riane Posted April 14, 2008 Share Posted April 14, 2008 Hop eeverything gets sorted soon for you..take care Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 14, 2008 Share Posted April 14, 2008 when I see you, you're getting the biggest hug possible! hope all goes well with the op, must be a straightforward procedure if they're letting her out in a day. big virtual hug for now xxxxxxxxxxxxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feemcg Posted April 14, 2008 Share Posted April 14, 2008 Hope your mum's op goes well, V. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickencam Posted April 14, 2008 Share Posted April 14, 2008 Hope that your mum's op. goes well and that it improves both her life and yours. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lesley Posted April 15, 2008 Share Posted April 15, 2008 I hope all goes well today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freddie Posted April 15, 2008 Share Posted April 15, 2008 Crossing everything for you all. hope it all goes OK I would be scared and fairly aggressive if i was in your mum's situation too, so she, and you have my sympathy. Living wills are now legal documents, since oct 07. the medics cannot ignore them. yr mum is right to make sure it's worded properly. Unfortunately, I have experience in these. I am going to make one myself before too much longer, but the wording is all important. Needs to be "medically" tight... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted April 15, 2008 Author Share Posted April 15, 2008 Thanks for all your good wishes but they haven't been required - mum discharged herself from the Infirmary this morning before having the op. She met her surgeon who was African. I'll let you draw your own conclusions. She told the staff on no account to let me know. Obviously they did. She eventually phoned my work and left a message saying she was home from hospital. I've not spoken to her yet and am not particularly interested in doing so at the moment. I've made an appointment to see her GP on Thursday and will phone the hospital social worker and the consultant tomorrow. I don't know what follow up care should be in place or who is responsible for her care now. Presumably the GP as she's been discharged. My brother and I really thought we'd turned a corner with her being discharged and getting the pacemaker. Now we're back at square one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joojoo Posted April 15, 2008 Share Posted April 15, 2008 Hi Vicki What a nightmare for you!! I bet you wished you'd stayed on your hols the other week. I can't really think what else to suggest. I had a vision of your Mum as the WI lady out of Little Britain I know it's not funny for you, just trying to raise a smile. Take care of yourself xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickenlass Posted April 15, 2008 Share Posted April 15, 2008 Oh No...I really feel for you.... What a nightmare. That saying about you can pick your friends but not your family is so true. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tessa the Duchess Posted April 15, 2008 Share Posted April 15, 2008 Yikes, it just gets worse for you, poor thing. Do you think it would be possible to get her a different surgeon to do the pacemaker op.? She obviously should have the operation, on the other hand she has a perfect right to discharge herself if she wants to. It's a pickle isn't it. Tessa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lesley Posted April 15, 2008 Share Posted April 15, 2008 Sorry to hear that Vicki Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freddie Posted April 15, 2008 Share Posted April 15, 2008 I had a mum like yrs... And do you know what; I'd do almost anything to have her back..... she can't have done it all wrong, 'cos you seem pretty OK to me, and to lots of others... She's old, and scared. and the world is changing/has changed too fast for her to keep up with it. She knows she's ill, she knows she needs this op, and she's terrified of not waking up and can't help it. I hate the thought of getting old, my mum was 89, She was 46 when she had me. I'm 46 next month, and I cant think what she was thinking of, planning and having kids at my age!! Glad she did tho'.. I know you cant talk to her, and I know the frustration and the embarrasment... there are things i can think of now that still make me curl up with embarrassment!!. Keep yrself sane, try to see the funny side of it, dont worry about the sensibilities of the Dr's; they'll live to see another phobic old lady... it goes with the job. one day we'll meet up, have a glass, and share a few stories... I fancy they'll be v.similar!!... so would lots of others. xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jules. Posted April 15, 2008 Share Posted April 15, 2008 Vicki, sending you lots of (((hugs))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeckyBoo Posted April 15, 2008 Share Posted April 15, 2008 I can't think of anything poignant or witty to say so I'll just say I'm still thinking of you and your Dad and your Mum and really hoping that whatever the answer is, it comes along soon. You'll get your reward in heaven I'm absolutely sure of it Mrs B Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted April 15, 2008 Share Posted April 15, 2008 Sorry to hear that ANH. It sounds as if they have completely underestimated the psychiatric side of things. Let's hope that she can be persuaded to go back to have the procedure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sheilaz Posted April 15, 2008 Share Posted April 15, 2008 Although shocked at today's events when it could have gone so smoothly, I'm not surprised as I'm rather close to someone who, although less forceful than your mother, might have had a similar reaction. My heart goes out to you ANH, it is just one thing after another. I'm not sure how it stands to arrange a different consultant, but I send you tons of love & support in however you proceed from here. I'm nodding wholeheartedly with Freddie's post. Your Mother has, it seems, been a strong and determined person all her life (and "difficult" ), and now she is facing one fear after another (I think she may have been worried about your Father for some time, but tried to brush those thoughts aside) then her own health, now the surgeon. She is fearful like a child really, yet fear is alien to her, so it must be even more disturbing. But, although the hardest time for you all, its gone before you know it. In between doing what you do to "manage" your Mother, do try & have some precious moments too. I think you are being totally amazing, we're all just hoping things will get easier for you soon. xxxxxxxxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olly Posted April 15, 2008 Share Posted April 15, 2008 Oh ANH - my heart goes out to you too. Ultimately your mum is an adult, makes her own decisions and like all of us has to deal with the consequences of those decisions. You have done everything you could for her, and I'm sure you're not going to turn your back now but it's not fair for you to have to undergo even more strain because she's refused an operation that would have made her situation a lot better. Her choice - not yours. I hope you can get some support from the social worker/GP. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fur 'n' Feathers Posted April 16, 2008 Share Posted April 16, 2008 Oh ANH - my heart goes out to you too. Ultimately your mum is an adult, makes her own decisions and like all of us has to deal with the consequences of those decisions. You have done everything you could for her, and I'm sure you're not going to turn your back now but it's not fair for you to have to undergo even more strain because she's refused an operation that would have made her situation a lot better. Her choice - not yours. I hope you can get some support from the social worker/GP. Exactly the same sentiments. It must be so very difficult. Many people display these characteristics and it's not always down to a mental illness. Sometimes the issue lies with their personality and the way they view the world. You cannot be held responsible for that. Holding you in our thoughts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted April 16, 2008 Author Share Posted April 16, 2008 Thanks everyone for your kind thoughts. I've decided that I'll phone mum this afternoon and tell her that I was very hurt that she didn't put me down as next of kin and also that she told the nurses not to contact me when she discharged herself (it's not the first time for either). Unfortunately, she is unable to cope with anybody telling her how they feel and will probably say something like "well, let's just part company then" . It's happened before which is why I don't really discuss my feelings & thoughts with her. Many people display these characteristics and it's not always down to a mental illness. Sometimes the issue lies with their personality and the way they view the world. You've hit the nail on the head there, F&F. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
little chickadee Posted April 16, 2008 Share Posted April 16, 2008 What a stressful time you've been having. My thoughts are with you. As Mrs Bertie said, I can't think of anything witty or poignant to say, but just thought I'd let you know that I'm reading your saga and wishing you well. I know people like your mother, and it's never easy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helly Welly Posted April 16, 2008 Share Posted April 16, 2008 I really wish i could help ANH, there just seems to be no turning the corner with your Mum. Big hugs coming your way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickencam Posted April 16, 2008 Share Posted April 16, 2008 Big (((hugs))) from me too I can't really add anything to what has already been said but my thoughts and good wishes are with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WitchHazel Posted April 16, 2008 Share Posted April 16, 2008 <> Unfortunately, she is unable to cope with anybody telling her how they feel and will probably say something like "well, let's just part company then" That's her way of stoppinng the conversation in it's tracks. Don't let her get away with it. If she says that then don't get (nor act) hurrt or upset. Instead, "turn serious" on her and ask her in a very serious voice, "do you really mean that? You really mean that you don't want to see me again?" It may help to imagine that she is a three year old child who has said something she clearly doesn't mean. Not sure if I'm explaining this very well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sheilaz Posted April 16, 2008 Share Posted April 16, 2008 Did you 'phone her today, ANH? Anyway, just sending you lots of smiles and a big cuppa. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted April 17, 2008 Author Share Posted April 17, 2008 I got a message on my mobile saying pointedly "sorry to disturb you" - twice . I phoned her back in case she instantly disowned me . She asked if I was shocked by her decision (yeah, like anything she does shocks me any more ). I said I thought she was a bit daft not to have gone ahead with the op. "I've not had a decent night's sleep in 3 or 4 years." (Apart from the 16 hours when she took 2 sleeping pills and we had to break in and the various nights in the hospital she told me about ). "You don't know what that's like, I was exhausted." etc etc. No mention of the African surgeon . She then proceeded to say how great she felt being home, she's going to get her cataracts done, then the pacemaker ( - so she's prepared to go through all that again? I doubt it) and everything will be fine. So I'm taking her food shopping today (she's agreed not to drive - till her eyes & heart are sorted ). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
