kitbag Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 Hi guys! I would really like some advice! I got my first weekend job in late august last year. I really enjoyed it until I met my manager. I'm sure he is very lovely really but he makes it very clear that he doesn't like me much. For example, I am a very smiley person, and i'll smile at him during the day and he will look away. I spoke to my collegue about it and she says he never does it to her. Another example of this is when i'm on break, and I'm sat in the staffroom by myself, he looks in and then walks away quickly. Whenever i'm in there with someone else, he will come in and chat to them, ignoring me and my contributions to the conversation completely. He also told me off on saturday for talking to two of my colleugues about work stuff, and then had a laugh with them about it after. Sorry to keep warbling on but he also discusses me with some of my collegues that work more hours than me. Does this strike anyone as odd, how he has taken against me like this, or am i over exagerrating?? I'm looking for another job as I'm just not sure how much longer I can take it. I was so looking forward to this job but it has just taken me right back to where I was when i was getting bullied. Thanks guys xxxxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emily95 Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 Oh Megan, that sounds awful! I can't think of any advice at the moment, but i'm sure someone will be along soon, but I will send you lots of (((Hugs))) Emily xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theherd123 Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 This doesnt sound right at all, he certainly doesnt seem like a nice person. Are you in a union at all, if not you could join one as they will give you all the advice and support you need when in difficult situations at work. In your shoes I would write down all the times that you feel this chap is treating you unfairly or behaving oddly towards you. Remember facts only, not rumour/speculation or something which you have been told by a colleague. Once you have a log I would raise your concerns with him but make sure you have an independent 3rd party with you as a witness. Even if you choose not to do anything with the log of information immediately or dont feel confident enough to have a meeting when you get a new job I would pass these details onto his manager and express your concerns about the way you were treated and why you felt the need to move on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Looney Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 Ooh this sounds awkward and not a great working environment. My first thought (and I apologise in advance ) is that he fancies you and by you smiling at him etc he feels awkward that's why he looks away / avoids you. Other than that, for whatever reason, he obviously feels a bit uncomfortable around you. I would take the advice offered and keep a log of incidents and in the meantime just carry on trying to do the best job you can in the circumstance. Try not to listen or encourage your colleagues to tell you what he has been saying about you. I'm sure most of them have your best interests at heart but be wary that some people just love gossip and are prone to exaggerate just to have something to talk about. Sending you big hugs xxxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
figarogir1 Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 That sounds awful I know it is easier to say than do but try to remember it is him that has the problem not you. He is just a bully and you probably remind him of someone - or even himself! Not all managers are like this so don't let it knock your confidence. Is there anyone at work you can speak to about this? He may have done it to others before or they may be able to tell you what his problem is. Sadly some adults never grow up and Are no better than the bullies at school. Just try to ignore him being pathetic and do what you need to in order to stay happy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kitbag Posted June 22, 2010 Author Share Posted June 22, 2010 Thanks for your replies guys. Looney - eewww i really really hope not!! Although it would almost be funny! I would love to be able to just quit but that's just not an option what with uni coming up in a year! i need to get another job first but there's just nothing going!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 I'm afraid that was my first thought too. Sorry if thats not what you want to hear. He sounds weird. I think I'd look for new work or do as advised and make a diary of it all Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chucky Mama Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 Oh dear what an awful situation. I think that you should document everything as mentioned by others and would keep an eye out for another job. The bottom line is that you can't make someone like you (hate to say I thought he may fancy you too). I would be very careful talking to others about the situation unless you can trust someone absolutely as they may well tell tales out of school and make things worse. Do also bear in mind that some men don't realise how their actions are perceived by women and he may be completely unaware and just a bit dysfunctional. I really do feel for you and hope that things settle down for you. I have to say that I would confront him but that's just how I tend to handle things but understand if you don't have that confidence. I doubt I would have at your age Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 If he is your manager, he should be behaving in a professional manner, and following the correct procedures if there is a problem with your work, and he should not be discussing you with colleagues. (Can you be sure that they are telling the truth and not stirring it?) Why not ask if you can have a private word? Always best to clear up any misunderstanding sooner rather than later I feel, and there should be procedures and policies in place for this sort of thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 I know where you work...do you want me to come in & kick him on the shins for you? As others have said,you may be best to have a private word with him about it. Do you have appraisals or anything where you can bring up problems? If not,I think Waitrose in Caversham are recruiting................. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Willow Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 Sorry hun my first thought was that he fancies you as well and is trying not to show it hence being harder on you than others. Keep the log but I think the most practical may be to keep an eye out for another job. Waitrose would give you a John Lewis discount... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
C&T Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 Sorry hun my first thought was that he fancies you as well and is trying not to show it hence being harder on you than others. Keep the log but I think the most practical may be to keep an eye out for another job. Waitrose would give you a John Lewis discount... I agree. Life is too short to be dragged down. If this was a fulltime job of your dreams, then I would say stay and fight it. But as this (from what I understand) is just providing an income to get you to Uni, then I would be looking elsewhere. And in the meantime, rest assured the problem is with him not you and keep your head down and ignore him wherever possible. I did the Waitrose thing at College - they were a good company to work for! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 They are - I can vouch for that My eldest works for them & .............ahem...............I start there next week too In Henley though,not Caversham. Its worth it for the discounts alone Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redwing Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 Perhaps he is aware that in this day and age any interest in a young girl may be seen in the wrong light so he makes a point to avoid you and not encourage any 'affection' on your part Some people are so quick to point a finger at any adult who is perceived to be behaving in the wrong way and perhaps he is nervous about getting it wrong Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ubereglu Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 That doesn't sound good. I had a bad experience with my old manager where I worked, where I basically felt victimized and was effectively sacked after my probationary period as 'I didn't do enough overtime', well that was what they said, but really I don't think they wanted me. I've been trying to find a new job since January, but haven't found anything to apply for at all and Yeovil gets emptier of shops every week at the minute. BIG HUGS to you though and I hope a)The problem gets sorted and b)You hopefully find another job. It's hard being 16/17 and in a situation like this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiggy Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 Ooh this sounds awkward and not a great working environment. My first thought (and I apologise in advance ) is that he fancies you and by you smiling at him etc he feels awkward that's why he looks away / avoids you. that was my first thought too, although the rest of it sounds horrible, if you've been bullied before it can make you very sensitive, no practical advice but im sure others here will be able to help Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 I didnt realise you are soo young. How old is he then? I think I would either have it out with him with a witness or look for another job. Good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickenanne Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 You say you met him AFTER you started work there: does that mean he wasn't involved in recruiting you, even though he was to be your manager? In which cast, it could be that he was against you from the start simply as a result of a poor recruitment process. That is not personal and does not say anythign about you. He is completely in the wrong here, and bullying you. It is shockingly unprofessional if he speaks about you to your colleagues. If he simply doesn't like you, then that, to be honest, is just one of those things. Most people do not feel warm and freindly toward everyone they meet; however most people are able to put these feelings aside and be professional. He is paid to be a manager and therefore be professional and fair around all employees, whatever his personal feelings toward them; this is not what is happening and this makes him completely in the wrong, regardless of his own feelings. To be honest, he sounds like a pathetic little guy who needs to learn how to behave at work. I would either speak to him directly, or failing that, speak to whoever he reports to directly, and ask them to mediate /ask them what they think you should do. If nothing happens, then put a formal complaint in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saronne Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 Hi, Sorry to add to the embarrassment, but my first thought was that he fancied you, too. All the stuff you described sounds like a person who feels uncomfortable in you company...for whatever reason! Saronne x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patsylabrador Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 I don't know what the atmosphere is at your workplace, but is it possible that you are a young sweet natured girl who is just not used to being around grumpy old men - and many men can be that at a surprisingly young age. I know someone who is very lugubrious and actually thinks he is being smiley and friendly when he is being quite the opposite. He is a very nice man - it just doesn't come across. As already advised, don't be too trusting of what other women say at work, I have fallen foul of that and you don't know if they're being altogether truthful. My first reaction, like others, was too assume that he fancied you, but I think you should be wary of what you post on forums. There was a case last year where a girl posted stuff about her boss on facebook, she said very nasty lies about him, which you did not, and the result was that she was publicly humiliated in the national papers and lost her job. Perhaps you could ask for an interview with him, to ask for an assessment of your work and any advice he can give you and then you can judge him from a professional point of view rather than from what could be a misunderstanding. I hope I'm right because otherwise that means your boss is a fool! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiggy Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 Ive just realised how young you are, you need to speak to someone you trust to help sort this out, its not fair that you feel like this at work, as others have said he may not realise how he is comming accross. echo patsy labrador, you have to be careful what you post on forums but omlet is a great place to get advice anonymously, just be careful Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kitbag Posted June 24, 2010 Author Share Posted June 24, 2010 Thanks guys! I have spoken to my mum about him before and she hasn't taken me at all seriously, but i have spoken to her again and she is shocked at how he is behaving. She has ofered to go and speak to him and even to go to headquarters! Alis girls - he is about 40! the though of him fancying me makes me feel physically sick! He wasn't involved in the recruitment process at all, as he had not been employed when i was. (it was a brand new shop) Thanks for all your support though guys, it really does help to know i have you guys behind me! i'm off for a week now so that's made me feel a bit better, but i know the feeling of dread will come straight back next week. Thanks again xxxxxxxxxxxxxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Willow Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 TBH As a part time worker any confrontation however sensitively handled is stacked against you. If he is otherwise doing a good enough job the company will want to back him. If you do make any formal complaint make sure your documentation is very detailed and get witnesses if possible but bear in mind others won't jeopardise their jobs to be a witness. but i know the feeling of dread will come straight back next week. I really really think this is time to move on. I know there aren't lots of part-time jobs out there but there are some even if you have to take one that isn't ideal right now. It can be hard to do this as you may feel you are giving up but step back and look at the job properly and if you dread going in find an alternative ! If this was a full time dream job my advice would be different but there are some 'battles' its better to walk away from and put it down to experience. BTW Him being 40 doesn't preclude him fancying you but he may be in denial himself and a teenage girl is a young woman not a child so I don't think it would automatically make him a sleaze. I remember being your age and people in their 40's seemed very old, now I'm that age I realise that I'm not that different a person inside and what I find attractive has only changed in some much as it would encompass a much wider range of personality, looks and age. I can't remember the thread name but not so long ago several of us 40 something mums were noting what celebs we liked the look of and there weren't all our age Good luck, and remember it's not you or your fault it's just a bad situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiggy Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 I really really think this is time to move on. I know there aren't lots of part-time jobs out there but there are some Good luck, and remember it's not you or your fault it's just a bad situation. good advice from Patricia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted June 25, 2010 Share Posted June 25, 2010 Good luck - I am sure you will find something better - ask to meet all you will be working with next time even if it means an informal visit. I think its the male menopause - it does exist believe I live with a lovely man whose mood swings match mine. i will now be lynched by every male on the forum -sorry guys but ask any of the ladies on here Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
