Ms Marple Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 I realise that many may wonder what I am going to say here- it after all a fairly openended title. It is really a thread that comes from one of Patsylabrador last week with my take on it. One or two of you might have read that my ES, like Pastylabrador's MS was trying for a career as an army officer. He was down at Westbury at the beginning of this week as part of the route to Sandhurst. Well sadly for us the news was not as good He had been told that he would have to see the army MO at the end of the two days and knew this prior to attending. He had his last interview and was told that he was category 1 for Sandhurst which means he was through into the final round so to speak. Very happy!! But then the bombshell was dropped The MO decided from a deeper reading of his notes that in fact he has no meniscus in one knee and so they cannot accept him. So from high to rock -bottom. To be fair we always knew that he might have issues with his knees. At 15 he tore his cartilage and also needed a partial acl reconstruction as a result of a sever tackle in a rugby match. This took 5 ops to sort over the next three years and put paid to what his coaches had thought could well be a real future in professional rugby. He came to terms with that (eventually) and got himself back together. Loads of rehab, physio and really learnt how to manage his body. At uni took up rowing and then started rugby again and has continued ever since. He is fiercely competitive and even now an extremely talented athlete.He had read the army stuff rigorously, has never had any problems since his last op at 17 he is now 23 and was sure having taken advice that he would be ok. HOW WRONG! Clearly, somewhere in his medical notes it states what even we were ignorant of- no meniscus. I feel so angry that they put him through it all when having had access to his notes all along they had the information that concerned them. It has been hard enough as a mum to be positive about an army career- an truly honourable career etc etc but a mother always worries. I wish they had rejected him sooner. He now has to completely rethink his future and is currently not in a good place. He is very strong mentally, so I know that he will move on and when he is ready can take some satisfaction from the fact that they were going to recommend him, but it's just the second time the knees have taken his choice from him. Sorry to ramble so long and thank you if you have read this far. As a parent you share their highs and lows and are always trying to piece them back together when they unravel as indeed my parents were last night as I cried down the phone to them because for him I had to be strong and sensible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redwing Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 Thats terribly sad, what a great shame Would it rule him out of the air force/navy too? if so maybe the police force, mountain rescue or coastguard could be an option? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LolaLayla Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 It is so true that being a parent is one of the hardest jobs there is. I am so sorry that this has happened and understand your feeling of helplessness in this situation. It is just so unfair. As a mum of similar aged children I know how desperately you want them to succeed particularly when they have done all they can do. Hopefully another door will open for him soon. Sending you hugs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cranberry Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 He is clearly a highly motivated and determined young man. This after the rugby disappointment and all his work and pain what a cruel blow. Its never a good time to have your career snatched from you but he sounds like it won't hold him back for long. He is very fortunate to have such a supportive mother. I'm trying to imagine how it must feel for you. Anger, disappointment and guilty relief. What ever he decides to do now I bet he'll be great at it. Good Luck to you both. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patsylabrador Posted January 19, 2012 Share Posted January 19, 2012 I am so sorry. That is horrible to hear and I know it's hard to pick them up. It did upset me to see, it knocks you right back.The army still haven't confirmed, or otherwise, whether Dave has passed. It's difficult. As soon as you feel it's right, but quite soon, get your son to check out a website called Adventure Jobs. My ES found quite a few good jobs to apply for on there. Everytime MS gets rejected by the army I get him looking at these kind of sites. I think that when their minds have been full of thoughts of travel and excitement it's good for them to see that's still attainable. As a sportsman your son has lots to offer. Tell him not to worry about languages, ES has a lot of front, applies for jobs and learns the language quickly, although that did backfire once when he had to do an interview on Skype. He didn't get that job. It is not well paid but he gets to work in lovely places with people from all over the world who like being outdoors and love sport. It may lift his spirits a little. Good luck for his future. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patsylabrador Posted January 19, 2012 Share Posted January 19, 2012 I just wanted to add something I just remembered that is relevant but probably no consolation. Some of the soldiers have been damaging their knees from flinging themselves on the stony ground on tour. I guess the MOD provide knee pads but I know ES bought his own. Your son might have damaged his knee more and possibly worse. I hope that's helpful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chucky Mama Posted January 19, 2012 Share Posted January 19, 2012 How heartbreaking and what a shame to have got so far before being told it is so much harder to take and also leave a rather bitter taste. These things happen for a reason though. This disappointment will open the door for bigger and better things. The fact that he go so far shows that he is a very gifted young man with a promising future ahead of him, just not in the army. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chickendoodle Posted January 19, 2012 Share Posted January 19, 2012 It is much harder once they are grown up I think as you can't make it better for them with a hug and a plaster, just be there for them. So hard for all young adults in the job market generally - my YD has had terrible trouble finding something permanent which is another story! Your poor son - getting so far and then being let down at the last minute Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted January 19, 2012 Share Posted January 19, 2012 How frustrating and disappointing for him after going through all that . I hope he can take some comfort from how far he managed to get (no mean feat in itself). He should be very proud of himself . He sounds like a very determined young man so I'm sure he'll find something else just as worthwhile and fulfilling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angie Posted January 19, 2012 Share Posted January 19, 2012 I am so very sorry your son didn't pass selection , after all his hard work.It is hard on the parents too as we don't stop being parents just because our children are now adults, their pain is our pain and always will be. Unfortunately your son has a medical problem that cannot be overlooked and at the risk of causing further injury or disability whilst in training for up to 2 yrs is not in your sons best interest.( seems ridiculous when so many are being left disabled whilst in theatre /deployment .)But the training really is vigorous and will stretch everyone to and past their limits.(and injuries happen). Your son will find his niche in life but he will feel it is second best for a long time. He tried , if he hadn't he would have also wondered what if. Whatever he settles to in life he will succeed , It is not in his character not to.He is a young man to be proud of. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purplemaniacs Posted January 19, 2012 Share Posted January 19, 2012 So hard for all young adults in the job market generally - my YD has had terrible trouble finding something permanent which is another story! I agree it is hard for young people DD along with a group of others succesfully got through the interview stages and were offered jobs at the local hospitals, after going through all the checks were suddenly told that there were no jobs now as there was no money Fortunately for my DD some months later they contacted her and said the job was now available if she would like it. So sorry Ms Marple to hear that your son got so far and then was told that his knee was not fit enough. I hope he finds something else that he can be passionate about. Chrissie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seagazer Posted January 19, 2012 Share Posted January 19, 2012 I'm so sorry for you and your son. How very disappointing for you all. I really hope that he manages to find something else that will give him the same satisfaction that the army would have given him. He sounds like a wonderful young man, you should be rightly proud of him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alis girls Posted January 19, 2012 Share Posted January 19, 2012 Big hugs from me too Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Marple Posted January 19, 2012 Author Share Posted January 19, 2012 Thank you all for your wordsof advice, hugs and thoughts- they help a lot. I have just got in form Year 11 Parents' Evening at my school . Year 11 is my year group. Exhausting but enjoyable at the same time. It is so much easier to be objective about other people's sons and to offer good advice. I have always been a believer in the idea of things happen for a reason- I have no gripe with the decision at the end of the day other than it should have been made before he got his hopes up by being told he was through. He will come through this once he has grieved ( not sure that its the right word but it does fit0. As I said he is a fighter and we are very proud of him. Thank you again Terri Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chook n Boo Mum Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 I'm so sorry he's had this huge disappointment I know it's nothing like on the same scale as your DS, but my own DS (yr10, now 15) was advised by an Army recruitment bod during a careers visit, that if he had an implant in his deaf left ear (right has perfect hearing) an Army career was a possibility......this caused him such excitement & previously unseen enthusiasm as he wants to be an engineer......it took a visit to an ear doctor to point out that even WITH an implant he wouldn't make it thru the Army medical....and the implant team wouldn't fit him with one as they only implant 2 ears where there is total deafness......I was extremely annoyed that this person had the ability to build kids up leaving us to pick up the pieces. I know disappointment is all part of life & growing up, as I tell them whenever their team loses , but a little forethought wouldn't go amiss....... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
