Chicken bald back

[Joojoo]

I hope you start getting out and about soon hun. I know where you are coming from I've been there myself and it's horrible to feel like that I just wanted to urge one word of caution about online dating if you do decide to go down that route. It's not something I've done myself BUT I have 2 friends who have tried it and it scared me witless to hear their stories.

 

Friend No. 1 - had been divorced 10 years and wanted to start meeting men again. Was very down at being on her own for this long and thought she would try online dating. She joined "match.com" I think it was, and went out virtually constantly for quite a while. HOWEVER, a good deal of the men that she met on there were not as they first appeared. They didn't match the photos that they had put on the website, their behaviour was quite scary and she ended up packing it all in and emigrating to Canada 3 years ago. She has now met a lovely man over there and they have a very happy life together so all's well that end's well.

 

Friend No. 2 - for some reason (and I really don't understand this as she is only mid 30s) she is so desperate to have a baby, that it is overriding all her rational thoughts. She is putting herself about far too much (if you know what I mean) and has joined probably every online dating site going. She met a much younger man just before christmas (the first one she had decided to meet up with) and went for it hell for leather. Anyway, 3 weeks after meeting him she said they had decided to go away to Florida for a weeks holiday together and that she had decided to stop taking the pill . A week later she came round in floods of tears to say that he had told her he was scared of commitment as he had had some bad experiences with women in the past. For reasons unknown, she decided to google his name - he had 3 convictions for stalking and harrassing women and was splashed across the tabloid websites. Some of the stuff he had done to these women who had turned him down was unbelievably scary!! Needless to say that ended quicklyl Fortunately, she wasn't pregnant by this point!! I thought she had learnt her lesson from that one, but no she is back on them again after a couple of months. I'm now waiting for the fall out from the next one.

 

I'm sure that this does work for some people, but I would just say be very very careful if you do go down this route. Make sure you tell someone where you are going and who you are meeting and check back in with them by phone so they know you are safe.

 

Good Luck. I really hope it all works out for you

 

xx

[Egluntyne]

That was why I suggested caution and a bit of research.

[whittlewitch]

A very good friend of mine met his partner through the lonely hearts add in the local paper, both are lovely people (nothing weird or dodgy about either of them), they had been unlucky in love and had decided to give the lonely hearts column ago. They have now been together for about 7 years, so as quite a few other postings are showing this route can bring results. Our paper also includes adverts from people just seeking company and friendship, so it doesn't have to be he romantic route.

[Ain't Nobody Here]

Sometimes it's easy to believe everyone has more of a social life or more friends than you. I spent years thinking I should be going to/hosting dinner parties (because it seemed like everyone did it) but have at last accepted that I (and OH) both hate them so why should we put ourselves through it .

 

A friend of mine who left an abusive husband in Turkey joined up with a dating agency and met a guy who lives round the corner from her . They've been together a year! She did have to date a few frogs first however .

 

My brother is separated and joined a salsa and ceroc dancing club - he's had 2 girlfriends through it! (He's an ex-rugby player and doesn't look much like a dancer!)

 

I hope you feel more positive soon - take advantage of that built-in babysitter and get out there .

[layla]

What happened to life? Its Saturday night and I'm sitting here alone sulking because casualty is on so late. I've had a glass of wine (which gets me merry nowdays after 10 months of not drinking!) and I'm falling asleep waiting for it - It's not even one of my favourite programmes!

 

I think it's time I got out there and got a life again but where do you start when youre 39 and a single parent, I don't have friends who invite me out - to the occasional party maybe but not "come down the pub". TBH I don't have that many friends at all, not even ones that invite me round to their house. I work with people who I'd rather not spend time with and others I know are just "content marrieds". Oh there is one friend but I just go round to her house occasionally as I cant do with going out and looking after her as she gets falling down drunk and hangs off strange men.

 

As yes men, I remember them. I wouldn't mind meeting a few, I have this sexy new and with my clothes on I look good - a different matter with them off but I'm orking on that, gym 3 times a week and a lot of research into boob jobs (NOTHING will tone them!). How on earth do you meet them though when Saturday night is Casualty night?

 

I sound a lot more miserable that I am, just puzzled over how I got here and how I move on from here. I could go out any night I wanted as there is a live in babysitter in the annexe (well she's in bed in there and James is in bed upstairs!) but all I manage is the odd school function - like concerts and plays.

 

Anyone know any good ways of suddenly getting the occasional social invitation?

 

 

 

I know exactly where you are coming from I'm a billy no-mates atm but I am married to a fab bloke ....yet it's not enough .

 

My family all live at different ends of the map and girlies need girlies to laugh with ...

 

i'm real lonely ..for a good girlfriend ..Like you the people I work with are just not my type (I have a young head on me ) we don't have anything in common and tbh when you've been at work with them all day the last thing you really want to do is carry on into the evening ..it would be different if .we were on the same level ..but we're not.

 

I feel really embarrassed that I haven't got a wide circle of friends like some people have ,but my hubby says the same as some on here that you think that your'e the only one and actually you're not .it's just a phase in life that atm it's all work, work work.the kids are growing up now but things will change ....but it's so flippin hard my only friends are virtual on the chicken forums .(how sad am I?)

 

I started going to the footy with my daughter cause I need a life..But just want some good ole girly company

[One Man Banned]

Well I think you should get out there and show off the fab new you!

 

It was mentioned earlier but Salsa dancing is great fun - I go every Tueday night, and while not looking for a relationship I've made some great friends - we've been to each other's houses, done dinner and the odd night out. We also chat via text or MSN, and I even went to a jazz thing in Cheltenham with one last weekend.

 

Its fun, great exercise, and you learn something too.

 

Good luck hun

 

A

xx

[Guest]

Thanks for all the good advice!

 

I've been down at the country club with James today and I'm thinking of signing up for tennis lessons as they do social tennis sessions. I'm also thinking again about joining the operatic society - it's one of those things I fancied doing but time and weariness get in the way. I like to be in bed by 9 on a week night, although having lost hte weight I'm at least more active before then.

 

I don't think I'll be able to do much before Christmas, starting a new job and that first term is always a total killer but I will try and make a few classes at the club, they sometimes do social ones, but the next one clashes with a school governors meeting.

 

I tried our WI a couple of times, I was the youngest there by about 20 years! Oh except for one couple who were younger than the rest of them, but definately a couple.

 

There is one of those dinner date clubs in this area but they are VERY pricey to join. I might have a nose at one of their big do's though as they have them at my club so I can always wander in the front entrance and nose at what's going on.

[Hen Watch]

Can't offer any advice on meeting people, but just wanted to say WOW what a fab blog and what a fab achievement. Go for it girl.....

[Louise]

Awww Peng I wish you lived nearer

 

I am lucky that I am actually happy with my own company

 

My ex was such a messy slob that I would struggle to 'live' with anyone again

 

I have a few friends and go out a bit but it is far from a full social life My main problem is location to where most of my friends are

 

Don't know what to suggest though

[The Dogmother]

Pengym you're such a live wire that you are bound to meet some friends soon. In my experience, men usually come along when you're not looking for them

 

Wish you lived nearer - we could share a babysitter and head off out; it has been too long since I had a good night out too.

 

My mate James goes to salsa lessons and recommends it as a way of meeting people.

[Tiggy]

you go girl, you have done so well losing your weight, and the advice on here is always so helpful, getting out to do social things as a single mom can be difficult my sister is the same, but she has left it until her son is 26 & she feels too old not true, she like you is a real live wire when she gets going, its more of a confidence problem. Men seem to take notice whjen youi seem happy & confident & doing what you want without them

[JM]

I've just looked at your blog and you look amazing! I you can do that you can do anything...

 

I tried our WI a couple of times, I was the youngest there by about 20 years! Oh except for one couple who were younger than the rest of them, but definately a couple.

How about trying another WI? There are loads about and you don't need to join the one in your area. I've recently joined one a couple of villages away from where I live - and I really enjoy it. I had been putting it off for ages, saying that I wasn't old enough, but now I wish I had done it earlier!

 

Yes I am one of the youngest there (by at least 10 years), but everyone is really friendly and there is so much going on. In fact most of the members have far more active social lives than I ever have - they are out and about all the time. The WI nearest to me is much older and quieter - so it pays to shop around. There are lots of new WI's starting and more and more younger women are joining (and should join) - don't be put off by the Jam and Jerusalem image - they do so much - did you know that the WI were instrumental in ensuring that every woman has regular smear tests on the NHS (there are lots more examples of their campaigning work but that's one that stuck in my mind). It's what you make of it...

 

(Mind you - there's not many men there...)

[chickenanne]

You won't meet people by watching Casualty.

The most difficult part will be getting started, adn getting out of the comfortable rut... so many good ideas and advice above, I can't add anything, other than that the only way to get more of a social life is to go out more....!

[..lay a little egg for me]

Just wanted to add that I agree with all who say to join a club of some kind...and I see you are taking steps in that direction. I think that the benefits of joining a club are

1. You get to learn some new skill/hobby etc

2. You can go on your own

3. You meet people who you can find out whether you get on with before going on a 'date' or other primarily social occasion

4. You get out of the house and meet people even if none of them are exactly your type

5. You don't send out the "I'm desperate to find a man" kind of signals that going to singles nights etc give and, I think, can result in things moving too quickly

 

I met and made loads of friends and found my husband through the scuba diving club...

[Guest]

I think what puts me off joining clubs is that they are all weekday evenings. I'm free Friday night and Saturday night, the rest of the time I'm too damned tired to stay up after 9pm and if I'm out till then I need to wind down before bed.

 

Oh and there is the ever present pile of marking and preparation - I do it after James is in bed at 7pm, when others go out to their clubs.

 

I have been going out once a week to a Lighterlife meeting, but I havn't socialised with anyone from there. The meetings are currently 7.30 to 8.30, good time for me but when I was at the 8 to 9.30 ones or the 8 to 10 ones I was nodding off before the end!

 

I've got the gym sussed at last, James goes to the KidzClub there and I go to the gym then we are both home by 6.30.

 

I have 2 social outings this week, year 11 prom with the dullards from work and then a work meal, I do like a few of the people I work with and will have a laugh with them but they are the older ones who socailise more within their own groups of friends.

 

I might try the WI again, I did enjoy it but Mum and I went together so it meant getting a babysitter, they were a lovely bunch older but not all Jam and Jeruselem. They also had some social outings, but they were daytimes when I was working!

[ajm200]

You've done so well over recent months. You deserve to get out there and make some new friends. Although the WI are lovely ladies, you need to find some friends your own age too.. What about the people that you met though slimming club, would any be up for a night out? Otherwise look for options to met people like you, social networking clubs, PTA or other parents at your son's clubs.

 

I understand how you feel. When I left work to have my son I suddenly found myself very lonely and isolated. I'd moved away from London when I got married a couple of years before and suddenly realised how much I missed my 'support network'.

 

Plus most of my friends at the time were single men that I'd met through work. I suddenly found I had very little in common with them. The stuff we had in common was no longer relevant for me...

 

I forced myself to go out and meet new people through baby and toddler clubs and found it very hard as I'm painfully shy. I've now got a small circle of friends that are around to do things with but we still don't manage to get to the pub as we've all got toddlers.

[freddie]

How about Beaver cubs/cubs /Scouts etc, it's unisex theser days, the leaders are so grateful for helpers the kids have a ball(age 6 up) and theres a lot of singles, male and female....... I've just spent A RIOTOUS weekend with v little sleep on cub/ scout weekend, and had a lovely if very wet time.... look up the local lot to you, , go on girl, you might enjoy it, and the kids will love you(and it's totally different to "work" !!

Good luck!!

[Jules.]

Pengy you are not alone YANA!

I know lots & lots of people, through work, through church, through school , but can count on three fingers those who are my friends. One I met 5 years ago at the homebirth group we went to when we were pregnant, & the other has a son the same age as Alexander.

As for going out, apart from church meetings, I never do- most of the time I'm just too tired, & hubby & I went out in May to a concert for the first time out in nearly 2 years.

TBH your post surprised me a little bit, you sound like such a confident young lady in your posts on here, & to hear that you are "sad & lonely" (your words) just goes to prove what facades we put on the outside world. Reading your blog I think what a fab, exciting life you have, you put me to shame with all the things you do at home & work.

I have no easy answer to your problem, just take life one day at a time, & enjoy your wonderful, healthy new body ( which is a great achievement), & be yourself.

You never know, there may be a new teacher at your new school job......and what about your upcoming holiday?

[faverollehen]

Cheer up- spend some time with the chooks!

 

Life is all ups and downs though!

[Cate in NZ]

It's hard suddenly putting yourself out and about on the social circuit, a bit scary at first, but it is the best way of meeting people and it gives you interests in common with any new friends (or potential partners).

 

My current situation has it's similarities. OK, I have hubby and my children....but I know no one else over here . At home I had an admittedly small group of close friends whom I could arrange to meet up with any time I liked, or just phone for a chat if I was at a loose end ond after a bit of company. I miss those people madly right now....emails are simply not the same . But I'm signing myself up for things left right and centre, and I'm hoping I'll actually enjoy some of my new activities and that I'll make some friends in the process

[Lailapet]

Firstly, WELL DONE losing all that weight! Such an inspiration - I am currently plotting how to follow in your footsteps! As regards the "no friends" dilemma, I can only sympathise! I am a single mum too and never go out during the week - other than ferrying kids about. At weekends I really have to have a good excuse to ask my parents to baby sit and as they often help out collecting William and looking after him till I get home from work (I work changeable shifts between 7am ans 7pm) I feel I can't ask them too often. On a low wage I can't afford to pay for baby sitters very often and so I never meet anyone outside work. I tried online dating and had 8 months with someone who came to visit me at weekends and thankfully the children liked him. We're still friends, but that's a different story. My ex husband and I broke up because he found someone else at a salsa class, so I don't get good vibes from those

It looks to me like you have to reorganise your life to make time for someone to come into it... I know it sounds terribly new age and so on, but you have come to the realisation that something isn't quite the way you want it. I know how I usually tackle these situations. First I tell people - it sounds a little bit like I'm wingeing but I need to clarify to myself how I feel. Then I sit down and thinkabout how I want things to be instead ifthre were no obstacles. And then I set about removing the obstacles. At times I have more success than at other times. I will be moving house in September. We have found a place very close to the school and the sports hall so I will not need my parents to collect the children and then I can ask them to look after them at other times... Sometimes only a little thing needs shifting to change everyting. Go for it!

All the best,

Laila

[Couperman]

Well I'm 33 & got no friends what so ever, apart from hubby, my parents, my sister & my animals. Sad eh?

If I were to vanish - apart from the people mentioned above, I would not be missed.

Emma.x

 

That last sentence made me feel quite sad, you might be surprised at who would miss you if you happened to vanish, questions as to your whereabouts would definitely come from this forum

 

 

I agree Tessa. you don't realise how big a hole you would leave if you were to 'vanish'

 

'It's a Wonderful Life'

 

 

Clarence.

 

Edited to add:

 

Pengy, you are an extraordinarly strong person and you will find a way forward and achieve the life you deserve. Good luck, you won't need it!