Chicken bald back

[CatieB]

For obvious reasons I don't want to post too much. Does anyone have experience of finding it hidden which confirms certain thoughts? If so please can you give me words of advice - may be better if you pm me. MODS hope that's ok

[patsylabrador]

Yes and cigarettes. I didn't worry too much, I reminded them of my rules, limits of behaviour. I didn't get cross, I didn't see the point because I prefer to talk about things and I want them to always be able to come to me about anything. I was naughty as a teen/young person which I told them so they knew I didn't expect them to be perfect but just respectful of my wishes and my rules and the reasons for them.

It worked out, they grew up and talk to me about anything.

[Grandmashazzie]

I am guessing you mean adult. If someone is drinking secretly they have a problem. Wether they are ready to admit that is another thing. In my experience,work,alcoholism and lying go hand and hand and is can be difficult for non drinker to deal with the loss of trust the lying causes. The AA are always useful for support,to the nondrinker too,to enable them to see clearly.

[CatieB]

Yes adult no admission and the lying is all I can think about.

[Grandmashazzie]

So sorry Catie b. I hope you have a trusted friend you can confide in. Do seek out organisations for support. Hard though it is to do try to remember it is an illness. If your adult is denying all you will never get to the truth nor in my experience are they ready to seek help. I feel for you,please speak to someone who can support you.

[soapdragon]

Do you have a GP that you feel you can talk to about this? Obviously there would be confidentiality issues so it could only go so far but a supportive GP is a godsend. Otherwise, as others have wisely pointed out, AA. I think that they have a 'branch' for relatives/close friends of the person concerned.

 

I do so hope that you can get the support that you need with this and quickly. (I wish there was an emoticon for a big hug! Sending one anyway!)

[mullethunter]

CatieB I really feel for you. I've never had this but I have been in a relationship with a secret bulimic and the feeling when you realise the secret that is being kept from you is crushing.

 

Obviously I don't know the circumstances, but try to hold on to the fact that keeping the secret from you is almost certainly through not wanting you to be hurt. As others have said, please try to get support and someone to talk this through with. And don't forget to look after yourself whatever comes.

 

Good luck.

[Daphne]

A friend of ours was an alcoholic and this was normal behaviour for him. I remember the cistern being a favourite place for a while. Unfortunately he had had a drink problem since his teens, and nothing could be done to change him. If you think this is a new thing, then, if you can manage it, I would try to talk to the person. It could be a cry for help which could potentially be dealt with now before it gets out of hand and really difficult to deal with. Wait until you are feeling totally calm though and able to hear whatever the problem is, as no doubt it will be painful. And to make it even harder, you will probably need to ignore the lack of trust issue, for now at least, and provide a 'no blame' environment, as it sounds to me that the other person's needs are greater than yours at this point. Forgive me if this sounds harsh and tough, I am not sure I'd be able to take my own advice, and I totally endorse getting professional help and support, it's just I have seen a life ended by alcohol and I know that once it takes hold, then for some people, nothing, but nothing, can change their behaviour. They are addicted and powerless. In your case I would be much more hopeful that it's early on in the process and things can and will change. Sending you positive vibes and plenty of support and strength.

[Valkyrie]

For a minute I was hoping it was a how to on finding a stream of rum with divining rods!

 

But yes, I did have that here some years back. Thankfully it seemed to be a phase and now has ceased and a more adult take on life has emerged instead - in fact a complete turn around on healthy eating and drinking fruit juices and mostly water. It is a relief I can tell you. A change of workplace also played a part.

 

Keep an eye on things to see how they go and in the meantime seek advice from the AA.

[CatieB]

Thanks people for the replies and those who sent PM

 

Really interested to know if anyone came out the other side, Valkyrie seems to indicate that. Was it done by themselves and do they ever touch it now?

 

Thanks again

[Valkyrie]

Lad was a bit of a computer nerd and joined in on internet games with friends - everyone was drinking - it was cool although so cool that our own supplies were dwindled - I stopped buying alcohol including sherry that I only use for cooking. He was 16 when that started and socialising with a mixture of ages - the 18 year olds could supply easily. I don't think it got to the stage where it became a serious problem - a worry for sure, but he is able to control himself. He can drink socially without it being an issue. I think having his own flat helped - you can't afford to have alcohol and that brought about a new responsible attitude to everything. He no longer eats Pot Noodles! Oh joy! He's into healthy eating too! Never thought I'd live to see the day! Add that to a new kind of "awareness" not a religion but he's definitely been reading about the different types and taking things from all. I don't worry about him at all now. Apart from him coming back to live with us again "temporarily". Meh! Totally different job - not quite as stressful suit admin type job, unpaid overtime just to clear the decks and no raise in salary for 2 years, cost of living goes up and what happens - he changes to working with handicapped children. Huge cut in salary means he's coming back for a short while (I hope). But he's loving his new job. He has everything organised (yeah, I hope) - his girlfriend is looking after his cat, he's going to share a flat with a friend who works at the same place and then after a year he will move in with girlfriend (I live in a state of hope at the moment - she's lovely).

 

So I'm wishing your situation is pretty much a flash in the pan and that it all works out well in the end. Nevertheless it's a worrying time - the bottles may be left overs from parties too that they bring home.

[Alis girls]

ES now 20 occasionally still gets ratted. Once a friend's mum called he was staying at her son's I think he was 16. He was puking. Put him to bed with a bucket and strict instructions to use it. Another time we found him asleep under car port. Read him the riot act. Middle of winter. He had put himself in recovery position. Never found hidden bottles but YS who as you know has mental health issues has still to hit the addictions stage. I often wonder why I had kids. Love em to bits but the stress they put you under . Huh. Good luck .