Patridge bantam chicken poorly foot?

[poachedegg]

I have a 'friend' who is a playground mum (her son and my dd are in the same class (yr2)), but our paths also cross at a church group (this will finish next week, but is an annual thing) and we are also governors at the same school.

 

Here is the thing - as her son started at the begining of Yr1, and she already knew me, she tends to stand with me on the playground, but I find her very negative, can be quite rude and I sometimes feel I have had my energy zapped after speaking to her.

 

She is about 8 years younger than me, but is quite narrow minded. I ask plenty of questions about her, her family etc and she doesn't ask me anything - I don't know whether she isn't interested or she is just plain rude!

 

When we are at governor meetings, she tends to keep her distance from me and puts on an air of importance! She tries to assert herself and put her point of view across at meetings, but sometimes she is loud and her comments inappropriate.

 

Basically she is not the type of person that I would normally be 'friends' with - I would say I am an open minded, positive but realistic person and I am starting to feel dragged down by her negativity/demeanour.

 

I do not mix with her socially, however as said at the begining of my post we are involved in quite a few mutual things, and as people see us together a lot I think we are going to be associated together, and the reason for my post - how do I handle it/avoid her?

 

.......some wordly wise advice would be appreciated!

[The Dogmother]

sounds like she's a drain rather than a radiator, and with zero social skills too. As you get older, you learn to distance yourself from people like that and to concentrate on the ones that matter.

 

Here's one for you that I posted on my blog the other week:

 

There comes a point in your life when you realise

 

who matters,

 

who never did,

 

who won't anymore..

 

and who always will.

 

So, don't worry about people from your past,

 

there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future

[Cinnamon]

I ask plenty of questions about her, her family etc and she doesn't ask me anything - I don't know whether she isn't interested or she is just plain rude!

 

 

If I were you I would stop asking the questions - she will soon get the hint.

 

Let her go & suck all the joy out of someone elses world for a change

[The Dogmother]

Let her go & suck all the joy out of someone elses world for a change

 

I love that saying Sarah

 

I call them 'emotional vampires'

[Cinnamon]

Exactly!

I have known a few in my time & I do my best to avoid such beings now.

Life is too short.

[AnnieP]

Let her go & suck all the joy out of someone elses world for a change

 

I LOVE that phrase Sarah! I must file that away for another time!

 

Agreed, by the way!

 

I have a friend (and she truly IS a friend, she has been wonderful to me through a difficult time) but she too has a negative take on life and it can really get you down. Luckily I know her well enough to make a joke of it whenever she starts off and she can laugh about it.

Not worth it though if you really do not feel any affinity to this woman.

[craftyhunnypie]

I hate people like that. We have a neighbour who is so negative about everything & just has to moan! Although she never moans about the chickens or cockerels! She likes us, it's everyone else & everything else we have to hear about. We don't like it - she makes you feel miserable.

 

You can choose your friends, you can't choose your family. So therefore I'd be inclined to tell this lady to her face that unless she has anything positive & nice to say, then you'd rather not listen to her or associate with her. Tell her you are a laid back happy person, who does not want to be dragged down by negative thoughts & attitudes - then walk away!

 

I think you have to, otherwise it will get 10 times worse!

 

Emma.x

[jlo]

I have no idea what advice to give. I have a similar acquaintance and I confess that I have not had the courage to tell her to her face that she brings me down. I am someone who goes out of her way to aviod confrontation and you may be the same. I am polite to this person but, as someone else has suggested, have long since not bothered to find out how she and her family are doing. She tends to tell me anyway

 

I suppose if you can avoid her, that would be ok. Otherwise, just be quite cool with her. She may get the idea??

 

Thinking of you!

[poachedegg]

Let her go & suck all the joy out of someone elses world for a change and emotional vampire are great phrases.

 

Unfortunately due to our ties in other things, confronting her is probably not the best thing to do. However, keeping my distance from her is probably the best way to go, though sometimes it is unavoidable.

 

I had got to the point where I didn't offer any information about getting chickens, guineas, going on a fostering course, as it would be just met with some negative comment.

 

Don't get me wrong I am quite a confident and self assertive person and to live the contented life life I like to lead, then I would ordinarily cut out somebody like this, however I am on the playground twice a day and at numerous governors meeting, so doing this would be quite hard to do.

 

What did it for me today was I asked how her daughter was getting on in her work experience and asked a few questions - I then went on to say that my ES who only passed his test last Wednesday was picking his car up tomorrow (quite an exciting event for a 17 yr old) and she just said 'Oh', that was it, no asking what type it was, the colour, how much was insurance etc!

 

I just can't understand what makes somebody tick when they are so negative about almost everybody and everything, even her own children..........but then at meetings she puts on airs and graces and tries to associate herself with anybody of any importance.

 

......gosh she is making me negative now!!!!!!!!!

 

*Positive thoughts only, positive thoughts only..........*

[clootie]

I've had my fair share too. I remember not wanting to hurt anyone's feelings and stood there being talked at on a daily basis. I even had phone calls 10 minutes after I got home. But, as Cinnamon says, life is way too short. Busy yourself with other people, be polite but make excuses to her when she starts to corner you, she'll get the message soon enough. She will soon latch on to some unsuspecting soul and you'll be off the hook. Think positively, be strong and go for it. Good luck !!

[Paola]

But, as Cinnamon says, life is way too short. Busy yourself with other people, be polite but make excuses to her when she starts to corner you, she'll get the message soon enough. She will soon latch on to some unsuspecting soul and you'll be off the hook. Think positively, be strong and go for it. Good luck !!

 

I agree I have the habit of standing in the same place in the playground so if you do the same, move. I would be polite and professional when at the governors meetings and church groups but other then that I would avoid her like the plague

[MedusA]

I knew a woman (her daughter and mine were good friends) and sometimes she could be almost friendly and at others blanked me completely.

 

She later committed suicide (totally unrelated to our friendship, I hasten to add). I had no idea she was severely depressed and on medication. I felt guilty as I am a nurse and just thought it was her personality.

 

I'm not saying that this is anything to do with your situation, just making an observation.

[Ain't Nobody Here]

I know people like that and it can get so draining if you keep having to spend time with them. My mother is one of them .

 

I reckon avoidance is your best policy. She's happy to snub you at the governor meetings so you should just snub her at everything else!

 

(I have gone to great lengths to avoid my mother . I ignore her phone calls sometimes and last week I spotted her in the supermarket and spent the rest of my time there sneaking round corners to avoid her .)

[Paola]

(I have gone to great lengths to avoid my mother . I ignore her phone calls sometimes and last week I spotted her in the supermarket and spent the rest of my time there sneaking round corners to avoid her .)

 

You are funny ANH however I would prob do the same

[poachedegg]

I knew a woman (her daughter and mine were good friends) and sometimes she could be almost friendly and at others blanked me completely.

 

She later committed suicide (totally unrelated to our friendship, I hasten to add). I had no idea she was severely depressed and on medication. I felt guilty as I am a nurse and just thought it was her personality.

 

I'm not saying that this is anything to do with your situation, just making an observation.

 

Funny you mention that, as she has told me before that she has dealt with depression.

 

Anyways, from everybody's advice, I am going to busy myself on the playground/stand in a different place (must remember to tell DD!!) and at meetings and other times will be polite, but 'unavailable'.

 

I think I knew already what I needed to do......just needed a sounding board and as usual you lovely chicken keepers obliged .

[The Dogmother]

You are so right to approach this sensitively and tactfully.

 

Do let us know how you get on.

[chickencam]

This is going to make me sound extremely anti-social, which I probably am. I got so bored with the negative shallow tittle tattle of the group of Mums that I had got to know through my YD and playgroup that not long after they started school I began to stand on my own in the playground and I still do to this day.

 

I have a few people who I chat with occasionally but largely I keep my own company, I have a couple of very close friends in life and as you get older I think that your social circle tends to shrink to the people who really matter as claret said.

 

I have just come back from YD's harvest festival and the headmaster was telling a story about a guy he was playinng golf with at the weekend who was moaning about being too hot instead of enjoying a lovely autumn day. He used the radiator and drain reference, a very good one in my view. Life is too short to spend time with drains, we all have our off days but they should be few and far between.

[Guest]

I'm wondering if you will be changing schools at the end of year 2? If so, an opportunity presents itself.

 

My children have walked home on their own since year 3 because we live close enough, so I have avoided these sorts of problems. I still can't understand why mothers start arriving 30 minutes before school ends. I just don't have the time or inclination to do that! Maybe next year your child could walk a little way down the road to meet you, then you wouldn't be in the playground. Perhaps you could start being late to collect her, rushing in at the last minute?

 

Actually, I spend a lot of time worrying that I might be a drain and not a radiator . . .

I think it's my moaning mother and every time I catch myself sounding like her, I worry that I might be like her! I think I'm a radiator too though - can you be both?

[clootie]

(I have gone to great lengths to avoid my mother . I ignore her phone calls sometimes and last week I spotted her in the supermarket and spent the rest of my time there sneaking round corners to avoid her .)

 

You are funny ANH however I would prob do the same

 

Paola, do you know ANH's mother then? hehehe

[Paola]

(I have gone to great lengths to avoid my mother . I ignore her phone calls sometimes and last week I spotted her in the supermarket and spent the rest of my time there sneaking round corners to avoid her .)

 

You are funny ANH however I would prob do the same

 

Paola, do you know ANH's mother then? hehehe

 

No, just referring to my crazy mother

[poachedegg]

I'm wondering if you will be changing schools at the end of year 2? If so, an opportunity presents itself.

 

My children have walked home on their own since year 3 because we live close enough, so I have avoided these sorts of problems. I still can't understand why mothers start arriving 30 minutes before school ends. I just don't have the time or inclination to do that! Maybe next year your child could walk a little way down the road to meet you, then you wouldn't be in the playground. Perhaps you could start being late to collect her, rushing in at the last minute?

 

Actually, I spend a lot of time worrying that I might be a drain and not a radiator . . .

I think it's my moaning mother and every time I catch myself sounding like her, I worry that I might be like her! I think I'm a radiator too though - can you be both?

 

DD will be at school until end of yr 6.

 

I don't really want to change too much what I do, because I enjoy my life.....she is just a fly in the ointment and I would also still see her at other meetings.

 

Since posting this last night and getting all your replies I feel quite empowered knowing it isn't just me. I also know we have to take responsibility for our own lives, so I know I need to deal with it to keep my happy life balance.

 

To be honest I don't think I will find it too hard to avoid her/keep my distance and will be quite a relief to my sanity!

 

Me & OH are finding ourselves more and more in a minority in our outlook in life and whilst we wouldn't change anything, we are finding recently that we seem to have to justify our positive outlook and it is this that I have started to find weary.........but I have now realised that I shouldn't justify what we do - we should just do it!

[Guest]

What a very positive and reassured viewpoint! I really like it when people know who they are and are happy to be just that, in spite of the pressures outside. Well done!

[Seagazer]

It is a hard one this, I have a 'friend' that I see at school. Her son and mine are good friends. She always, always moans about money and how she's scrimping and saving. She even tried to change her council tax band as she wanted it cheaper. Then in the next breath is telling me that she saved £1,000 last month She is paying her mortgage off next month so if she moans after that I might just say something

 

I try to change the subject but she just goes on and on. Or she moans about her boys. I have taken to waiting at a different part of the road now (son in Y6 so doesn't want me waiting outside school). I was hoping the boys might go to different schools - is that really horrible?

 

Anyway, I think that you do have to distance yourself a bit from this woman, although as you say you see her at quite a few things. I would try not asking her anything about her life and see if she gets the hint.

[poachedegg]

What a very positive and reassured viewpoint! I really like it when people know who they are and are happy to be just that, in spite of the pressures outside. Well done!

 

Thank you

[Mutrix Farmers]

We all meet people like this throughout our lives and the best advice I can give is avoid them. You can't change them, they will never see your point of view.

 

Someone recently posted a poem called Desiderata (might have been ANH?) in which there is a line "avoid loud and vexatious people" - I take this as very sound advice!

 

Stay positive poachedegg!!