Paola Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 would you let your children travel alone long distance on the trains? I ask because we will be living in Hampshire and my sister lives in Devon. DD1 is very close to her cousin and it would be lovely for them to be able to visit each other without me having to drive the 3 hours each way Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snowberry Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 I would factor in any changes along the journey; also how mature my daughter was. My daughter is 12 & she started getting the bus to school last year. I was more anxious than she was! So, if there was a train ride that had no changes & she was met at the end, I'd say 13. If I could, I'd get her to sit near a family. Even though we're in Cornwall, most days there's someone we know from the village getting the London train. If changes were involved, I'd say 15/16... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chucky Mama Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 I think it is all dependant on maturity, level headedness, reliability and how they cope in a crisis.I always feel that a child that does not appear 'streetwise' and confident travelling is a potential victim. You can spot them a mile of and they are a worry to me. I would try a few trips closer to home and gauge how you both feel. She needs to be able to think on her feet if a train in cancelled/delayed or she looses money/her phone, is approached by a strange person etc etc. She also needs to be relied upon to keep you posted of arrival and changes of plans which I find is one of the most difficult things to get teenagers to remember to do Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cate in NZ Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 I think it depends on the maturity of the child rather than chronological age...also on how easy the journey is. If there are changes for example those can really throw out an otherwise straightforward journey. I'd suggest doing the journey with your children first, looking for landmarks to help reassure them that they're on the right route for when they're doing it solo, and so that you can assess how easy, or otherwise the trip is. You can, hopefully, deduce from that how well you think they'll deal with it, and, should they end up ringing you en route because of any concerns you'll have a mental picture of the journey so you can reassure them. Or panic if you don't recognise where they are! For what it's worth I think I'd have trusted my very switched on & alert daughter to make a long journey solo at an earlier age than her brother who would have lost himself in his ipod, gameboy (which was his travelling companion of choice in childhood) or cellphone and completely missed his stops, probably emerging from his game induced trance in Inverness or somewhere similarly way past the intended destination. I take it from that that you're planning on returning to the UK in the near future? Goodbye Singapore then? Good luck with your future plans. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 I agree, all children are different; while I am happy to give Rosie a fair amount of independence, our neighbour's lass is far less grown up and doesn't even answer the phone. CM has hit the nail on the head... they need to appear confident (that goes for us all really) the police always say that if you look/act like a victim then you are far more likely to be attacked. Good luck Paola, do get in touch when you're back and we can meet up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snowberry Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 Just as an aside, did you know that children are allowed to travel unaccompanied on the London tube system aged 5? It beggers belief really! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whoopsie Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 I do hope I never see a 5 year old on their own in London - I would be very worried indeed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chook n Boo Mum Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 This is a decision I am having to face with DS (14) at the moment.........am I happy for him to get the train home from school (about 40 miles, with no changes normally)? I have friends whose streetwise kids have been using the trains for what seems like ages.........I personally don't use them often & the idea fills me with dread.......I have been threatened with a "handheld" journey by my friend so we can put the whole situation into a sensible perspective in my mind ....driving hundreds of miles no longer bothers me (as long as satnav is at my side ), but public transport *shudders* From September, his sister (11) will be in a similar direction for school, so they are already planning her catching the train at her school station (it runs along the top of her school's valley! Very Harry Potter ) & changing to meet him for the rest of the journey ...................*settle please panicking heart*.................one day I will release the apron strings I think if you are a confident traveller, then it rubs off on your children & they adopt your attitude to variations which need to be made along the way........god help mine :roll......once you've done the first run with her Paola, you'll be in a better place to make the final decision............good luck Sha x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paola Posted July 7, 2011 Author Share Posted July 7, 2011 I take it from that that you're planning on returning to the UK in the near future? Goodbye Singapore then? Good luck with your future plans. I am. I leave here a week Saturday I hate goodbyes... Claret, I will be up soon to have a look at a Go I will let you know when and give you plenty of notice Thank you for all of your advice guys She has taken the public bus to school since last August, which is in the centre of Singapore (like Oxford Street). I am happy for her to go/return from sleepovers on her own on public transport. I like the idea of going with her first so she is familiar with the journey Sha, I would trust DD1 to do your DS's journey. As everybody else has said, it all depends on the individual. Something I have just remembered I took DD1 on her school route 3 times before she had to do it solo. I am shocked about the tube fact Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chook n Boo Mum Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 I wouldn't allow ME on my own on the tube .....a 5 year old ......where do the rule makers get their ideas from I am the original country mouse Paola, and know I have to start letting go of my children before they end up the same ...........I drive everywhere, and am getting better at doing so on my own & even ventured into totally "unknown territory" (Brum) with DD last weekend , which is my extension away from my mother & her own travel hangups, a trip into the nearest town (7m) always has to be done with a companion, usually with her in a passenger seat not driving! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 I used to have to travel to the Far East on my own starting age 7 . My slightly older brother was often with me and we were "unaccompanied minors" but I still couldn't imagine my own kids doing that . They started getting the bus to school aged 11 and even that worried me for a while till I got used to it . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paola Posted July 7, 2011 Author Share Posted July 7, 2011 I used to have to travel to the Far East on my own starting age 7 . My slightly older brother was often with me and we were "unaccompanied minors" but I still couldn't imagine my own kids doing that . They started getting the bus to school aged 11 and even that worried me for a while till I got used to it . I would be more then happy for DD1 (12) and DD2 ( to fly from the UK to Singapore unaccompanied. They are very sensible. I wouldn't allow ME on my own on the tube .....a 5 year old ......where do the rule makers get their ideas from I am the original country mouse Paola, and know I have to start letting go of my children before they end up the same ...........I drive everywhere, and am getting better at doing so on my own & even ventured into totally "unknown territory" (Brum) with DD last weekend , which is my extension away from my mother & her own travel hangups, a trip into the nearest town (7m) always has to be done with a companion, usually with her in a passenger seat not driving! I grew up in London and have been fairly independent since secondary school age. I started going to school by bus and then cycled. I always went to Camden Market, Kings Road or Covent Garden at the weekends shopping with my school friends, using either the bus or tube. I am trying to get the right balance, its not easy Living here has certainly helped the transition. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
squiffs Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 I took the train to and from school every day (and organised other options if the trains were cancelled - which they were a lot) from the age of 12, and got myself to school independently from the age of about 8 or 9, as my parents divorced and I lived with my dad who worked. I went abroad alone with friends at the age of 15 (planned and paid for by myself) etc etc, so yeah, it really depends on the child and what they've been exposed to - whereabouts in Singapore are you? My family are near Bukit Timah (Teck Hiang Gardens?) - my dad says the transport there is quite complicated for such a small island (changes/transfers etc.), just as a comparison to public transport going 'cross country' so-to-speak. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paola Posted July 7, 2011 Author Share Posted July 7, 2011 whereabouts in Singapore are you? My family are near Bukit Timah (Teck Hiang Gardens?) - my dad says the transport there is quite complicated for such a small island (changes/transfers etc.), just as a comparison to public transport going 'cross country' so-to-speak. I am on the East Coast, 10 mins from the beach It can be complicated but you never have to wait long for a bus. Its also so cheap. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
squiffs Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 whereabouts in Singapore are you? My family are near Bukit Timah (Teck Hiang Gardens?) - my dad says the transport there is quite complicated for such a small island (changes/transfers etc.), just as a comparison to public transport going 'cross country' so-to-speak. I am on the East Coast, 10 mins from the beach It can be complicated but you never have to wait long for a bus. Its also so cheap. the complete opposite to here then! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keyhole kate Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 I am glad I happened across this thread I don't envy any parent having to make decisions for there children these days and at such young ages. It has helped me to put my worries regarding YD 19 in October and starting Uni in London in September into perspective she is studying Midwifery and will have to live out as the travel wouldn't be practical especially with clinical placements starting at 7am she is sensible but being youngest I admit I have been more protective of her than the other three. Everything about the course including accomodation seems to be still be up in the air which has added to worry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
squiffs Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 I am glad I happened across this thread I don't envy any parent having to make decisions for there children these days and at such young ages. It has helped me to put my worries regarding YD 19 in October and starting Uni in London in September into perspective she is studying Midwifery and will have to live out as the travel wouldn't be practical especially with clinical placements starting at 7am she is sensible but being youngest I admit I have been more protective of her than the other three. Everything about the course including accomodation seems to be still be up in the air which has added to worry Accommodation is typically up in the air until less than a month before! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Looney Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 I took a train from Lincoln to North Wales when I was 13. It was a long journey and plenty of changes, I actually can't believe my parents let me go alone ! Especially as I wasn't used to going on trains. It was in the days before mobile phones too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 I flew to Paris to visit my rellies when I was 13, my folks put me on at one end and the others met me in Paris, I thought it was really cool. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beach chick Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 I used to do an 18 hour ish flight alone at 14-15, not as an unaccompanied minor but as an individual. my girls are now nearly 15 and 12, and I think I would be happy to let them travel alone on a train even if there were changes involved (they get buses etc). but I would make sure they had a written down list of where to change etc, and would take them to the station at this end and make sure they were met at the other end, and send 1000 text messages in between!! just wondering to myself if I would let them go to London on their own for a day's shopping - erm, dont think so, they would be fine but I dont think I would handle it very well! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickencam Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 Mobile phones make this sort of thing a little easier, because at least you know that they can call for assisitance if needs be. It didn't stop me worrying about my 12 year old when she went on the train from Cheltenham to Lydney (only about 25 minutes) for a sleepover, she was with 2 other friends, but the train was going to Cardiff so I thought that I would be rescuing her hours later. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valkyrie Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 Helllllooooo Paola Don't think of goodbyes - think hello again and welcome home soon! Are you going to live near the same place? Would be fun to all meet up again. Jlo is still in touch. Erin sneaked off to Campden Market when she was 14 - she didn't do it again! Although she was with a friend. They seem to be much more mature than when I was the same age. The neighbour's daughter is quite streetwise - yet is still in no rush to be an adult. I'd agree to the travel with her first so that if any changes need to be made she will be able to see where to go - and if in doubt to ask at the ticket office. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ubereglu Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 For flights and train travel as long as the child knows exactly which connections they must make and there are people there at each end it should go ok. The first time I travelled on the train alone was when I was 16/17 I think and it was to go to London to meet up with my sister. I'm much more confident about it all now though, having done lots of trips over the past year or so to do uni open days on my own. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Couperwife Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 Paola, welcome home when your daughter is ready to do this journey (maybe summer holidays) why dont you let her do the journey "on her own" but you also be on the train with her (all very cloak and dagger ) so, she gets her ticket, she does the journey, make the changes and so on, but doesn't know you are on the train. you just need to keep out of view from her you could appear an hour later after telling her you had got the later train would that work for you? make you feel more confident about her going? cathy x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paola Posted July 28, 2011 Author Share Posted July 28, 2011 Helllllooooo PaolaDon't think of goodbyes - think hello again and welcome home soon! Are you going to live near the same place? Would be fun to all meet up again. Jlo is still in touch. I am and that would be lovely Paola, welcome home when your daughter is ready to do this journey (maybe summer holidays) why dont you let her do the journey "on her own" but you also be on the train with her (all very cloak and dagger ) so, she gets her ticket, she does the journey, make the changes and so on, but doesn't know you are on the train. you just need to keep out of view from her you could appear an hour later after telling her you had got the later train would that work for you? make you feel more confident about her going? cathy x What a great idea Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
