Louise Posted April 21, 2006 Share Posted April 21, 2006 EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DAILY DIARY: 8:00 a.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite! 9:30 a.m. Wow! A car ride! This is a blast! 9:40 a.m. A walk in the park! Ate some cr*p... Delicious! 10:30 a.m. Getting rubbed and petted! I'm in love! 12:00 p.m. Lunch! Yummy! 1:00 p.m. Playing in the yard! I just love it! 3:00 p.m. Staring adoringly at my masters...they're the best! I'll wag my tail in joy. 4:00 p.m. Hooray! The kids are home! I'm bouncing off the walls! 5:00 p.m. Milkbones! Great! 7:00 p.m. Get to play ball! This is too good to be true! 8:00 p.m. Wow! Watching TV with my master! Heavenly! 11:00 p.m. Sleeping at the bottom of my master's bed! Life is soooooooo great! EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY: Day 683 of My Captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomited on the floor. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts,since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ''good little hunter'' I am. The audacity!! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of "allergies." I must learn what this means,and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow-- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released--and he seems more than willing to return! He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant-- I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. The captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe-- for now. But I can wait. It is only a matter of time . Now who is the smartest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted April 21, 2006 Share Posted April 21, 2006 Hysterical......I love it Lousie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Louise Posted April 21, 2006 Author Share Posted April 21, 2006 I am not sure Phil will though All good clean fun Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PurpleHen Posted April 21, 2006 Share Posted April 21, 2006 I love it too - purrrfect Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Managing Director Posted April 21, 2006 Share Posted April 21, 2006 brilliant No cat flap though have you any idea how much sport 2 cats can have with a German Shepherd puppy and a cat flap Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted April 21, 2006 Share Posted April 21, 2006 Mine get scared to go out of the cat flap as they get mugged by the crowd of chickens outside I must say that I find it great fun - not sure the cats think the same though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Managing Director Posted April 21, 2006 Share Posted April 21, 2006 Mine get scared to go out of the cat flap as they get mugged by the crowd of chickens outside I must say that I find it great fun - not sure the cats think the same though. Oh that is an irresistible image Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popcorn Posted April 21, 2006 Share Posted April 21, 2006 Brilliant Louise! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rachel19 Posted April 21, 2006 Share Posted April 21, 2006 Fantastic Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tamsin Posted April 21, 2006 Share Posted April 21, 2006 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hellcat Posted April 21, 2006 Share Posted April 21, 2006 Louise, thank you so much for cheering up one of the most depressing days so far. Hub has just come dashing in to see what is making me cry with laughing. THANK YOU!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mel (& Paul) Posted April 22, 2006 Share Posted April 22, 2006 That's why I stick with dogs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chocchick Posted April 22, 2006 Share Posted April 22, 2006 brilliant No cat flap though have you any idea how much sport 2 cats can have with a German Shepherd puppy and a cat flap Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Linda Posted April 22, 2006 Share Posted April 22, 2006 That's why I stick with dogs It just sounds so much simpler! Very funny Louise - made me laugh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mel (& Paul) Posted April 22, 2006 Share Posted April 22, 2006 That's why I stick with dogs It just sounds so much simpler! Very funny Louise - made me laugh. oh it is my dear Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lesley-Jean Posted April 22, 2006 Share Posted April 22, 2006 Brilliant Has revnev not read it yet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 The rev's been away for the weekend - and has just got back to find a million unread posts. GO OUT AND GET SOME FRESH AIR EVERYONE!!!!! Fabby dog diary, Louise - every bit of it true! Phil Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cate in NZ Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 I love it Louise, very, very funny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiggle Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 Had me in stitches too... Particularly applicable to one of my two little feline darlings. Can see it on her dear little face most days Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Louise Posted April 26, 2006 Author Share Posted April 26, 2006 Glad you liked it got to dash birthday party to go to Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
