other people so now maybe something will be done. She's treated me like this on and off for years but I could never really do anything about it. Well, if any of you are still awake after reading my ridiculously long "blog" for today, you deserve a medal . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olly Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 Oh ANH! Obviously you know what your mum is like and how she's been for years - but reading what you have previously said about her, I wondered if this was just a neurotic, attention-seeking person or whether she has actually got some sort of medical problem. You poor thing - I think you are a saint. What a good thing you were there, and can back up the hospital if she makes these ridiculous allegations. This is not the time for her to be bringing up issues about your birth mother etc - she really is just hitting out in all directions, isn't she. So glad your brother is coming, and will be able to give you a break. You must be exhausted with all the hospital visiting never mind the emotional tension. Will be thinking of you and praying for your dad, do let us know how it goes. Take care of yourself - you can so easily get overtired at a time like this. big hugs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tessa the Duchess Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 I'm still awake I think you are the one that needs a medal. You must be out of your mind with worry about your poor dad, and you really don't need all the extra aggravation that your mother is causing, but I guess you have to sort of work with what you've got in life I haven't got anything really helpful to say, sorry. I am glad your brother is going to take the strain tomorrow and hope you will get a bit of a break. Big hugs to you ANH and I am thinking of you. Tessa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christian Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 Sorry to hear all of this ANH, you really are going through it at the moment. Positive vibes to you and your Dad. Hoping for the best. Hugs C x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 So sorry to hear that you have had such a traumatic day. I hope your Dad's surgery is successful. Your Mum really needs to have an assessment by a psycho-geriatrician. Making allowances for stress etc, her behaviour is a real cause for concern. Sending you lots of love and I hope you have better news of your Dad tomorrow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
