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[Gertie]

Hi Omleteers

 

I need some advice on how to help my overweight other half to lose the pounds. He is 5ft 9 and at least 18 stone. I'm very worried about his health and the future.

 

He knows he is overweight and has tried to lose weight through diet and exercise and generally healthy ways. The problem is he never sticks at anything  long enough to make a difference. 

 

He has quite a sedentary job but the problem is his eating habits are awful. 

 

I've tried to help in any way I can - I've been to weight watchers with him, joined in exercise routines and tried to help him stick to things. Hes even had a personal trainer and never attended the sessions. When I try to help and say 'do you really need a 4th bar of chocolate' it causes him to get very angry and we have arguments every time we go to the supermarket!!

 

I'm stuck and need some ideas!!

[Ain't Nobody Here]

Have you watched "Secret Eaters" on Channel 4? I've only seen one episode but it really shocks the participants into admitting why they continue to gain weight even though they profess to eat healthily. Might be worth watching it with him and see if he identifies with them?

 

Good luck, sounds like you have a battle on your hands .

[Gertie]

Yes I have seen it. It's good. Maybe I need to sign him up for supersize vs super skinny!!!

 

I'll try & get him to watch it with me.

[lillybettybabs]

My OH like to snack on junk if he is a little peckish and does get a belly.

I have found adding more meat at meal times and less carbs (potatoes, bread etc) on his plate

seems to fill him up and stop him wanting fattening stuff, Also have secretly bought smaller plates

so he thinks he is having a big dinner

[Cinnamon]

Can I respond as an overweight other half,who has lost 11lbs in 3 weeks

 

Sadly it took a monumental marriage blip to inspire me to finally diet properly, but diet I have & we are both taking long evening & weekend walks with the dog too,which has really helped.

Just this weekend I realised that I wasn't gasping for breath any more after climbing the 3 flights of stairs to the locker room at work,& I have dropped a jeans size too.

 

I am doing Weight Watchers online,which is great as I don't need to cut OUT anything,just cut DOWN.

Like your Husband,my job is sedentary & I loath exercise of all forms...........plus I love food & am a good cook

 

My Husband & I chatted just this morning about our situation & although I wouldn't have wished what we went through on any one,if it hadn't happened I would still be eating for England & vegging out every night

[soapdragon]

Oh Cinnamon, so so delighted !!!!!! Havn't been on the forum for a while so a bit behind with things! ! As for the weight loss, fantastic! If I were my mother I would burble on about every cloud having a silver lining !!!!

[Gertie]

Great idea about the plates. Ours are still quite large but not as big as the ones he bought which are like Serving platters!!

 

Well done Cinnamon for losing so much weight. I'm delighted to hear your other good news too!

 

Weight watchers on line sounds a good match for him as he is an IT guy!

[Reikiranf]

Well done Cinnamon That's a fab achievement!

 

I've struggled to lose weight for nearly 18 years after developing an underactive thyroid, I discovered www.nutracheck.co.uk by accident, signed up for a free 5 day trial and paid to join up properly after 3 days, I've lost 2 stone so far eating what I've always eaten but a bit less of it, the support on there is fab and it's pretty popular with men too, a lot of them have fantastic weight losses

 

They often do membership offers for 3 or 6 months, but even at the full price of £36.99 for 6 months it's still good value,when I think what I used to spend at WW & SW and got nowhere.

[patsylabrador]

Mediterranean diet. He can eat plenty of gorgeous, blokey food that is good for him.

[Gertie]

Thanks, I'll check out nutracheck. Well done for losing 2 stone. Quite an achievement!!

 

Patsylabrador, I agree that Mediterranean diet sounds good & healthy... Funny thing is, he is Spanish and he doesn't like fish unless it's covered in batter & with chips!!! What other things constitute the Mediterranean diet in your experience? (I like the sound of that), or do you just mean general healthy fresh dishes involving meat, fish, rice, veg, salad, chickpeas etc?

[Duncan08]

I have one of those, and I too am one

 

I wouldn't say that I particularly eat unhealthily, its a portion size issue. Husband and I both lost 2 stone on weigh"Ooops, word censored!"chers on-line last year, but have managed to put it all back on. It dosent help that we are starting a new business that revolves around food and have been cooking and tasting tonnes of lovely food since christmas.

 

Have to admit to trying all kinds, the weigh"Ooops, word censored!"chers online was quite good as you could have anything just not too much of it. Have all the hypnosis ones too

Every week I am going to start again, just can't get back in the zone. It does help hubby when I am doing well, I get going for a couple of weeks and I think he panics I am going to be lovely and slim whilst he isn't. But if you don't need to lose it its not going to work for you.

 

I like the smaller plate suggestion. My Mum and Dad live with us and all meals are served in serving dishes - This is a problem, can't bear waste and if its sitting in front of me I just carry on.

 

When I am good I am very very good........So.....

 

Could you start shopping on-line without him? Dont have unhealthy snacks, don't buy pastries or any "easy" unhealthy food, keep fruit chopped and ready to pop in your mouth in the fridge. Humous and Celery/ Carrot/sliced peppers is a healthy snack. Fish is a great food but expensive. Try smaller portions of it to make it go further in a tomato based pasta, Home made curries are good too bulked out with lots of things like chickpeas and spinach. Complex carbs, porridge, wholegrains, keep you fuller for longer - I don't actually overeat because I feel hungry. I overeat because I like the taste and just don't know when to stop. Yoghurt is a good substitute in sauces for cream.

Keep all your cheese grated in the fridge, you use much less when making a sandwich, or make a ham sandwich with a sprinkling of cheese.

 

I'm a saucy girl Lots of sauces are loaded with calories and fat. Tomato and stock based sauces are best, try a spoonful of light philadelphia to make them taste more luxurious. Instead of Mayo on salads, experiment with your own. I love caeser, but knock up some of your own with Extra virgin olive oil, experiment with vinegars, herbs, parmesan.

Spice it up, and bulk it up with lots of disguised veggies. Roasted veg drizzled with olive oil and cooked with some garlic and fresh herbs is much tastier than steamed.

 

Exercise is also key, simple walking is one of the best. Rather than embarking on a total fitness regime, just try some longer walks. We have some walking guides for our area which even stop off at the pub on the way for a little reward.

Right, now I have thought of all those I am going to try again tomorrow! Forward planning is also a huge factor. Never let him go hungry and make sure his food is planned.

[patsylabrador]

I find the Mediterranean diet delights in food and eating but cleverly involves slow energy releasing food. That way you don't get hunger pangs which make you snack on quick fix foods. So, all those lovely wholemeal, seedy loaves/rolls, pasta and basmati rice. I love sundried toms, olives and loads of herbs. Good quality, lean meat and fish but not pies made with pastry. I make pies with dough topping instead of pastry - less fat. I try to apply it to all my meals. For example, sundried toms, olives & onions, sweated, form basis of stews and Bolognese type sauces, loads of flavour but no oil.

[riane]

My OH lost three stone on the Harcombe diet. There is a thread somewhere on it. He loves meat but hates fish. Basically he cut out carbs mostly. He had meat with roast veg or salad for dinner. He was useless at portion control so this diet was great because he could eat as much as be liked as long as he didn't combine the carbs with meat or cheese. That was over a year ago and he has more or less stuck to it. If he has a naughty month like at Christmas he just goes back to the diet and he loses it again. It fits in with the family well because I can cook proper dinners and then just not give him the potatoes or pasta bit but double up the veggies and salad.

[Cinnamon]

But the first hurdle is that he has to want to lose weight,both for himself & for you.

That is the difficulty - if he doesn't really want to,he never will

 

Can you maybe think of some sort of incentive for him.

How about putting £100 away in a savings account every time he loses a stone,then treating yourselves to a holiday?

 

I am considering having a tattoo of a smattering of stars on my foot,& adding one more star for ever stone I shed.

 

I truly believe that there has to be a real incentive there,other than just him doing it because you want him too,as that could lead to resentment issues for him...you know what makes him tick..I am sure you can think of something that will light a fire under him

[rachel19]

Although neither of us are really overweight, I have found that shopping online has really helped us both. When we went to the supermarket once a week we'd buy all sorts of stuff we didn't need as we were hungry at the time. I now do our shopping online so have total control of what is bought and have halved our monthly as well as us both shedding a few unwanted pounds. It has made a difference for us without having to stick to a strict diet plus saved us money - if we have chocolate in the house it gets eaten out of habit and when its not there we don't really miss it.

[lillybettybabs]

I can't remember where i read this but never shop on a empty tummy as you tend to buy the

wrong things.

It does work.

[The Dogmother]

Sooo true; I took the hounds for a walk at the herb centre yesterday, after a big lunch, I wasn't at all enticed to stop at the bistro and snack on any of their delicious cakes

 

Phil is a skinny-minny and eats moderately but he does have a bad habit of not eating anything until lunchtime. I encourage him to have breakfast when he's at my place at the weekend. I've found it harder to keep trim over the last 2 or 3 years; must be middle-aged spread!

[Redwing]

I truly believe that there has to be a real incentive there,other than just him doing it because you want him too,as that could lead to resentment issues for him...

 

^^ This

 

As an overweight OH my hubby knows not to try to 'help' me as it just leads to endless arguements

[Chickendoodle]

I wonder if you approached it slightly differently it might help. If you said to him that you love him and don't want to be without him but his weight is making you very worried that your time together might be cut short, or he might suffer a lot of ill health due to it.

 

As others on here have said I don't think you can force someone to lose weight, just stand by and help him if he asks.

 

My Mum was very overweight all her adult life - she became suddenly and dangerously diabetic in her early 50's, lost her sight due to her diabetes and died aged 71 from heart failure - all due to her weight. She was very well right up to her early 50's then all the problems started. It really is a dangerous health issue as you know.

[Gertie]

A really big thank you to everyone for all the ideas!

 

I will definitely have a go at online shopping. I am largely responsible for shopping. The problem is that he works away and that is often when the food disasters happen!!

 

I do worry that I make him cross by saying anything about his weight or eating, but it's only because I care. It's difficult when you are on the receiving end of the 'I'm only trying th help' comment!!! I'm not quite sure how to word my concern without causing this to happen. I have tried all sorts of different ways of saying it!

 

Well, today he tells me that he has joined weight watchers online, so maybe we are making progress. The good things is that he does want to lose weight!

 

Any other tips on how to keep him on track? I will try the incentives of money or bribes! he said he wants a new monitor for his PC. That can be a start...think that is worth 3 stone though!! I like the tattoo idea cinnamon!

 

Sorry to hear what happened to your mum chicken doodle.

[Clash City Rocker]

Incentive must be his health.

We are all "old enough and ugly enough" to know what is good for us and what is bad for us. Start by not having 4 bars of chocolate around for him to eat, who bought them? get regular exercise, look at labels and understand portion size.

Eat more fruit & veg and less processed food. reduce alcohol, stop smoking. as a nation we have been told this for years. This is not rocket science doctors and health organisations have been telling us for years, and most of us understand it but ignore it.

and now the nations children are are becoming as obese as our OH's because of guidelines we refuse to follow.

[Gertie]

Incentive should be his health but it clearly isn't...otherwise he wouldn't have got to 18+ stone

 

As an adult, I'm afraid he buys the chocolate bars!

 

However, on the bright side, neither of us smoke or drink (other than the occasional glass of something), so we have lots to feel positive about. I'm not overweight either.

[Clash City Rocker]

Incentive should be his health but it clearly isn't...otherwise he wouldn't have got to 18+ stone

 

If his health isn't an incentive, why is he wasting money joining Weight Watchers online? why does he want to loose weight? Is he getting a new career as a male model

[Space Chick]

I truly believe that there has to be a real incentive there,other than just him doing it because you want him too,as that could lead to resentment issues for him...

 

^^ This

 

As an overweight OH my hubby knows not to try to 'help' me as it just leads to endless arguements

 

I couldn't agree more.... I have lost weight and gained weight, but I have only ever succeeded in losing weight when I've been motivated to do so.

 

At the moment I could do with losing a few stone, but I really cannot be bothered. I eat a good quality home cooked diet, I have cheese and butter occasionally but I also have a load of veg and quality low fat meat and fish.

 

If he doesn't want to diet, leave him be. If he's not concerned about his health, he isn't going to respond to nagging.

 

OH nagged me to lose weight when I had some heart problems, as Redwing said, that only caused arguments.

[Gertie]

Sorry, probably wasnt clear, yes he does want to go into modelling with his Spanish good looks. No, only kidding. I'm not sure what his incentive is in particular. I guess it probably is health motivated now. But it hasn't been a priority.

 

He has decided he wants to take some action. I don't want to be nagging or upsetting him. I have not asked him but have talked about health! I just wanted to get some tips on helping him to stay motivated and not give up as he has done in the past. I defo don't want to put him off. I'm glad he's reached this decision. It oddly coincided with me posting (although I didn't mention it).

 

I'm really pleased he has decided to join weight watchers as that had had the most success in the past.