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Boris70

Stay at home mum?

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Hi,

 

I haven't been on the forum for a while (that's what having a baby and lots of chickens does for you!) but could really do with some advice.

 

We had our little boy in November 07, and I returned to work in June 08 - 3 days a week. My boss asked me to do 4 days a week in November - but from home - sounds like a nice compromise - but I'm now working all hours trying to fit in work around looking after a 16 month old.

 

I travel for 1h40m a day with our little boy as he goes to nursery around the corner from where I work, and I actually think I hate my job now. I'm expected to do exactly what I did before maternity leave working full time in the 4 days I work.

 

I was supposed to sign a new contract for 4 days a week in January, but my boss was off ill. I spoke to him about it yesterday about back dating it (as I've been doing the hours) - to be basically told hard luck - I should of sorted it out before hand - so I've lost part of my bonus, and holiday accural even though I've been working so hard for the company over the past 4 months.

 

So - my question is - Stay at home mums - does it get boring at all? I came back to work because I liked speaking adult again - so I worry now about giving it all up, and not talking anything but babies.

 

I love our little boy to bits, and feel incredibly guilt not being with him while I'm at work, espcially as I don't actually enjoy what I'm doing anymore - I think if I enjoyed my job maybe the guilt wouldn't be so bad?

 

Any suggestions (sorry to of gone on so long!)

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I would be bored if I had to stay at home all the time without working (I have a 4 year old and a 2 year old).

 

I work 2 days a week and also have my own face painting business which normally takes place at weekends.

 

However when i first went back to work I got a part-time job and it was AWFUL i hated it - the people were rude and the work was DULL - so in that case staying at home would have been a lot better.

 

Forgetting whether you HAVE to work for financial reasons - for me it comes down to whether you enjoy your job or not. At the moment I enjoy coming to work and the people I work with and nice to get out and talk about adult stuff and not kids etc (I dont even work with any women - its all men!) - makes a nice change.

 

If I was a SAHM I would have to have enough money to be able to do things like gym, swimming etc and get out and about and have another friend who was also a SAHM so we could have lunch! I couldnt just be in all day as would just end up bored and fed up with housework!

 

To me being a SAHM is a full time job - where you dont even get a lunch hour or breaks or chats with other adults. Plus you still have to work during the night if you have a young baby or kids that are up so its 24/7!

 

Michelle

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I have been a SAHM for over 15 years now apart from some credit control work which I do for my OH's business which is only a couple of hours a week and done from home.

 

When my children were pre-school age I got involved with their playgroup as treasurer and that took up a fair amount of time but gave my brain something to do and gave me a real input into their pre-school lives. It was however unpaid.

 

My children are all at school and I can honestly say that I am never bored. I am however very much a home body and I grew up in the back of beyond as an only child, so I don't mind my own company and can amuse myself pretty well.

 

If you are a people person who likes interesting company you may feel a bit lost. I tired of the company of a lot of other SAHM's who just moaned about their husbands and children all the time. I therefore spend a lot of the day alone and have to admit that this forum is great when you need some adult interaction :D

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I love it! 8)

Yes some jobs get mundane, but even parts of my 'career' are mundane these days (I've been doing it for over 20 years :lol: ). Yes you miss adult company, but that's only because you have to go looking for it again - it's ready provided at work isn't it? :lol: I meet with a small group of like minded mums that I met through church and toddler group (we are all a bit older than the norm and have more children than the norm, plus similar interests) The quality of the time we spend together is far better than any I spent with work colleagues. I do still work to keep my brain active - but I do 'freelance' so I can pick and choose when I work and charge for any overtime :twisted: (I do about 4 hours a week) I found it was about rediscovering the real me - rediscovering a love of gardening and crafts and actually having time to do them and teach them to the children. I don't blame anyone for going back to work, not everyone has the choice or the inclination to stop at home, but I find it far more rewarding - and I am convinced my children benefit from it. :D

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Mine are all at school or college and I love being at home and find that I don't get time to be bored!

 

I love having the time to myself during the day (I do some exam invigilating too - but is seasonal!), but I also enjoy going to assemblies at my DD's school, helping with reading one morning a week, going to look round uni with ES last Thursday without having to ask anyones permission, enjoying the chickens, picking and dropping off DD at school and not having to rush, letting the children be at home if they are poorly without having to justify it to a boss, cooking from scratch (I know people who work do, but I know if I did I wouldn't! :oops: ), taking the dog for a walk in the morning when everybody is out, being able to attend governor meetings again without having to worry about work hours. :D

 

Probably mundane things to a lot of you but little things that make my life worthwhile and definitely no time to be bored. :D

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I left work almost 9 years ago when my daughter was 4 and starting school, before that she went to the nursery very close to where both me and my husband worked. He started to work away from home more and more and I realised that it was going to be very difficult to sort out childcare for her once she went to school as the school was 15 miles away from home and I worked unpredictable hours. I then had a spell of illness and really didn't want to go back to work as I realised that I had the job I had always wanted but didn't actually like it so I left work and became a full time mum.

 

At first I spent so much time travelling and the school day was short I didn't have time to get bored, then we moved house and it needed a complete refurbishment so I was busy with that. I also have a small internet site which I run from home but it doesn't take much of my time except at Christmas.

 

I never get bored and I think you do find time to do things that you would put off, for me though as my husband is away from home most weeks monday to friday it means when he comes home we just do the things we want to rather than those we need to. Also I always make sure that I attend all of the school things that my daughter is in without having to juggle. The best thing is in school holidays my daughter gets to have her friends here as much as she wants and is able to enjoy her time out from school work as we don't plan anything.

 

I am really pleased I left work and I wish I had done it sooner.

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I couldn't agree more with what you have just said about letting the children stay off school when they are under the weather without major stress and organisation is one of the main reason that I chose to stay at home. My mum was always there for me when I was ill and it meant the world to me, especially when I was a teenager. I knew that as soon as I came in through the door bursting with anger or worry she would be there to listen.

 

I have also helped out at school a lot over the years, which is really rewarding and gives you a good insight into the school and the teachers :D For one thing it makes you realise that your children are little angels :lol:

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I have been a SAHM for the last 5 yrs.... a nearly 5yr old and a 2yr old. I am fortunate as the older one has just started school and the younger one does go to nursery a couple of days a week so we both have our space.... and i love it!

 

I have been toying with the idea of going back to work recently though, the winter i find is the hardest bit and in jan/feb I thought .... back to work, but guess what the spring is coming, there is lots to do in the garden and i am banishing that idea to the back of my mind again, hopefully till next jan/feb!!! :roll:

 

You have to make an effort... for you and your family, life is not handed to you on a plate and social aspects are down to you... and not just who is at the coffee machine. :wink:

 

this thread really made me stop and think, and it is so much easier having one person at home that can drop everything if one of the children is sick, and you cannot get the time back... they are only young once and if you have the opportunity to be a SAHM (not everyone is as fortunate) then go for it!!!

 

Children are a blessing and it is fortunate if you are able to be home with them, enjoy whichever choice you make :D

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Yes I agree with all the other stay-at-homes, I'm mostly at home and I love it. I work 2hrs a day term time only at our local primary school. This helps pay for children's activities but not much else. If I worked more than this I wouldn't be able to fit in everything else - house ,garden , dogs, hens , home cooked meals, etc.

 

Right now my middle son is off sick and I can be with him without the headache of pleading for time off from an employer. All my kids know that if they are unwell I will be with them & they won't be expected to struggle to school because of lack of childcare

 

My life is rich even if financially poor. I would love a holiday in the sun as would the kids but I'm not willing to start looking for childcare etc for the kids so that I could do extra hours. I realise that this may not suit everyone and I fully appreciate that for those who have fulfilling careers staying at home isn't an option. Life is hard enough for children & families, for me, being at home takes the pressure off. Ax :):):)

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Been thinking about this and if we could afford me to stay at home (we cant so i have to work) I would make myself busy so wouldnt have time to get bored (and no time to do all the cleaning!!!).

 

I would get a dog for sure.

I would cook loads of things and bake even more than now

I would volunteer to help at my daughter's nursery and son's school

I would like an allotment and more things to look after in the garden

 

So would be really busy!

 

Now, where is that lottery ticket!

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I couldn't agree more with what you have just said about letting the children stay off school when they are under the weather without major stress and organisation is one of the main reason that I chose to stay at home. My mum was always there for me when I was ill and it meant the world to me, especially when I was a teenager. I knew that as soon as I came in through the door bursting with anger or worry she would be there to listen.

 

I have also helped out at school a lot over the years, which is really rewarding and gives you a good insight into the school and the teachers :D For one thing it makes you realise that your children are little angels :lol:

 

 

This was a major thing for me when I had my first baby. The amount of times when I was a child and we just had to go to school no matter what as my mum worked. I was even sent to school with appendicitis (mum obviously didn't know that it was that bad).

 

I've been at home for 21 years now :oops: I have done the odd job here and there, childminding, ironing (yes, really :D ) and the last time in Woolies. That was as a xmas temp and it was awful as all the kids were unwell. My 16 year old at the time begged me to stay home with her. I finally cracked when my YS became ill. My mum had him for a couple of days but it was his 6th birthday at the end of the week and I stayed off with him. He was far more important and I left before xmas.

 

I enjoy being at home. Often most days I'm on my own but thats fine by me. I meet friends walking the dog, I come on here and have the odd coffee morning. I have been doing courses at my local adult education college for the last 5 years and would be lost without that I think. Its good for getting the brain going, socialising and for homework during the week.

 

My kids appreciate the fact that I've been at home for them but I think it only works if you want to do it. If you don't then you might subconsciously give out the signals that you don't want to be at home and then "Ooops, word censored!"ody is happy. My sister is happier working, thats whats right for her and her family.

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I was a SAHM for ten years before returning to the work outside the home.

 

For eight of those years I was a registered childminder and loved every minute of it. The pay was rubbish £1.80 an hour :shock::lol:, the responisibilty huge, but the job satisfaction was priceless :D

 

I was never bored and my own children always had a friend or friends to play with. Never any time to do housework as we would be off visiting friends, walking the dog, playing at the park or the beach. I helped out at the local toddler group, playgroup and Nursery often with at least 2 toddlers in tow. A great life as long as you like children...... lots of children.

 

Why on earth did I go back to work outside the home :?

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I was a SAHM from when my boys (now 16 and 14) were born till about 5 or 6 years ago when I started 3 days a week at a special school 10 mins from my house.

 

When they were at primary school I helped out at the school and the Beaver Scouts. I did Scout Post for a few years and also did some childminding. It was only when the boys got older (and all my friends started going back to work :roll: ) that I felt the need to have something more to do.

 

Three days a week, term time suits me just fine. Enough time off for the dog, chickens, house etc. Easy to get time off for sick kids (schools always understand 8) ) and holidays that (almost) match my boys' holidays.

 

The pay is rubbish but OH says he really appreciates one of us being able to drop everything in an emergency, not to mention being around for pickups/dropoffs etc. I can also get all the boring stuff like shopping done before the weekend!

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I loved being at home when I had my first, went back for a while just before I had number 2 then 3 and 4 :lol: Was Chairman of the play group committee, secretary of the PTA, Chair of the Scout group, secretary of the local rugby club, school Govenor and taught safe cycling at the local primary school.

 

I started part time work very embarassingly 3 hours per week :oops: when my youngest was in year one, I had actually lost my confidence that I could be employable, and found that I could be a working mum, very part time and now do 3 days :D

 

If you do fancy staying at home, don't feel pushed into going to work, believe me being at home all the time is much harder than walking out of the door and leaving the list of jobs to do behind. I have recently been approached to work full time but I really don't want to especially as the person who rang me tried the guilt trip approach :|

 

There are lots of ways to get involved, school PTA, play group committee, volunteering etc. Personal choice, but go with what is right for you :D

 

Karen x

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I have been a SAHM for 5 years and love it and i am never bored. I help twice a week in my childrens classes, I help run a rainbows unit, craft, cook and occasionally clean. It is the right thing for our family at the moment. I can be the sort of mother i want to be not the stressed shouting one i became when trying to have it all. There are no problems with school holidays or child illness and the best child care for my children is me. I can get most things done when they are at school so after school they can have whatever clubs they like and i have time to enjoy their company and play with them while they still want too. There will be a time soon they are 7 and 10 when they are off doing their own thing and i didn’t want to have regrets.

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I absolutely adored being a stay at home Mum until my youngest started primary school then I helped out as a parent helper at the school full time running ICT lessons, then as a paid classroom assistant for a couple of years so that my hours fitted in with the boys school day and holidays. I've been at home ever since I left that job, and am now working very part time from home so I'm there for the boys if they need me, even though they are 15 and 18 now. I have never ever been bored. I am a bit of a hermit and enjoy my own company and find plenty to do to fill the hours when I'm home alone. There's always something to bake, plant, mend, clean and I love being a housewife :D .

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I absolutely adored being a stay at home Mum until my youngest started primary school then I helped out as a parent helper at the school full time running ICT lessons, then as a paid classroom assistant for a couple of years so that my hours fitted in with the boys school day and holidays. I've been at home ever since I left that job, and am now working very part time from home so I'm there for the boys if they need me, even though they are 15 and 18 now. I have never ever been bored. I am a bit of a hermit and enjoy my own company and find plenty to do to fill the hours when I'm home alone. There's always something to bake, plant, mend, clean and I love being a housewife :D .

 

Well said! I've felt sometimes that I'm letting the side down not wanting to have a career especially when we were socialising with a group of people my husband was doing an MBA with. The women were all high flyers and I felt like such a dork next to them. But I'm happy doing what I'm doing. My OH jokes that I should get a job (YS still at primary - just) but he knows that life would be much harder for him if I did.

 

I probably will get something sooner or later but only part time and maybe volunteering at first - just to ease my way in.

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When I left nursing to have my boys, the ward sister I used to work with rolled her eyes and said I'd turn into a vegetable in months :roll: . Utter rubbish! I've learned far more from being a stay at home Mum than I ever learned while I was out at work and the majority of it is far more useful too!

 

Volunteering your way into work is a really good way to start - and it shows willing to future employers. That's how I got my classroom assistant job :D .

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I have been a stay at home Mum for the last 16 years and I love it. I have certainly never had time to be bored, but I admit that when my youngest started school, that was when I started to feel lonely because you are not so in touch with other Mums through playgroup, etc.

 

Whilst I loved and still love being at home when the kids come home from school, school holidays, being there for them when they are sick, etc, I did start to feel that I wanted to do something that would stretch my brain and so I decided to go back to college for 4 years and re-train in a totally different field. I am now very lucky in that I set my own hours and I still don't have to work school holidays.

 

ED will be 16 this year and she often says she loves the feeling when she is walking home knowing that her Mum is going to be at home. :)

 

Someone once said to me to never underestimate the priceless and worthwile job of being at home for my children as they grow up. It goes far too quickly and you can never have that time again with them.

 

Good luck with whatever you decide :)

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I love my job, but I would give it up to be at home more if we could afford it.

 

My compromise is to stay part time as long as humanly possible and STUFF all those colleagues who still think I spend the days when I am not in work sitting on my bum drinking tea and eating biscuits.

 

I get to pick up my boys, take them to after school activities, make their tea and help them do their homework. I volunteer for one morning in their school, I have my chooks and my garden to wrangle with and I do as little cleaning as I can get away with.

 

They won't be at home forever and I plan to make the most of it.

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I'm a SAHM....sounds like a confession doesn't it!!....and have been since I fell pregnant with DS, who's now 12.

 

Some days I feel a bit lonely, but mostly I'm happy to be with my dogs & chooks & doing my crafty stuff (and occasional cleaning!)

 

When the children were tiny, I had a circle of friends who met up regularly with the babies, and when they all went back to work I would be "back up mum" sometimes for those who couldn't get out of work if childminders let them down or the child was under the weather (rather than very sick!), once the children went to school I volunteered in their schools or Beaver/Cub pack, so had a fix of adult conversation & company there. I also had my nephew to look after 3-4 days a week until he was 3 & went to nursery. I have been volunteering at our local hospice on a Friday for the past 2 or so years, taking crafting bits in & having a go with the Day patients, or just chatting if that's all they want to do. I do realise though some days I haven't spoken to a single human being from the time DH leaves the house with DD, until I go up to school to collect her - some days I'm fine with this, others I'm not.

 

I have qualified to teach Art Clay Silver & have, just last week, had my first two classes. It was nerve racking going into a room of people I didn't know to teach, but now I feel much more confident & am looking forward to the next class....not so sure about the Kid's Easter Craft day I'm booked up for though!!!

 

I know I'm very lucky that I've not been dragged back to work (DH was/is my boss!), sometimes I feel I would like to go back, but really don't know where I'd find the time!!!

 

Sha x

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