Single hen

[theherd123]

After 6 months on maternity leave i am having to return to work full time on the 16th March - EEK!

 

My mum is coming down for a while to look after Isabelle and i will only have to do 3 weeks in work before the Easter holiday but I will miss Isabelle so so much and the thought of going back to work fills me with dread and i have an awful feeling in the pit of my stomach.

 

Any advice about coping with this will be very much appreciated.

[Guest]

I really feel for you Emma. I have no advice because it is something I just couldn't do. I thought about it but once DD1 had arrived I couldn't bear leaving her in someone else's care all day every day. We're not very well off, but I have always been at home with my children and that was our choice.

 

So I might not be very helpful with advice.

 

Consider whether you might manage without working or maybe if you can take on some home-based work.

 

Might you be able to do 2-3 days a week, so that you still have time with your lovely baby?

 

If you decide full-time work is what you either have or want to do, then I'm sure your emotions will adjust and you will get used to it. I would find it very helpful to remember that this was what I had chosen - because I want to continue in my job or because I want to stay living in this house and with this life-style for my daughter. Whatever the reason, it is what I chose to do and that has to be a positive thing.

 

Edited to add: I really feel for you and understand your tears and the horrible feeling in your stomach. If I was near enough to hug you, I would! xx

[SAB]

I can empathise. I am due back on 20th April after 6 months adoption leave with our 5 year old son. As I have not had to be constantly feeding and changing nappies or dealing with constant sleepless nights like on my 2 mat leaves with oldest 2 kids, I have got into a nice routine and would rather not give it up. Enjoying fitting in baking, crafting, chikening, reading sometimes and don't feel knackered all the time like I do when trying to do all of this and work full time as well. But...mortgage needs paid and I am main bread winner. I am managing to reduce my days to 4 days per week - wondered if it was wise given credit crunch, but I have needed to reduce for ages - to be honest I probably needed it more when my 2 non-sleepers were babies, but couldn't afford it, so I feel I deserve it now. I also opted to work 1 month less per year to cover school hols (started that a few years back and it is great).

 

I think what you are going through is entirely natural - it is a big culture shock going back to work after leave of any kind and mat leave is so special. It shows how attached to your wee one you are that you feel this way and that will stand her in good stead all her life. Many mums will tell you that you will find it harder to leave her than vise versa - she may make a fuss when you go, but try to leave calmly and assertively and she will calm quicker once you are away (while you feel rubbish!) and enjoy her when you get home - stuff the housework!

 

Society these days makes us feel bad if we are not "full time mums" - a phrase I hate - me going to work is part of me being a mum full time - if I were not a mum then I would not slave away day after day at work to put a roof over their heads, food in their bellies, etc. Please - no offence taken to those who can afford to stay at home (or in some cases where it would not be ecconomically viable for them to go out to work). In an ideal world we would all get a chance to choose what ratio of work to home we would do, but then we know the world is far from ideal.

 

All the best with your return to work. Will be thinking of you.

[chickencam]

See how things go, but it is worth putting serious thought into your need to work.

 

I know a couple of people who if they actually had time to stop they would be better off not working. A friend of ours works all hours, but spends loads to compensate her children or to have them cared for. It is not what you earn it is what you spend. They are only little for a short time, quality of life is about more than money.

 

We had our eldest child thinking we could manage in the small bungalow in which we were living, we then realised that we couldn't so we moved and mortgaged ourselves to the hilt when she was 5 months old. I was due to return to work but we have no family locally and I just couldn't leave her with anyone else, so we made the descision that from then on I would be a stay at home mum.

 

It has been hard at times, but we have had fixed mortgages so we have known what out outgoings would be and I have done some credit control work from home for my OH's firm. We have managed and it has been so good to be on hand when the children have been ill etc.

 

Whatever desicion you make don't feel bad about it, just do what is right for you and yours

[jlo]

Welcome to the world of "Mother Guilt" !! There is no getting around the fact that leaving wee ones is so-o-o-o hard. If it is too hard. and if you are in a position where you can stay with her more or full time, then I think that you have to consider whether that will be the best option.

 

You may not have that luxury and you will just have to tell yourself that you are doing the best you can for your daughter; she will be absolutely fine and may even benefit from being in someone else's care for a while. Everyone is different and deals with these issues in different ways - there are no right answers at all and I would never dream of condemning any mother for any choice that she makes.

 

My two would sometimes give me a hard time as I was leaving and I would cry on my way to work (and then get there and not realise that I had milky sick down the back of my suit jacket - there's a practical tip that I can tell you!! check for before trying to look professional!)

 

I was always assured that they were fine as soon as I was out of the way and this was borne out by the times that I watched them without being noticed. They just know how to turn those guilt buttons and that doesn't stop!

 

Good luck anyway and some virtual ((((())))) coming your way.

[Yorkshire Pudding]

I agree - I had to return full time after both mine, although when DS2 was 9 months I was able to go to 2 days per week and haven't regretted that decision.

 

There was little financial choice for us - OH didn't have any security in his job at that time and we seemed to have babies just as his contracts were expiring, whereas I had a permanent contract so to lose it could have been disastrous.

 

No-one tells you that guilt goes with babies until you have one! On my first day back after DS1, I had done my crying at home and arrived more or less intact at work, only to be berated by a distraught colleague who was also returning from maternity leave. She was in bits and thought I should be too.

 

All I can say is, yes you will be upset and anxious at first, she will cry when you leave but stop almost immediately you are gone, she will be angelic all day and then play up the moment you return. AND it will do Isabelle no harm to be well cared for while you work.

 

My two are lucky enough to have had grandparents along the street, so have been partly cared for by them and partly by childminders, who have been fantastic. They are secure, outgoing, polite (usually ) happy boys, or so I am told...

 

Whatever decision you make, or have to make about returning to work, it will be the right one for you. If you find it feels 'wrong', that will be the time to think again.

 

 

My 'top tip' as I was still breastfeeding both when I went back to work, was lots of breast pads in my bag to collect leaks, and NEVER EVER to phone home at feed times - the sound of my hungry baby crying caused me to be drenched on more than one occasion .

 

I hope it goes well for you and Isabelle.

[jlo]

My 'top tip' as I was still breastfeeding both when I went back to work, was lots of breast pads in my bag to collect leaks, and NEVER EVER to phone home at feed times - the sound of my hungry baby crying caused me to be drenched on more than one occasion .

 

 

 

Oooh - good one - I had forgotten the joys of doing my cow impression!

[Yorkshire Pudding]

I used to take in my breast pump when we had parents evenings - I couldn't have lasted without leaking. I had to put the expressed milk into the fridge where we kept the milk for coffee - with a BIG label on it saying 'Babies only'!

[Egluntyne]

Gosh.....I had forgotten all of this!

 

Best of luck Emma.

[iar fach goch]

I really feel for you, I soooo did not want to go back after birth of ES, took a year off and then managed to return part time, which was our compromise, it broke my heart. I found it really hard but stuck with it for 18 months. When MS turned up everyone said it would be easier second time around, how wrong they were - I quit a few weeks after going back after matenity leave! OH was not too impressed but we managed, and I even managed to sneak in baby number 3! It meant that we had to do without some things - holidays abroad, new car etc, but it was definately worth it, I am so much happier and therefore so is everyone else. Sorry, I know that this probably isn't what you want to hear!!! On the other hand my friend returned to work full time when both hers were 4 months and never looked back ( she has a new car and regularly goes abroad!). If you do have to go back, just make sure that you are totally happy with childcare you choose, take your time in deciding and look at all the options available. Good luck, will be thinking of you.

[Berkochicks]

I returned to work when my son was 5 months old. I cried every night for the week before i went back. However, once I was back at work it amazing how quickly you slip back in to the work routine. I worried that I would never be able to concentrate, but you do. I thought about my Son but I also focused on work and did my job.

 

I gave up my full time job when my Son was 14 months. Mainly down to the commute, I now work part time (self employed). Enjoy your time when you are at home and prioritise what is important-

 

1) Baby

2) Chickens

3)Husband

4)Housework

 

Donna

[Guest]

I feel sorry for you.

 

I know how awful I would have felt if I couldn't have gone to work! To not want to go and have to must be just as bad!!!!

 

I had my 2 months at home with a baby and skipped back into a new workplace and a new career. It was the best thing for me and the best thing for James. I was lucky, doing the best for us was easy.

 

If you really don't want to do it - look into your part time options, you could create a really nice work life balance that suits you both.

 

Again I was lucky (so I thought) my husband stayed at home with James but we also started to put him in to nursery some days to give him contact with other children (we had NONE, no friends with kids at all!) and that gave James a fantastic start and he learned so much. Everyone needs to do what is right for them - without guilt!

[AJuff]

That feeling of dread returning to work after maternity leave will always stay with me. I returned full time which I regretted the day I went back. Fortunately we relocated three months afterwards and I had to leave my job. I did bits of work after that but enjoyed my days as a full time mum.

 

When my second child arrived it didn't take long before visiting the supermarket was the highlight of my week, we had no family near and money was tight. I envied my friends their working lives and went back part time.

 

By the time the third arrived I kind of fell back into work without realising and opportunities came along. I got scared when I met a lady in her early 50s who couldn't get a job as her experience and skills were not up to date. I thought . . that could be me in another 10 years so I applied for a demanding full time job in an Ofsted outstanding school and got it.

 

I appreciate my evenings and weekends so much but I do get the school holidays which are a blessing. I also think that my children need to see me with a fullfilled life too. I still get time with them and support them in their many activities. I love my garden, the chooks, my choir, running a Youth Group, PCC member, child protection officer for the diocese and I love my book group not to mention the knitting and crotcheting. Yes my life is full but I wouldn't have it any other way really.

 

Just think carefully about what you want now and think ahead ten years too, things could be very different.

 

My warmest wishes go out to you, take care of yourself for you and your family. XX

[BeckyBoo]

Hi there, I really feel for you, it's awful leaving them there's no two ways about it. Is shift work an option for you? Only I worked a mixture of lates (2pm - 10pm) and then more recently 5pm-02am which, yes I was exhausted through lack of sleep having to get up for the school run in the morning, but the plus side was that I was at home all day every day with my little one, didn't have to worry if they were off sick from school or couldn't go to any childminders the only bit I missed was bed time and I was only doing 3 days a week, so three days at work, four days at home.

It's changed now, I do 4 days, 10am - 6pm but I still hate having to go, I'd be a stay at home mum at the drop of the hat if I could.

 

good luck, it's hard but sometimes needs must and mine are all OK despite my many and varied hours

 

BeckyBoo

[Karen & co.]

Gosh Emma, where did the time go? Not much advise to offer, I went back after number one for a few months then got pregnant with number 2

 

I think your timing is ideal, a couple of weeks before Easter break to get to grips with being back, a few weeks after Easter, do your year elevens go on study leave and start exams? then all the end of year events etc. and before you know it, the summer hols

 

I loved being at home, but missed being able to get from one end of a conversation to another without checking on children, oooh and being able to drink a hot cup of tea

 

Hope it goes well for you

 

Karen x

[theherd123]

Thanks for all the advice and kind words they are very much appreciated.

 

Unfortunately due to circumstances at work, going part time isnt really an option open to me - i know it should be but where i work is a little unique and slightly complicated. Also the OH & I need to keep the roof over our head so i do have to go back.

 

Im hoping that i will be ok and if i can get through the 3 weeks before Easter without falling apart im sure i will manage - fingers crossed!

[AJuff]

Do you teach?

 

When things are stressful at work I sometimes think of how much I'm looking forward to seeing the chooks when I get home!! How sad is that?

[Guest]

Emma, you have made your choice. You are choosing to work because you want Isabelle to grow up in your lovely home with all your hens, dogs and vegetables etc that go with it. That is the life you wish to give her and in order to do that you have to work. If you didn't go back to your job, you would have to sell up and move somewhere cheaper, giving up the lifestyle you want to provide.

 

I find that knowing I have made the choice for very good reasons and knowing that I would make the same choice over and over again, really helps me to feel positive. It won't be easy, but it will get easier. At least you have had a wonderful 6 months with her all to yourself!

 

Good luck!

xx

[Egluntyne]

Time we had another photo of Miss Isabelle.

[Hen Watch]

Emma, sending you big hugs from here too.

 

I'm sure it won't be easy but if you need to work, then you need to work and you must not listen to other people because only you know your circumstances/finances and only you can decide what needs to happen etc.

 

Don't feel guilty and don't be hard on yourself. Let some things go, with a baby and a job, don't expect a sparkling house as well. Prioritize the important things in life like your little one (oh .... and the chooks) and don't get hung up about the rest until you get into a routine.

[The Dogmother]

Time we had another photo of Miss Isabelle.

 

Ditto, it's too long since I snuggled her.

 

 

I know how you feel Emma, it's 11 years since I was in the same situation, but you never forget that. Having said that, after a week, I was into the new routine and it worked well.

 

I was forced back to work when Rosie was just 8 weeks old, so it was a real wrench, but necessary in order to keep the two of us with a roof over our heads. I was lucky to have excellent childcare, and never worried about her but still missed her snuggles.

[theherd123]

Time we had another photo of Miss Isabelle.

 

Ok here are a few. Its been difficult to find some good ones as she has chronic eczema but these were taken when her skin looked good

 

Here she is having a chat with her pal Mr Wiggles

 

 

Reading her first book - getting her into gardening early!

 

 

Two photos from Christmas, where she insisted she dressed as a Christmas pudding - i had nothing to do with it!

 

 

[Mrs Frugal]

Emma, she just gets cuter and cuter!! What a little sweetheart .

[hillfamily]

Awwww........she's such a pretty little cutie :D and she looks so like you Em

[The Dogmother]

Gorgeous! She's the image of Mo in that first picture! (prettier of course though )