Soggy run

[Janepie33]

DS is in his 2nd year of uni and has moved into a house with 4 friends he met in halls the previous year.

 

The landlady's son lives in an adjoining part of the house and he was on the boy's course last year as a mature student. He is not continuing the course for a variety of reasons - one of them being a huge issue with alcohol - but intends to do a distance learning course and has asked DS and friends to help him out now and then.

 

They are all a decent group of guys and have been very welcoming and supportive towards the landlady's son. He is often in their house (invited AND uninvited) and on one occasion, one of the lads had to collect him from the pub as the landlord phoned to ask someone to collect him as he was too drunk to be there. The son often lets himself into the boy's house and a couple of them have woken in the morning to find him standing by their bed asking them to take him to the pub to pick up his car.

 

DS phoned this morning to say that his wallet (containing £120 and all the usual cards) had disappeared during the night and the only person who could have taken it was the landlady's son. DS confronted him and he denied all knowledge of the theft and invited DS to search his house - which DS did.

DS is obviously very upset, firstly to have lost his possessions and secondly to be betrayed by a so called friend.

 

I have suggested that DS phones the landlady to discuss security and to mention his suspicions. Not sure what elso to do.

[Egluntyne]

He needs to call the police, I would say.

 

How very distressing.

[Ain't Nobody Here]

I wonder if gentle pressure on the mother and the threat of calling the police would be enough to get the guy to own up?

 

What a shame for your son . A horrible situation for him .

[Janepie33]

MY thoughts exactly ANH! Told DS I'd have a word with the mother myself if she did not take things seriously!

DS is very capable, but he is only 19 and hasn't experienced anything like this before - apart from the time a horrible boy stole his yoyo in year 3!

[CallyChook]

I would phone the police after making sure this lad knows that's the plan. Also ask the landlady change the locks - it might be her son, but he has no right to entrance without invitation. Not a nice situation to be in, but if it's not sorted then it looks like it can only get worse

 

poor DS, he must be really stressed, I know I would be in that situation. At one point two close friends and myself moved into a 4 bed house. We left the one room empty for a while and paid a 1/3 extra, but after a while decided to advertise for a 4th girl to move in. We first had a complete psychopath who would scream down the phone at her boyfriend in Ireland for 4 hours a night, every night. Then after a month she moved out... only to be replaced with a woman who turned out to be a prostitute!!

 

Being a student can be so hard sometimes!!

[Seagazer]

That's awful, I agree with everyone else he needs to inform the landlady and son that he is going to contact the police. This boy should not be coming into the house uninvited either, I find the idea of that quiet creepy. I hope the threat of the police makes him admit the theft.

[Aunty e]

And he needs to not keep so much money in his wallet I'm afraid I got into the habit of only carrying £20 in cash unless I knew I needed more, as I had my bag stolen quite a few times. Made it slightly less painful.

[Redwing]

Is he absolutely sure the wallet has been pinched?

 

I once accused someone of stealing my £200 pen only to find it a short while after, That was not a proud moment in the life of Redwing I am not so quick to jump to conclusions now

[Seagazer]

Is he absolutely sure the wallet has been pinched?

 

I once accused someone of stealing my £200 pen only to find it a short while after, That was not a proud moment in the life of Redwing I am not so quick to jump to conclusions now

 

Thats a point - my hubby thought he'd lost his wallet at the top of a mountain on holiday, we stopped and cancelled all his cards and it was actually in a jacket pocket that he never, ever (apparently ) puts it in. I was a bit annoyed to say the very least.

[Olly]

Afraid I agree - this is a matter for the police, because if this lad DIDN'T take it, then they have been burgled, and he should get a crime report to claim on his insurance. (He may not have insurance, but this might be a more tactful way of putting it to the landlady). This boy should not be coming into their house, and they should ask the landlady to change the locks - again, they can put this on the basis that someone got in, and they are worried about their security.

 

It's not easy to deal with this sort of thing at 19, but it's all part of life's rich pattern and a learning experience. I second what Aunty E says about keeping less cash around, though!

[CatieB]

I don't think you should call the police - what would you hope to achieve. Not everyone will see a boy in blue and confess all - without which you are no further forward really. (Unless there are signs of a break in they will not do forensics and solve the mystery)

 

I think the other suggestion above is best, to speak to the landlady and explain both the on going problem and the theft. He should not be in their property unless invited. A reasoned word is more likely to succeed than a threat although once you are having the word you will be best placed to judge if mentioning the police will add weight to your side.

 

Best of luck

[Egluntyne]

If your son makes allegations against the landlady's son, which prove to be groundless, he will be in a very awkward position. The police will investigate the matter, and Olly's point about the crime number is an excellent one.

[The Dogmother]

If your son makes allegations against the landlady's son, which prove to be groundless, he will be in a very awkward position. The police will investigate the matter, and Olly's point about the crime number is an excellent one.

 

I agree. Hopefully just the threat of the police being called will help the son to remember where it has been mislaid to. If indeed he did take it.

[BeckyBoo]

Firstly I hope he cancelled all his cards - and the banks will almost certainly want a crime number if he is to recoup any monies taken fraudulently from his account, so reporting to the police may not be an option as such. If it IS the landlady's son then this might provoke a sudden remembrance of what happened to it, if not then your son is covered anyway so I don't see you can lose. Even if he DIDN'T take it and it turns up, he shouldn't be in there uninvited - sounds like the landlady isn't dealing with him as perhaps she should - tricky seeing as he used to be "part of the gang". But he's not now, and your son and his mates are not his taxi drivers, if he turns up again asking for a lift, a sleepy, sorry mate, got lectures, should suffice, a few of these and hopefully he will get the message. If it WAS him that took it, it's unlikely under the circumstances that the police will be able to prove it unless they find the wallet or he's caught on camera using the cards

 

Have to say it would make me want to move.... hope it sorts itself out

 

BeckyBoo

[The Dogmother]

Any chance of your DS setting up a webcam in his room?

 

Perhaps he could hint that he 'already had one set up' and just needs to get around to looking at the recording.

[Janepie33]

Thanks for the advice everyone. DS doesn't want to get the police involved as it will put him in an awkward position with the landlady's son, who is actually a nice guy if you ignore the alcohol issues.

 

DS never normally carries that amount of cash. He had been doing a friend a favour by lending him amounts of cash until his loan came through, which it finally did and he paid DS the whole lot back yesterday in cash.

 

DS has now spoken to the landlady who was very sympathetic and supportive and agreed that her son should not be in the house uninvited. She is going to have a talk with him about the missing money. She is also going to remove the key he has in his possession. She also knows about the alcohol issues, the guy is basically an alcoholic. I feel for the mother as she is in a very difficult position, but I have to put my son first. At least it is only money and inconvenience and he isn't hurt. He is a hard working, honest, decent boy who will always put himself out to help other people and his faith in humanity has been rather shaken.

 

3 of the boys have had the house upside down looking for the wallet. My first question was "Are you sure you haven't put it somewhere by mistake?". But no, he put it right next to his car keys which stayed where they were and he remembers the son standing next to his wallet last night in a very drunken state. His mother also knows he was drunk as she dropped him off!

[Aunty e]

Oh that's so unfortunate. I guess the light-fingered so and so couldn't resist a wallet with lots of cash in it I'm so paranoid when I'm carrying money (for the childminder or ebay stuff). I got a funny look the other day in the bank when I stuffed £100 in twenties in my bra.

 

My youngest brother is at university at the moment, and was absolutely distraught when his shirts got nicked from the laundry in his halls of residence. It's amazing how many people aren't as honest and generally nice as you expect them to be.

[Janepie33]

It's really horrible especially as DS worked hard for some extra cash to supplement his loan. The son has been round to talk to the guys after his mum had a word with him. DS said that he looked sad and tried to make him feel guilty and said" I suppose I won't be coming round any more". He didn't produce the missing cash and wallet though.

DS cancelled his debit card earlier today and so now has no way of getting cash for food and fuel to get to uni. His friends said they would help out though.

DS sounded so fed up. Just wanted to give him a big hug . I've always brought my children up to see the best in everyone, but this sort of thing really knock you back.

I am also a great believer of things turning up and if the wallet turns out to be mislaid and not stolen then he will owe the son a HUGE apology - although I won't suggest he takes him out for a drink.

[poachedegg]

Hope everything gets sorted and your son continues to look at the good in people and realises this is just a blip to that theory.......he sounds such a lovely boy (well man!).