Willow Posted July 18, 2013 Share Posted July 18, 2013 My eldest nephew is getting married later today, registry office followed by restaurant meal with a humanist service and big party on Saturday. Originally today was parents, siblings and grandparents only with everyone else Saturday. My father died 2 months ago and the bride has lost 2 grandparents as well so a few more family members were invited today. The brides brother stole my ipod from my handbag when I was giving him a lift back from his grandmothers funeral last month (and I haven't had it back). Todays invitation was a bit vague and until yesterday I thought it was at 1.30pm today (it's 3.30pm fortunately as I'm not ready yet). I'm feeling really weepy, I miss my dad desperately. My mum and other sister can''t face the meal so have made their excuses, they will be at the registry office. One of my brothers was going to be with me at the meal but he can't now as he couldn't get back from a major work trip in time, the other brother wasn't squeezed into a grandparent slot. I feel like I am going to be facing this meal alone, I need some money with me for car park and I need my phone but I don't want to risk a handbag. I've put on weight since my dad died (after it dropping off the first few days) so my dress is too tight I don't know how I'm going to stop crying long enough to put on make-up Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patsylabrador Posted July 18, 2013 Share Posted July 18, 2013 Don't go. Make some plausible excuse and don't go. They'll still get happily married and the world won't stop turning. If you really don't feel that's right then you'll know what to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plum Posted July 18, 2013 Share Posted July 18, 2013 Hugs Patricia whatever you decided to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinnamon Posted July 18, 2013 Share Posted July 18, 2013 Poor you - I would develop a swift bout of food poisoning if I were you - no one should have to suffer through an event that they really do not want to go to,for whatever reason Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mollyripkim Posted July 18, 2013 Share Posted July 18, 2013 Oh you poor thing, what a dilemma, personally I think I wouldn't go either especially as its so soon after losing your dad, I hope you are ok whatever you decide. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freddie Posted July 18, 2013 Share Posted July 18, 2013 Whatever you've decided to do,it is OK. It is so hard to be after losing a parent, so be you. I feel for you so much, and you have our thoughts on this difficult day. X Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted July 18, 2013 Share Posted July 18, 2013 I feel for you Patricia, you've been through a lot in the last few months and I really wouldn't blame you if you cried off this one. Spend the time on yourself instead and have a quiet moment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soapdragon Posted July 18, 2013 Share Posted July 18, 2013 I've come in on this one a bit late but have to say that I would have made my excuses for this and then 'gone for it' with the Saturday do when there will (if I have read this right) more family around for support. Hope you came through it safely......thinking of you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redhotchick Posted July 18, 2013 Share Posted July 18, 2013 Hope you are feeling better Patricia. Whatever you did, it was the right thing. Treat yourself gently for a while. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted July 18, 2013 Share Posted July 18, 2013 Hope you decided not to go, sounds like it would've been more stress than pleasure xx. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Willow Posted July 18, 2013 Author Share Posted July 18, 2013 Thanks all, I went. I felt better as soon as I posted knowing I'd have you thinking of me and sympathising. My sister (nephew's mother) would have been really cross with me if I'd cried off so tempting as it was I felt that wasn't an option. I found it very difficult to do small talk with the brides family so for once I didn't worry about being sociable and hid behind hat and dark glasses. My sisters youngest son (17) said how nice I looked when I arrived which was a nice confidence boost, he's a sweet boy that knows his aunt well and knows what to say at the right time . It was not easy but bearable. Just Saturday to go now, that will be easier as my brothers, SIL and some cousins will be there as will my OH & boys. It's a major pain having to be so careful about handbags, I took one I could wear across my body and did not let go of it at any time. I had just one debit card and no cash in it, I didn't take a camera today and I won't be taking one Saturday. I know the pain of losing my dad will ease, it doesn't seem to be hitting my sister as hard but may well do once the wedding is all over as planning for it has been a huge distraction. I haven't had a day yet when I haven't cried but in time there will be days when I don't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plum Posted July 19, 2013 Share Posted July 19, 2013 You did so well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purplemaniacs Posted July 19, 2013 Share Posted July 19, 2013 Well done I think you were right in going as awful as it was, sometimes there are things that you just feel you have to do or it will be worse in the end. I hope Saturday is a bit more bearable. What a nice young lad your sisters youngest is, well done that lad. Chrissie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Willow Posted July 19, 2013 Author Share Posted July 19, 2013 Well done I think you were right in going as awful as it was, sometimes there are things that you just feel you have to do or it will be worse in the end. I hope Saturday is a bit more bearable. What a nice young lad your sisters youngest is, well done that lad. That was what I thought. It needed to be got through. I wasn't going to be rude to the brides mother although `i feel not great need to make an effort with small talk. The brides father doesn't believe it was his son who stole from my handbag despite he being the only person to have access and him having a history of petty theft so the father just pretends I'm not there - I'd like to think he has some residual guilt as he was the person who asked me to give his son a lift to and from the funeral. My nephews are all lovely but my sisters youngest has a very natural charm and ability to make people feel happy which is a wonderful talent to have. My FIL is very interested in model trains and I took my two boys and my nephew to see them one last time before my FIL moved and dismantled the track. My boys got bored and feel asleep on the sofa, my nephew stayed interested and asked my FIL lots of ques so FIL had a lovely time Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dogmother Posted July 19, 2013 Share Posted July 19, 2013 ... and brrreeeaaatthhhheee Give yourself a hug xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Groovychook Posted July 19, 2013 Share Posted July 19, 2013 Just wanted to say well done for getting through it. It takes a lot of guts to put yourself through something like that when you're feeling vulnerable. It's very early days for you after losing your Dad and you need to take good care of yourself. Try not to feel pressure to do things that are going to feel like an ordeal. I hope that Saturday will be easier for you. Sending hugs xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pearls007 Posted July 20, 2013 Share Posted July 20, 2013 Would your Dad have enjoyed the occasion? If so - just go for him. Hugs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WitchHazel Posted July 20, 2013 Share Posted July 20, 2013 Hope today went OK THinking of you Hazel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plum Posted July 20, 2013 Share Posted July 20, 2013 Was thinking of you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purplemaniacs Posted July 20, 2013 Share Posted July 20, 2013 Hope it went ok today. Chrissie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Willow Posted July 21, 2013 Author Share Posted July 21, 2013 Wedding went well, spent today clearing. I have a mass of washing up to do as I took all the vintage china to wash and sort. When the bride is back from honeymoon we'll work out what she wants to do with it. One of my aunts on my mothers side got sniffy as she felt I hadn't greeted her before the wedding (I was hiding behind dark glasses and a hat as I was feeling quite weepy at the start and had greeted her but it may not have been obvious) she was very rude so I walked off upset. She came over to try and say she was joking and was bewildered as to why I was finding the day difficult. I had to remind her my father had recently died. Glad I won't have any reason to have anything more to do with the brides family - it's odd she is lovely and I'm delighted to have her as a new niece but her parents spend more effort looking after and talking about her brother than they do on her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soapdragon Posted July 21, 2013 Share Posted July 21, 2013 Oooohh, families You did what you felt was right so .... good for you! Deep breath...annnnd relax! Look after yourself; sending good wishes! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purplemaniacs Posted July 22, 2013 Share Posted July 22, 2013 Well done Patricia, you got through the day and hopefully now you can move on and concentrate on you! Shame about your aunt, some people have no idea how others are feeling and are most insensitive. You did what you needed to do, well done. Chrissie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
