quickcluck Posted May 15, 2013 Share Posted May 15, 2013 I know this is bizarre..... Just wondering if anyone knows if you HAVE to have a funeral.......... It's a very personal opinion I know. But for me a funeral would not be important... Can you request not to have one or is it a legal requirement??? I don't want a service, but would like to go to a green burial ground. Anyone know how I can organise this or if it's legal? Thanks K x0x0x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cooks Posted May 15, 2013 Share Posted May 15, 2013 My great aunt requested this too some years ago now and she was cremated in private with no service at all. Xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Space Chick Posted May 15, 2013 Share Posted May 15, 2013 I don't think you HAVE to have a funeral, but it is expected for those left behind to have some "closure" to the persons passing. My father in law was given 12-18 months with terminal cancer 20 months ago, and he made some plans for his own funeral..., he didn't want anything religious or depressing. We are doing to have people talking about him and at his request when they lower him for cremation he wants "Great Balls of Fire" played. It's actually been quite the bizarre experience, funeral planning with a person who is with us but not long of this world and finding out what they want. I hope this is a hypothetical question for you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Willow Posted May 15, 2013 Share Posted May 15, 2013 Apparently 'The only legal requirement in the UK regarding funerals is that the death is certified and registered and the body properly taken care of, either by burial or cremation.' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goosey Lucy Posted May 15, 2013 Share Posted May 15, 2013 Interesting thought. I don't think so and came across this. I think it's helpful for family and friends to acknowledge the life and passing of the person who has died. If you truly don't wish to have a funeral then make sure your wishes are known and legally recognised. I organised a Humanist funeral service for my mum and a green burial. At a difficult time it was relatively straightforward. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olly Posted May 15, 2013 Share Posted May 15, 2013 You don't have to have any ceremony at all. As noted however, you could have a ceremony which doesn't involve any religious element at all, you could design it as you want. There are a couple of green burial parks in Essex, I know the Epping Forest one very well and it's a beautiful place. Their Woodland Hall is completely non-denominational and they've had all sorts of services there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goosey Lucy Posted May 15, 2013 Share Posted May 15, 2013 Information about green burial sites here and here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluekarin Posted May 15, 2013 Share Posted May 15, 2013 I think a funeral is important for those you leave behind for saying goodbye. It doesn't need to be a religious ceremony in my opinion. I would like to have a humanist funeral with wicker casket and a tree planted over me. A much nicer place for people to go and pay their respects or remember someone, sitting in a woods, surrounded by trees, not a morbid graveyard with grey tombstones. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quickcluck Posted May 15, 2013 Author Share Posted May 15, 2013 I have the Herongate Green burial ground not far from me and would like to be turned into a bluebell wood!!! I've been to many funerals good and bad, and just don't know if it's for me. I have no children and a small slightly fractured family. I'm a very much a fade into the background sort of person, minimal fuss... We keep discussing sorting wills out, and that's what has prompted me to think about sorting this out at the same time.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olly Posted May 15, 2013 Share Posted May 15, 2013 Whatever you decide, I think it's really helpful to leave some sort of instruction. Speaking from experience, it makes it much easier for those who are left behind not to have to make too many decisions and to feel they are fulfilling your wishes. Having no ceremony at all could leave your family feeling as if things are a bit unfinished, but you know them best, they might be ok with it. I am a firm believer that a funeral should be a celebration of the life of the person who's died, and although there are sad feelings it's an opportunity to remember good times, and to release some of the tension around grieving. I'd like my friends and family to have a really good party after I've gone, the sort you talk about for ages afterwards! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Speckled Hen Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 My mother died in July last year and apart from wanting to be buried with my father,left no instructions. She was 87 and, having outlived most,had only two aged infirm friends. We decided on no service. My sister and I and our children all had a few words to say at the graveside, some funny, some sad.There were some anecdotes that the others had not heard before and it was an uplifting occasion. Then we all had a nice meal together. Mum wasn't a church goer having, fallen out with her priest when I was a child though she was Catholic in her heart;It seemed fitting and she would have approved. The wrangling now goes on about what to put on the headstone! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nicola O Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 I have worked at a Funeral Directors for 20 years, and can assure you that there is no legal rule/law that says you have to have a funeral service - only (as someone else has said) that your death is registered and you body 'disposed of' in an appropriate manner). You could consider taking out a Pre-Need/Pre-Paid funeral plan as on this you can state all your wishes and requirements for your funeral. The only 'problem' with these is that they are NOT legally binding and you have to trust that your family will carry out your wishes. Once you die a family member or close friend would have to go to the funeral diector to get them to carry out the plan (no funeral directer will automatically know that you have died - and there are other papers that would need to be signed) but they can change some of the details - eg changing the coffin, adding extra limusines etc - over the years we have had families who have said 'can we add.....' or 'we don't need......, don't include it', that sort of thing. I suppose you could have something drawn up with a solicitor and keep it safe where your family know where it is - but again you have to trust them that they would carry it out. Unless they told the FD's about these wishes they will not know about them and arrange whatever funeral the Next of Kin asks for. You could suggest to family that you do not want a service, just to be taken to be bured/cremated but they could arrange a memorial service. They could still have a full service, a minister/humanist to officiate, all as if it was a full funeral service but you simply wouldn't be there. It's a difficult situation, as the service is 'closure' for people and their chance to say their goodbyes to you, but if your wished differ, again, you have to trust they will carry them out. Hope this helps, Nicola. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 Interesting. I don't want a funeral for myself either - I think they are a waste of money & pointless. However I do understand that this is not the norm & my family may want to do something as a gesture. So, if I do have to have something,then I want it to be absolutely non religious. I want loud music, bright colours, laughter & smiles No traditional funeral flowers either, but just loose bunches of flowers, as wild as possible. I do NOT want a he"Ooops, word censored!" or traditional coffin,but a wicker one & a VW camper van My family know all of this & I trust them to carry it out when my time comes. Also, these are my wishes now, & I fully expect them to be different when I am 80! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lavenders_Blue Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 I'm not really bothered whether I have a funeral or not - I shan't be there to worry about it one way or the other! I would hate for anyone to feel compelled to spend a large amount of time or money organising one if they didn't want to. My preference would be for something very simple, but however my family wish to organise it,that will be just fine. As long as I have a nice spot in the green burial park, being gently composted in a wicker coffin, I'll be happy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bramble Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 Completely agree with what others have said re the legalities. I do think it's important to let whoever will need to make the arrangements know what you would like/not like. Through my job I have had to organise various funerals for people I've never met and it's hard when you know nothing about the person and what they would want. So, whatever your preference is (even if it's that you don't mind what happens to you), let your nearest and dearest and/or would be executors know whilst you're still around what your wishes are, put it in your will by all means, but bear in my mind that mightn't be seen til after a funeral so it's better to be open and upfront and just tell the relevant people! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheGirlsMum Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 My Mum died 9 years ago......we had 4 weeks when her cancer was diagnosed until she passed away. Fortunately really I was her only daughter, she had brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews etc. but it was down to me. Baring in mind my Mum was a Salvation Army minister and VERY religious. We talked with her and asked for her help with her funeral and she totally floored me...."Do what you want, there's enough money, I don't care, I won't be there!" I plumped for a celebration of her life in the citadel and private cremation again thrown by an uncle turning up who hadn't spoken to my Mum for 30 years and he expected to be in a limousine..... The icing on the cake came when the coffin came in to the citadel and my eldest then 4 years old wanted to have the lid taken off to make sure Grandma was in there. Certainly lightened the atmosphere. Moral of this story, leave instructions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WitchHazel Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 Definitely leave instructions or at least an expression of your preferences. This means that the family members can concentrate on implementing what you wanted, rather than worrying about whether they are doing what you want. As you don't want a ceremony (which are my wishes also) it is especially helpful to write this down. Even if you verbally tell someone that you want this, other people can be very insensitive... it's helpful for the person organising things to be able to have something to back up "their" decision not to have a ceremony for you. Keep the instructions somewhere safe, and make sure someone appropriate knows they exist and where they are. There will be enough for them to be trying to sort out, without trying to find a piece of paper in an unfamiliar filing system. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margalot Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 How strange, I had read you post earlier at work and was just sitting reading the local rag and found this article, thought you might like a look. I wasn't even aware that we had a green burial site near me, and they are even holding an open day http://www.swindonadvertiser.co.uk/news/10421624.Death_Cafe_dinner/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quickcluck Posted May 16, 2013 Author Share Posted May 16, 2013 A very good article indeed! We are lucky to have a green burial ground near us.... so sort of know that's where i'm headed! But what a good Idea to be able to go and chat openly about these things. I wonder if it will encourage people to plan a little more... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sadietoo Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 Definitely leave instructions or at least an expression of your preferences.This means that the family members can concentrate on implementing what you wanted, rather than worrying about whether they are doing what you want. As you don't want a ceremony (which are my wishes also) it is especially helpful to write this down. Even if you verbally tell someone that you want this, other people can be very insensitive... it's helpful for the person organising things to be able to have something to back up "their" decision not to have a ceremony for you. Keep the instructions somewhere safe, and make sure someone appropriate knows they exist and where they are. There will be enough for them to be trying to sort out, without trying to find a piece of paper in an unfamiliar filing system. My understanding (happy to be corrected) is that when you are dead your body "belongs" to your Executor/Executrix..and it is is their responsibility to "dispose" of it for want of a better word. If I am correct in this the person who really needs to know your funeral wishes (and they are only wishes..they can't be enforced by law) is your Executor. Many people put their funeral wishes in their Wills thinking that it will sew everything up nicely..but I'd like a pound for all the Wills I've seen collected after the funeral has been arranged....... I absolutely concur with making sure your funeral wishes are known. As others have said there are alternatives to religious ceremonies, but it is so very difficult to second guess the wishes of someone who has left no instructions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiggy Posted May 24, 2013 Share Posted May 24, 2013 you only have to comply with legal requirements of registration of death and disposal of remains. Funeral services are a religious/optional part of a funeral. You can request how your remains are dealth with as long as you have paid for it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
