Prolapsed vent - am I getting it right?

[Guest]

Dear Mrs. Murray,

 

While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics. Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras:

 

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's trolleys when they weren't looking.

 

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

 

3. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, "Code 3" in housewares..... and watched what happened.

 

4. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

 

5. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calor gas stove.

 

6. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he began to cry and asked, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

 

7. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.

 

8. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants were.

 

9. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

 

10. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

 

11. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

 

12. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed the foetal position and screamed "NO! NO! It's those voices again."

 

And; last, but not least:

 

13. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here.

[Nicola H]

Very funny............... I won't let my OH see this he may get ideas.

[Christian]

 

That cheered me up no end!

[Snowy]

+ tears of laughter!

[Looney]

Excellent

 

It seems to be me that makes an idiot of myself in the supermarket though.....the latest was when I mis-steered the trolley and crashed into the end of aisle display......it's amazing how much noise metal dog bowls make when they crash and roll around the supermarket OH's reaction was Not one person raised a smile at my mishap, I got a few tuts and disapproving looks - miserable bunch!

[Martin B]

[Guest]

so true!!

 

I have actually done six of those things in my life - not telling which six though...

 

Phil

[Martin B]

I've done a few too. I can fondly remember hiding in a clothes rack!

[Chickpea]

I think that kind of supermarket madness runs in my family:

 

After having maybe one or two drinks too many at the office party, my dad took up a french stick and began randomly shooting at things, then marching up to people and saying "you don't wanna buy thaaat!!" (this was back in the day of Harry Enfield).

 

My mum and I got our own back last year though, we were a little tipsy on wine and stopped at Sainsburys. We thought it would be funny to go round kicking cardboard displays giggling furiously, then went to the ladies and picked the flowers in the vase and put them in our hair, then back out to kicking down the supermarket evil! I don't regret any of it.

[Egluntyne]

Very very funny.

 

I do my best not to go shopping with Him Indoors....for reasons not dissimilar to those!!

[Chicky G]

They are great.

 

Better going shopping with someone fun than a misery. Supermarkets are bad enough.

[Karen & co.]

 

karen x

[Egluntyne]

 

13. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here.

 

A bit off topic but this reminds me of a hideous experience my friend and her husband had in Homebase some years ago with their child who was aged about three.

 

They were browsing in the bathroom section.

 

Mum thought child was with Dad ....and Dad thought child was with Mum.

 

All of a sudden this crystal clear voice called out "I've finished!"

 

Yep...he'd poo'd in one of the demo toilets!

 

The staff were lovely about it, though and said it happened regularly!

 

Imagine the embarrassment!

[Looney]

[Paola]

 

13. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here.

 

A bit off topic but this reminds me of a hideous experience my friend and her husband had in Homebase some years ago with their child who was aged about three.

 

They were browsing in the bathroom section.

 

Mum thought child was with Dad ....and Dad thought child was with Mum.

 

All of a sudden this crystal clear voice called out "I've finished!"

 

Yep...he'd poo'd in one of the demo toilets!

 

The staff were lovely about it, though and said it happened regularly!

 

Imagine the embarrassment!

 

Weeeeeeeeeeeee, heeeeeeeeeeee, heeeeeeeeee

[Cate in NZ]

Very funny Shona

[theherd123]

That is why i try and avoid supermarkets and shop online!!!

 

V funny!!!

[Snowy]

Oh my goodness!! I would've died of embarrassment! Must admit, that thought is never far from my mind if I have to take my boys anywhere near a bathroom showroom - I keep them on a very tight rein!

[Chocobo]

[AmandaR]

Thanks. That has cheered me up no end on this miserable cold and rainy Bank Holiday.

[Couperman]

A friend of mine used to have a habit of going into supermarkets armed with a clip board and awarding 5 minute trolley dashes to the lucky 1 millionth customer! I think he got a police caution for it.

 

I have always fancied doing it but I'm not brave enough.

 

Very funny though.

 

Kev.

[Mel (& Paul)]

Brilliant

[Kathy C]

[Jules.]

Hilarious,that looks fun!

[riane]

Shona that has made us laugh so much Our 10,year old daughter Lizzie is just embarrassed by us breathing the same air as her inthe supermarket so OH cant wait to try out some of your new ideas on the next visit