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Karen & co.

Ups and downs

By Karen & co., in The Nesting Box

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Karen & co. Effusive Egg Layer

Karen & co.

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It's a funny old world, I was dreading work this morning, and it turned out to be really good, but got a 'phone call from OH to say his father had taken a turn for the worse :( and he was flying home to Belfast to see him, now have just got a really black cloud hanging over the house :(

 

Not sure whether to fly over with the children or let them remember him the last time we saw him, having a celebration meal for his birthday :?

 

Not sure why I'm typing this :cry:

 

karen x

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Mel (& Paul) Eggcentric Egluowner

Mel (& Paul)

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oh karen

how rotten for you

and I know exactly why you are typing it - you need to talk and the people on the forum are fabulous listeners

I do hope that your father in law is as comfortable as possible.

How old are your children? If they are young you may wish that they remember him as fit and healthy, if they are teenagers you should let them decide - children can be remarkably resiliant

Big cyber hugs to you and your family.

Melx

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Cinnamon Cocka-doodle-loopy

Cinnamon

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Poor you.

I hope this helps,as I am in the same situation (sort of)

My Mum had an accident 2 years ago & is now incapacitated,needing 24 hour nursing care in a home.

All the relatives think I should take my girls to see her,but I would rather they remember her how she was.

 

It is a hugely personal desicion,& I am sure that if you look hard enough you will realise what the right thing is to do,for you & your family :D

 

Best wishes xxx

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Karen & co. Effusive Egg Layer

Karen & co.

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Thank you for the replies and suggestions,

 

I've had a chat with the children (they are 14, 12, 10 and 8, the younger 2 want to go, the older 2 don't :? so still not sure :(

 

Think I'll wait 'till I get an update from OH in a little while, we could fly from Liverpool or drive over to Hollyhead and drive up to Belfast, don't really fancy that though :oops:

 

It's all the other things that get affected too, chucks dogs other pets, and my youngest is supposed to have a ballet exam on sunday, gosh that sounds so disrespectful, it's not meant to :(

 

Still thinking things through,

 

karen x

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Guest

Guest

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Think carefully Karen, if you can when you're in the middle of it all. I'm not swaying you either way,. you just need to be sure that you and your husband have made A decision, not just 'muddled through'. What does your husband feel? It's his father and his children and he may want them to go, or he may want them not to go. You can be guided by him.

 

My mother-in-law had Alzheimers for a long time. The older two children saw her when she wasn't too bad and we have lovely pictures of them together. They also visited her when she was very ill. DD3 (then about 7-8)also visited her near the end because she wanted to. So all three girls have memories of their grandmother. DS is now 8 and he talks about Grandma quite frequently. He feels sad that he never saw her and she never saw him. We have explained that babies and young children annoyed her when she was ill - she was terribly upset by the young noise. (She was a children's nurse and loved children dearly, so this is particularly sad!) That is why we never took him to see her. But I think it bothers him that he has no memories of her and there are no stories we can tell of him with her. He likes to look at pictures of her.

 

Good luck Karen, what a terrible start to the weekend. I hope it gets better for you all.

 

xx

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Karen & co. Effusive Egg Layer

Karen & co.

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Thanks Ginette, Oh has just texted me to say his flight that should have gone out at 5.15 didn't leave till 6.50 :shock: he's been waiting for hours by himself on the airport :(

 

Hopefully he'll go straight there when he lands and then let me know what he thinks about the children visiting

 

thanks for 'listening'

 

karen x

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Oh poor man, that must be so distressing for him. :(

 

I should get on with the necessary bits while you're waiting (washing school uniforms etc) so that you're ready for whatever is required.

 

Thinking of you

xx

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kannie Chatty Chicken

kannie

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My mother-in-law had Alzheimers for a long time. The older two children saw her when she wasn't too bad and we have lovely pictures of them together. They also visited her when she was very ill. xx

I spent a lot of time with my grandfather when he had dementia. I was still junior school age and enjoyed his company - I have great memories of him and the times we spent together, even if he did do things that confused me sometimes.

 

Hospital visiting of someone who's very ill is a bit different though, as sometimes its like they've been taken over by the circumstances and the person you knew doesn't shine through any more.

 

I think that your father in laws' wishes are important. I'm not sure that I'd want lots of people around me if I was feeling awful, unless they were able to take my mind off how I was feeling. But its really hard to act normally if the person you're visiting can't respond normally.

 

I expect that the reason why its hard to know what to do, Karen, is because there is no right answer.

 

Good luck

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Karen & co. Effusive Egg Layer

Karen & co.

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Just a quick line to say thank you for all the messages, we did go over to Ireland and all the children went in to see their granddad, because they wanted to, and felt it was the right thing to do.

 

After a long drawn out illness and a number of nights of thinking this will be the last one, my OH rang earlier on to say that my father in law had died :cry:

 

It's silly really as much as it had to happen it still came as a shock :oops:

 

thanks again for listening to me ramble :oops:

 

karen x

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