Yorkshire Pudding Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 I know who mine are - my uncle (who has no children but is godfather to all his nieces and nephews) and a woman who was a close friend of my mother at the time I was born. Sadly we haven't heard from her in twenty years and my uncle is quite reclusive so I don't see or hear from him either. We are godparents to my best friend's little boy, despite the fact that we're atheists - it was discussed at great length with their Vicar, who encouraged them to choose the godparents they wanted and was pleased that we were open about our beliefs rather than simply following a script with no thought given to what we were saying during the ceremony. We'd do anything at all for him and for his parents. Our own two boys aren't baptised, so we neatly avoided a potential minefield! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nutmeg Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 So sorry to read about the difficulties you are having with your SIL. She sounds very similar to mine who loves to play 'games' within the family, playing one relative off against another, however, one day she overstepped the mark and driected it at my children. Like you say, no-one upsets my children and we cut her out of our lives there and then, no excuses, no ifs or buts. People like your SIL are playing games, she sent you that text, using emotional blackmail, because she wants you to respond. By you not responding, you are stopping the game dead in its tracks. You do not need to reply justifying your actions in choosing your daughter's godparents. It is all about choices; you have made your choice in godparents and they have made the choice not to attend. You cannot make them attend, the same as she cannot make you choose her. She is responsible for her own actions and choices and she has to live with that decision. You sound a strong person; stick to your guns and enjoy the day, your in-laws and SIL will then see that you cannot be maniplulated by their immature behaviour. Nutmeg x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bronze Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 I completely agree with you. Your SIL sounds just like mine, who always has to be the centre of attention. Even on our wedding day she couldn't bear to lose the limelight and decided to have her child's baptism on the same day (saying it was convenient, as all the family would be around anyway!!). She couldn't understand why some of the family were angry with her for trying to hijack our special day. !! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cooks Posted May 16, 2008 Share Posted May 16, 2008 it's my MIL that has to be the centre of attention in our family, at my wedding she asked me to get out the way so she could take her photos with only hubby in... I could be hurt by that couldn't I.. sad ol mare! I do hope your daughter has a lovely lovely day Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted May 16, 2008 Share Posted May 16, 2008 It sounds like now you have got over being angry you'll be able to deal with the situation with dignity and grace - unlike her . Families . My mother came to my Godmother's funeral even though she hated her (she wanted my GM's sister to be Godmother but she had so many Godchildren already she asked if her sister could do it instead). During the service - which was jampacked with people of all ages - my mother muttered "they didn't know her like I did". They hadn't met for about 35 years despite living 3 miles apart . She scowled all through the service and the get-together afterwards. I wonder how many people will be at her funeral? . Oh, that's right, "Ooops, word censored!"ody's allowed to come to her funeral except dad, me and brother. Like they'd be queuing up anyway . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeckyBoo Posted May 16, 2008 Author Share Posted May 16, 2008 We're a right old bunch aren't we? Perhaps we should have a sticky - "Dysfunctional Families Anonymous" I can now see why people "divorce" their families in the states, it's very tempting. The upshot of all of this is that they are not coming, that apparently is their final word. Oh well, to be honest I'm pretty much over it (just about), we're going to have a lovely day without them, their loss, can't believe the grandparents are going to miss it but that's up to them. I've decided not to reply, can't be bothered, it will make no difference and I won't be able to say what I really think - also, to be honest, this kerfuffle has taken up enough of my precious energy, I'm not wasting any more. I'm going to spend it on my REAL family, you know the one, through thick and thin, with no conditions? Thanks guys, sounds like you've all been there as well one way or the other Mrs Bertie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nutmeg Posted May 16, 2008 Share Posted May 16, 2008 it's my MIL that has to be the centre of attention in our family, at my wedding she asked me to get out the way so she could take her photos with only hubby in... I could be hurt by that couldn't I.. sad ol mare! I do hope your daughter has a lovely lovely day That just made me laugh, sorry not at you, with you. My MIL told me after my wedding that I had made it obvious it was my day! Nutmeg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helly Welly Posted May 16, 2008 Share Posted May 16, 2008 When my SIL got married, my MIL had a go at the groom for not telling MIL that she looked nice And i thought weddings were about the couple getting married, silly me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted May 16, 2008 Share Posted May 16, 2008 Good for you, Mrs Bertie. Don't waste any more energy on them. (Still can't believe that the grandparents are being so weak though .) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cooks Posted May 16, 2008 Share Posted May 16, 2008 That just made me laugh, sorry not at you, with you. My MIL told me after my wedding that I had made it obvious it was my day! Sounds like mine too!! MIL also was told by hubby that she could invite anyone, just not her boyfriend at the time as they despised each other. She complained that I was allowed all my ******* family so why cant she!.. err I was the bride it's a wonder I am sane really... *looks at username* well maybe not! Good for you Mrs Bertie, it's their loss!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paola Posted May 16, 2008 Share Posted May 16, 2008 Well done Mrs B, you have done the right thing Hope that you have a fantastic day I would be joining the Dysfunctional Families Anonymous sticky, lifetimes membership for me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helly Welly Posted May 16, 2008 Share Posted May 16, 2008 Are there any non-dysfunctional families out there Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bronze Posted May 16, 2008 Share Posted May 16, 2008 Mines not too bad. Both my mother and MIL are cool I get on with my siblings and dhs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 16, 2008 Share Posted May 16, 2008 I am going to my aunt's funeral on Monday. Present will be her two sisters (one of them reluctant) two nieces (both supporting their mothers) a nephew (ditto) and a nephew in law (playing the organ). Two long-suffering neighbours may turn up as well. My aunt was the most objectionable character I have ever known. She was rude to absolutely everyone and pushed all friendly advances right away. She has refused to speak to either of her sisters for years now, cutting herself off completely from the family. She had no friends either. What a total waste of a life! Families!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yorkshire Pudding Posted May 16, 2008 Share Posted May 16, 2008 it's my MIL that has to be the centre of attention in our family, at my wedding she asked me to get out the way so she could take her photos with only hubby in... I could be hurt by that couldn't I.. sad ol mare! Amazing aren't they! My grandmother was a bit like this towards my poor Mum. When Mum & Dad got married, GM helped Mum to put on her wedding dress, then told her ' Don't expect to be the centre of attention, your brother's come home from the Navy to be here for me today'. I'm always amazed that my Mum turned out as nice as she is! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missuscluck Posted May 16, 2008 Share Posted May 16, 2008 Good for you Mrs B. Leave them to stew in their own juice. Hope your day is fab. Please let us all know how it goes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowy Posted May 16, 2008 Share Posted May 16, 2008 Are there any non-dysfunctional families out there Mine's not too bad - although there are not many of us left to fall out, only me and Dad since little brother emigrated Now OH's family that is another matter entirely - kick one and they all limp Hope you have a lovely day Mrs B. (I'd be tempted to send a text saying "thank you for letting us know you won't be able to make it. I do hope you enjoy your day as much as we will") Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hen Watch Posted May 16, 2008 Share Posted May 16, 2008 The upshot of all of this is that they are not coming, that apparently is their final word. Oh well, to be honest I'm pretty much over it (just about), we're going to have a lovely day without them, their loss, can't believe the grandparents are going to miss it but that's up to them. I've decided not to reply, can't be bothered, it will make no difference and I won't be able to say what I really think Oh Mrs B, how awful, just read this today. Well done on your decision not to reply and let her make her own decision - after all she has your invite - you don't need to invite her twice. Having had my lot baptised I understand how difficult it is to decide on godparents and that someone is always disappointed. So when my sister's babies were recently been christened, I had absolutely no problem about NOT being godmother. I fully understand that I will always be their Aunty and that as there are no other children her partner's side of the family she felt it important to her to have them as godparents. I completely agreed with her. We didn't need to discuss it, she just said "you don't mind do you?" an I replied "of course not". It makes no difference to me as I am their Aunty and will alway be a part of their lives (even if they don't want that ). Your SIL obviously doen't understand that as their Aunty she has a very important role (and some may say more important than Godparents). She clearly doesn't see that as a family member she will always be around for them if they need her. Her current decision is not helping matters and she has not taken your children's feelings into consideration. I hope she realises the error of her ways given time. Well done for venting your (rightful) feelings on here and not biting back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeckyBoo Posted May 17, 2008 Author Share Posted May 17, 2008 For GOODNESS SAKES! They are now ALL coming. Not that I want them there AT ALL, but for some reason (I've been at work so not privvy to the phone calls from SIL to OH) they have now condescended to come. Personally I want to tell them they are no longer welcome, BUT my children come first so I will smile sweetly and be nice. The smallest sign of self-pity from SIL though and she'll be out the door with a bootprint on her bum faster than she can say "can I have a slice of Christening cake please?" The other minor hitch is that the vicar (who is FAB but takes on FAR TOO MUCH and subsequently forgets to do things) appears not to have put the forms in so the church may not even be booked for us after all. I tell you, we're doomed! Mrs Bertie (as she goes off laughing hysterically to the loony bin ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Egluntyne Posted May 17, 2008 Share Posted May 17, 2008 (edited) Oh my word!! I hope the vicar can sort things out. I'm not surprised to hear that they have decided to come. You can be charm itself and act as if nothing has gone on at all. That will take the wind out of their sails. Have a lovely day. Edited for typo. Edited May 17, 2008 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tessa the Duchess Posted May 17, 2008 Share Posted May 17, 2008 Oh dear Mrs. B, can I help you tie the straps on that white coat you are wearing? As Egluntine says you can be a graceful and charming hostess and completely disarm them. at the forgetful vicar, hope you get this sorted out and that the day is a brilliant success. Tessa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 17, 2008 Share Posted May 17, 2008 That's lovely news Mrs B. I hope they behave as they should and that you all have a lovely day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gamebird Posted May 17, 2008 Share Posted May 17, 2008 Blimey I've just spent the last half hour reading all the posts. Isn't it extraordinary how some people behave. But it all sounds very familiar. My MIL didn't acknowledge my existence for years. She used to turn her back on me. Well, Mrs Bertie, you called her bluff and you won. I think she was expecting you to relent. Hold your head up high and enjoy your children's day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ain't Nobody Here Posted May 17, 2008 Share Posted May 17, 2008 Good news (I think ). I'm glad they've come to their senses. Have a lovely day . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helly Welly Posted May 17, 2008 Share Posted May 17, 2008 At least your children will be happy they are there. Take a deep breath and count to ten frequently Seriously, have a great day, no matter what SIL says/does, don't let it spoil your day. Sounds like a bit of a dippy vicar Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
