Cube mk2 and WIR

[Cate in NZ]

I've debated whether or not to post anything here, because I'm not after sympathy, I'm really, truly, incredibly lucky, NZ is a beautiful country, my children are so settled and happy & my hubby is loving it really getting into the hunting, shooting & fishing lifestyle, as well as sport, sport & yet more sport. Our (rented) home is lovely, much larger and better than we could ever afford in the UK, and our lifestyle is wonderful. My job is well paid, challenging and autonomous.....no one is looking over my shoulder.

 

I wrote this in an email to a very dear friend today.....about my daughter (& her god-daughter )......and every word is true. "Immy loves NZ, we're all happy here, but she's the real duck to water one and she's thriving. Loads of friends, great social life, learning to drive (eeeek!!), part time job in town, really getting into her kayaking & mountain biking, and is out running most evenings. She's come on, confidence wise, in leaps and bounds. Even with school stuff her confidence is soaring. Seb was always very academically able, but Immy struggled a bit more, didn't always grasp concepts easily and had problems approaching teachers in the UK about things she didn't quite get. And because she was a well behaved student who was in the good average achievement group I think she got overlooked. I don't know if it's the style of teaching here, or if it's just more acceptable to ask for help, but she's suddenly found her wings and is taking off....and not even complaining about the average 2 1/2- 3 hours homework she gets every night!"

 

So why am I suddenly feeling a bit blue . I had a really difficult week at work this week, culminating in a truly disastrous day on thursday, a real knock your confidence kind of series of events and there was no one around for support. My Mum won't come over because her partner lost his savings in the Icesave thing & they're waiting to see how that resolves before they look at major holiday expenditure. I'm missing the shared history kind of long term friendships, you know the people that you can ring up at any time and launch into a put the world to rights type of conversation, or who you can share a bottle of wine & a box of tissues with without needing any lengthy explanations. Email just ain't the same, & the phone is difficult with the 13 hour time difference.....whenever I ring anyone in the UK one of us is about to go to bed whilst the other is juggling breakfast & getting ready for work

 

Anyway, onwards & upwards, been here nearly 5 months now, summer's round the corner, we're hoping to buy (or build ) our dream home very soon, and I'm off to see Paul Young & Tony Hadley in concert tonight , so my glass is definitely half full

 

PS.....I even got a new name for my new NZ persona

[Ms Marple]

Hi Cate, I know I don't know you very well but this seems to be the place to share thoughts anyway.

You are bound to have a few repercussions in one way or another after such a huge change to your life. It looks like you've had a bad week and you appear to be reflecting that all the other family members are doing so very well - better than in the UK. Have you shared your bad week with them? Sometimes, we mums seem to feel as though we carry everyone with us on our shoulders; we have to be the strong ones... It often does our family memeres some good to realise that they need to offer support too. It allows them to take on a different role.

It looks as though you have much to look forward to - your first NZ summer for a start!. My OH's sister lives in Palmerston North and has done for 15 years. MyOS went to stay with them during his gap year last year and loved NZ. We are still planning to get there - perhaps I can come and visit you too and bring you pictures of the awful weather and endless rain!!! Keep looking forward

[Egluntyne]

Sorry you are feeling a bit glum.

 

My sister went to Australia about three years ago....and loves it. She has had a couple of "wobbles" though, one of them a major one at around 6 months. Loving the lifestyle, but missing family and the ability to hop into the car an visit longstanding friends at a moment's notice. I'm sure all that will pass for you as your friendships develop, and once you move into your own home.

 

Here's hoping that your Mum can get over soon.

 

I like the "C". Nice touch.

[Lesley]

Hi Cate!

I think a few wobbles will be inevitable. I know you've had a bad week and that can't help.

 

Keep baking - and I can't really encourage you to keep drinking the wine , but i'm sure in this instance it will be necessary

[clootie]

Cate, I think it would be a bit odd if you didn't have the wobblies regarding homesickness, it's a big step to move to the other side of the world and one you didn't take lightly. It's fantastic that your children have settled in so well and so quickly. That would have been my main concern and it would have been awful if it had gone the other way. Maybe we can spark up the Omlet jumbo, you know, the one with the big purple cube on one side and a the happy chicken on the other, and a load of omleteers will come out to share that crate of wine and tonne of tissues with you (make that two crates of wine just to be on the safe side!).

 

And, as for work, that's just a bad few days. We all get them so you mustn't worry about that or be so hard on yourself. Take care and look to the skies, we're coming for a holiday soon !!

[buffie]

Hello Cate

 

You're bound to feel these emotions and we are with you, if in a more virtual sense In time you'll settle down and make some new history and I'll just really hope you can have your mum to visit soon. This will really brighten your world.

 

So funny to hear you say summer is round the corner, a bbq on Christmas day for you then

 

Buffie x

[Ain't Nobody Here]

I'm sorry to hear you're having "wobblies" too . It's hardly surprising though really, I'm sure you must have been caught up for the last year or so in the excitement of the planning, the waiting, the actual move and then settling in. Now the excitement and newness have worn off, you must have more time to think about what you've actually done. It's fantastic that your kids are doing so well and you are too, you've just had a bad week which is reflecting on your life generally. When you feel down, it's longstanding friendships that help you through as we don't tend to offload onto "new" friends so easily.

 

What a ramble . Anyway, I know it'll pass and you'll feel happier very soon . I hope your mum can come out soon (I got an email from Icesave this week saying they're starting electronic transfers of the money into our bank accounts very soon so fingers crosses her partner gets his back).

 

Love the new name, very "you" (I imagine ).

[Christian]

No sympathy from me then (you know I am hard as nails)

 

Bound to be trying at times Cate, but you are doing so well out there. I can't imagine what it is like to be so far away, but you are loving it and that is wonderful. It is such a massive change and it has only been a few months, look at what you have achieved so far!

 

Have you got Skype? The time difference is tricky but doable.

 

Big hugs (but not in sympathy, just because I am nice )

 

C x x x

[Guest]

Cate, I am so pleased you posted this. Homesickness was bound to happen and as Egluntine said, about now is the right time. What a blessing our communication systems are nowadays. 20 years ago even, you would have felt more cut off and less in touch. And for us, it's nice to know that you miss home (as you knew you would). You would be a strange (and cold) person if you could just break away from the old life with no regrets or lookings back.

 

It must be hard when those around you appear to have embraced the new life completely. And if they are managing, you probably don't want to invite them to feel more miserable. DH is of course ahead of you and must have had even worse homesickness with his family still being there. Perhaps you can talk to him about it?

 

The positive thing though Cate is that you don't want to come back here, you're just missing some of it. Long-standing friendships and family must be the worst. 5 months is nothing and it will take years and years before you feel like a New Zealander and not a visitor.

 

But the Omleteers are still here for you in the same way and you can be sure of our support and friendship at all times! I hope you feel better today!

[Phonix]

Cate you get no sympathy from me im afraid (only cos you don't want it lol)

Im sooo jealous of you - right now all I want is to move away (Vancouver island is my current favorite) but too many things are in the way (not least finishing uni and my training so that Im employable!!!)

 

Anyway im quite sure that missing home is to be expected (one of my friends can't go on hols for a week without calling her mum twice a day every day because she misses her mum so much). Hopefully from what ANH has said the Iceland thing will be sorted soon and your mum can come out and visit you soon to lift your spirits a little. The excitement of being there has probably began to wear off at 5 months, just like when you move anywhere new, and im sure with the children and OH settled in you feel a little out of it right now but OH has been there longer and kids are more resilient to change, so give it a while longer and it'll start to feel like home and new friends will become long-standing ones!!

 

As for work - everyone has bad days, mine the other day just isn't worth recalling - lets just say it involved sliding top to bottom of the concrete stairs on my rear, then falling and bashing my shins on the way back up as well as a million other mishaps and accidents it WILL get better!!!

 

So no sympathy as your getting summer soon an im sat here typing this with a cough, a sore throat and a runny nose and have to go out this afternoon in coat, hat, gloves and scarf - so if you get a free minute just package up some of that sun and send it on over!!!!!!

 

xXx

[Nicola H]

Big hugs from me too Cate..........I can't add much more to what the others have already said, but it does sound like you have done the right thing for the family and i am sure some of your family and friends will make it over for a holiday soon.

[lisa33]

Don't be homesick.

 

We're all not that far from you in spirit.

[Mrs Frugal]

Don't be homesick.

 

We're all not that far from you in spirit.

 

That is so true! We're always here for you, Cate, even if it's just a virtual glass of wine. You're bound to get the odd wobble from time to time as you've made such a huge change in your lives and little things will spark off pangs of homesickness every now and then but as you say, your glass is half full and that's the right attitude . Hope the concert was good .

 

Big hugs xxx

[chickencam]

This must be a normal part of the settling in process, and with Christmas coming you are feeling very mixed emotions between the old and the new. Old real friends will stay as friends and there are many new soon to be old friends waiting in the wings and of course there is this forum which is the biggest friendship group of all and we are here in one form or another 24/7

 

((HUGS))

[Karen & co.]

Sorry to hear you are haaving a wobble It will pass and even perhaps come back again, but it sounds like you are really settle just temporarily homesick.

 

Take care,

 

Karen x

[Paola]

Sorry to hear that you have had a bit of a wobble. As the others have said, it is normal. Just hang in there. It is fantastic news that your children are settling in well and embracing your new life.

 

Keep your chin up

Px

[chelsea]

 

Keep your chin up

 

I agree with Paola, think positive and keep smiling.

[Guest]

Poor Cate - a wobble is normal this is a HUGE step you have taken and if you never had a wobble you wouldn't be normal!

 

You'll soon have close friends there. I know how you feel in the past 15 years I've gotten really close to 2 friends, one then moved to Scotland and the other to Canada. Of course Scotland isn't that far but I've still not managed to get there although I've visited my friend in Canada once and I'm planning another trip soon.

[Jules.]

Sorry to hear that you're having a wobble- & you have settled in so well so far. It's impossible for every day to be a "top of the world" day, even though you now have a far superior lifestyle than us Brits

 

I know how much you were looking forward to your mum coming over after Christmas, & that has probably dented you quite alot, I know it would me

 

My Great-Aunt emigrated to Vancouver Island just after the 2nd World War, & when I went to visit her once she told me that if she could have got back onto a boat to come home in her first year there then she would have been on it like a shot. After the 1st 12 months she felt like she had never lived anywhere else. I know that this may not be how you are feeling/how you are reacting, but that was here experience & everyone is different, & I just want to send you some (((hugs)))

[The Dogmother]

You daft mare, with all the changes that you've been through recently, I'd be surprised if you weren't feeling a bit down or glum. Children adapt so much easier than us adults and they have less history/baggage to miss too.

 

We're all here for you, just don't call me at 'silly am' as I'll be juggling a few things

 

Love the new name... big hugs to you.

[Seagazer]

Cate, I'm sorry you're having a wobble but think how fantastic it is that your kids are enjoying it over there, it could be so much worse.

 

I think its normal as everyone else has said to have times of homesickness. Stick it out - I'm very jealous - I can't even get mine to move down to the coast.

[A chickychickychick-ENN!!]

Wobbles can throw everything into a sinking perspective, can't they? But there is so much lovely stuff around you if you can make yourself look. The horrible things WILL pass.

 

Skype, facebook and webcam are great for communicating with friends at distance. Are you making friends slowly? Hobbies are a good way of meeting new people. I went to historical society meetings, pottery class and barn dancing and met some lovely folks when I moved county. When I was living abroad, I went to book clubs and sailing clubs. Folks are always open to friendliness I have found, so if you have the courage to make the first move, it can really help get friendships going. I have an old university friend in NZ. I'm sure him and his other half (she's a NZ native, he's a Brit) would be happy to hold your hand across the ether or in person if you want an introduction through the interweb. I'm not sure how close they are to you, but they are good sorts. If you do, PM me. They do a lot of naturey things. It's the most stunning country for that sort of gubbins.

 

Anna x

[chooklady]

Sorry to hear you are feeling a bit fed up at the moment.

 

My god-daughter and her boyfriend moved to NZ about 3.5 years ago, they are married now and have 2 kids. She is here at the moment visiting her Mum and Dad and her sister who has just had a baby. She loves it in NZ, they have a wonderful life, lovely house, loads of land and animals. She's a real Kiwi now, even got a kiwi accent.

 

You will be fine, we all have blips about things we've done and then suddenly we're not sure about. Tomorrow is another day

Good luck with everything

Nicola

[gracefruit]

Hi Cate. I'm an expat, too (almost eight years now), and I just wanted to let you know that it does get easier! If it makes you feel any better, it's dark, rainy, and miserable here today.

[Cate in NZ]

Thanks all for your lovely messages

I thought maybe I'd best come & do a quick update because I feel kind of guilty for inflicting my wobbly moment on you all. My glass isn't half full any more.....it's completely full, to over flowing almost , what a difference a week makes.

My Mum's partner has heard from Icesave & he expects to get his money back imminently , as soon as it's safely recieved they're looking to book a holiday over here in Feb/March. And of course my fairly wonderful MIL arrives on Jan 3rd .

Today the weather is glorious, 24oC earlier when I was out, and I'm such a sun bunny that I'm just lapping it up. I've also wrapped up all my Christmas gifts for the UK & written the cards. Just get to get my bottom off this seat and stroll round to the Post Shop to get them posted. Not quite organised enough to have done the immediate family gifts yet, but it's just not in my nature to be too organised

One of my major upsets was that last week I was working entirely on my own in a very isolated environment, I have the phone for advice if I need it, but otherwise alone. I had some very difficult consultations, that stressed me out and then the final straw was when a lady appeared in severe distress having driven from one of the neighbouring farms because she didn't feel right. She promptly collapsed...and unfortunately died. One of the drawbacks of being miles from anywhere is that ambulances can take a long time & they were too late . I suspect that most nurses out there will understand when I say that I spent a lot of time worrying about if I'd done the right thing, could I have done it better, and so on. Anyway I now know that she had a massive heart attack...there was nothing anyone could have done. I'm still upset for her and her family, but I did my best.

So, it's all good, I'm completely back on track & feeling more relaxed & happier than I have for ages. I think the homesickness & stress did me some favours, to remind me to look at what's really important, not to sweat the small stuff and all that. And if there's something I can't change....do what I can and then stop worrying about it.

That said, I just bet I'll have a few more bouts of homesickness, and chances are I'll have episodes of wanting to pull my hair out when Mum & MIL are here on their extended stays....but life is good

Thought I'd add a pic of where I work, just to show how isolated it is.

This is the road where my base is, I took this pic as I was heading home one day, just to send to my old colleagues in SE London so they could see the contrast for themselves.